Armor

A/n: My flashdrive is lost, but I will be continuing Parallax6 with the hopes of rewriting everything better. Now about Armor: This chapter is way different than I ever thought it would end up. Think of it as the darkness before the slightly light or something. Either way, Shepard is quite renegade here, but not ruthless. She’s just really into breaking rules without thought. My premise is this: even those on the top of the heap can make mistakes and learn lessons from them.

“We go in hard, hit ‘em harder, and we’ll be the only damn thing that comes out the other side,” Shepard’s defiant voice echoed out over the crashing waves on the beach of Virmire.

Kaidan couldn’t help but smirk at Shepard’s choice of words. When he’d told her that he preferred ‘adventurous’ women, he meant it. Shepard was sassy and dangerous and he found himself absolutely magnetized by her fiery personality. Sexy didn’t even begin to describe her. Smoldering was more like it.

Since Feros, their flirting had progressed to an all out frenzy of sexual banter and teasing, most of which was initiated and ended by Shepard. The light touches, the suggestive glances, and her heated words slowly drove the Lieutenant over the edge into the scorching fires of sexual frustration.

He had to remind himself that the mission came first; he had even told her that when things were over, everything would be different. The last thing he wanted to do was muddy things.

Shepard walked past him to talk to Liara for a moment, her hand intentionally brushing against his inner thigh.

Kaidan sucked in his breath, hoping to God that Saren would randomly drop dead, the Reapers would explode, and that the Conduit would fall from the sky with a letter congratulating them on saving the galaxy. Said letter would also have a large box of condoms next to it with a lovely tag addressed to him and Shepard. Waiting for the mission to be over was driving him absolutely nuts, and Shepard’s continual affirmation that yes, she really wanted him, didn’t help. He was normally a very patient, mellow kind of guy. But, it was almost as if Shepard was pressuring him into having sex.

He shook his head at the absurdity of the whole thing. No, she was simply expressing her interest in him.

Kaidan drew himself out of his thoughts as Shepard approached him with Liara in tow.

“You’re coming with me,” she murmured, lightly grabbing his arm and motioning him to follow.

He nodded and fell in line behind the Commander. The light splashing of the waves and the bright light of Hoc contradicted the somber mood of the mission. A sense of foreboding washed over the Lieutenant; Ash was not with them. Somehow , this mission wasn’t going to turn out well. Sometimes, Kaidan just knew things.

Liara sensed the same thing as Kaidan. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to think of something that would lighten the mood.

“I cannot believe all this sand I have in my…” she trailed off, realizing that her comment was inappropriate given her company, “never mind.”

“Your what?” Kaidan asked. At this point, he was willing to talk about almost anything to keep his mind off the niggling worry in the back of his mind.

“My skin folds,” she replied, “a human would not understand such a thing seeing as you do not have any.”

“Trust me, I have sand in my skin folds,” Shepard said as she turned around to look at her team.

“Shepard, you have hair instead of skin folds,” Liara’s brow drew down in confusion.

“My skin folds are currently sandy and hairless,” she replied, looking pointedly at Kaidan.

He blinked a few times, trying to piece together what Shepard had said. His mouth formed an ‘o’ as his face turned red and his temperature rose. She was talking about her…

Hairless skin folds.

A shot rang out from a nearby geth listening post. There would be more time to think on this later. For the time being, he had to keep his head in the mission and out of his vivid imagination.


-----------------------------------------------------------


“Alenko, radio joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site,” Shepard ‘s authoritative voice echoed through the comms decisively.

“Yes, commander… I…” Kaidan’s voice was cut short as Shepard disconnected quickly from his channel.

“Shepard,” Ash said, “you made the right decision. I regret nothing.”

The Commander opened a private link to the Chief so they could talk one on one for the last time.

“May I have a last request, ma’am?” Ash asked in between firing shots at the encroaching geth.

“Of course, Chief,” Shepard said. She began her descent to go back to the bomb site.

