Forty Thousand Dicks

Though he seemed a pillar of calm to any eye that fell upon him, Bish'O Nen was extremely agitated. The normally placid Ethereal had good reason to worry, however; he had recently received word that the dominant gue'la civilization, the psychotically xenophobic, ruthlessly barbaric Imperium, was moving a massive fleet along the nearest edge of tau-controlled space. Worse still, they had gained – or regained; Bish'O was not yet entirely clear on this point – some kind of powerful warlord, who had been personally visiting each tau colony and somehow subverting entire planets to his will, all without shedding a drop of blood! The renegade worlds were even sending messengers (some of them Ethereals) to other planets, extolling the virtues of these new overlords!

The news had already traveled to every member of each caste. Everyone was frightened; the gue'la Imperium was notorious for its cruelty, and nobody wished to be coerced into serving under its banner. Bish'O Nen had worked hard in the name of the Greater Good, and would never turn away from that perfect path, and he knew that every last citizen of his colony felt the same. Still, it worried him deeply that many of the gue'vasa had reacted to these revelations with joy instead of justified concern.

The Ethereal marshaled his willpower, knowing that there was no time left for doubt. Holding his head high, he strode briskly to the landing pad outside of the colony, his white robes fluttering in the gentle breeze. The gue'la warlord would be arriving within the hour, and Nen was bound and determined to look the outsider in the eye and learn his motives for himself. “After all,” thought the tau, as his Fire Caste guards fell into formation around him, “we cannot afford to sacrifice our honor, or our honesty; these are the faint motes of light which guide our way in these dark times.” The thought that the gue'la warlord might feel similarly was a comfort to Bish'O, if a faint one, and he had managed to reach a state of relative calm by the time the foreign leader arrived.

Bish'O Nen was surprised to see only a single, modest landing shuttle descending from the sky. Given his previous experiences with these people, he had expected a huge fleet of bombers and troop transports, especially given the large number of Battlesuits arrayed as defense. Nevertheless, the craft landed alone, and when it opened, only five people stepped forth from it.

Nen's courage faltered briefly as he looked upon the largest of these. A massive gue'la in incredibly ostentatious, golden-colored armor, he was obviously the leader; the others wore simpler (though no less massive) suits of heavy armor painted it matching silver-and-gold schemes. The Ethereal scarcely had time to take in this strange sight before the warlord was walking toward him, eyes locked firmly with his.

As the Fire Warriors tensed, Bish'O uttered a sharp reproval, and they fell back into line. Boldly, the tau leader strode to meet the much larger alien, noting as he did so that none of the visitors appeared to have come armed. Whether they possessed hidden weaponry, or were merely very confident in their brutish strength, he could not guess.

“Greetings, leader of Man,” said Bish'O Nen, speaking in the strange, baroque language of the Imperium. Inclining his head respectfully, but without sign of obeisance, he continued, “the tau are honored to meet peacefully with you, and to speak of the Greater Good.”

The golden-clad gue'la made a strange shape with his mouth – a smile, Bish'O recalled, usually a sign of happiness – and shocked the Ethereal by replying in his own tongue. “The Imperium greets you warmly, Ethereal. May peace forever bind us together as brothers.”

Though startled, the tau leader regained his balance quickly. He decided to speak his own language, as his visitor was obviously fluent. “We welcome you to this world, gue'la. As with all tau, my name is longer than those to which you are accustomed, but Bish'O Nen will be sufficient.”

It was the huge gue'la's turn to bow, now. Nen observed that the hulking guards all bowed as well, perhaps to avoid seeming taller than their leader. “I am honored to meet you, Bish'O Nen. I surrendered my name long ago; now, I am the Emperor, and nothing more. My role as a leader and guide to my people defines me.” He held up an empty palm, causing the Fire Warriors to tense up again. “I have come to ask the tau and all of their allies to join me in pursuit of the Greater Good.”

Bish'O stared at the arrogant alien, dumbfounded. “I... see. Yet, if you truly desire the Greater Good, you must surely recognize that the tau have come the furthest in its pursuit, and that we alone possess the wisdom to follow the path that leads to unity.”

“Nevertheless,” came the reply, “I have found a straighter path. Though dangerous, it leads to certain victory, and to joyful unity of purpose for all who seek it. I do not demand obeisance, nor do I require sacrifice. All I ask is this: that those who dream of peace, be they Ethereals or members of the Fire, or Earth, or Air, or Water castes, be allowed to offer me what aid they please. Those who have no desire to help me may do as they please – I am not interested in conquest, but rather, in unity.”

