The Embodiment of Emotion

The mansion was just as empty and lifeless as he remembered it to be from when he awakened, though there were a few differences. The computers had all been removed (Roxas had inwardly grinned) and taken away and the furniture had been cleaned and set up more properly. But other than that, there was no indication that anyone lived there at all. It was only the steady clicking and occasional pops of magic that let Sora know that someone was in fact there.

“Hello?” he called, casting his glance around the front entryway. It had been cleaned up pretty well actually, though it still brought back slightly painful memories, though he wasn’t sure those memories were his own. Once he realized he wasn’t going to receive any kind of verbal response he began to move up the stairs towards the white room that both he and Roxas remembered. He stood in the doorway of the room for a brief moment, biting at his bottom lip as he felt Roxas’ emotions creep up and threaten to overwhelm him.

This had been the place that Roxas’ world had fallen apart…

“Can we just get this over with…please?” Sora heard from within, startled at the fact that his Nobody had just said ‘please’. Normally Roxas tended to forgo things like manners and things. The fact that he was using them was enough to make Sora give in to his request, though the depressed, saddened tone of Roxas’ voice would have been enough.

“Sure,” Sora answered, turning around and moving towards the library. When he entered the door he was surprised to find exactly what he’d been looking for. There, in their faded and worn robes, was Yen Sid and Merlin, busily looking over a large book and animatedly (in Merlin’s case) pointing things out that they found of interest. At first they didn’t notice the Keyblade Master, and it wasn’t until Sora accidentally knocked over a stand with a vase on that they finally looked up from what they were doing.

“Welcome back Sora…Roxas…,” Yen Sid said in that weird…creepy tone of his. Though Sora would forever be in the aged sorcerer’s debt, he was nevertheless plagued with a feeling of eerie watchfulness whenever the man looked at him. There was depth in that gaze that Sora didn’t understand, and probably never would.

“Ahhh the Keyblade Masters!” Merlin said, bringing his hands together and rolling his fingers in time. “You’re just in time. We’ve finished the preparations and are ready to go!”

“You’d think I was some kind of Christmas present they’re dying to open,” Roxas said sarcastically, making Sora smirk slightly. It was a little sick how anxious and excited the both of them looked. It made him feel sort of like a strange kind of lab rat or something…and he’d never been very good at mazes or anything like that.

With that they motioned him forward and down the stairs that lead to the basement below, both of them murmuring to the other. Sora paused on the stairs down, putting his hand against the wall and licking at his bottom lip. Before anything else went on, he needed answers about what he’d just seen. That, and Roxas was beginning to get restless for the answer to their questions. He’d asked at least eight times since they’d walked in when Sora was going to ask about Axel.

If the wizards even knew…

“I saw Axel,” Sora blurted out, extending his arms in a confused way. “He didn’t look exactly like he’d once been…but it was Axel. What’s going on? I thought they all faded…”

Both the wizards paused, glancing at each other as if to ask how much information they wanted to divulge. Eventually Merlin sighed softly and turned around, tugging at his long beard for a moment and taking a deep breath. “We had thought they faded back into darkness as well…but…”

“Come with us,” he said finally, turning and continuing to walk.

“We were unaware that the bodies some of them had left behind…were still alive,” Yen Sid said, glancing over his shoulder as Sora hurried to catch up. The walls of the basement were exactly the same, covered with metal and machinery, though the bulk of the computers were basically gone.

“And that their wills were strong enough to find them,” Merlin continued. “You see, most nobodies do fade back into darkness…but apparently there are exceptions to every rule.”

“Like Axel,” Yen Sid nodded, opening the door to a large room with a small table that looked something like a doctors table sitting in the middle. “And like you Roxas. Beings who transcended the definition of Nobody to become…Somebodies of their very own…”

“So Axel,” Sora said softly, biting at his bottom lip. “He’s alive. That’s how he used to look when he was alive. But he didn’t even remember me!”