“Please, have sex with the LT before you both explode,” Ash chuckled, “the galaxy depends on it.”

“Oh,” Shepard laughed, “I can do that. Trust me, I will definitely do that.”

Shepard and her small crew stood in the elevator, waiting for it to descend to the bottom floor. She closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled with a shuddering breath.

“I know he’ll take good care of you, skipper. I’ll be watching to make sure he does. I’ll let you go now. Gotta’ pay attention to what I’m doing,” Ash said, her breathing labored.

“Dismissed, Chief,” Shepard nodded. The elevator doors opened.

“Ma’am,” Ash replied and shut off the comm.

Shepard burst out of the elevator, her shotgun ready to blast a hole through anything and everything that kept her from her Lieutenant. Reaching the large bay door, she punched the button to open it. The Commander didn’t wait for the door to open to her height; she deftly rolled under its slow moving bulk. As soon as she righted herself, Shepard was greeted by the horror of watching a geth rocket slam into Kaidan’s lightly armored body.

She cursed loudly at the geth that prevented her from checking on him and lashed out at them with all her fury. The team behind her followed suit, helping her to obliterate everything that stood in her path. As Shepard made her way back to Kaidan, a grenade dropping in front of her forced her back into a defensive position. She peered from behind her cover to see a figure standing on what appeared to be a hoverboard. Her eyes widened.

It was Saren.

She intended to make good on her promise that indeed, the next time she saw Saren, she would kill him. Three shots rang out as she aimed for the turian’s torso. Were it not for his armor, the shots would have been spot on.

Oddly enough, Saren began to talk to Shepard. He told her of what she already knew. Sovereign and those like it were about to destroy the galaxy and there would be no escape. He wanted her to join them or she would be killed.

While the Commander absorbed his words, several thoughts hit her. Sovereign told her how superior it was to her and that she would die. After that, it shattered the console and quickly dropped Saren off at the base, knowing that after what it had told her, Shepard would never join them in destroying the galaxy, even if Saren talked to her. Therefore, it was a safe guess that she was to be eliminated immediately. What did this mean?

Sovereign was… worried? Afraid of her? Did it even feel emotions?

Shepard smirked wickedly as she realized that she somehow had the upper hand. Her weight shifted as she prepared to lunge at Saren. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw Kaidan slowly attempting to rise to his feet.

“I’d rather die fighting than to be a slave!” the Commander bellowed, leaping out from her cover to fire upon Saren.

His hoverboard helped him escape most of Shepard’s hits, but even his swift maneuvering couldn’t dodge her impressive marksman skills. Begrudgingly, Saren had to admit that the human female was a skilled fighter. Maybe there was time to stop the reapers. Maybe Shepard could…

A sharp pain at the back of his skull stopped Saren in mid-thought. The scraping and gnawing demanded his loyalty; it drowned out the alarms that signaled that the bomb was about to go off.

Shepard watched as Saren stopped and looked into the sky. He was in her sights. His shields were down. He wasn’t moving. He was completely unguarded.

Her gun was overheated. She was out of grenades, tech mines, and her implants wouldn’t put out any more energy than they already had.

Shepard never accepted ties. Ever.

And the slimy bastard knew he’d get away with a draw today. Rage boiled up inside her as she found herself unable to come to terms that he would get away.

Her hand reached behind her back to where she had a concealed dagger. With lightning speed, she withdrew it and threw it at her adversary, hitting him soundly in the belly. The wounded Saren screamed in pain and sped off as quickly as possible. Were it not for his thick turian skin, the blow would have been fatal.

Saren’s disappearance snapped Shepard back into reality. The Normandy made quick landfall; the bomb was ready to explode at any moment. Shepard looked over to Kaidan who tried to rise from his prone position in the murky water. She ran to him and offered her hand. He moved too slowly. They needed to get out of there immediately. She wasn’t going to leave him. She couldn’t leave him.

