A second chance

Disclaimer : We still do not own Tales of Symphonia. But if only there was a way… *sigh*
Sorry for the delay, with exams coming, I was giving time to my studies in priority. Thanks to Little Rosebud who translated this chapter for me, because you wouldn’t have anything before Friday *laugh*
Now on with the chapter! Enjoy!

Chapter 3

“Here is the address of my apartment and my phone number. If you ever want to talk to me or need a place to sleep, don't hesitate.” He offered to me in an assured and firm tone.
At his words, I could do nothing more than to observe him with wide eyes. Had I heard well? He was offering me, a perfect stranger, to stay at his apartment? But why, it was simply the most idiotic thing to do! What made him think that I might not be some psychopath ready to kill him if the chance ever occurred? He was a policeman; he should have been the first one to have learned to not trust strangers!
And yet, the idea alone to have a place to stay other than there, to have someone I might be able to confide into reassured me. I didn’t know why though, since he was after all a stranger to me too.
Emerging from my torpor, I took the paper he was offering to me and vaguely observed it, verifying the address. I soon realised that his apartment wasn’t far from the building that held Yggdrasil’s little ‘family’. That fact made me frown slightly. If ever I went to his place, one of my superior’s men could easily follow me. Maybe going wasn’t such a good idea. After all, I didn’t want to be exposed as what I truly was, fearing to be arrested, and I didn’t want to put this stranger in danger when he was one of the rare people who showed me kindness. I growled softly at the thought of having to live at the headquarters forever when I realised suddenly that the one named Yuan was moving away. My eyes drifted to his coat and I stopped him. “Wait! You’re forgetting your coat!” I exclaimed, not wanting to keep something that didn’t belong to me. I got up, the coat now off of my shoulders and I was holding it in one hand, ready to give it back. However, when he turned his head in my direction, he was smiling in such a way that I knew immediately he wouldn’t take it back just yet.
“Keep it. It will give you an excuse to come see me!” He told me in an amused voice. I couldn’t withdraw a discouraged growl as I noted that I had been right. Now I would be forced to go see him because keeping something that didn’t belong to me was out of the question. Especially if Yggdrasil saw it, I could say farewell to my being. I did just notice that he was truly possessive of me and that the simple fact of knowing someone who wasn’t in his ‘family’ was considered a crime on my behalf.

I watched him move away to his car before I let out a discouraged sigh escape my lips. My eyes drifted to the ruins that were once a magnificent little house and they misted into sadness once more. Why...? Why had I not been more careful? After all these years, I was sure that I had stayed on my guard and yet, today had just proved me I must have loosened it as time went by since Yggdrasil had never done anything. Everything was because of me... if only I had watched everything I was doing, may it be in my moving, my escapes from the headquarters or my words amongst the other members of the ‘family’. I could have avoided all of this, I’m certain...

A light wind blew in my direction and I instantly felt a chill all over my body. I put back the coat on my shoulders. Might as well use it if he let me keep it. My eyes lingered on the ruins for one last time, before I finally looked away. From now on, I would have to keep an impassive mask at all times and in front of everyone. I could not allow myself to show my pain to anyone, even less Yggdrasil. If he ever learned that I had been entirely destroyed, that people had seen me this way, I knew his pleasure would be increased tenfold. He would have gained what he wanted; he would have succeeded in making suffer his supposedly impassive subordinate.

My feet were back in movement while I was thinking of what exactly I should do now. My hand was playing mechanically in my pocket with the paper Yuan had given me while I was debating inside. I didn’t want to follow him now, it seemed to me that it was still too soon. After all, the afternoon hadn’t ended, I still had time to find a place to sleep other that the headquarters or somewhere where I would disturb someone. I refused to impose myself, it wasn’t my style anyway.
My steps guided me to my car and I got in, sitting in the front seat with another sigh. My car was certainly the only thing I had left, all my other possession had burnt with my house. I had some spare clothes back at the headquarters, for the times I was forced to stay the night when I had too much work, but that was all.
My hand glided along my neck and took hold of a pendant hanging on a small chain. I opened it softly and looked with melancholy at the picture that presented itself before me.
On it were Anna and Lloyd pressed against me, smiling joyfully. And even if my own smile was colder than theirs, I could clearly see the same joy in my eyes. A joy I would never know again. It had died along with them.

