Stabbs the Troll

EPISODE 3: RETURN OF THE STABBS

Stabbs wanders around in the dark for a while, hoping to find a cliff so he can throw himself off of it. He was unable to find Bigglesworth, he couldn't save Rexia, and he is still unable to break free completely from that mind controlling bitch. He knows he's supposed to find that stupid Paladin, Lieutenant-Commander Kassandra or something, but he has no idea where to start looking.

And should he find her, what will he do? He's unarmed and feeling tired. "Wow, what a lousy hunter you are," the paladin would say, before bashing Stabbs' skull in with a mace. Stabbs has never lost to a Paladin, as they are slow and easy to avoid. But there's a first time for everything, especially now that he'll be unable to use any of his abilities. It's painful reallly, knowing how much he depends on his blades, his bow and his pet panther. Well, forget the panther. All that thing is good for is interrupting spellcasters. Speaking of spellcasters... who's that in the distance in the red robes with metal spikes sticking out of the shoulderpads?

Stabbs slowly approaches the Undead mage, or priest, or whatever type of spellcaster he is. The second Stabbs wants to tap the glimmering shoulderpad the Warlock turns around and raises his arms in a dramatic display of demonic power channeling.

"I SWEAR TO SYLVANAS IF YOU TRY THAT TRICK ON ME AGAIN I'LL IGNITE YOUR FUCKING FACE, DRAIN YOUR SOUL AND CANNIBALIZE YOUR- oh. Never mind, I thought you were someone else." After instinctively dropping to the ground, curling into a fetal position and covering his pointy Troll ears, Stabbs finds the courage to stand up again now that the howling has ended. Forsaken are known for having a bitter tone, but this particular voice was downright frightening. Stabbs lets out a deep sigh, grateful for the fact that the Warlock calmed downed in time before resorting to even more powerful techniques.

The Warlock taps the metallic horns that appear to have been forged right into his bald head, and he hides his wand. He rolls his tiny yellow eyes burrowed deep in their hollow eyesockets. "If you're wondering why I'm so tense, it's because of that wretched minion of mine, Fido. He's making me paranoid." Stabbs turns around and finds himself staring into the gaping maw of a Felhunter. "The paranoia raises my perception, but not my mood. What brings you to this area at this time of night?"

The hunter puts some thinking into it before saying anything. Does he really want this Warlock to know the whole story? What if he goes after the Paladin and kills her, possibly ruining Stabbs' only chance of completing Fumyn's mission and saving Rexia? "Well, you know, I'm a hunter." "Ah. Then, where's your pet? Or your ranged weapon? Now if you were a Night Elf then I would have been less surprised to see you running around half-naked with zero combat readiness. That's just how naive they can be while they're in a forest. But you? A Troll?"

"Yeah, I've seen some of them running around at times, yelling 'ELUNE BE PRAISED', 'BY THE LIGHT', or 'THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD', whatever that means. Crazy bunch, aren't they?"

The Warlock smiles. "Don't change the subject. Though I don't mind discussing the idiocy of the Kaldorei, I still wish to hear why you're wandering around unarmed." The Troll sighs. "Well, some human mind controlled me and stole my weapons. I'm Stabbs, nice to meet you." The Warlock's jaw drops and for a moment all he can do is stare at the Troll. "You're, you're him! The predator who stalks female Alliance forces! Oh where are my manners..." The Warlock shakes Stabbs' hand. "I'm Pyrofrenz."

This time Stabbs' jaw drops. "Pyrofrenz... Former High Warlord Pyrofrenz?! Holy shi-" But Pyrofrenz interrupts him. "Is it true that you have specialized abilities when it comes to immobilizing targets simply so you can desecrate them?" "Oh, it's nothing really, just some tampering with the standard Freezing Traps-" "Brilliant! You prefer Night Elfs to humans right?" "Ah, you know, it's just that it's more fun to overpower Night Elfs..." Stabbs takes his time answering the questions, still amazed at Pyrofrenz's sheer excitement. "Please! Please tell me if it's true that you once forced a Gnome female to oral sex and then tossed her off a cliff in Arathi Basin!" "I- WHAT? That's not true- Look! Can I ask you for some help?"

Pyrofrenz sits down on the ground, and Fido the Felhunter lies down next to him, growling like only a demon can. "It's about Fumyn?" "Yes. Wait, I never told you the human's name... How did you know?" The Warlock smiles. "She told you to track down and humiliate Kassandra?" Stabbs can barely believe his pointy ears. "How come you know all about it?"

"I'll explain later. First, let's do something about that lingering mind control spell on you..." Fido stands up, opens its mouth and inhales deeply, devouring all negative magical influences on the Troll's mind.

In the meanwhile, Fumyn is minding her own business reading a book while her feet are getting massaged by Rexia. After a while she looks over her shoulder at the naked Blood Elf, unsatisfied with her work so far. "You. Rim job." Rexia rubs her tired eyes. "...Again?" "Don't make me ask twice."