“Mine!” the Commander shouted and hauled him up out of the water. Virmire couldn’t claim him; he was taken. Shepard found a handhold in his armor, hoisted him above her shoulder, and carried him to the Normandy.

The docking bay door closed and the prototype ship’s engines roared to life in time to barely outrun the blast. All available personnel crowded around the ground team. Something had gone terribly wrong.

“Where’s Chief Williams?” a crewmember asked. Nobody answered.

“Would you like us to get a stretcher, ma’am?” another inquired.

Shepard shook her head ‘no’. She couldn’t let Kaidan go. The Commander strode over to the elevator, her precious cargo passed out over her shoulder.

It was almost humorous that this was the most bodily contact they’d ever had. She gripped him tighter as she realized that flirting and teasing wasn’t enough. She almost lost him.

She needed him.

The elevator doors opened and Shepard stepped forward to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas received the Lieutenant and promptly shooed the Commander from the room. His armor needed to be removed so the damage could be assessed; Shepard realized that she ought to do the same.

The metal doors of the Commander’s quarters closed behind her and she numbly reached to her right to engage the lock. Falling against the door, Shepard slid to the floor and wondered where she went wrong. Her hands fisted in her hair; she shouldn’t have committed one of her soldiers to someone else’s command. She should have insisted that they bring more ships along to investigate the situation.

And she knew that the Council would be insensitive to her loss.

Shepard had no time to mourn properly; she had to carry on. Some would say that she was fortunate that she was able to say goodbye. The Commander knew better; goodbye wasn’t enough. Goodbye wasn’t supposed to happen when you were in your twenties.

A sob escaped her lips, the sound lost against the cold metal walls of the uncaring ship.

The Commander knew she had to keep going. Slowly, she rose to begin the process of removing her armor. Shaking fingers removed the pieces of armor covering the zipper. Through her blurred vision, she drew down on the tab, the zipper giving way quickly. It rolled down her body, not protesting as her silent tears fell upon the intricately woven fibers.

But the legs always gave her problems.

After the armor relinquished its hold on her hips, it balked at being removed completely. The ‘Dance of the Removal of the Armor Worn on Virmire’ took a drastic change in tempo as Shepard’s silent cries turned into sobs. Finally, the legs of the armor gave way. Little shards of Virmire scratched their way down the Commander’s legs, leaving small, irritated trails in their wake. The golden grains rained down upon the metal floor to meet up with the deluge of Shepard’s tears.

Her hands moved down to brush off as much of the clingy sand as she could. Through blurred vision, Shepard stumbled to her bed, wrapped the sheets around her body and buried her face in her pillow. She mentally berated herself for her selfish decision. Yes, Kaidan was the correct ‘professional’ choice.

He’d been hand picked by Captain Anderson to be part of the crew. Besides being higher in rank than Ash, Kaidan had many commendations from previous postings. He was one of the few stable, healthy L2 biotics, and he meticulously trained himself to keep his skills in peak condition. To top it all off, Kaidan was skilled in electronics and decryption and somehow found time to study first aid and medicine.

Though Ash had very impressive technical scores and was proficient in most weapons, she’d had a long list of terrible assignments. Shepard never held this against her, but it was easy to see that she hadn’t seen much action at all. So, according to the Alliance, Kaidan was more valuable.

Shepard didn’t pick Kaidan based on what the Alliance had to say.

She made the decision with her heart and not her head. She wanted Kaidan as her lover, not as her subordinate. Ash knew this and gave her life anyway. Not only that, she gave her blessing on their ill-conceived relationship. Truly, Ashley Williams was the greatest friend Shepard had. Now she was gone.

The Commander’s tears began anew. She was very aware that they all accepted death when the put on the uniform. It didn’t make things easier, and it sure as hell didn’t make them right.

Slowly, fatigue overtook Shepard and she fell into a deep, nightmarish sleep.