I closed the pendant with a sharp slam and clenched it with a deep rage. Yggdrasil... It was all his own damn fault! If only that cruel being didn’t exist, if only he would be captured and tried for all the despicable crimes he was committing! I couldn’t let him live in peace after what he had done to me. My family absolutely had to be avenged and I would personally make sure that he would suffer like I did now! How? I didn’t know. But I would find a plan and when it would be in motion, that treacherous man would pay for all he did!

The engine of my car started and it got on the road, my thoughts far away from there. But this time, however, I noticed with relief that I didn’t seem to have caused an accident in my mad race towards my house. At least, it would be one less crime on my shoulders. It was the last thing I needed right now.
I was more careful this time and parked my car in the parking of that hateful building. I took some time before getting out, observing it vaguely, trying to build a mask that would be as convincing as possible. I couldn’t possibly go in there with the risk of having cracks in my mask. Yggdrasil was too perceptive for his own good and would easily guess that he wasn’t mistaking on my case and that of my family. The least I would tell him, the better it would be, especially since he would be furious to see no reaction on my part. That simple thought was enough for a smirk to make its way on my lips and I finally felt myself ready. Slowly, I removed the coat that was covering my shoulders to avoid having anyone asking me useless and embarrassing questions before getting out and locking my car, heading for the headquarters. I wasn’t surprised to find the place as deserted as it was this morning. After all, the fund-raising often took all day, the time to go see all the clients. And often there were complications, between clients who didn’t want to give their money and those who were begging to have more time.

I didn’t even have time to reach my superior’s office that in mid-way, I saw a waterfall of blonde hair before me. Straight way, the person turned towards me and I was welcomed by the mocking and cruel smile of Yggdrasil. A hand on his hip, he was in his entire splendor in his completely white clothes. I didn’t know if it was because of a concern for a certain fashion or because he thought he was the purer of all, something he was very far from, but what I did know was that he disgusted me even more in these clothes. Always trying to be extravagant, to think he was greater than the others!
“Oh, Kratos! You’re already back? Did you rest well?” He asked me in a sugary and innocent tone with a falsely surprised look.
I didn’t know how I managed to contain myself because my brain reacted furiously. I wanted to strangle him, to kill him right on the spot, to show all the world’s suffering to let him know of the pain I felt back then! “Yes, it was most refreshing.” I didn’t know I had so much control over myself. My voice didn’t tremble nor did it betray any emotion. It seemed normal, even glum. I was however satisfied to see that it didn’t please my superior since for a brief moment, his eyes creased with anger from my lack of reaction before returning to their usual malice. “I see. Then I’m happy to know it was of some use.” He seemed to doubt. To doubt that I really had a relationship with the people he had murdered. To doubt I even had gotten there. Even if it wasn’t visible for someone who didn’t know him, I knew it perfectly. I was able to read it on his face, even if it was very subtle. I had to refrain myself from smirking. I knew he didn’t regret what he had done, he would never anyway, but it was only the beginning of my vengeance. I also knew that the person that burned my house would tell him that I really had gotten to the place and I refrained myself to grimace with disgust thinking about the fact he would tell him how I had been literally broken. But if, at least, I didn’t react to his advances, like I reacted normally, I knew he would be furious to see he didn’t have complete control on my being. It was something I would never give him satisfaction for.