“Regretfully, we cannot grant this request,” insisted Nen, “for it is only through the firm guidance of the Ethereal caste that the people of our civilization are able to serve the Greater Good. If we allow them to stray from that path, they may become lost; it is not their wisdom that guides the galaxy to a better future, but our own.”

The enormous alien smiled again, and removed his gloves. The Fire Warriors kept their weapons trained squarely on his four guards as they did the same, revealing the bare skin of their hands. The Ethereal watched carefully, wary of possible trickery, but curious nevertheless.

The Emperor held up his empty, uncovered hands. “Look at my hands, Bish'O Nen. These hands have worked tirelessly to create a realm in which my people might be happy and secure. In this, I am of the Earth caste.”

Next, he removed his bracers, then his pauldrons and the armor beneath them, leaving his arms bare. His guards did the same. “Look upon these arms, Bish'O Nen. With their strength, I have carried hope and peace on my back, bringing light to worlds in darkness. I have given doomed souls the opportunity to find meaning and purpose, and I have carried their grievances with me so that I might find some way to help them later. In this, I am of the Water caste.”

The gue'la then removed his boots and leggings, leaving his legs and his strange, flat, five-toed feet bare. “Look at these feet, Bish'O Nen, and these legs. They have carried me across worlds, through the hulls of vast ships, into the very Eye of Terror and back again. I have traveled everywhere and seen everything, so that I might better bind my people together and understand how to keep them safe. In this, I am of the Air caste.”

Finally, the gue'la removed the last of his armor, standing nude save for a simple loincloth. His guards did the same. “Look at my body, Bish'O Nen, and see the scars upon it. See how I have fought and suffered, how I have spilled blood for people I will never know and never meet. See how I faced death with honor, time and again, so that a cause greater than myself could persevere. In this, I am of the Fire caste.”

Nen was transfixed by the gue'la's words. It was strange – he was such a brutish creature, but he spoke with such eloquence and passion that even the Ethereal could not help but listen.

“Heed my words, Bish'O Nen, and hear the truth in them. With this voice, I have sent a call that everyone in the galaxy can hear. I have bellowed a war cry against the enemies of peace, and I have whispered comfort to those whose courage flagged. I am hope and meaning. I am the living embodiment of a better tomorrow. In this, I am of the Ethereal caste.”

Bish'O stood speechless as the Emperor removed his loincloth, standing naked along with his guards. “Now, Bish'O Nen, I stand before you, naked and vulnerable, completely unarmed, because I am certain. I am certain of my purpose, and of the truth in my words. I am certain that I will come to no harm, because I am a good and honorable man, and such men recognize one another instinctively. Our philosophy is the same, Bish'O Nen. Our purpose is the same. Let there be no secrets between us.”

For a long time, the Ethereal stood motionless, debating internally. What was this strange, enthralling alien trying to accomplish? Was this a trick? Even if it was, would it be wise to offend such a powerful warlord?

Finally, Bish'O reached up and undid the clasp of his robe, letting it fall to the ground at his cloven feet. Save for his undergarments, he was totally exposed, his dry, blue skin shimmering faintly in the sunlight. “I see that you believe your words, gue'la, but even if there are many paths to the same destination, only one is best.”

“All that I am, I have laid bare before you,” intoned the Emperor solemnly. “All that I believe, I have laid at your feet. All I wish is to be heard.”

In spite of himself, Bish'O could not help but feel inspired by the alien's earnestness. Here was a man who had laid claim to a huge portion of the galaxy, yet he was humble enough to stand defenseless on a planet not his own, solely so that he could speak his message of hope. The Ethereal grudgingly found himself starting to like this gue'la.

“Very well, leader of Man,” replied the tau. He was determined not to appear frightened, and he saw here a rare opportunity to make peace with an extremely powerful enemy. He drew off his undergarments and cast them aside, his lean, slim, blue-skinned body a stark contrast to the bronzed and muscular alien. “I have heard you, and I must admit that your words move me. While I still cannot let you preach to our people, I believe that peace would benefit us both greatly, and contribute to the Greater Good.” As he spoke, he saw movement to his left, and was surprised to see that one of the Fire Warriors had stripped naked as well – perhaps as a show of solidarity, to make the Ethereal seem less vulnerable. Nen felt a sudden surge of gratitude.

“Let us stand before one another, then,” said the Emperor, his piercing eyes boring into Bish'O's, “and cast aside our fear. We will know one another, and in this knowledge, we will find mutual strength.”

Without thinking, Bish'O stepped forward boldly, even as the gue'la did the same. At the Ethereal's side, the immodest Fire Warrior advanced as well; in response, one of the naked gue'la guards moved forward to face him. Bish'O Nen scarcely came up to the massive Emperor's waist, but he craned his head and looked him in the eye, suddenly noticing how strangely noble he seemed. There was something about this alien leader – he carried himself with such conviction that even Nen, destined as a leader among his own people, felt compelled to fall in behind him and learn from his example.

