Under the Apple Tree

~ Chapter 3 ~

Fuuuck. Again? Saï grunted, rubbing the side of his head where a rather huge bump could be felt. His memory was a blur, but he found himself staring up at the ceiling for some reason.

“He’s not there, don’t worry.” Xemnas smiled to him, rising from the desk and putting his book down.
“What, who?” Confused, he watched him come nearer, and he closed his arms on Xemnas, soothed by the contact.
“The man you nearly killed.” Xemnas didn’t seem faze by it, he quietly petted Saï and placed kisses at his cheek. “He will know better than pestering you now. How do you feel?”
“…I nearly killed a man? When?!”

A frown touched Xemnas’s brow, he gently pulled away to see Saï’s face. Taking his hands in his own, rubbing the fingers. Had he forgotten everything due to the solid blow to his head?

“You don’t remember?” He cocked his head.
“No! No, I… I don’t. I remember this boy, Zexion, leaving me. After that, I… No. I don’t recall.”
“Ah well. Maybe I hit your head too hard, my apologies.”
“You hit me?!” He cried out, offended.
“Well I had little choice, hadn’t I hit you, you would have killed one of my subordinates. You were like a savage beast, I had to do something.”
“…Ah. That explains a lot of things.”

Saï sighed and hung his head low. He didn’t protest when Xemnas embraced him again, and he rested his head to the man’s shoulder.

“Yes? It does?” Xemnas questioned.
“Why of course, that means this man must have done something to me, and I flew into a berserk rage. That would explain why I have no memories of it. I never remember what I do during berserk periods.”
“Oooh ahhh, how interesting!” Xemnas did, taking mental notes. “Well, in any event, he has been healed and patched up, he will be fine.”
“I see. That’s good.”
“Indeed.”

Xemnas touched his face then broke free, rising. He offered him a hand, helping him up to his feet.

“Let’s get you cleaned up a little. Come.”
“Alright.” He docilely followed, lacing their fingers.

He didn’t know what shocked him most, the fact that he had nearly killed another man, or the fact that Xemnas was unfazed by it. Could the lack of a heart make a person so cold they can no longer feel concerned with the death of a fellow? Saï didn’t like the sound of this. It seemed to tug him yet closer to being an animal.

Saï was startled at the reddish tint of the water where it swirled at his feet. He hadn’t realized that his body was bloodstained. Submissive and quiet, he stood immobile in the middle of the shower stall, complying with every silent order of Xemnas while the man washed him. He looked up when fingers tipped his chin up.

“Tonight, I will give you your new name.” Xemnas murmured, his lips touched the berserker’s shoulder.
“What do you mean?” More confusion, more things he didn’t understand. When was Xemnas going to explain everything?
“I will rip your heart out and make a Nobody out of you. I will give you your new name, you will be a new man.”

Somehow such words scared him witless, but he kept his worries to himself. Xemnas had chosen him because he was strong, hadn’t he? Well, he had to keep being strong, then!

“And before we do that…” He went on, now touching Saï’s flanks. “I’d like for you to answer some questions I have.”
“Alright.” He leant against Xemnas, not feeling quite loquacious however.

Saï was tense, tired and nervous, but the man’s fingers soothed him and relaxed his body like a narcotic. He was surprised when Xemnas scooped him up to carry him back to bed, but he didn’t protest.

“…You took no pleasure last time, did you. My apologies, for having been so selfish on your very first time, Saï. Will you forgive me?”
“W—What? It..! It doesn’t matter! Really! You enjoyed it, that’s all I cared for. Don’t worry, please!” His cheeks flared up, bright red. How embarrassing!
“Don’t be ridiculous, your pleasure is as important as mine. I should have shown more patience, what would have been a day or two more at this point. But I will remedy to it now.”
“You don’t have to, really. It’s… It’s fine.” He trembled, lying bare under Xemnas.
“Gods, was I that bad? You’re shaking in fear.” He frowned, running his hands over Saï.
“No, no! Of course not, you were… I… It’s my own fault, not yours.”
“What ever do you mean, your own fault?” He was perplexed. He paused his hands, and sat on his heels.
“…There’s something I must tell you.” Saï sat up and covered his body, blushing furiously.
“Indeed, there are m any things you must tell me, but please, start with this. I am all ears.” His desire would wait. “Is this about not wanting to hurt me?”
“Yes…” Saï wrung the sheet in his hands, his eyes fell down to the bed.