“Father, a delivery arrived at your name. It most certainly is the weapons you ordered from the Chinese mafia, but I didn’t confirm it, I preferred to go get you.” I saw a tide of red and orange advancing towards us and this time, discontent showed on my face. The boy that had arrived, a boy of around seventeen years old, noticed me and threw me an arrogant smile. “Oh, Who do we have here? It’s Kratos! I’m surprised to see you here, after all, you haven’t done anything all day!” He scoffed at me and threw a bang of his long hair behind his shoulder. Even in his black suit with his red and pinkish straight-laced going up his jacket didn’t change the fact that he resembled a woman too much. And even with that fact, women seemed to throw themselves at his feet. I sincerely didn’t know what they saw in him; he was only a spoiled and arrogant child that thought he was superior to anyone besides Yggdrasil. “Tch! Then please pardon me, oh great Zelos, for having received a day off.” I replied with sarcasm evident in my voice. There was no way I would let myself be talked to in a disrespected tone like that.
But he didn’t seem to understand the message since he retorted, “Oh! I didn’t know you could be so useless!” That damn kid was really getting on my nerves and now certainly was not the time to let go of my anger. I had my share of emotion this morning; I didn’t need him to add anymore.
I was going to reply, but Yggdrasil stopped me. “That’s enough, Zelos. You worked well, you can go now.” He spoke with a bored voice, seeing him off with a gesture of his hand. “As for you, Kratos, come with me. We have work to do with this delivery that just arrived.” Zelos seemed about to protest, but changed his mind. He didn’t have that kind of authority and I was a grade higher than him anyway. It was then normal that I was doing the most important work. Even more, each time we both were in the presence of our superior, Yggdrasil seemed to devote more attention on me, ignoring the younger of the two. Zelos was surely jealous of that ‘complicity’ between us, if I could call it that.
I ignored his murderous glance in my direction and followed Yggdrasil who was returning to his office. And even if I despised that teenager, I wished for him to never be as close to Yggdrasil as I was now. He would learn fast, even too fast that it certainly was the most difficult task of all.

***

I left the building like a whirlwind, my fists clenched, and my steps fast and furious. I knew beforehand that going to take care of that delivery alone with Yggdrasil, he would do all in his power to make sure that an emotion, even just one, would make its way on my face. I knew full well that I would have to keep my head cool the entire time, but it really was a task more difficult than I had thought. He had openly insulted my family, he had mocked them without respite! Even in death he couldn’t leave them alone!

The weapon seller left the room and Yggdrasil looked distractedly at the new « jewels » that had just arrived before saying, “You know, I heard that some house burnt down because of a violent fire today.” I knew of what house he was talking about and it was clear he was bringing up the subject to see me react. However, I only lifted my head towards him with a look of soft inquiry. “Yes, and a woman and a child died.” I did all I could to not wince and I frowned to tell him I didn’t know where he was going. He only shrugged his shoulders. “It appears that the woman was stupid and that her child was a real incapable. Two things certainly disgusting that deserved death.” He burst out laughing sadistically and I swore that in that moment, I had the irresistible urge to slit his throat. Yet there still wasn’t any reaction on my behalf as I was studying a new weapon near me. He chew discreetly his bottom lip, a sign that he was thinking about what he could say more to make me react. “I sincerely hope that you’ll never have a wife like that one, Kratos! It would be true waste coming from you!” He said with his sugary voice. “In any case, you are mine.”
I think I succeeded in retaining the shiver of terror that was threatening to run down my back. It was not the first time he was telling me things like that, but it frightened me all the time. Because I didn’t know in what sense he was telling me this.
He got up softly and circled his desk before moving towards me with, a new expression in his eyes, an expression from which I didn’t want to know the signification. “Hey, Kratos…”
But he was suddenly cut out by hasty knocks on the door and a yakuza entered the room. I immediately recognized the woman, certainly the only one in the family from which the turquoise hair turning green were fastened in a ponytail except for two bangs on each side of her face falling on her shoulder and another one almost hiding her right eye. She was wearing a black dress that was sticking to her slim waist and was showing her generous cleavage. She was also wearing shoes with high heels that could be heard miles away and that fact made me realize that I had been too much absorbed by the conversation I was having with Yggdrasil.
“Lord Yggdrasil!” She exclaimed out of breath, a sign that she must have been running all the way here. Our superior threw her a disdainful and hateful glance, irritated with her for having disrupted him so. “You’re bothering me, Pronyma.” His words were pronounced slowly and the woman froze on place before closing her eyes as green as her hair, like she was afraid he would hit her. “I’m really sorry, Lord Yggdrasil, but I’m bringing bad news and they are urgent.” She said in a lower voice, trying to hide the hesitation that was showing up. That woman was rarely acting like that; she resembled Yggdrasil a lot when it came to cruelty. Only he was able to scare her like that, as well as many others.
He sighed with discontent. “Go on, talk foolish girl! I don’t have all day!”
“Magnius is dead.”
That had the effect of a cold shower on our boss. His eyes widened with surprise before creasing with anger. “WHAT?!” He yelled so loud that the walls almost shook. “What is this all about?!” He was red with anger, a thing that was rarely happening. He must not have anticipated something like that.
“We think someone was aware of his actions and killed him. Whom, however, we do not have a clue.” The young woman answered, trying her best not to tremble with fear.
Seeing that Yggdrasil wasn’t conscious of my presence anymore, I decided that it was time for me to leave. He would manage this situation full well without me.
Discreetly, I slipped out of the room before leaving rapidly the headquarters, thinking back with anger at what Yggdrasil had said on my family.

