The Soul and its Maker

Chapter 3

Luke’s POV

I can’t believe I just told Jade “I love you.” I feel like the biggest fool that ever existed. When I said that I expected Jade to hit me on the spot. Thank god Guy came. There was so much in my soul I wanted to bear, finding release in a friend. He stepped into the sunlight showered in its radiance, blond hair glowing gold where his highlights were caught in the light. His tanned face carved in bronze tones smiled sweetly and sapphire eyes were alight with joy to see me.

“Oh, Guy, I’m so glad to see you!” I cried, embracing him warmly. “There’s so much that’s happened I have to ask you.”

“Hmm? Between you and the Colonel?” Guy surmised, casting a glance toward Jade who waited further ahead by the trees, leaning listlessly against one with his eyes closed and arms crossed idly in the shade. “I thought just as well you guys needed some time together. You were really hurt by what he said after Akzeriuth on board the Tartarus after we fell in the Qliphoth that, ‘If I stay here I’ll be annoyed by a certain whining brat. I think I’ll go on deck,’ I saw how pained you looked.”

“Well, we discussed Akzeriuth, came to some understanding. But…” I paused, my voice dying into silence beneath the chirping birds, running stream whispering past the cave, leaves rustling peacefully in the trees overhead and ground animals scurrying in search of food. “Other…things happened I never imagined would when we were alone. I just started to open up to him, he kissed me, maybe I led him on, then I said to him, ‘Jade, I love you.’”

Guy laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, capturing my gaze in his. “That what I thought. I could see it coming when you two first met. The way Jade’s teased you seemed was his way of getting your attention, because maybe he’s grown to like you.”

“I believed he really hated me, Guy,” I sniffled, putting my hand over his, still on my shoulder squeezing it to let him know how I felt. “But still I never planned falling in love. If it was Natalia I could understand since we’re both engaged, maybe Tear though she’s cold just cause she’s a girl, but he…he’s a guy! Isn’t it wrong, two guys liking each other like this?” Desperation rang in my voice.

“Hey, it’ll be okay, Luke, I promise,” Guy said kindly, taking my hand around his neck to pull me in a hug. “After your kidnapping when you first came to the manor and you were born, you were helpless like an infant. I taught you how to walk, talk, and speak as if I were your father raising you from birth. I’ll teach you about things people experience in relationships, so you and Jade can grow closer. I think this kind of relationship is good for you, even if it’s with another guy.”

“You’ve always been there for me,” I cried, nuzzling my face into his neck beneath his shirt collar, feeling the warmth of his skin press to my cheek so tender and kind.

That was all we discussed for now, traveling with Jade to Daath to rescue Natalia and Ion kidnapped by Grand Maestro Mohs in order to stop peace talks between Kimlasca and Malkuth, since Kimlasca blamed Malkuth for the loss of Akzeriuth in preparing to declare war. On the way to Daath we stopped outside the Fourth Monument Hill where pilgrims paid their respects to Lorelei before entering the Holy City on the final round of their pilgrimage. At this point Jade separated from Guy and I to enter the city meeting up with Anise and Tear who’d gone ahead. There were still things I needed to ask Guy.

“Umm, Guy…” I stopped to catch my breath on the Hill’s vista overlooking the city, its gothic architecture towering up to the sky supported by massive cathedral buttresses extending outward to the walls of the city like a giant tree spreading its branches. “There were things I experienced in my body, that didn’t make sense when Jade and I were kissing…”

Guy wrapped an arm around me, walking me behind the monument to Lorelei where pilgrims prayed, up against its stony base supporting a massive statue of Yulia presenting the Score.

“Like this?” he asked softly, pressing me tenderly against the stony base, sensations of contact sending tingles through my body, awakening newfound desire.

“Y…yeah! How’d you know?” My eyes went wide with surprise, my breathing sped up and heart raced in anticipation as I felt myself grow aroused.

Guy’s vivid blue eyes laughed with delight, and lips curled up to a smile, genuine, unrestrained and warm. “It’s a normal reaction people feel when they get close,” he explained, stepping back half an arm’s length away to give me space. “You call it being turned on or having an…erection.” He went quiet discussing something that obviously made people insecure; Jade too, having told me to ask Guy about all this adult stuff.

“I…I’ve embarrassed you, Guy, I’m sorry,” I burst out, turning away, facing the monument’s cold stony base in shame. “If I was a normal person instead of a replica, I’d understand those things and not have to ask…”

“Luke, I’m not mad, it’s alright,” he whispered lovingly, sliding his arms around me from behind. “You’ve always been like a son to me, a little brother, so it’s okay if I teach you. If it were any other person, I wouldn’t do this, but you’re my best friend Luke. I love you.”

I felt all my shame and worries melt in his tender grasp, turning to face him in relief.