Where to start? He hadn’t thought one day he would confess this horrid crime he committed. He had meant to keep it buried deep within forever, but then along came Xemnas, and Saï could not keep it a secret. If he did, it would poison and sap their sexual life, until it killed it completely.

“It happened… When I was about Tetsu’s age. My brother.”
“I do not know how old was your brother, Saï.” Xemnas was a practical man, he liked detailed and logical things.
“Ah, right. He was fourteen.” Was. It ached him badly to speak of him in the past.
“Fourteen. Alright. Continue.”

Saï sighed. This was a difficult moment of his life, and Xemnas didn’t make it any easier with his sheer lack of compassion. He has no heart, he reminded himself, frowning.

“A foreigner came to our world. The elders didn’t understand how he had traveled to it, nor where he was coming from, and the man had a severe case of amnesia. We were a noble, high-ranked family and the foreigner was entrusted to us until he would regain his memory. Father was very proud of it, he treated this stranger better than any of us, but I cared little, because while he was there, Father didn’t beat Mother or us. I suppose he worried too much for his good reputation. In any case, I was often left alone with this stranger. He was nice to me, he helped cook and clean, and I enjoyed his company. We grew closer, sometimes his hands lingered on me, and I was puzzled with his behavior. It was unheard of, a man showing desire for a boy such as myself. We berserkers tend to be heterosexual by nature, homosexuality is rare, forbidden and hidden. I batted at his hands at first, and then grew intrigued. I was young, full of hormones, he was mature and skilled. He knew how and where to touch me, that I would come around and ask for more. One afternoon during summer, as I refreshed myself in the nearby pond, he joined me. It was exciting in the first moments, it was familiar and pleasant, but then he became insistent, his hands were demanding things I didn’t want to give. He pushed me to the grass after I tried to escape, I felt panicked and I made to scream but he said my father had given me to him, and that my family would get into trouble if I didn’t comply. So I lay immobile and still, I let him soil my body and desecrate my soul, but at the second he penetrated me, the pain of it triggered my berserk side. It was my very first berserk rage, and as adrenaline rushed to my brain and surged through my muscles, I lacerated him with my nails and I beat him down to a bloody pulp. I tore and hammered, rent and bit until not an inch of him was unscathed. I murdered him. It was a nasty sight. My father chained me after he found me and what was left of the stranger, and he beat me down with a stick for days on end. I don’t recall all of it, because after my first rage I could never remember any of them. He told the authorities that the foreigner had vanished just like he came, and there were no questions asked.”

Xemnas’s orange eyes were wide. What a story! He hadn’t expected anything that bad, and he didn’t know what to say. Had he had a heart, he would have felt fucking awful for making love to Saï without knowing he was violated as a boy. He noticed the berserker’s hands were shaking, he took them in his own.

“I’m terribly sorry to hear this, Saï. I do not know what to say.”
“It’s all right. It’s not your fault. …Only I… I’m scared that this could happen again.”
“I would never oblige you into…” He started.
“No, of course not. I know this, Xemnas. This is not what I meant. I meant that I’m scared pain could have me go berserk again. Look at my lip, look at my fingers.” He showed his hands, their tips were damaged from the bark. “I fought against myself yesterday, I did react to the pain. I could have badly hurt you, Xemnas. I’m scared. I don’t want to wake up with your lacerated body covering me.”
“It will not happen, Saï.” He firmly said, squeezing his fingers. “I will not let it happen. We will be extremely careful until you have gotten used to it. Please, you mustn’t worry about this so much, I want you to enjoy our moments.”
“I don’t know if I can…” He was doubtful.
“Yes you can. I will show you. Have faith into me.” Xemnas insisted, and he smiled.
“A—Alright.”

Saï shook, and took several deep breaths, leaning against the fluffy pillows of the bed. Could this really work? He desperately wanted it. He longed for a normal, as normal as can be considering their situation, relationship with Xemnas.

