And So...?

So it’s been a few days, and things have gotten just a little bit weird. And I’m starting to think Kairi will be wrong, because at this point, if I even told Sora I was gay, much less in love with him, he’d probably freak out.

Allow me to explain. Firstly, every time I touch him, even when it’s just trying to give him a whack on the head or a push or saving his ass from tripping all over his huge, out of proportion feet, he retracts like I have some sort of horrible disease crawling all over me. Secondly, he won’t look me in the eye without getting this look on this face like he’s feeling sick. Thirdly, he hasn’t made any random visits to my house since I had my chat with Kairi.

Which leads me to Kairi’s house, to ask her why the hell she hinted/blatantly told Sora about our conversation that was supposed to be confidential.

I knock, her “mum” lets me in, (“Oh, Riku! It’s so good to see you, come in, come in, Kairi’s upstairs, goodness you’ve gotten handsome, so tall, blah blah etc.) and up the stairs I go into the purple cave.

Knock knock.

“Come in!”

Oh, look at her, studying, looking all innocent and-

Not alone.

Hello, Sora. Why, isn’t this just fantastic. Time to play nonchalant and make up a reason I’m here...

“What’s up guys? Sora, I didn’t know you were here, I was gonna ask Kairi if she’d done her Calculus homework.” Slick, Riku. I’m good.

Except that I never need help on math.

They look at eachother in a weird way, and I can’t help but feel like I just walked in on something major that was happening.

And I think it has something to do with me, considering all chatter stopped as soon as I made my presence known.

Hum.

“Hey Riku! Kairi and me are just sitting around, pretty much bored. You guys are such nerds with your school work,” he scratches the back of his head and flashes that adorable smile, somehow not coming out just right, “Heheh.”

This feels extraordinarily awkard. I’m that feeling that Kairi did let the beans spill all over the floor is getting much more intense.

Except that it’s just... so unlike her.

I sigh.

“Yeah, Riku, I’ve got that homework somewhere,” she smiles just as awkwardly as Sora, “Just give me a minute and let me find it. I think it’s in my backpack downstairs, I did it during lunch today.”

Did she just give me a look?

I want to glare at her, but I refrain because she’s sensitive and I don’t really have a concrete basis to glare at my best friend.

Somehow I think some of it slips anyway.

So I plop down casually next to Sora.

“What are you guys up to?” I ask

He looks around nervously and gulps a bit. “I just had some stuff on my mind and took a walk and wandered over here. I’ve really onlly been here about half an hour.”

I smirk at him.

“Sora, sometimes I worry about your wandering. I think if you don’t watch your ass, one day you’re gonna wander off a cliff.” I snicker. Man, I’m funny.

“Hey! I’m not that oblivious Riku. Geeze. I would so not wander off a cliff. You know I just hafta go on a walk sometimes,” he murmurs. Well, at least he’s not nervous... Nervous Sora is just odd. Especially when I don’t know what’s got him so uptight. “Doofus.”

“Idiot.”

“Butt-face.”

“Butt-face? Are you two?” Hehe. I love him, sometimes, simply because he can’t think of good comebacks.

“Riku, you suck.”

Actually, now that you mention it...

I feel that blush creeping up, (reactions, damn) and instantly change the subject to the first thing that comes to mind.

“So... What was on your mind?”

As his head snaps up from where he was sulking from my teasing him, I realize that maybe this wasn’t the right thing to say.

“Well... I, it’s just this... There was a thing that happened the other day with Tidus and it was weird and ever since I don’t know it’s been strange and I’m all confused about everything and you’re-” He seems to catch himself, instantly stopping.

And I’m what? And what does Tidus have to do with anything? A thing happened with Tidus.

Just what kind of thing happens with Tidus that could weird Sora out?

A damn depressing thing, that’s what.

And something that makes me think I might have to have a little chat with Tidus later.

But back to the present.

“Sora... why have you been avoiding me? And what happened with Tidus? You’re not making any-”

“RIKU! Here I found the homework, but I just remembered I really have to tutor Sora because he has, um... he has a history paper tomorrow and you know how he is about history so I need you to LEAVE now please!”

Kairi is a sputtering mess as she practically shoves the homework in my face and me out the door. Before I can even blink the door shuts in my face and I’m left with calculus homework that I don’t even need.

What the fuck?

Needless to say I’m much more than just a little irritated. I’m actually downright pissed off, thank you very much. What the hell just happened? Why is Sora being so weird. Did Kairi really tell him?

What’s more, what the fuck happend with Sora and Tidus? Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything anymore?

I’m going to find Tidus and make him spar so I can kick his ass.

---------------------------------------

Whew. That could have been really bad.

All I’m trying to do is figure out how to deal with this new found fact that I have a crush on my best guy friend, and here comes lady unluck to screw everything up!

