Getting Closer

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me.


Chapter 4

They spent the day with planning, planning… uhm… planning? And… planning again. Raiden, of course, was pissed. Snake was tired and Otacon was pissed, too. But his reasons were different from Raiden's. When he returned from the kitchen, carrying some drinks he found Raiden fast asleep and Snake… well, nearly sleeping.
"Hell, could the two of you please concentrate?"
"Hal, your planning becomes more and more boring each time"
"Then tell me: Why do I stay awake?"
"'Cause YOU're interested in that stuff!"
"And YOU should be! Your life depends on-"
"You know that I already did good without knowing the plans of the mission target"
Otacon ignored him. Instead he focused on the young blond.
"Raiden wake up!"
"?"
"RAIDEN!!!"
"???"
Snake nudged Raiden's shoulders.
"Hungry"
Hal smiled. "Come to the kitchen… with me. I'll give you something to eat"
Snake's eyes grew wide in fear. He pulled Raiden back who stood up to follow Hal.
"Don't-"
Raiden got angry. "Don't stop me from eating!"
Hal gave Raiden some kind of sandwich. A second later Snake saw the younger man hurrying toward the bathroom.
"What was it this time?"
"Just some chillies mixed with vinegar and… I can't remember. I first tested it on Meryl but she reacted not that funny as your lover… But she ruined my carpet instead…"
Snake gave up and went on studying the notes while Otacon couldn’t stop laughing.

"Freeze!"
Hal's face turned white. Snake started laughing. "It's just the boy, Hal!"
Raiden, standing behind Hal with his gun in position, shot Snake an angry look. Boy?
"Stop playin' around and-", Snake began, and then Raiden pulled the trigger.
"What the- Raiden!"
"It's just the M9 so don't go mad. He'll wake up in about- whoops… twenty hours?"
"You idiot!"
"Hey, wait! I still got the coolant so calm down. Because of that damn… whatever he is… I had to brush my teeth again and I goddamn drank the dental water!"
"That means your breath is totally fresh now?"
"Uhm… yeah… ?"
Snake rose and moved toward Raiden. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's hips and pressed his lips tenderly on the other's ones. Raiden smiled in pleasure and put his hands on Snake's neck. Snake moved forward and Raiden stumbled backward, stopping when he reached the huge armchair. But Snake wouldn't stop and so they fell into the chair, Snake on top.
"You said we got twenty hours?"
"Uhm… well I… "
That was going on too fast, hell. God please make him stop. Raiden felt Snake's hands under his T-shirt slipping into his boxer shorts. Raiden started to shiver all over his body and his thoughts circled around the idea of what might happen next. Well… of course he wanted to do something with Snake. He grinned about that unbelievably dirty thought. It felt sort of good what Snake did with his hands and somehow he wanted to tell him to go on and on.
But not now. He was totally unprepared and-
"What's up?", Snake asked.
Raiden looked up, confused.
"Uhm… Nothing?"
"Nothing makes you shiver like a Russian facing a PSG-1?"
"Very funny! No, well…"
"Go ahead"
"I just don't think it's a good idea… for the moment"
"Sometimes I really don't get it. What is it – in fact – what you want?"
"I mean… I really want to… well do that" , Raiden blushed, "but not now… I mean", he blushed even more, "it's bright daylight and Hal's lying over there and…"
Snake sighed.
"Wake him up then and tell him I'll return at about ten p.m."
Snake headed for the door. "Where-"
Snake turned and Raiden went quiet. He looked down and for the first time in his life he felt what it was like to almost cry. "I'm sorry…", he mumbled.
Snake closed the door.
And again Raiden felt like the whole world would be laughing at him. Again a situation he really messed up. He was so goddamn unconfident about the whole thing. Holy crap. He had been half way up to heaven and broke the ladder.
He woke Hal, they argued a while, worked, had dinner and decided to go to bed early.