“Well why would he,” Merlin said with a laugh, motioning for Sora to sit down on the metal table. The boy did so quietly, hissing at the feeling of the cold metal against the back of his thighs. Eventually he was going to have to break down and just start wearing pants, but he’d worn shorts for so long that the only time he ever wore pants was out in the snow or going to bed. But then again, what was life without a little change?

“He’s not the Nobody that you knew, though the memories are still inside of him. If you see him again, you must not reveal what you know…do you both understand? If you try to tell him it will only hurt him. Let them come naturally.” Yen Sid finished, pointing at Sora and nodding once as though that were more than enough to scare the young man into obeying.

Which it probably was…though Roxas was another matter entirely.

“I won’t tell,” Sora said, putting his hand to his heart. “But you’d better make Roxas promise too when he comes out.”

Speaking of Roxas…

“Where is Roxas’ new body anyway?” Sora asked, letting on the of the three good fairies push him down onto the table and drape a blanket over his legs up to his waist. “I didn’t see it when I came in.”

Merlin sniffed slightly as though offended, waving away the question with an airy hand. “And you won’t until Roxas’ mind has inhabited it. Until then you’ll just have to wait for the surprise…”

“Though you won’t have to be awake for it,” Merlin said happily, putting his hand on the top of Sora’s forehead and pressing down just slightly. “We’re going to put you to sleep Sora. And not to worry, it will be just like when you fell asleep before here in the mansion before…you won’t feel a thing…”

From the moment that Merlin’s hand had touched Sora’s skin he’d begun to become sleepy, blinking gently as he felt a wave of exhaustion hit him. Though he couldn’t remember being put to sleep by Namine, he could only assume that this was what it had felt like. His eyebrows came together sleepily as he thought about that time in his life, wishing that he could remember more. He’d been told that he and Namine had become friends…but he couldn’t remember it. At all.

And that sincerely bothered him.

He was still thinking about Namine when he realized that his body was getting very heavy, and that he was having trouble keeping himself conscious. The more he thought about it the harder it became until he finally closed his eyes, Merlin’s face leaning over him in a worried way the last sight he saw before everything began to shift around him again. It reminded him of going inside his own brain when he and Roxas talked about things…in fact…it was almost exactly like that.

Especially when he saw Roxas in front of him.

When his vision began to clear he looked around, surprised to notice that they were not on the stained glass of his inner mind like they normally were. Instead Roxas stood surrounded by flowers in an empty field, faced away from Sora while his blonde hair blew softly in the wind. Sora began walking through the field himself, watching as the flowers moved out of the way of his feet each time he would press his foot to the ground. It was almost like they had minds of their very own, though that had to be impossible. Then again…this was his mind afterall…and Sora supposed that anything was possible on the plane of the mind. Each step he took towards Roxas seemed to resonate within the world around them, small pulses of energy pulsing around them with each movement of their bodies.

“I can hear them calling,” Roxas said softly, turning to look at Sora over his shoulder. “I can hear it…”

Sora shuddered at the sight of his Nobody’s eyes, almost as though the other teen were lost in a trance. Sora could hear nothing like Roxas did, but there was a soft humming that he wasn’t sure was supposed to be there or not. Slowly, as though afraid, he reached out to touch Roxas on the shoulder to rouse him like he would someone from a deep sleep. When he received not even so much as a blink he shook Roxas harder, finally startling the young man into blinking again and gape open-mouthed for a moment.

“Roxas,” Sora said, moving in front of the blonde and staring at him. “Are you okay? You were acting weird.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Roxas replied, raising a pale eyebrow and grinning smartly. Sora breathed a sigh of relief at his Nobody’s change in attitude, knowing that if Roxas was normal enough to be a smartass than everything was fine.

Roxas had been standing on the stained glass when everything started to change around him like spring was sprouting after a long winter. It had started with a small blade of grass, which had caught his attention, and soon it had turned into a veritable blizzard of leaves and flowers, pushing up through the glass and covering its surface so completely that you would have never known it was there. Eventually Roxas had found himself standing in the middle of a large empty field, the sounds of buzzing all around him, though it was not unpleasant. It was more like a white noise, something soothing that you could sleep to…but it still unnerved him.