So there I am, just walking down the road, thinking about ways that I can help myself out by not acting like a nervous freaking school girl around Riku. I mean, I can’t really help it... Everything about him has just been amplified ever since I figured all these... things out.

Like his face. I notice his lips, and wonder how they’d feel in a kiss (hopefully not just mashed together like my one with Kairi... yech!), or how soft his hair looks, or how tight his butt is. And the I feel myself go straight red, and I can’t look him in the eyes and I know my face probably looks constipated from trying to force down a blush and-!

Ugh. Shut up brain, you’re being confusing again!

And when he touches me I just lose it because I’m trying not to squeal.

What’s worse is I just know Riku doesn’t feel the same way. I mean, I’ve known him forever, he isn’t gay. We used to fight over Kairi all the time... There is no way uber-macho-mysterious man Riku likes guys.

Much less me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an attractive guy. But I’m nowhere near Riku’s level... I’m all knees and elbows and feet. Fucking feet, always making me look like such a clutz, and especially in front of Riku lately.

So these are my thoughts as I am meandering down the road, taking in the scenery and trying to keep my head from melting down like ice cream in the sun. Those stupid feet have led me over by Kairi’s house, about half a mile from my own.

Hm. Maybe Kairi might have some answers. I wonder if she’d be freaked out if I told her about my little secret? She’d probably freak out, at least a little... I mean, it is weird and out of nowhere.

Hi, I’m Sora, and I’m a dude with a crush on my dude friend.

But maybe my female friend can help me out? Girls know a lot about this stuff, don’t they?

Besides, she’s one of my best friends. She’ll understand.

So I walk into her house (I’’m always welcome) and up to her room.

Knock knock.

“Who’s there?”

Teehee! I should so make a joke. But I’m too confused to think of anything and Riku would probably think it was stupid or say something irritating about how cute it was. Stupid sarcastic Riku.

I wonder if he does think I’m cute.

“Um... is anyone there?”

Oh yeah, Kairi.

“Hey, it’s Sora... I kinda need to talk, mind if I come in?”

She hesitates a second before she opens the door, smiling her bright smile and looking happy.

Fart. I wanna be happy.

“Sure, come on in,” she says, opening her door wide. “What’s up?”

I take a deep breath.

“Well... it’s really, really embarrassing, and really personal and really confusing. So please promise not to tell anybody?” I plead, probably looking pathetic or puppy eyed.

“Well, you could probably tell Tidus.” I add as an afterthought. “He basically helped me figure out what’s going on.”

“Um, Sora, I hate to interupt, but what’s going on? You’ve got me really confused.” She says.

I look at her sheepishly. I know, it’s freakin’ confusing.

“Okay, well I guess I’ll just tell you the story. Tidus and I decided to row out to the island the other day, and on our way out there I had a thought pop in my head, and you know how I just say whatever comes into my mind sometimes,” I look at her nervously, and she nods for me to go on. “Well I asked him how he figured out he was gay. And long story short, he made a joke about thinking I had a crush on Riku, and when he said that something clicked in my head and... and I think he’s right! And now everything is really awkward around Riku because I don’t know how to act and I don’t know if I want to kiss him or just try to be friends and it’s weird because it’s Riku and he’s a guy and I didn’t even know I liked guys until four days ago! What do I do?”

To her credit, Kairi is just looking at me intently. No freaking out, no dumb-founded expression, just looking at me like she’s studying me. She sighs a little and leans back in her chair.

“To tell the truth, Sora... I kind of thought the same thing after the whole kiss episode.” She says, sounding for all the world like it was normal for her to think that! “Especially after you started acting like a lovesick schoolgirl around him, not knowing whether to avoid him or just follow him like a puppy.”

“Hey! I’m not a lovesick schoolgirl or a puppy! Why does everyone always say shit like that about me?”

So sue me, I’m offended. I’m so not a girl or a puppy. Geeze.

Before she can speak I say something again. “So... you already thought I might have a crush on Riku?”

She nods and smile gently. “Uh-huh.” Her expression then turns serious. “In truth, Sora, I always thought it’d be you and me that ended up together, because Riku is so much like a brother to me. I mean... I still have feelings for you, though I know you don’t have them for me. But let me finish, I see you over there wanting to say something,” she pauses for a second, before continuing, “But now I don’t think that I’m meant to be with either of you in that way. Sometimes I think it might be the two of you that end up together.”

Say who did what now?

“Kairi?”

“Don’t look at me so weird, Sora. Seriously, after all you’ve been through, this should be one of the least weird things you’ve ever heard of or thought about.”

And you know what? She’s pretty much right.

But there’s just one tiny little problem.

“Kairi...” I whine, flopping onto my back on the floor. “There’s just a small problem with that.”