“I love you.” Saï pulled him closer, enlacing the older man.
“I have one more question.” Xemnas replied. His fingers touched the scar at his lover’s face. “How did you get this?”

Ah. That scar, huh? Saïx didn’t like talking about this either, but he had supposed Xemnas would eventually ask.

“My father did it to me.” He explained reluctantly.
“Your father?” Xemnas raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. That was not long after the rape, while I was chained during the beatings. Father told everything then. He had noticed this man was touching me but he had said nothing of it so long as the stranger was entertained. In his eyes, I was a mean to have him live a better life and no matter what this man wanted from me, I had to give it to him. He didn’t mind giving his elder son away to this man, I was a convenient toy to flaunt before the man’s eyes. Money kept flowing in and rich people often came to the house to meet the stranger. My father was asked everywhere, he had become famous. And he was pissed that I had blown everything up by killing the stranger. People had grown disinterested. So my father carved this mark in my skin. In my world, this mark means the person has done an unforgivable crime, and we become castaways, bullied and despised by the rest of the society. He considered I had destroyed his life and thus, he would destroy mine.”
“What lie did he tell everyone, to explain your sudden mark?”
“I don’t know. Nobody ever told me. I suffered a lot because of it, people were scornful and mean, and of course father made a duty of sending me out of the house as much as possible.”
“But when I met you, you lived alone with your mother and your brother, where was your father then?”
“I killed him.”
“I see. Because he beat you?” Xemnas was stunned. He hadn’t thought Saï had such a heavy past behind him.
“Yes. Because he beat me, and my brother. And my mother. Tetsu and I were convinced that our mother’s poor health was due to his constant mistreatment. From as far as I could remember he had badly treated her, and us. She was slowly dying, we plotted and decided to kill him. We thought we’d be happy at last. One night when he returned from the tavern, I confronted him, and I killed him. With my hands. I choked the life out of him.”
“You strangled him to death? Your own father?”
“Yes. And I discovered after that my mother wasn’t ill because of him, and worse, I discovered that she had spurred him on, she had encouraged his violence. She hated us. She told me so. She wanted us dead, she had always wanted us dead. Especially me, because I was a murderous whore according to her. I felt disgusted, but I didn’t want Tetsu finding out, so I let him believe she was an angel, and I only put more distance between myself and her.”

Xemnas silently watched him, at a loss as to what to say. He sighed deeply, and moved to lie beside him.

“Tonight, Saï, when you will become a new person, when I will give you your new name… When your life as a Nobody will begin, we’ll turn the page and close the door on this. I want you to take a fresh start. It’s a whole new life for you.”
“Alright.”
“You know…” Gentle, delicate fingers traced the scar tenderly, Xemnas smiled. “The letter X, it has a very important significance to me. I regard your scar as the sign that you belong to me. You were fated to be mine, you bear my mark, you are mine. My beautiful berserker.”
“Xemnas…” Saï breathed out, touched, and he softly smiled to him. Their fingers intertwined together, he relaxed at last.

There was no need for words anymore. Xemnas covered the berserker’s body with kisses, his lips were relentless on the skin, not missing a spot. They teased and explored, discovering the blue-haired male. He made it slow and careful, he was attentive to the sighs and the twists, slowing down whenever worry tensed Saï’s features. He lifted one leg up, placed the knee at his shoulder, and his head dove in, his mouth devoured the burning flesh of Saï’s prick. Xemnas slid his tongue over the sensitive head, he teased at the tiny slit and gathered the fluids pearling there. His mouth then slid down the shaft, orange eyes fixated onto Saï’s face.

“Look into the top drawer of my bedside table.” Indeed, this was Xemnas’s very own bedroom. They had moved Saï there after the attack on Xigbar. “Give me the small tube there.”

Xemnas took the lubricant in his hand but set it aside for the moment, and resumed what he had previously paused to speak. His fingers were patient, making rounds near the entrance without ever once pressing in. Considering the surge of tension it sent into Saï’s body whenever his touch lingered, Xemnas decided he would wait for him to be completely comfortable with it before going any further. Meanwhile, the whines and pleas hinted an upcoming release on the berserker’s side, and albeit Xemnas wasn’t fond of the taste, he made nothing to avoid the rapid gushes of semen unloaded in his mouth. He took his lips off the spent prick, quickly swallowing, and stretched his body over Saï’s to kiss him. Now to let him rest a bit, before arousing him all over again.

