Axel Likes It When

Me: I’m going to hell; my dad is sitting right next to me as I type this out.
Mims: Yep, you’re going to hell, but it has nothing to do with writing porn while your dad is in the room.
Cautai: I think it has something to do with the whole writing porn for fun thing.
Disclaimer: I don’t own shit!
Warning: Not porn, oddly enough. Remember the summary, Axel gets what he wants, that doesn’t mean sex…alright, I couldn’t come up with a sex scene for this one, but it is amusing and mentions molestation.
Pairing: No real explicit pairings, but mention of Axel x Roxas, Zexion x Demyx, Marluxia x Vexen, and Marluxia x Demyx.
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Axel likes it when Roxas looks doubtful.

“So all we have to do is sneak into Vexen's lab while he's 'talking' with Marluxia and take the potion,” Axel nodded at his fool proof plan.
Roxas just stared at the redhead, one eyebrow raised slightly in a way that was just so adorable. “I don't think that will work,” he said slowly.
“And why not?”
“You forgot about a very important factor.”
“And what would that be?”
“Zexion doesn't 'talk' to Marluxia.”
“Hm,” Axel said thoughtfully, “Well damn, that throws a wrench in the plan. Maybe we can get him to 'talk' to Demyx for a while.”
“You’re an idiot, you realize that right?” Roxas raised an eyebrow.
“I am not an idiot,” Axel waved his hand as if to dismiss what Roxas had said; “It’s a brilliant plan.”
“I don’t know,” Roxas frowned slightly and turned to face the wall.
Axel could see the blonde’s resolve crumbling before his eyes; they were going to the lab. “Oh come on Roxy,” Axel said as he slung an arm around the blonde’s neck.
“Don’t call me Roxy,” he muttered.
“Fine,” Axel sighed, “I won’t call you Roxy, but you have to come with me to the lab in order for me to do that.”
“Alright, I’ll go with you.”
“Great, now we have to be real quiet,” Axel said as he pulled the blonde along with him, “I think it should be easy enough to get Demyx down to ‘talk’ with Zexy.”
“Will you stop saying ‘talk’, we both know what you mean.”
“Fine, fine, we’ll get Demyx to molest Zexy and tell Marluxia that Vexen’s not wearing any underwear today,” Axel said as he made his way down the hall.
“We still have to find Demyx and Marluxia,” Roxas pointed out.
“Oh, I know where they are,” Axel smirked slightly, “They’re both in the kitchen that never was.”
“Axel,” Roxas sighed, “Stop it with the rooms that never were. It’s not funny.”
“Yes it is, Demyx laughed so hard he peed when I said that Larxene’s bedroom was the chamber of sex that will never be.”
“That’s because Larxene lives in a castle full of gay men and Namine, who wouldn’t touch her even if it was to save her life,” Roxas pointed out, “I don’t think he got the joke that you were trying to make.”
“He still wet himself,” Axel glared down at the blond.
“How could you tell? He is always wet.”
“Shut up,” Axel snapped and turned his face away with a huff.
Roxas smirked at the redhead’s back before remembering that he was about to be dragged to his death. Marluxia didn’t have what most people referred to as boundaries, or at least he chose to blatantly ignore them. The last time he had actually tried to talk to Marluxia he had ended up getting groped on the floor until Axel came storming into the room yelling about how the pinkette wasn’t allowed to touch his property. Needless to say, Axel slept alone for several weeks after that and Marluxia hadn’t stopped groping random Organization members every chance he got. The only person who was safe from Marly’s grope attacks was Larxene, and that was only because she was female and would kill Marluxia in the most painful way she could think of if he did. But it was mostly the female thing, as previously stated the entire Organization is gay. The next thing Roxas knew he was being dragged into the kitchen to find Marluxia doing exactly what was expected of him, molesting Demyx with whipped cream.
“Whoa!” Axel threw his hands up to cover his eyes, “Put that away!”
“We’re not even naked,” Marluxia snapped.
“And it tastes good,” Demyx chirped.
“What happened to you and Zexion?” Roxas asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Zexy doesn’t like me anymore,” Demyx pouted.
“Sure he does,” Axel said from behind is hands.
“No he doesn’t,” Demyx took the can of whipped cream from Marluxia and began to shake it, “He told me I was an annoying brat and that I was disturbing his research.”
“He was just testing you,” Axel finally brought his hands down to look at the now PG scene, “He told me so. If you go to him now he’ll be really happy to see you.”
“Really?!” Demyx squeaked.
“Really,” Axel nodded.
Demyx was gone in a flash, the can of whipped cream clattering on the floor. “Well that was a waste of time,” Marluxia huffed before turning to look at Roxas, a smirk spreading across his face, “Or maybe it wasn’t.”