I needed to get some fresh air to clear my head. I was in too much anger to do anything else. I was sincerely surprised that I had been able not to explode back there. How could he be so cold in front of a murder? Why was it making him laugh like that? What had possibly changed him like that compared to the sweet, innocent child he was once? There was money, yes… But was that all?

I noticed vaguely the yakuza that were returning from their fund-raising. Some of them had some stupid ravished expressions, confirming that they were returning from brothels where they had worked. They must have taken some good time after their work. Others were only satisfied with their day. They surely had taken out their frustrations on the poor clients who were trying to get out of their situations. That type of yakuza had only as much brain as the first type, meaning they had none. And finally, those we could categorize as the less stupid were returning with an impassible and professional expression on their faces. While seeing me, they bowed their heads and greeted me politely, but I didn’t answer them, barely noticing them. I had way too much things in my head to waste time on them.

The hand in my pocket began to play with the piece of paper that was lying there. Immediately, my thoughts turned towards that strange police officer who had talked to me earlier today. I had to admit he was puzzling me. He had been, after all, the only officer not to ask me millions of questions on what had happened. However, wasn’t that his job? I was surely the best witness since the house that had burnt down was mine. He should have taken me with him and dragged me to the police station, with force if it was necessary.
But instead of doing any of this, he had simply told me that it was the last thing I needed and he even helped me. The idiot had even given me his address and phone number! What kind of police officer was that?
I couldn’t stop a small amused smile, the first and surely the last of the day, to dawn on my lips. Strangely, that man wasn’t putting me on my guard, despite his strange manners. Even, he was reassuring me, putting me at ease. It was like he had intended to lift a weight off my shoulders and had succeeded. Who was he to make me act like that?

I stopped suddenly when I saw a building standing before me. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t seen where my steps had guided me and I had almost run into the apartment complex. I certainly would have looked stupid enough, something I could do well without.
Then I realized exactly where my feet had gotten me as my eyes turned towards the numbers that were indicating the address and I turned paler. I got out the piece of paper in my pocket, like I was wishing to have been wrong, but I saw that effectively, I was standing before the building that was containing the apartment of that officer. Yet I had no intention of seeing him right now! I only had wanted to get some fresh air and I didn’t want to bother him while I wasn’t ready to talk.
I was going to leave, but the door suddenly opened and the man I didn’t want to see froze in front of me, a hand still on the door with stupefaction. It seemed like he too wasn’t expecting to see me this soon. He had a slightly mocking smile and he put his fist on his hip, looking me over. He was only deepening my shame. “Why, I didn’t know you would come here this soon.” He said in a voice softer and more understanding than last time.
I didn’t notice it, however, since my brain was debating furiously to find an excuse for my presence here. All of a sudden, I remembered the coat and finally answered, “I had to give you back your coat, after all.” I muttered, but loud enough for him to hear. He looked over me again, one eyebrow lifted, seemingly searching for something. And that is when I understood that I hadn’t taken the coat with me. In my haste to get fresh air and my anger, I had totally forgotten it.
I mentally slapped myself as I looked elsewhere, feeling more and more stupid.
“I think you forgot to bring it.” He remarked with humor, provoking a new mental slap on my behalf. Does he really have to remind it to me? “But it’s okay.” He added with a smile. “Why don’t you come in? I mean, since you’re here anyway, you might as well make yourself at home, don’t you think?” He seemed happy at the idea of having me in his home and that made me frown. Was he stupid or something? I was only a stranger! Nothing exciting there, as I’m aware!