Snake returned one a.m.
Raiden had been awake so he knew.
He could hear Snake coursing. Snake passed Raiden's door and then went to his own room. The young one noticed that his own room wasn't at all on the way to Snake's. His guilty conscience got worse.
Once he was a little boy he had learned something important. Darkness was overwhelming when you're alone and… well, longing for something. When there was something you desperately need. He suddenly felt lost and cold… without Snake, the warmth of his body. It's been hard for Raiden to trust Snake after all. No one in his entire life had ever been true to him, no one ever made him feel home. He always avoided calling Snake and Otacon his 'friends' because… well, he also called Rose his girlfriend and was blinded by her acting.
But Snake… Raiden hoped, in fact he prayed to god, that he wouldn't leave him. That distrust of people made him very sensitive instead of strong and untouchable. He didn’t want Snake to leave him. He needed him so badly…
After half an hour he decided to stand up. He went to Snake's room and opened the door shyly.
"You're still awake?"
Grumble.
Well… he was awake, after all.
"Can I-" When Raiden's eyes got used to the dark he saw Snake coming toward him. "I'm really sorry, okay. I mean…I was wrong, then… I'm … you can do anything now… I'm ready… like you-"
Snake raised his hand and slapped Raiden's face. Raiden looked up to Snake in fear.
"I won't do anything to you, fool. I want you to feel good so goddamn tell me when there's something troubling you! Hell! You nearly made me… whatever… abusing you!"
"No, you-"
"What else is it called then when I do something you don't want?"
Raiden looked to the floor. He felt terrible.
"Don't ever say I can do anything with you, got it?"
"Got it"
"And now… Hey! I'm sorry for that- Come here!"
Snake wrapped his armes around Raiden and held him close.
"Don't cry"
Raiden leaned his forehead on Snake's strong shoulders and let the older man lead him to the bed. There he slid under the cold sheets. Because they were cold Raiden knew Snake's never actually been trying to fall asleep, he had been waiting for him to come.
Snake was still holding Raiden's body in his arms so he finally ended up lying on him.
The younger man smiled. "I like that…"
"Me too"
Raiden giggled when he reached up to Snake and apparently was about to whisper something into his ear, but stopped half the way and leaned his head against Snake's chin instead. No… it wasn't good to say that…
Snake moved his lips along Raiden's neck and up to his mouth again.
Their kiss became fervent and Snake wondered how Raiden could stay that calm with his own masculine body next to his… well… - younger, in fact - body. Snake grinned about that thought. He never actually wanted to be that arrogant about himself but that kid made him feel just a little too self-confident.
Suddenly Raiden stopped and looked down on Snake's chest.
Now he finally noticed how great-built I actually am! Snake thought.
"Uhm… I wondered… could I stay here tonight?"
Snake nearly fell out of his bed. Not exactly what he'd been expecting but it was as good as that, though.
"Of course"
"Uhm…"
"Something else?"
"I… doubt…"
"What!", Snake replied sharply.
"Will you… will you be there when I awake? Please…" Raiden looked up, straight into Snake's eyes.
Snake smiled and kissed Raiden on his forehead. "Sure"
Raiden smiled and closed his eyes.
"It's just… well… I think I need you… next to… next to me… I s'ppose… uhm… forget it…"
Snake was slightly shocked at those cruelly true words but felt something else at the same time… it was good but not quite describable.
"I know. I won't leave y'alone"
"Thanks"
Snake was about to ask the blond one whether he decided to finally do, uhm… and so on but when he looked at Raiden, the younger man was already fast asleep. Snake clenched his fists but Raiden was just too cute to punch him into the face. Instead he kissed him on his forehead and laid down.
He looked at his alarm clock… one forty-three a.m.

