Leon May Cry

Chapter 3: Separate Ways

The village, in which Dante found himself wake up in was once again… silent. There are still no booze, no babes and is certainly not the proper place to throw a party, but it wasn’t boring. Especially being in the company of someone like Leon, how can someone possibly be bored with having to follow someone whose ass sways oh so deliciously?!

If you haven’t noticed, you never really get to see Leon’s face throughout the game in RE4, because 90% of the game play has you focusing on that ASS of his. So it takes little in thought of what Dante is looking at and extremely enjoying right now.

Now how is it possible to be bored of THAT?

But enough about that, because the two have entered the barnyard where a few farmers were well, basically farming. Again, fighting farmers was just unfair to Dante because, c’mon! Farmers have it tough okay? It’s hard enough for them to survive by growing enough crops for market, only selling less than half because they needed to keep the crops for food and because it was infested and damaged by insects. Farmers got it TOUGH okay?

And as if they have enough problems, they have to go against a demon-slayer and special agent ‘buns’ here! You can’t help but feel sorry for these people! Then again, they did throw shit at the two and tried to kill them, so all sympathies for these ‘farmers’ are gone. Leon says they’re not even human so that’s a good enough excuse to rid this island of ‘friendly’ human faces.

It’s a good thing all these Ganados are unattractive and not human, because I don’t think Dante has the heart to kill pretty humans. Well, unless they were asking for it, but Dante just like his father Sparda, has love for all humanity.

A humanity that seems to now smack him right upside the head!

“What was that for?!” Dante screams, only to be encountered with a hand to cover his mouth.

“Shh!” Leon says, using his other hand to point a finger to his mouth as a gesture to shut the fuck up and be quiet. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes, but it seems your head was still up in the clouds.” Leon whispers in which Dante wasn’t listening again cause he’s more focused on how INCREDIBLY SOFT Leon’s hands were! Okay, be a good boy and pay attention Dante before Leon smacks you upside the head again.

Pointing at the barnyard, Leon explains that there were enemies up ahead and that they should sneak quietly since he was running out of bullets. Um hello, Leon? You have Dante here to rid these goons for you! But hey, quiet as a mouse is what you want then quiet as a mouse he’ll be!

Dante suddenly sneezes.

This of course, attracts the attention from the Ganados and Leon is giving Dante another threatening look that seems to indicate that his life will be over in a matter of seconds. HELL right now since his hands are kind of wrapped around Dante’s head as if he were about to TWIST it.

Dante of course, takes this gesture the wrong way and Leon’s soft hands were touching him again as if he was caressing his face! Oh yeah, that sure has this demon-slayer motivated to—An axe fly right past the two and Leon’s hands were off of Dante and holding onto his handgun, aiming carefully but remembering that he has to save his bullets! Shit!

But that’s okay Leon, even though when I played the game, I made you run like a pansy avoiding zombies after zombies to preserve your bullets and not get hurt, you don’t need to do that anymore. Okay I lie, after five minutes of running I’ve decided to kick some ass and it’s hella fun. I get sadistic! I LOVE to wait for them to climb up the ladder so I can shoot them down and hear them scream. Tis fun.

Well, anyway, Dante, being the only person who doesn’t really need to depend on guns, gets his ass in gear! Okay, not really, he’s half-assedly shooting them down one by one, with Leon walking around and collecting items as well as the ‘Pearl Pendant’ hanging above the well. They’re like, walking around shooting people as if it was normal!

“So, how did you end up in this place anyway?” Leon asks just to start a conversation while ignoring the agonizing screams of the infected being blasted. Hey, Dante’s doing a good job being his slave and killing everything for him. The demon-slayer answers with a shrug and before they know it, all the villagers have been eliminated; Awesome.

Leon looks at Dante trying to get a view on his perspective of things so far, because the poor guy woke up in this Hell and had no idea of what was happening, so of course the agent had to feel some sympathy for the demon. Yeah, for like three seconds then he was back to being an ass and started to criticize Dante as they made their way through a long narrow path, unaware at first of how intelligent the undead citizens were as they pushed a big ass boulder down the cliff.

And now triggers that scene where you hafta run yer ass like crazy! Hey, Leon was wasting no time in doing so while Dante just kinda gets distracted by his ass again. Yeah, he knew there was a boulder, but so what? C’mon a puny little boulder wasn’t gonna – okay, it’s getting pretty big up close … wow. But that’s okay! Cause Dante is almighty! HE’S ALMIGHTY, BABY. All he needs to do is bust out his fiery gauntlet, Ifrit and kick that boulder to the moon and back again!

Hm, strange… he doesn’t have his lovely Ifrit with him, he just has his guns Ebony, Ivory and his good ol’ sword Alastor. And when that sword impaled him and Dante had to THRUST his hips upward to get out, I could tell it made a lot of people happy. Did that scene make you happy? I certainly knew it made ME happy! But moving right along now.

“I’m afraid you can’t use your brawns this time! Start running idiot!” Leon yells, not believing how any person can be this dimwitted! Seriously! Just because you’re not human, Dante, doesn’t mean that you should act so carelessly! Actually, Leon was sort of musing of how funny it would be if Dante was squished flat by the boulder. He’s such a morbid baby at times. Shit, the boulder was coming closer than Leon had predicted and Leon had to think of something fast.

Ah, what to do, what to do, what to … do? He suddenly found himself hurled onto the floor, seeing nothing but dirt and rocks on the floor. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, did he get ran over? Is he dead? Why can’t he lift his legs? Is it because it’s broken? And who’s touching his ass?