I sighed with discouragement and nodded. He was right. Might as well come in if my feet insisted as much that I come here.
He nodded with satisfaction before going in, motioning me to follow him and I did without saying a word. I distractedly observed my surroundings, looking at the apartment numbers, forging the image of the way leading to his apartment in my mind to prevent me from losing my way when I would return here alone.
Wait… Returning? Why would I go back here? Ah yes, to give him back his coat… Stupid clothing.
Finally he stopped in front of a door and, getting out a key, he inserted it in the lock and opened the door, inviting me inside. I did without a word. The entrance hall was tiny, there was barely place for us two to stand in there. I quickly took off my shoes before getting out of the way to let Yuan remove his own. All the while, I glanced at what I could see from here. At the end of the hallway, there was a simple kitchen with a four places table. It didn’t seem cramped up, but it wasn’t large either. Before the kitchen, there were two doors and I guessed one had to lead to the bedroom and the other to the lounge. The apartment was small, so that made sense.

He came next to me and smiled at me. “It’s not spacious, I know, but I hope it will be enough for you.” He scratched the back of his head with a laugh visibly embarrassed before moving forward in the means of making me visit, but there wasn’t much more to show. He showed me the two rooms that I hadn’t seen and I noticed I was right; it was effectively the lounge and his bedroom.
The lounge was as small as the rest of the apartment. There was a couch in the middle, facing a small television. A large bookcase was in a corner of the room, full with books, and a plant was bringing decoration besides it. There was a large window covered by a red wine curtain.
His bedroom was also really simple. A twin bed was in a corner, below a window and at the other side of the room, there was a drawer besides a wardrobe. An adjacent door was leading directly to the bathroom. A laptop was placed on a small desk. It was surely his area of work when he had reports to make.

My eyes returned to the twin bed and I frowned. There was enough space for both of us, but there was no way I was going to sleep with him. I didn’t want to impose myself this much! My eyes widened slightly at my thoughts. I wasn’t going to stay here, was I? I told myself before that it was impossible! I didn’t want him to arrest me when he would learn I was a criminal and I also didn’t want to put him in danger. I had to sleep elsewhere.
I had the impression he was reading my mind since Yuan turned to face me before answering my interrogations and negations. “Of course, I’m going to sleep on the sofa, so you can take my bed. And don’t worry about staying here for as much time as you want, you won’t bother me. I’m the one who invited you, after all. I’ll live with the consequences.” He said the last part with a bit of humor in his voice, understanding perfectly that I was wondering if he was aware that he could be putting his life in danger. Maybe he wasn’t such an idiot after all.
I was going to decline his offer, to tell him I would bring him back his coat so that we never would cross each other’s path again, but he was faster than me and cut me short, “Are you hungry? I can make you something if you want.” My stomach growled suddenly, like a signal and I slapped my forehead lightly in discouragement. In the haste of the day, with all that had happened, I hadn’t taken the time to eat, even less to think about it. And now, my stomach was protesting against it. It seemed to amuse Yuan for he laughed softly. “I think I have my answer.” Without anything else, he put a hand on my back and pushed me towards the kitchen up to the table so I could sit down as he went to the fridge to find something to eat. The offer was really tempting and I didn’t want to refuse it, so I only waited patiently for him to finish preparing the meal. Soon, the scent of fish invaded the room and I found myself sitting in front of a plate of salmon and white rice. “I’m not the best cook out there, but it should be enough, I think.” Yuan sat next to me, even if he didn’t have a plate of food before him. I rapidly understood that he must have already eaten. I began to eat and with the chopsticks still in my mouth, I realized that it wasn’t bad. It was even really good. I think my gaze must have lightened up slightly because Yuan smiled again.