“Mmm, that was very good, Xemnas.” He purred in his ear, his arms enlaced the man.
“Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me.”
“My dear Saï, there’s so much you are unaware of, and it’ll be my pleasure to show you.”
“I love you, Xemmy.” He smiled, his eyes shone, warm with the afterglow.
“Say it as much as you like, fill my ears, make it rain on me, make it pour…” For soon it would be gone, these words would sound empty, devoid of their fire. Xemnas sighed, burying his face in his lover’s neck.
“Xemnas…” He took his visage in his hands, forcing him to look up. “Heart or nay, my love for you will be ever-present and shining like the stars. I need only my memories, and I am not about to forget you.”

He answered nothing, what could he say? He didn’t believe in it, he had seen so much already in his lives, he had no trust in such a statement, no matter how sweet and tempting it might be. Nevertheless he smiled, and pressed a kiss at Saï’s mouth. His skin rippled, surprised by the timid fingers engaging in exploring his back. His berserker’s touch was the most wondrous of things, he couldn’t delay anymore in causing desire again into Saï’s body. With a groan in his throat, Xemnas massaged Saï’s hips and flanks, tweaked his nipples and kissed his collarbone, inducing pleasure and lust into him until his flesh was hard and needy. He sat back on his heels, his hand grabbed the tube he had ignored so far, and he coated his fingers with the thick liquid. His eyes lost into Saï’s ambered gaze, he gave fleeting and ghostly touches to the hard prick while sliding a finger inside the man. His mouth met a thigh, he sent reassuring smiles his lover’s way. He needed him calm, he needed him relaxed. The sudden arch of Saï’s frame once they were up to the third digit made Xemnas slow down. That was the tricky part, that was where it had transformed into pain last time, hadn’t it.

“Hush, it’ll be good again soon. I promise to you.” Xemnas made his voice soothing, pressing kisses everywhere he could reach.
“X—Xemnas…” Saï cried out, his body shook. He turned his head away, his cheeks flushed. He was flustered.
“Saï, calm down… It’s going to be alright. Please…”

Xemnas worried a bit. Was this really going to work? The other man was agitated, and he noticed that his fingers were tightly curled around the bedsheet, a bit of the fabric had even been ripped. There were dark spots where it touched Saï’s palms, he had wounded himself again. He took one of the trembling hands in his own and kissed it, licking off the blood.

“Saï. Claw into the bed if you must but stop hurting yourself.”
“I’m… I’m sorry!” He seemed on the verge of tears, his voice was choked.

Xemnas sighed, but didn’t relent, his fingers rubbed and stretched. And there he saw it, the first tear that slid down Saï’s cheek and went into his hairline. That would not do. Xemnas covered him and kissed his eyes, twining their fingers. He pressed deeper inside him, gasping at the harsh bite it gained him. He twisted his wrist, scissoring his fingers, and ignored the ache in his shoulder as the fangs dug in his flesh. He winced, claws digging in his palm and stabbing it but not once did he yield. He finger-fucked him until Saï had calmed down, until he had ceased clawing, biting but mostly, the most important to Xemnas, until he had ceased crying. The first pleasure-laced moan the berserker let out, as timid as it had been, was the most beautiful sound ever heard to Xemnas and he knew his lover was ready for more at last. He pressed kisses to Saï’s temple, took his mouth then sat up again. Blood was oozing down his torso from an open wound in his shoulder, but Xemnas didn’t seem to even notice.

“I… I hurt you!” Saï cried out, desperate. Xemnas pushed him back to the bed gently.
“It’s nothing. It can be healed in a second. I am about to take you now, Saï. Do you feel ready for it?”
“…I… I don’t know.” He shook his head.
“If you feel the need to rake or chew again, do it. I will endure any pain if it can stop you from doing it to yourself.”

Saï didn’t like that, but how could he argue anyway? He watched, anxious, Xemnas smearing lubricant on his prick and his arms welcomed the man again when he came into them.