As the sound became louder he had found it harder and harder to ignore it, until finally he had been completely transfixed. And that was when he had heard his name, the soft whispering of his name that he could just barely make out through the white noise all around him. Who was calling for him? He didn’t know how they intended to take him out of Sora, so everything that was happening was completely foreign…not to mention that no one ever told him anything.

That would have to change.

“Roxas…are you okay?”

Roxas moved his hands all over his body as though examining himself for wounds or something, eventually putting his hands out to the side and grinning. Everything seemed all right, though he knew something was weird. But then again, he could only assume that they’d started the spell that would lead him out of Sora’s mind and into his new body. Inwardly grimacing, he hoped with everything he had that the body they had made actually looked like him. Because he didn’t really want to have to go through life looking like some random person in a coma or some kind of Frankenstein monster. Axel certainly wouldn’t recognize him in that kind of condition.

“Axel,” he murmured, biting on his bottom lip.

In the flurry of everything that had gone on, Roxas had nearly forgotten about his friend, though not completely. He was alive! Honestly, the blonde had thought that he would have some kind of heart attack the moment that their eyes met…those same jade eyes that he’d seen in his dreams a hundred times since rejoining with Sora. He’d thought the man gone forever, but now it seemed that they were both being given a second chance at happiness…maybe together. Though Roxas’ hope faded around the edges just a bit when he remembered that Axel didn’t even remember his name, much less anything they might have been together.

Not that there ever had been a “together”…not like that.

“Let’s worry about getting you into your body first,” Sora said, smiling softly at Roxas and wrapping his arm around Roxas’ shoulder. “Then we’ll figure out what to do about Axel…”

Roxas turned gentle eyes to his Other, allowing his arm to reach around the brown-haired teen’s waist and give him a small hug before pulling away. No words needed to be expressed, as there was nothing to say. Just simple comfort exchanged by two people who were closer than any brothers would ever be. Roxas knew that Sora would always be there…whether he liked it or not. It never seemed to matter how bad a mood he got in or how long he sulked, Sora was always there when he decided to come back around and be sociable.

Taking a few steps forward into the flowers, Roxas looked around curiously. He didn’t have the foggiest clue where he was supposed to go, but he had a feeling that if he just kept on walking that eventually the door would sort of just…open up. With that thought in mind, he motioned his head for Sora to follow him and started walking, not looking to the left or right, but keeping his focus directly in front of himself. There was the pull, the draw that told him that he was going in the right direction.

“Where are we going?” Sora asked from behind, jogging slightly to catch up to Roxas who continued to look straight ahead.

“I don’t know, I figured we’d get a sign…though we are in your brain so that’s asking a lot…”

“Roxas!”

Roxas laughed quietly, noticing that the edges of his vision were beginning to blur a bit, and that the field of flowers was slowly melting away a bit. Sora seemed to notice as well, glancing around worriedly and biting on his bottom lip. When the field had finished melting they were somewhere else entirely, staring down a long hallway with what had to be a hundred doors on both sides and a bright light at the very end. The light itself made Roxas pause, knowing that wasn’t where he wanted to go and forcing him to back up. What was that?

“Do you think we should just…keep walking?” Sora asked nervously, glancing at the doors and running his fingers along one particular doorknob that seemed to be made of brightly colored glass. As he ran his fingertips along it, the light shifted and glittered in its depths, sending shards of color all over the metaphysical floor below. “I wonder what’s behind all these doors.”

Roxas turned, eyes widening and paranoia jumping, as Sora’s fingers wrapped around that handle, pulling it open only a crack. Apparently that was more than enough to set off a chain reaction, because before Roxas could do anything he was being violently pulled upon, the wind from the door sucking at his clothes and drawing him towards the doorway. Sora was already inside, having been too close to really keep himself from being sucked within. The sound of the door slamming against the wall in the wind was deafening as Roxas put his arms on either side of the doorjamb to hold himself in place long enough to get a good look inside.

