Fun with the Daedric Princes

Chapter 3-The holidays.

After Mehrunes Dagon got his revenge, (Smacking both the princes into the waters of oblivion that they couldn’t get out of for months) Molag Bal became bored once more.

The main hall was no fun either. It was the one place where they could all go in oblivion and have to keep the peace. It was more of an entertainment hall. Azura would decorate the hall, much to Molag Bal’s distain, every holiday that humans celebrated. Christmas, Easter, Halloween (Molag Bal admits that he likes that one.) and valentines day. If there was ever a more pointless holiday, it was valentines day. He didn’t get the point of trying to win someone’s affection with overpriced candy and rotten smelling plants that humans called flowers. Anyone he wanted, he’d take. That’s all there is to it.

His eye twitched as he entered the hall today. Azura had decorated again. Everything was so colorful that it hurt the Prince of corruption’s eyes. Red and green everywhere….and was that a pink pine tree?! A florescent pink tree with little decorations all over. Bloody great. Christmas…

Azura was humming happily as he set up her decorations. Molag Bal made a mental note to taunt her about how ugly it looked when she was all done. Knowing her, she’d go into a fit and try to fix everything until even he approved. Too bad that will never happen.

He was about to go back to his own plane of oblivion until he spotted some of his more favorable company was already there. Sheogorath, Vaermina, Sanguine and Nocturnal. Those where his friends in oblivion. Shame only one of them were in the house of troubles with him. He had to put up with stupid Malacath and Mehrunes. Thank Sithis that Sheo was there to make things interesting.

They were all sitting on a rectangular sofa laughing at some joke that Sanguine just made. Molag bal smiled and walked over. He leapt over the back of the sofa and landed in-between Vaermina and Nocturnal.

“Anything interesting going on?” He asked with an amused smile.

“Bal!” Sheogorath greeted. “Good ta see ya! Jolly good!”

Vaermina grinned and scooted closer to the Prince of rape. “Nothing much Molag Bal. We had to drag Nocturnal out of her plane of oblivion. She didn’t want to come.”

“Too bright…” was Nocturnal's response.

“I know what you mean.” Molag Bal said with a sigh. “That fucking tree is so loud that it punches you in the face when you enter the room.”

Sheogorath smiles. “Thanks for the idea Bal!”

At that moment, the unfortunate Malacath walked in and the pink tree grew a fist and punched him right in the face. They heard Azura screech at the sight and they all burst out into laughter. Even Nocturnal was slightly chuckling behind her palm. Azura yelled at them to stop laughing as she tried to help Malacath up. Malacath was ripping his arm away from her but still getting the crap beat out of him by the girly pink tree. Either way it was greatly destroying any masculinity he may have left. Get help from Azura or the shit beat out of him by a little pink tree. It was a lose, lose situation for Malacath. It was a win, win for the spectators on the sofa though.

Azura came over a hit Sheogorath in the head.

“STOP THIS NOW!!!!!” She commanded in that high and mighty tone of hers.

“Hold on! It’s still funny!” Sheogorath spoke trying to fend her off.

“He’s a member of the house of troubles!” Azura placed her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you supposed to be friends?”

“What? And they call me Mad! I can’t stand that green bastard! He smells like tar and clowns!” Sheogorath exclaimed shaking his cane furiously in the air.

Just then Malacath came over with the destroyed tree in his hands. Azura took one look, screeched, and made him help her decorate the hall the rest of the day.

The whole day seamed less boring when in good company but Molag Bal’s joy was short lived. The whole room seamed to get irritatingly brighter and the air became thick with tension. Molag Bal knew it was coming even before he turned to look to see who came in through the door.

“Meridia…..” he mumbled with growing hate behind his voice. He turned and scowled.

There she was. So blonde and perky. It made Molag Bal sick. She was accompanied by her lesser daedra. The Aurorans.

Everyone on the sofa heard Molag Bal growl. He hated Meridia! She was too pro-life for humans and Molag bal was too pro-death for human.

They were at an impasse.

Simple to say, The daedric prince of life and the daedric prince of corruption, did not care for one another. There was no love loss between the two.

Despite this face, Meridia would attempt to become friends with Molag Bal. No one knows why she attempts this. Maybe because she likes to be friendly with everyone! Molag Bal is the only one who will not say hello to her if they pass in the hallway. He’d be more likely to spit on her than to say hello. No one really knows how his general hatred for her started. Some believe it was because of Meridia’s general hatred for the un-dead. Molag Bal and Vaermina, made the first vampires. They liked there un-dead creations. Meridia hated them.

She ignored the black stare she received from Molag Bal and walked over to the sofa.

“Hello everyone!”

Everyone mumbled a hello, except Molag bal, who snorted.

“Isn’t Christmas a delightful human holiday?”

“It’s fucking stupid.” Molag Bal spoke up rolling his eyes in annoyance.

She pouted and leaned over the sofa to loom above Molag Bal’s face. “Don’t be such a baby, Molag Bal. Enjoy the holiday.”

“It’s absolutely pointless for us to celebrate a human holiday!” Molag bal yelled looking up at her with his arms crossed defiantly. “It’s about some religion they follow! It has nothing to do with us!!!”

“Oh, come on. Some of their traditions are great! Like that silly little leaf hanging over doorframes. If you get caught under it, you have to kiss the person your with.”

“Aha!” Sheogorath jumped up and ran over to the two of them. Then held a small green object over Molag Bal and Meridia’s heads. Molag Bal’s eyes widened for a second.

No fucking way. There was a mistletoe in his hand.

“It’s tradition!” Sheogorath beamed. “Kiss each other.”

Meridia smiled sweetly. Molag Bal wasn’t bad looking. Maybe they’d get along after this! (yea right.) Molag Bal’s mouth hung open. He couldn’t be serious… Sanguine even sobered up to watch this. If looks could kill, Sheogorath would be dead from the stare that Vaermina was giving him. It was common knowledge that she had a crush on the prince of rape. Watching the bane of her existence, Meridia, kiss the man she loved was worse that death! She hasn’t even gotten the chance to kiss Molag Bal! It’s not fair!!!

Meridia grabbed the sides of Molag Bal’s face and leaned down. “It IS tradition, Bal.” She close-mouth kissed his lips gently. Molag Bal growled in fury and bit her lip, digging his fangs in. She screeched and opened her mouth in surprise. Molag Bal took the opportunity to spit a wad of snot into her open mouth.

She screamed bloody murder when she felt it slide down her throat. She managed to rip her lip almost clean off to get away from Molag Bal. She left a part of it on his fang. Vaermina burst out laughing, followed by the other Daedra that were on Molag Bal’s side. Meridia was in tears and the blood was pouring down her chin.

“You…You…YOU BIG JERK!!!!” She ran from the room crying her eyes out, leaving a small trail of blood behind her. Her lesser daedra ran out after her.

Molag Bal spit the remains of her lip on the table in front of them. “What have we learned?” he asked while tasting Meridia’s blood in this mouth.

“Never attempt to tongue kiss you?” Sanguine said before braking into a fit of drunken’ giggles.

Molag Bal raised a fine eyebrow. “Why? Were you thinking of it?”

The drunk shrugged. “After ten million beers, you look like a really pretty lady Bal.”

Molag Bal rubbed his temples. “Nice to know.”

Sheogorath smiled. “I have no idea what’s going on.”

Vaermina took this opportunity to jump up and land on Sheogorath. Then beat the shit out of him. Molag Bal crossed his arms and relaxed into the sofa.

“We have learned that human holidays are stupid."