Xemnas waited, counting the seconds in his head, and then, gently, he slipped inside him. The heat and tightness immediately enveloped him, and he loudly moaned. Finally, he was inside him! His shoulders and back became victim of the berserker’s attacks again, he shut his eyes a moment and gritted his teeth, resting, immobile, atop the unleashed fury. Xemnas searched Saï’s eyes, longing to kiss him although not crazy enough to bring his mouth anywhere near these snapping jaws. And gods, it was a relief when he wasn’t used as a scratching post anymore. Still, he waited a little longer before he began moving inside him in slow thrusts. More scratches came, nothing as bad as earlier, Xemnas maintained the pace and gave tentative little kisses at Saï’s lips, growing bolder when the berserker returned one of them. Their tongues danced and twisted together, Saï’s arms wrapped around Xemnas, his hips at long last undulated in a sensuous rhythm to meet the thrusts. Oh he was finally responding to him! His hard work paid off, Xemnas smiled and picked up a bit of speed, merging with Saï and expressing openly his pleasure with all kind of sexy little noises. But his true reward… Was that scream. Saï screamed out, his tone swung with passion and pleasure, and it was his name that bounced off the walls and filled his senses like the most intoxicating drug ever created. And suddenly he craved for more, he needed more of him. Xemnas grabbed him and rolled them over, pushing Saï’s body up. His hands caressed his torso, caught his hips and made them roll like waves on a shore. He shifted them, he searched along the inner walls, he strived and inwardly grinned when he found it: Saï’s magic little spot. And oh the screams that followed, the begging and sweet pleas, it nearly drove him mad. He watched, enthralled, his lover be overwhelmed with ecstasy and explode in two simultaneous climaxes, prostate-stimulated and ejaculation. Xemnas shut his eyes promptly yet reluctantly, the thick fluids hit his face, but he widely opened them again to watch Saï. He took his hips again, forced them to move a couple more times, to finally spill himself into the berserker. Only then did he allow Saï to fall down, his arms embracing him after he had wiped his face clean from the semen. Their gasps and pants tangled together, they were both drained, spent and content. Xemnas’s fingers, lazy, ran up and down in gentle circles onto the other’s back. He withdrew to avoid pain, and rested. Saï was shaking again, but this time for a whole nother reason. Xemnas smiled, petting his hair and nuzzling.

“You see?” He said, surprised to realize his voice was a whisper. “I told you we could do it. And it will only get easier with time, you’ll get used to it. The pain will lessen, you’ll handle it better. I promise.”
“I love you.” The usual answer. “Thank you, for being so patient with me. And thank you, for this. I never though I could feel so much pleasure at once. Xemnas, you are… Wonderful.”
“That’s just the beginning, I swear it to you. You shan’t ever regret following me, shan’t ever regret giving yourself to me. I will make sure of it, Saï. Until the very end, I’ll make sure you never regret losing everything for me.”

Saï was silent, then a smiled tugged his lips up, and he cuddled the man, shifting to be comfortable.

“Xemnas.” He started, this time not about to let the other deny it. “I cannot lose something that is not mine anymore. I have given you my heart already, I have given you all of me, and so long as you keep my heart and take care of it, I can never lose it. You may make a Nobody out of me, but my memories will be here with me, and my heart will be there with you, and so long as it remains as such, I will love you.”
“Saï… How…” He smiled, warm and soft, at this realization. “How truthful that is. You gave it to me. Your heart… It’s mine.”
“It is, Xemnas.” He confirmed, closing his eyes.
“I will treasure it. It is mine, I will treasure it. And you will love me forever on, thus. In return I shall give you mine, the second I retrieve it.”
“I know you will, and to know this suffice to me.”

Xemnas felt a new surge of hope, and he nodded. Right! Of course, it all made sense to him. Saï’s heart, it was his, it could not be lost! It was there, inside him, and he would never let it go. Saï’s heart…

“Sleep now, we both need to rest a little before tonight. It will be a rude trial, you must be ready and at full strength.”
“You are right.”

It didn’t take much longer for Saï to fall asleep, warm and comfortable atop Xemnas, and the latter soon followed in tow.