After a while he glanced over again… one fifty and ten-eleven-twelve-seconds-fourteen-fifteen…
When it was two o'clock he congratulated himself for being that resisting but when the minutes went from one to two past two it was over.
Snake turned and laid his hand softly on Raiden's hips.
"Stop Dave! You're not supposed to!", he mumbled to himself.
His hand moved across Raiden's stomach what got boring soon because he couldn't see anything and so he returned to the hip. Along the younger man's thigh – Snake didn't know that his arms actually were that long and he thought it might come in handy some day.
"Not supposed to!"
His hand went across Raiden's lower back and stopped on it's way to the front.
"Not s'pposed toooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
He pulled his hand out of Raiden's shorts.
"Great. Congratulations Dave, you are really great!" Snake grinned very satisfied with himself and turned. Then he fell asleep.

At about three in the morning Raiden woke because of a noisy car in the street and smiled when he saw Snake. He knew that Snake apparently seemed to be very… well, excited about the closeness to Raiden's body.
Raiden was relieved that Snake didn't try anything again, though he's been expecting things like that. But he had obviously fallen asleep a few seconds after Raiden what meant he totally understood and accepted Raiden's insecurities. The young man was very happy that he could trust Snake and he wrapped his arms around Snake's sleeping body, mumbling:

"It's good that he can sleep beside me without thinking about sex…"

Snake didn't know but when he woke at half past four his lover was actually dreaming about the two of them. But since he had no clue he just wondered why the boy had that happy smile on his face and was hugging his pillow like a huge cuddly toy. He looked his muscular body up and down, smiling at the even rhythm of the boy's breathing. Sometimes Snake wished he could fall asleep just as easily as the man next to him. It had taken him awhile to come to rest and sleep even though the boy’s body's warmth had helped him a lot.
It was an unbelievably calming and at the same time exiting feeling to be so close to him and Snake had totally missed the moment when his thoughts and memories of the day faded and made way for his dreams.
Even though he never remembered his dreams he knew it must have been something less good because he'd woken with a concerned feeling in his stomach. Now that he watched Raiden sleep a strange kind of relief spread through his body. His young lover laid on his back, arms and legs tangled up in the sheets, hands holding tightly onto the pillow. With that ruffled hair of his, the widely opened mouth and that green smiley shorts he looked so very much like a little boy who just finished a hard day of running around, teasing old women and chasing after birds.
Snake suddenly felt the need to protect him like probably a mother would have done. He was so much like a baby when he was asleep that it hurt to see him kill people so unrepentantly when they were on a mission. That didn't fit his lovely and sometimes when he was with Snake even shy appearance. But as soon as you saw him getting mad over something you were better off without annoying him any longer.
`What a waste of potential´, Snake thought. He would have been so successful at other things like probably running a hotel. Snake didn't know much about other jobs than his own but he'd always thought of a hotel manager as someone patient, calm and superior. And Raiden united those qualities just so perfectly like no one else. He also was passionate about the things he did – no matter how weird they were. He would never forgive or even allow himself to screw things up just because of a lack of preparation.
Though Snake never actually saw him working seriously and despite his normally pretty lazy nature he always was the one who knew best about their mission schedule. Only the fact that the boy always stuck so close to it, allowing no deviation from the plans made Snake worry.
He hated it when he saw young soldiers obeying orders even if it meant sure death and he especially hated to look at Raiden as exactly one of that kind. Snake was actually on it, 'teaching' the boy some individualism. He thought he'd done a pretty good job so far.
Snake unconsciously touched the back of Raiden's head, pulling it back almost immediately to dodge the other one's raising hand. What the hell was he dreaming about? Snake grinned softly and reached out for the boy again, tracing down his neck until he reached the sheets.
His skin was almost too soft, the features of his face almost too perfect. Now that his eyes were shut Snake studied them intensely. At daylight he usually couldn't stand the boy's gaze very long; It felt like his entire body was made to open up and spill all his secrets. Those eyes that reflected his fascination, played with his want and swallowed his attention like a hungry wolf were pleasure and a kind of torture at the same time.
Now he softly ran his fingers across the boy's cheeks down to his lips just to cover them with his own short after.
He slowly bent deeper and closed his eyes when he put his head down next to the boy's collarbone, sighing silently.