------------------------------------------



A set of puffy eyes opened in the dim lighting of the Commander’s quarters. Slowly, Shepard rolled over in bed, her face feeling as if it would crack under the film of dried tears that lined its surface. Somebody was at the door and by instinct, Shepard knew it was Kaidan. She glanced over at the clock on her nearby monitor. It was very late; nobody would be roaming the ship this time of night, though, admittedly, spacers kept very odd schedules because of the inconsistency of time. To them, the word ‘night’ was merely a construct meant to provide efficiency and task management.

Wrapping the sheet loosely around her body, Shepard stepped through the small dusting of sand to push the unlock button. The door opened immediately to reveal her Lieutenant. His eyes widened visibly at her state of undress.

“I can come back later if…” his sentence was cut off by Shepard’s lips meeting his own in a frenzy.

The door slid shut and the Commander backed him into the wall. Her arms slid up around the back of his neck as she deepened the kiss, her tongue darting out to lick his lips. A deep moan was all Shepard needed. Their tongues met in a hungered fervor; her arms slid down his torso to slowly untuck his shirt. They broke the kiss as Shepard removed her Lieutenant’s shirt and threw it on the floor to join the sand and armor.

She ran her nails up his stomach and chest, smirking when he moaned and leaned in to wantonly kiss her throat. Kaidan’s lips parted as his head moved over to the soft area above her collarbone. He gently nipped the sensitive area and was rewarded with a shuddering gasp.

Shepard began to fiddle with his belt buckle; Kaidan’s hooded eyes were drawn to the floor. There was still sand from Virmire there. He exhaled sharply and steeled himself to do the right thing.

“Shepard,” he breathed, his hands stilling hers, “this isn’t right.”

“What?!” her expression grew defiant as she wrenched her hands from his. “The last time we talked…”

“A lot was said, I know,” Kaidan exhaled and looked around the room awkwardly.

“You seemed so decisive then, Lieutenant,” Shepard purred, “why so hesitant now?”

She pinned him down with her gaze and lightly raked her nails down his abdomen. Leaning in, her tongue darted out to flick his nipple. Shepard blinked in confusion at the look on his face. He looked almost… horrified.

“Y-you’re…” he stammered, skirting around her, “Ash just died!” He pointed to the sand on the floor. “You’re trying to pressure me into… I-it’s too soon! It’s disrespectful!”

Immediately, Shepard dropped her seductive façade.

“I don’t understand you,” she spat, “one minute you’re hot, and the next you’re cold.” Tears began to well in her eyes. She’d almost lost him. Why was he pushing her away?

“Shepard, it’s not like that,” he sighed and tried to reach out to her. Instantly, she recoiled. His shoulders slumped in defeat. “Ash died instead of me. Regardless of how good of friends we all were, doing this now would be so…” he trailed off, trying to find a word that described how absolutely wrong it would be to have sex right after Ash’s death.

“Get your shirt on and leave, then,” Shepard sniffled and tried to hold back the tears, but it was to no avail.

Kaidan reached down, grabbed his shirt, and pulled it on. He opened his mouth to say something, but Shepard was quick to stop him.

“Look,” she wrapped the sheet tighter around her body, “I just… I think I need to be alone right now. It’ll be ok.”

He silently nodded and left with a somber look on his face. As soon as he was gone, Shepard engaged the lock.

The tears from earlier began anew. Shepard knew he was right, but she also knew Ash’s last wish. He didn’t know what Ash had said. Perhaps Shepard was right as well. She looked down at the accusatory sand that lay on the floor. She was so selfish when he came to see her. She didn’t ask about his injuries. She didn’t even bother to have him wait outside the door for her to put some clothes on.

In some way, Shepard guessed that she wanted comfort on the most intimate level. It still didn’t change things. How had it come to this? She was a highly trained soldier and a woman in authority, but this mission had shaken her to the core. Shepard had to piece herself back together before she pursued Kaidan further.

Slowly, the sheet-wrapped Commander shuffled over to the bed. There, on the dark colored sheets were light grains of sand.

Kaidan was right.

The sand of Virmire had to be cleaned up first.