“Vexen isn’t wearing any underwear today,” Roxas said, backing away from the approaching pinkette.
“And how would you know that?” Marluxia didn’t falter in his approach.
“Mine,” Axel snapped and stepped in between Roxas and Marluxia, “Don’t touch.”
“Fine,” the pinkette sighed, “But that doesn’t answer my question of how you know Vexen isn’t wearing any underwear today.”
“I stole all his underwear and told him it was laundry day,” Roxas said from behind Axel, “And you don’t own me Axel.”
“I know Roxy-kins,” Axel cooed as he turned around to pinch the blonde’s cheek.
“Don’t touch me,” Roxas hissed, pure poison in his voice.
“Okay,” Axel squeaked, none too keen on the idea of death by key blade.
“Well, I’ll just leave you two to work this out,” Marluxia strode past the pair, patting Axel on the shoulder and Roxas on the ass as he passed, “I have my own blond to go find.”
“Roxas,” Axel said softly, “I was just saying that to make Marluxia think everything was normal.”
“I know,” Roxas smiled up at the redhead, “So was I, I kind of like Roxy-kins to be perfectly honest.”
“So I can call you that all the time?”
“No.”
“Fine,” Axel sighed, “Let’s go see my plan in action. Nice bit about the laundry day thing.”
“I actually did that,” Roxas blushed slightly, “Zexion paid me to.”
“Why would Zexion do that?”
“Something about Vexen needing to loosen up and stop being such a huge prick,” Roxas shrugged slightly.
Axel just snorted in response as they made their way to the lab/dungeon. They didn’t meet up with anyone else on their way, but they certainly heard someone when they arrived. “God damn it Marluxia!” a voice was screaming, “Get your hand out of my pants!”
“But it fits so nicely,” came Marluxia’s reply.
“GAH!” Vexen yelled.
Axel and Roxas exchanged glances that said quite clearly that they didn’t want to know and both adapted a crouching position as they made their way into the actual lab. When Axel caught sight of pink hair and pushed Roxas down further, using the blonde’s head as leverage. The redhead chose to ignore the glare that was directed at him, instead heading deeper into the lab.
“Demyx,” came Zexion’s very annoyed voice, “For the last time, stop playing with my hair.”
“But Zexy,” Demyx started.
“Don’t call me Zexy.”
“But it suits you, anyway, your hair is fun to play with it’s so soft, just like your skin.”
“Hey! Don’t lick me you little freak!”
Roxas froze when he heard that, staring incredulously in the direction the voices had come from. Axel just shook his head and continued on his way. The redhead came to a large set of shelves and stood to look at the various bottles lining it. He quickly located the bottle he wanted and pocketed it. Turning he saw Roxas peeking around a corner to watch whatever it was that Demyx was doing to Zexion, a stunned expression on his face, though that quickly changed to horror and the blond backed away slowly.
“Come on,” Axel hissed, “I got it.”
The blond just nodded, looking slightly traumatized. They managed to get out of the lab without any incident and ran through the halls back to Axel’s room. “Alright,” Roxas said as soon as Axel had locked the door, “What’s so special about that potion?”
“Well,” Axel said sliding over to Roxas’ side, “It has an interesting effect on Nobodies.”
“And what might that be?”
“This!” Axel grabbed Roxas and poured the potion into his mouth, pinching the blonde’s nose to force him to swallow.
When there was nothing left in his mouth Roxas was released. “WHAT THE HELL AXEL?!” the blond yelled.
“How do you feel Roxy?” Axel purred.
“Like I’m going to kill a redhead,” Roxas hissed.
“Wait, what? No that’s not how you’re supposed to feel,” Axel looked down at the bottle in confusion.
“Well Axel, when someone forces you to drink a mystery potion you tend to get pissed,” Roxas started to advance on the redhead, “So now I’m going to…” Roxas trailed off, one hand going to his forehead, a look of confusion crossing his face.
“How are you feeling now?” Axel asked cautiously.
“I’m kind of dizzy,” Roxas said. Suddenly his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he fell face first on the carpet.
“Roxas!” Axel leapt to his side.
“Ugh,” Roxas moaned, rolling back over.
“Um Roxas,” Axel said slowly.
“Yeah,” Roxas croaked, his voice several octaves higher.
“That potion must have been mislabeled, because it turned you into a girl.”
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Me: I blame Cautai for lack of sex.
Cautai: Really? Because I blame the fact that you’re typing this right next to your father for the lack of sex.
Me: Maybe, it is kind of awkward, but I’m also writing a chapter of ‘Tales of Insomnia’ simultaneously, so I can write lemons while my parents are in the room.
Mims: I have never been more proud in my entire life!