Hm, well, whaddya know? Leon is spread all over Dante right about now. Well, let’s register what happened eh? While Leon was bitching and moaning of what he was going to do to get out of the boulder’s path, Dante thought of the plan first! HAH SHOWS WHO’S SMARTER, EH. BITCH!? The demon grabbed Leon and dived out of the boulders way as he cradles Leon close to him so the human wouldn’t get hurt.

Yeah, Dante felt most of the impact, but he’s a big boy and besides he’s more concerned about Leon’s safety than his own. Humans are such fragile creatures afterall. And Leon by far is the sexiest.

“You okay?” Dante asks looking up. Leon nods his head a slight confused-look on his expression. Wow, now why didn’t he think of diving outta the way any sooner? Well, that was cause he was panicking. Hey, it’s not everyday you come across something that reminds you a lot of Indiana fucking Jones okay? Fucking boulders …

As the devil looked up at Leon’s face, he notices his attractive features and how it would be such a shame for such beautiful skin to be eaten up by the road. It’s a good thing you’ve taken the impact, eh Dante? Well, the demon-slayer reaches a hand up to stroke Leon’s pretty face with his fingers.

SOOOOOOOFT. Surprisingly enough, Leon doesn’t bat the devil’s hand away or even give him a look of disgust like he normally does or anything!

The perfect human leans into the caress, his eyes half-lidded and revealing a small rare smile graced his face. But moments like these are non-existent in survival-horror games apparently since those fucking Ganados decided to ruin a fucking moment that Leon and Dante are trying to fucking share!

BASTARDS.

With an annoyed sigh, Dante lifts up his gun and once again, half-assedly shoots the shit out of the enemy. Why? Why do you undead enjoy ruining Dante’s fun? Can’t you see he’s trying to make a move on Leon?! Who now seems to have gotten off of Dante and brushing himself free from all the dirt and dust. G’damnit all…

“C’mon, we can’t waste any time. We have to find Ashley.” Leon says after walking through a tunnel only to come across two undead occupying a small house and throwing shit at them. Dynamites eh? KA-BOOM. Oh this is just fucking great, it never ends does it? Separating for a bit to kick some lily ass, Dante took on the Ganados inside the small house while Leon took care of those outside. Easy as fucking pie.

Three kicks to a locked door and Leon was inside, calling Dante to follow him as they made their way inside the house. Oh, this house is fuggin’ booby-trapped too? Leon stands at a distance as he shot his gun in the long narrow hallway, satisfied that he disarmed the explosive and the following explosive right after.

A sound of what seems like pounding was heard and the two find that they are not alone…

A shelf seemed to have covered the north wall, so Leon pushes it out of the way only to reveal a door to another room, the pounding becoming louder. The pair walk over to the closet, exchanging looks that whatever is in the closet, be it a zombie or a fuggin’ cat like in all those horror movies, they were gonna shoot the shit out of it.

But to their darn dismay, it wasn’t an enemy that fell out, no, it was a body of what seemed to be a young man with dark hair, tied up in ropes, his mouth covered in tape.

KINKY. was the word that popped up in Dante’s head just now.

Hey, who knew the undead were into these kinds of things? And being the oh so cautious bastard Leon is, he points the gun at the Spaniard to test his reaction but we all know he’s getting some kind of perverted kick out of it especially from how frightened the figure looked. Yer a damn sadist and you know it, Leon! The tape is immediately ripped out of the Spaniard’s mouth who kind of hisses in pain at the rough treatment he was getting.

“A little rough don’t ’cha think?” The dark-haired man said in a heavy accent which Leon responds by roughly turning him over to cut away the ropes that were tied around his wrists. “You’re … not like them?” He asks, and Leon and Dante answer him with a no. “Okay, I’ve got one very important question: You got a smoke?”

“No. I’ve got gum.” Leon replies, in which Dante looks at him funny. Who the fuck carries gum? What are you? Four? Two Ganados appear a second after along with someone whom the Spaniard referred to as ‘the big cheese’. DAMNIT DANTE, YER SUPPOSED TO KEEP WATCH. The agent runs over to so-called ‘Big Cheese’ and sends a high kick to the man’s face, only to have it grabbed successfully and flipping the human onto the dark-haired man and crashing to the floor painfully.

OH. HELL. NO.

Oh hell no you didn’t just do that in front of Dante! Leon is his object of affection at the moment and you’ve just basically whooped his ass! Lookit that, Dante is PISSED off. Oh, he’ll show you a thing or two Mr. ‘Big Cheese’. The two undead make their way to keep Dante back, but a fist to their face sent it exploding to a million pieces much like Leon’s powerful kicks.

Sadly, the devil didn’t have the chance to make his way over to the big guy, he found himself passed out on the floor due to a tranquilizer dart; make that multiple darts into his neck. Which was a fuggin’ cheap move, honestly, Tranqs? Hey, the head cheese knew Dante wasn’t able to die by any kind of mortal wound, so they might as well abandon his body here and keep him occupied with the rest of the Ganados and making sure there’s no means of escape for the devil.

Dante’s not really much of their concern anyway; it’s the human agent accompanying the devil that they wish to test around with. For now, they’ll have to take care of the two humans and transfer them somewhere else, leaving Dante on his own.


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A-N Doomy Here!

Yeah, lots of people here are pretty confused with the way I’m writing the fanfic. xD;;

Sorry guys, there’s a lot of humor in it along with my input in the story, but it’s all just a gaggish fic. Nothing too serious in itself but has the potential to be, ya know? Let’s hope people continue to read the fic. e____e;;;

Read and Review like always, cause how am I supposed to know if you wish me to continue or not? :3