“There are many kinds of love people experience,” he continued, “The feelings we share are familial, or brotherly, and the kind between you and the Colonel is well…romantic. People who love each other accept we aren’t perfect, learning from one another so we can truly grow.”

“You are so mature, Guy, knowing those things. I thought growing meant simply atoning for one’s sins for having caused another pain like Akzeriuth,” I sighed, sinking into his grasp that caught me.

“What did I tell you back at the cave? Don’t be so hard on yourself, do you understand? Sometimes I worry you overreact torturing yourself with unnecessary shame. It’s true you can’t change the past, but if you can grow from those painful experiences, saving other human lives in the future, then some good things came from that tragedy.”

“You’re right, I guess accepting one’s imperfections is part of being human,” I admitted, breathing out my fears at last. “Cause no one is born knowing everything.”

“See? You do understand. You’ve grown Luke. Now I’ll show you what to do, so you’ll know where to take things with Jade.” Guy released me, leaned up against the monuments supportive base, reaching for his belt undoing it.

What he was about to do reminded me of the time back at the manor before I explored the world. I knew Guy’s phobia of women prevented him from having a girlfriend, but I didn’t know what he did to remedy that. One day when I went to his room to get him for sword practice, I saw him alone crouched on the floor. His eyes were closed, breathing heavily, when his hands strayed down into his clothes relieving his desire. He made some noise and a relaxed expression spread over his face after he finished, although his clothes were a bit messy and he was sweaty and something coated his hands.

I…I’m sorry, Guy, I said at the time running away. I was always curious since then what he did but was too afraid to ask.

Things were really awkward between us for a while after that. It was as if I invaded his privacy, catching him doing something personal he wanted no one else to see. I suppose its only appropriate now in the present we resolve this misunderstanding, so I can grow from what I observed Guy doing at that time.

“I want you to know, this is a natural thing people do, sometimes friends will, or in relationships,” Guy guided me, taking my hand in his over his stomach. “But when you’re with someone you like doing this, it’s different than being with a friend. The rest you’ll have to experience on your own, Luke.”

“Yeah, I know,” I replied, somewhat nervous.

Sensing my unease he supported me against him, letting me lean my weight on him, so I could focus in the moment what he was showing me. “Relax,” he whispered. “I won’t tell anyone about this. I’m sure Jade understood and wanted you to learn. That’s why he told you ask me, right?”

I nodded realizing I was safe; it was all right to do this. I closed my eyes, hearing Guy’s breathing take inside him and the rhythm of gently beating heart sooth me, as my hand underneath his explored deeply into the intimate parts of his body without words, only unbroken mutual trust shared with his hand over mine joining us.

“Like that,” he assured me, wrapping my hand around his arousal still hidden in his clothes. “If you don’t know your own body and the way it works, you can’t know another’s sharing those…special experiences that bring people together.”

His breathing deepened, heart thumped faster, guiding my hand to the motions over his length held in my hand. He felt so warm there, skin smooth like velvet, pulse beating through his body there like the heat I felt in his chest. With my other hand I tugged at the confines of his pants freeing him from their restraints, pulled down to his knees. He shivered at the cool air hitting his exposed arousal; still he kept eye contact perfectly relaxed, accepting of teaching me such an intimate thing.

“That feels…good, thank you, Luke,” he moaned softly, thrusting into my hand. An expression of pure bliss crossed his face after I did this a bit, when muscles in his stomach contracted and let go with his entire body finding release, spilling his essence into my hand, hot as if part of his soul was inside it.

“Did I…scare you?” he asked gently, raising his other hand to my cheek. “Because I remember when I was doing this back at the manor, you ran off scared.”

“Oh, I thought you were mad at me,” I murmured, “I wasn’t sure what you were doing like I do now.”

After that exploration, he cleaned himself up and we rested together on the ground behind the statue away from all the pilgrims passing by and the world, just the two of us together. I pillowed my head on his shoulder, watching clouds sail lazily overhead in the lovely azure sky above. All time and space disappeared between the two of us, living in the moment at ease. To be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do if Guy wasn’t there. He’s always been so gentle, kind, and loving whenever things didn’t make sense.

I just hoped Jade would be open if I did this kind of thing. He’s not direct with his feelings so it makes things so hard between us. Half the time he teases me, I can’t tell if it’s out of affection for liking or simply to play around. Although we were close physically back at Aramis Spring kissing, I still felt Jade held his true self back. When he said to me, /I’ve come to realize that I’m still lacking that part of my humanity, because I still can’t grasp for what it means for people to…die/. That’s really the reason I can say things and stay calm in situations when people are normally scared, that’s when I realized some part of him truly died inside, preventing him from fully feeling by embracing his humanity and passion.

I don’t know what exactly happened in Jade’s past, or made him the cool, distant reserved person he is now, but I want to get to know him because…I love him from the bottom of my heart beyond all words and expressions.

TBC