It was darkness…endless darkness…

The next thing he could remember was endlessly falling, as though through some huge hole with no bottom. Everything was black and dark around him, except for a small dot of light that was far below. Roxas couldn’t tell what it was because it never got any bigger no matter how far he fell. It seemed like a long time before things changed, the walls of the “hole” shifting and morphing around him until his feet hit ground that gave gently beneath his shoes. Where was he?

“Sora?” Roxas called, looking around. They were on some kind of island, the ocean never-ending in front of him as he stared out at it. Closing his eyes, he realized this was the play island back on Destiny Islands, only much darker and much more…dead. The trees were dripping with foul black ooze, so heavy that many of the branches had snapped off and fell to the earth in a heap. The sand was off color and harsh underfoot, devoid of all color and drenched in what appeared to be a sap-like substance. Each time that Roxas would lift his foot to move the sand would try to hold him down, long trails of the sap drawing out between his shoe and the ground. The sky itself was a putrid purple, like the color of a deep bruise that would take a long time to heal, with sprinkling of light gray clouds that stretched out across the landscape as far as the eye could see.

Even the wind itself smelled…old. It smelled like you’d imagine an ancient tomb to smell after being opened for the first time in a hundred years. Stale. Roxas licked his bottom lip and looked around, still not seeing Sora anywhere and wondering where the other teenager had wandered off to. Then again, this was someone’s mind, so Sora technically could have been sucked anywhere and Roxas would never know about it.

The thought of being completely alone and lost in Sora’s mind made Roxas’ eyes widen and his pulse speed up, looking around in a panicked way as he tried to walk towards the water’s edge. Each time he would move the sand seemed to get stronger, until he was struggling for each footfall and nearly out of breath. What had he gotten himself into? When he’d been alone in Sora’ mind before it had never been like this…but then again, Roxas had always shied away from the invisible doors that he’d found. He hadn’t known what was behind them, and he’d be damned if he got stuck somewhere he couldn’t get out.

Kind of like now…

“Sora!” Roxas called out again, finally reaching the edge of the sand where the dark water was rising up to his toes and then falling away. It was then that he noticed a small sound, barely rising up over the crashing sounds of the waves against the beach. Closing his eyes, he tried to figure out where it was coming from, walking (with effort) until the sound became louder and he could figure out what it actually was. Someone was crying…deep racking sobs that came up from the gut and worked their way out painfully.

“Ohhh Roxas,” he heard in front of him, opening his eyes to one of the saddest things he’d ever seen.

Sora sat in the sand, black water dripping down his face and onto his soaked clothes. His body was covered with the same black ooze that was on the trees, sticking to patches on his cheeks, arms, legs and anywhere else it could find purchase. It looked as though he’d tried to wash some of it off without success, as some of it was running down his neck and pooling below him. His eyes were full of tears, his chest heaving up and down as though he’d been running for an hour with no rest. All in all he was a mess as he finally raised his eyes to Roxas’ with a small sniffle.

“Everything’s dead!” Sora exclaimed suddenly, a large hiccup rising up through his mouth. “We saved everything and everything…everything is still dead!”

“Sora…” Roxas murmured, kneeling down next to him and reaching out slowly. Sora recoiled as if about to be burned, turning his head away so that Roxas’ couldn’t see his face at all. “This isn’t real…this is just some illusion in your head…its not real…”

“Shut up!” Sora said, lashing out and standing up, fists clenched at his sides sending black ooze flying everywhere. “What would you know? These aren’t your thoughts anymore! What if all this is real? What if…”

Suddenly the fire seemed to be taken out of Sora’s argument and his bottom lip trembled, coming forward with a speed that surprised Roxas. What surprised Roxas even more was the fact that without warning he had found his arms full of his Other, the Keyblade Master’s fingers digging into his shoulder blades while he clung to Roxas pitifully. The black ooze that had been stuck to Sora now migrated to Roxas, smearing all over his arms and shirt while he pretended not to notice. And all the while Roxas stood still, not quite knowing how to respond to such an outburst. Eventually he reached out, arms slowly wrapping around Sora’s back until he was reasonably sure that he was doing what Sora wanted.