“What?” She asks.

“There’s that whole part where Riku isn’t gay!”

“Well I-”

Knock knock.

And enter Riku.

How embarrassing. Did he just here what I said? Oh God! Crap! Shit!

Wait, he doesn’t look like he did.

“What’s up guys? Sora, I didn’t know you were here, I was gonna ask Kairi if she’d done her Calculus homework.”

Oh crap oh crap oh crap. What do I do? Shit. Can’t handle Riku. Still need advice from Kairi.

Save me Kairi! Oh shit, I feel a babble coming on... Try to contain it...

“Hey Riku! Kairi and me are just sitting around, pretty much bored. You guys are such nerds with your school work heheh.” Great. I’m just so smooth I can hardly stand it.

This feels extraordinarily awkard.

“Yeah, Riku, I’ve got that homework somewhere,”Kairi says, smiling in a strained sort of way, like she’s trying to cover up what we’ve just been talking about. “Just give me a minute and let me find it. I think it’s in my backpack downstairs, I did it during lunch today.”

Did she just give me a look?

Crap! She wants me to talk to him? What the hell am I supposed to say! ‘Hey Riku, guess what, I have a crush on you and want to make out with you and stuff! Is that cool with you? Great! Candy everywhere!’

“What are you guys up to?” He asks.

I can feel myself swallow my heart as it beats a thousand miles a minute. He’s just plopped down right next to me.

“I just had some stuff on my mind and took a walk and wandered over here. I’ve really only been here about half an hour.”

He gives me a snarky smirk.

“Sora, sometimes I worry about your wandering. I think if you don’t watch your ass, one day you’re gonna wander off a cliff.” He says.

That was so not funny.

“Hey! I’m not that oblivious Riku. Geeze. I would so not wander off a cliff. You know I just hafta go on a walk sometimes,” I kind of fade off toward the end, but I feel more comfortable now that we’re just insulting eacother. “Doofus.”

“Idiot.”

“Butt-face.”

“Butt-face? Are you two?”
Grrr. Stupid Riku, with all your prettyness.

“Riku, you suck.”

Am I crazy or is he blushing?

“So... What was on your mind?” He asks quickly, I guess feeling weird.

Shit! What am I supposed to say? Oh no... word vomit, ahoy!

“Well... I, it’s just this... There was a thing that happened the other day with Tidus and it was weird and ever since I don’t know it’s been strange and I’m all confused about everything and you’re-” But at least this time I catch myself, stopping before I say ‘and you’re so pretty.’ Which probably would have both freaked him out and pissed him off.

But now he still looks at little pissed. But more sad than anything.

“Sora... why have you been avoiding me? And what happened with Tidus? You’re not making any-”

“RIKU! Here I found the homework, but I just remembered I really have to tutor Sora because he has, um... he has a history paper tomorrow and you know how he is about history so I need you to LEAVE now please!”

Kairi to save the day!

She shuts the door in his face, looks at me and tells me she’s so sorry, that she thought it might be good if we could talk, but that she forgot I tend to stick my foot in my mouth.

And I can hear Riku stomping down the stairs. I get up and go to the window, and watch him. He looks very irritated.

“Sora,” She says, coming up behind me, “I think you need to act more natural around him. You have a crush, just accept it. Maybe even drop little hints at him... Give him hugs, stuff like that. See how he reacts. It couldn’t hurt.”

Couldn’t hurt?!?!

“Couldn’t hurt? Kairi, he’d freak out!”

“Sora, you’re not thinking straight,” I’m not even going to point out the pun, “You’re hurting Riku by doing what you’re doing now, and whatever you do that’s out of the ordinary, he’s just going to confront you about it. If you’d just relax, I think you’d see a lot more going on in this situation.”

I think about this for a minute, and I know she’s right. If Riku ever thinks I’m acting weird in a non-good way, he always tells me. Really there’s nothing to be afraid of. Whats the harm in a little flirting?

I smile brightly at her.

“Thanks Kairi! You know what, I’m gonna ask him to stay over this weekend! Yeah! Then we’ll see how things go... This’ll be okay!”

I know, I’m a little peppy, but hey, I’m trying to be optimistic, so give me a break!

“Good. Now go home Sora, I need to take a nap. My brain is on melt down from all these confessions.” He friendly smile lets me know she’s joking.

“Alright. I’ll see you at school, Kairi.”

Maybe things won’t be so bad after all.

A/N: In case you guys haven’t noticed, sometimes it takes me a day or two to really post the good one. I’ll read over it several times before I post and I won’t catch errors, but when I read it again I see them eveywhere. So pardon any that show up in the first part!

Also, please review! I know there a bunch of you out there, so do me a favor and tell me how you like it!

Much love.