As I was savoring the food and that the police officer was observing me, he started the conversation. “So, what do you do for a living?” He asked me quite simply and I froze. Not because he had asked me what my job was and that I didn’t want to tell him, but because since the moment I stepped in this place, everything was the same as the first time I met Anna. The way she had invited me in her home, the way she had prepared me a meal, the way she had started a conversation; it was all the same.
I put down my chopsticks in silence, my appetite suddenly gone. Thinking about my wife had brought me back to the reality of what happened this morning and I felt a surge of self disgust. I was disgusted because I was acting like nothing had happened, like my house hadn’t burned and that my wife and son weren’t dead. I shouldn’t be here! I should be preparing their funerals, preparing a plan to avenge them. I shouldn’t be messing around, but killing myself at the task for their… eternal rest.
Yuan noticed straight away my change of attitude and he became uncomfortable, but at the same time suspicious. After all, I was refusing right now to tell what kind of job I was doing. “Forgive me; I must have said something that made you think about something bad.” He apologized softly, having no clue of what else to say. I shook my head. “No, I…” But I closed my mouth. What could I possibly tell him? That all that was happening right now was a perfect reproduction of the first time I met my wife? Surely not.
An idea emerged in my mind. If I wanted to put a plan in action and make Yggdrasil pay, I would need to help of the police at one point. And Yuan was just that, a police officer. Maybe it was my chance. Maybe it was destiny’s way to tell me I had to act!

“I… know who murdered my wife and son.” I said softly, looking elsewhere. Yuan jumped; he wasn’t expecting a brusque change in conversation, neither did he expect to hear revelations like that. He frowned and listened intensely, his job taking over him.
“His name is Mithos Yggdrasil.” At the mention of his name, Yuan turned paler and I understood he already knew him. Besides, who didn’t know him? “Seeing you, I guess you already know who I’m talking about. Then I should not need to tell you that he is the head of a large family of yakuza and that he has an enormous power in Japan and over multiple great politic personalities. That is why he hasn’t been arrested and tried for all the crimes he committed.” I sighed. “Unfortunately, he didn’t commit the crime himself, but I know he ordered someone to do it in his place.”
Yuan didn’t seem skeptical, unlike what I thought. However, I had expected the question that followed. “If he really is the one who ordered that, can you explain to me why? I’m trying to understand why he would do harm to a woman and a child who surely have never done anything to him.” I had to tell him now, I couldn’t go back. The probability of being arrested now was high and the idea wasn’t really bothering me. I had crimes I needed to pay for. However, I had to avenge my family no matter what, so I hoped Yuan would grant me some time. “I myself am a yakuza. His closest subordinate, to be exact.” I finally answered. I waited for any sort of reaction, but he did nothing. It was as if he was waiting for me to continue. It was my chance. “I know I committed numerous crimes and that I must be arrested to repent for them. However, I would like for you to wait. I want to make Yggdrasil pay for what he has done. Not only for my family, but also for all those who suffered because of him. And for that, I need your help. Yuan, I beg of you, grant me that time.” I implored, my hands intertwined. It was strange, the way I was talking to him resembled the way I would talk to an old friend. Yet, we barely knew each other, making my words seem really impolite. Nevertheless, it wasn’t bothering me, like it was natural.

“I will help you.” I lifted my head in surprise and I looked at him with wide eyes. I wasn’t expecting that answer. He was smiling gently. “I understand what you must have felt and I also understand that this man must pay for all he has done. It’s my job to arrest him to make an end to this cycle of pain, to stop him to commit any other crime.”
A sigh of relief passed through my lips and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I would be able to avenge my family. “Thank you. I promise you I will give myself in at the same time as Yggdrasil.”
“Oh, that will not be necessary.” I started. Had I heard right? Had he really said he wouldn’t need to arrest me?! “Wh-what?! B-but why?” I didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t he do it?
“Simply by listening to you, I understand that you’re not amongst the yakuza by choice, am I right? I consider that your efforts right now are your mean to repent for what you have done. That’s why I will not arrest you.”
I bit my bottom lip harshly, but it was insufficient to stop the tears and I hid my face in my hands. He was… exactly like Anna. He had reacted in the same way, had accepted me in the same manner. I couldn’t bring myself to believe it!
Without saying anything more, Yuan looked elsewhere all the while I was sobbing, pretending he wasn’t seeing the tears, understanding perfectly my pain.

I could say I had made a precious friend.

A/N : And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next one will be my dear Little Rosebud’s, so be sure to read it, it’ll be great! And it’ll come faster since she doesn’t have school to slow her down *laugh*