“Ethereal,” said the gue'la softly, “place your palm against mine.” Bish'O did so, studying the differences between them, but noting how similar they were, as well.

“Now, Ethereal,” continued the alien, “look me in the eye. See how clearly I see.”

Without moving his hand, Nen locked eyes with the Emperor, and was suddenly struck with a flash of insight so brilliant that it was almost painful. For an instant, he saw the destiny of the tau. The whole of history was laid out before him, past, present, and future; in an eyeblink, he knew the role he would play in the ultimate pursuit of the Greater Good.

“Yes, my friend,” murmured the Emperor, as Bish'O's eyes widened. “Now your eyes are opened.”

Stunned, the Ethereal looked again at the strange alien. He saw his mighty arms, used to carry justice and peace to far-flung worlds. He saw his strong hands, used to slowly and painstakingly craft a small spark of hope amidst a galaxy filled with cruelty. He saw his fit, toned legs, which had walked upon a thousand worlds and carried him to places undreamed-of. He saw the scars upon his body, and knew him for a decent and honorable warrior, utterly dedicated to his cause.

After a life of moderation and reason, Bish'O Nen experienced a new, desperately powerful sensation: desire. He did not understand how, or why, he felt it, but he knew that he needed to possess this gue'la for himself, in any way he could, even if it was just for a moment. He impulsively reached out, running a finger along one of the Emperor's scars.

The warrior from the stars smiled again, and gently ran his powerful hands over Nen's slender body. The tau shuddered, overcome by a need he could not understand, and pressed himself closer to the gigantic alien. Even as those strong Earth-caste hands grasped him, even as those tireless Water-caste arms turned him around, Bish'O did not resist; he instinctively trusted this Emperor of Man, for he knew that he desired nothing more than a great and enduring peace. To his right, Nen saw that the Fire Warrior was undergoing a similar rite, though he could not guess at the Fire-caste's motives.

Bish'O soon felt felt the enormous width of the Emperor's manhood pressing against his tender entrance. It was a bizarre, unnatural feeling, but the Ethereal calmed himself. He had to have the gue'la. He needed it more than he had ever needed anything.

Heedless of the disbelieving eyes of his people, watching from their Battlesuits and from the walls of the colony, the Ethereal Bish'O Nen submitted completely to the Emperor of Man. He closed his eyes tightly and moaned as he felt an enormous girth push painfully – yet, strangely, pleasurably – into his rear, filling him completely in a way that he was incapable of describing. As he gloried in the freedom of total abandon, Nen was vaguely aware of the Fire Warrior's voice crying out nearby, thick with emotion.

The Emperor easily lifted the slender tau, holding the blue-skinned philosopher up as he plunged his pride into him again and again. Nen wailed joyously, indifferent to the shame he might once have felt. Now, he didn't care that everyone could see his bare ass, obscenely stretched around an alien prick; he had found hope, and had submitted himself to it completely. Nothing else mattered to him.

As the Emperor tensed up, nearing his climax, Bish'O glanced over at the Fire Warrior. The soldier was also being lifted by one of the gue'la, but he was facing his partner as he was penetrated, his arms wrapped around the torso of the hulking warrior. The tau's eyes were closed, his face pressed against the alien guard's chest as he gasped with each jarring thrust.

At last, the Ethereal felt the glorious heat of the Emperor's seed within him, and screamed out in joy. The Fire Warrior's voice raised in a keening cry as his otherworldly lover released within him. The rest of the assembled tau simply muttered amongst themselves as they watched their leader consummate what seemed to them, in spite of its depravity, to be a strangely significant event. There was a poetry there, they agreed; it was beautiful, in a way, to see that such wildly different beings were able to put those differences aside and express perfect unity.

The Emperor gently set Nen on his feet, where he swayed as he tried to make his wobbly legs obey him. The Fire Warrior was too exhausted to stand; when the guard let him down, he simply laid on the ground, overwhelmed by fatigue.

“Bish'O Nen,” said the Emperor warmly, “you have honored me with your trust. Know that the Imperium of Man will always pay respect to your people, and that you will be as honored and respected allies to us until the end of time. Any human who forgets this will witness my ire.”

“Thank you, Emperor,” gasped Bish'O breathlessly. “I... we will never forget this day.”

As the God-Emperor gathered his armor and returned to his shuttle, he smiled to himself. Very soon, humanity would have all the allies it needed to mount a defense against its most intractible enemies. Very soon, the Chaos Gods would fall.