He’d never held or been held before…so he wasn’t exactly sure this was what he should have been doing.

“Hey,” Roxas murmured quietly as if afraid to break the silence. “Everything’s okay…right? Come on…let’s at least get this black shit off you.”

“Kay…”

With that the blonde began leading them to the water, still struggling to get his feet off the sand and a bit hindered by the fact that Sora was barely doing more than shuffling alongside him. Finally they made it to the water, splashing up into it and Roxas turning to Sora with as soft of a smile as he could manage without looking too sappy. Sora never really talked about his fears very much, so Roxas could only surmise that this was one of Sora’s biggest fears come to startling life.

He was scared that everything he’d done would eventually be a waste…

“This isn’t going to happen,” Roxas said shaking his head, bringing some of the water up out of the ocean and scrubbing at Sora’s cheeks. “What you’re seeing. It’s not going to happen. We’d never let that happen.” He finished getting the crud off Sora’s face and moved to get it off his arms, being surprisingly gentle.

“You sure?” Sora whimpered out softly, eyes focused on the water below them.

“Yeah.”

And as that word was spoken the dark world around them began to melt once again, the water in Roxas’ hand evaporating into a cloud of smoke. The blonde grit his teeth just a little, wishing that the endless maze that was Sora’s head would finally just let them out…or fall apart. Whichever came first. Unfortunately that didn’t seem to be happening as yet another scene came to life up around them, only this time it didn’t seem quite so scary. In fact…it was pretty normal…if watching two men make out could ever truly be considered normalcy.

Which, to Roxas, it pretty much was.

The Radiant Garden couldn’t have been an odder place for the two of them to have confessed their “deep passionate feelings” for one another…but that’s where Riku and Sora had somehow chosen to do it. They’d been going there to visit friends and generally take a break from the stresses of life when they’d happened upon a few spare moments to be alone. Little had they known that those few stolen moments would turn into an all out suck-face-fest.

At least that’s the way Roxas remembered it.

“God, do I have to play spectator for this again?” Roxas muttered, turning around and trying not to look. Sora on the other hand was gazing at the scene with a small smile, reaching out to touch at Riku’s head as it leaned in and kissed at his own. It was odd seeing two Soras in the same place, Roxas thought. Though that didn’t make the sting go away and it didn’t make him feel like any less of a third wheel. Only this time he was a fourth wheel…he was somehow falling down the ladder further and he hadn’t even known the ladder was there.

“What’s wrong Roxas?” Sora said, tearing his eyes away from the two lovebirds in his memories to look at Roxas.

Roxas, for his part, could never tell Sora what was really wrong. Inwardly however he could be more honest, admitting to himself that it was a deep sense of jealously that made him turn his back and get angry at the situation. It didn’t seem fair that while Sora could have his happy ending, Roxas had been doomed to spend an eternity locked inside of his Other’s brain. True, that wasn’t the case now, but Roxas could still feel the knife of jealously stabbing at him right through what he now knew to be his heart.

“Nothing,” Roxas said flatly, still not turning around. “I’m leaving.”

With that he walked away, staring down at the ground while his shoulders shook in anger and frustration. He wanted what Sora had…he wanted to be able to know that someone actually cared about him and wanted him around all the time. Now that he was getting his own body that option seemed more likely, but without the one he really wanted none of it seemed to matter. Not that he was ready to admit to himself who he actually wanted. That was way too much to think about all at one time.

Roxas sighed softly, stopping where he was and looking up…only to find that everything had changed again. In the few moments that he’d been lost in his thoughts everything had warped again, leaving them back in the long hallway that they’d started in. Only this time the light at the end was very, very close. So close in fact that Roxas could feel the soft warmth that radiated from it beating against his skin. Taking a few steps towards it, he paused.

“Roxas…,” he heard, whispering but getting louder. “Roxas!” he heard again, making him jump backwards, looking back to see Sora standing behind him with a pleased look on his face.

“Hurry Roxas,” the voice said, only this time Roxas recognized it as Yen Sid’s, calling him from…apparently from the other side of the light. “There isn’t much time! Hurry!”

Taking a deep breath, Roxas stared straight into the shine and took a few steps, not stopping until his fingertips brushed the edge of the light. Not knowing what to do, he shook his head, his courage failing him as he looked back at Sora. Everyone’s hard work was going to fall apart and it was Roxas’ fault…but he didn’t think he could do this. What if he really didn’t exist? What if by going into the light he just…disappeared? What if all this was just a bunch of bullshit and he was going to die anyway?

“I can’t do it!” Roxas said, turning around taking one step away from the light. “What if I really am just your shadow? What if I’m just some leech? I don’t want to fade into nothing!”

Sora came forward, putting his hand on Roxas’ shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

“You think too much,” Sora said with a grin, moving his hand to cover Roxas’ eyes and slowly make the blonde take a step backwards. “You know you aren’t my shadow…I know you’re not my shadow.”

Sora grinned widely, his voice coming out in a laugh when he finally finished speaking.

“Now get the hell out of my head!”

And with that, Roxas found himself falling backwards through the light, opening his eyes just in time to see Sora waving good-bye to him before everything seemed to shrink. The entire world started narrowing down to nothing, a thin band of life that appeared to go on forever that Roxas was pushed along. Finally, towards the end, Roxas felt as though he himself were being squeezed into nothing, until he found that the sensation was gone and he could breath again. Over and over he drew in deep breaths, as though he’d just been underwater for a few minutes too long.

Wait…breathing? Really, truly, breathing?

“What,” he said, his voice a little scratchy and rough, which he cleared before trying to speak again. “What happened? Where am I?”

“You’re in the mansion,” Merlin said softly, moving to put a hand behind Roxas’ back and help him to sit up. “The real one. Welcome to…life.”

Roxas’ eyes flew open at that, squinting and blinking at how absolutely stunning the lights were in the basement. He felt like he’d just awoken from a long nap, and his head was still groggy and fuzzy, but he also felt…alive. The two wizards were standing in front of him with curious expressions while the good fairies proceeded to take his pulse and look more closely at his eyes.

“God don’t you women have anywhere else to be?” he said, swatting them away. “I’m not your specimen…leave me alone.”

With that he jumped up off the table that he’d been laying on, having to hold onto the edges for a moment as his legs didn’t want to work right at first. After a few seconds things felt more stable as he shook his head to clear the remaining cobwebs from his mind and glanced to the left where Sora still lay asleep on his table. Roxas heart jumped in his chest slightly, moving up to the other teen and leaning over his face.

“Is he okay?” Roxas questioned, cocking his head from side to side. “He’s going to wake up isn’t he?”

“Of course he is,” Merlin said, snapping his fingers. “I just had to lift the spell…”

And at that moment, Sora’s eyes snapped open, and Roxas could see his own reflection in the shining blue eyes. The same blonde hair he remembered, the same blue eyes…everything was the same. Roxas didn’t know how the wizards had managed it, but somehow he was alive and in the same body that he’d once had…at least it looked the same. None of that seemed to matter at the moment though, as when the pair of identical blue eyes met, the rest of the world fell away.

If only for a moment.

“You’re alive,” Sora said, biting at his bottom lip. “You’re not see-through…”

“I’m not see-through…and I can’t hear what you’re thinking…”

“Good!” Sora exclaimed with a laugh, leaning up and wrapping his arms around Roxas’ shoulder and squeezing him tightly. Another brief second passed while Roxas allowed himself to be amazed at this new sensation, the warmth that came from having someone’s arms around him and not having to feel scared or alone. Eventually though Roxas’ arms came out as well, embracing someone whom was so important to him that he had no words to express it.

“Thanks, Sora,” Roxas said, blinking back the tears that were threatening to overwhelm his eyes.

“Anytime, little bro…”