To Be Real

So I wrote myself into a hole. With the last few chapters of “To Be Real” I totally wrote myself into a hole. Actually, in retrospect, the title doesn’t make much sense anymore either. Ah well.

So here is a slightly-changed Chapter 3. I have Chapter 4 written too, but since AFF has been DOWN for so long, I hadn’t had a chance to post either yet.

So here. Enjoy. And by all means, review!

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He sat out in Hyrule Field, far hidden from view of the Castle Town, lest his father see him. He sat atop a knoll that overlooked the small pond connected to the great Zora’s River. His head hung low and he watched the clouds roll by in the reflection of the water. He knew that he was supposed to be chasing after the Hero, but he needed a moment to himself after the trauma of the past several hours.

“Dark Link.” He closed his eyes tightly as though in pain, hanging his head lower. “M-My name is… Dark Link.” How degrading that his master should give him such a moniker! It was a borrowed name, an edited name, not the true name that he deserved. He groaned deep in his chest and unfurled himself, lying back against the dewy grass with a heavy thump. The rain had stopped, thank goodness, but a chilly breeze blew past and made him shiver in his damp clothes.

His mind wandered as he huddled for warmth, retuning to the battle he’d had with the Hero. The exhausting fighting and excruciating pain aside, there was something about the battle that disturbed him. When he was sitting atop the hero, when he was ‘hurting’ him with his body, it had felt oddly…pleasurable. But not in the “oo yay I’m killing him” way; this feeling was much different. It had been a strange twinge in his body that lead him to continue his onslaught, and the hero’s cries had just made him more fervent. Now, as Link’s agonized whimpers echoed in his mind, he again felt that twinge. Inquisitive, Dark sat up and looked down upon himself, promptly yipping with alarm. There was something wrong with him; he looked swollen! Between his legs sat a large lump that hadn’t been there before. When he poked it, he found that it was hard and full of fluid. He hopped to his feet and danced around in a panic before pushing off the confining trousers. There hung – no, stood – a swollen appendage that was pinkish and throbbing and slightly achy. He investigated himself but found no cuts, no strange bite-marks; he hadn’t been poisoned. So why did this hurt him so?

“Go away!” he whimpered, taking hold of himself and trying to squeeze it down, to stop the blood-flow. Grasping it just seemed to agitate it more, though, and he hopped from foot to foot, cheeks reddening as he became more frustrated and more embarrassed.

“Excuse me,” spoke a soft voice behind him. Dark Link whirled around, his eyes wide, his penis hiding in his hands. “Can I help… you…” Just as wide-eyed as he, the ranch girl Malon stood with a pair of water buckets hanging on a yoke over her shoulders. She dropped them with a clatter as she saw what he was holding and covered her face with her hands, screaming. “You brute!” she cried, “What are you doing!!?” Reeling in panic, Dark looked around for an escape. With only a moment’s hesitation, he desperately threw himself into the shallow pond, immersing himself entirely in the water. He pulled up his trousers again before commencing a hurried migration downstream, moving like a swift fish with the current.

When Malon opened her eyes again, she saw him beneath the water, making his escape. She shuddered, picking up her water buckets, and hurried away. She could get water somewhere else…

Dark resurfaced far downstream and dragged himself onto the shore, coughing and sputtering. Although he hadn’t been in any real danger of drowning, in his panic he had lost his breath quickly underwater. His stomach twisted inside and he groaned in discomfort, clutching his abdomen. River scum poured out of his open mouth as he struggled and wretched on the bank.

“Oh you poor dear!” He became aware that someone was bent over him and that a soft cloth was being used to dry his hair. “What were you doing swimming in this chilly stream? You’ll catch your death like that!” He lifted his tired eyes to see a portly, middle-aged woman looking down at him with absolute pity. Behind her she had a basket filled with pathetically small plants, used as cooking and healing herbs. “Look at you, you look like a drowned cat! And so skinny, too!” She hauled him up by his arm, picking up her basket with the other. “Come on, it isn’t safe for us to be out here, not under the shadow of that evil tower. Let’s get you inside where it’s nice and warm.”

Dark could say nothing as he was hustled along up the stone stairs toward Kakariko village. He looked back toward Ganon’s tower in longing. A seed of resentment began growing in his heart as he lamented his abandonment.

Ah, at least the cold river water had taken care of his pants problem.

---

“I’ve been living here all my life and never have I seen it so bad,” sighed Uula, sadly shaking her head. The lovely heavyset woman set down another heaping bowl of stew in front of Dark Link. The famished creature dug in to his third helping with gusto. “All of Hyrule is overrun with beasts and monsters, our women are being carried off and terrorized in the night, and all the herbs in my garden are absolutely dried up!” Uula sat down across from Dark at the table, smiling. “If I had fresh herbs, I’d make you a lot more than just that bland stew.”

“Oh, the stew is wonderful,” Dark commented, spooning himself another mouthful. The way to Dark’s heart was clearly through his stomach, as he was opening up to and speaking freely with this peasant woman. He went on, although meat and potatoes were crammed in his maw. “But I don’t understand. Hyrule is at peace now! With all the lands unified under Ganon’s rule, the five races of Hyrule aren’t warring with each other. Everyone knows their place and serves under the powerful Ganondorf willingly. Only those who don’t serve him get punished.”

“Just because there is no war doesn’t mean that this is peace.” Uula leaned over the tabletop to look at Dark more closely. “There was true peace in the reign that existed before Ganondorf. The Royal Family was the first regime to bring peace to all of Hyrule. Our lands were joyous and beautiful,” she sighed, looking out the window with sadness. “I suppose that from the outside, things do look peaceful, but that is only because all of us are living in fear! I just wish that things were back to normal, the way they were before Ganondorf took over the kingdom. I wish that all of the monsters were gone from this village and that we could all live in harmony again.” She sadly shook her head and Dark could see tears in her eyes. “We fear for our lives and for our children’s future. Even the Hero of legend has turned out to be a disappointment.” That sure got Dark’s attention.

Uula noted his interest and she leaned in, whispering. “That Hero, he’s scum! One night many moons ago…” Dark figured he knew how this ended, but a ruckus that arose outside the window distracted them both.

“Ruffian!”

“Disgusting little imp!”

“How could you do such a thing?”

“Terrorizing a defenseless woman!”

Link jumped back as someone threw a clay jar at him. It shattered at his feet. “Honestly, I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about!” he said, raising his hands in a peaceful gesture. He really had no idea what was going on. One minute he was casually strolling into Kakariko village hoping to find a warm meal and a soft bed. In the next minute, he was surrounded by an angry mob and being blamed for some heinous crime he couldn’t have committed!

Far in the rear of the mob slumped a whimpering Anju, clinging to the shoulders of the man who comforted her. Her piercing blue eyes were trained on the hero who looked to her pleadingly. “Anju,” he yelled to her, “What are they talking about!?”

“Don’t play stupid, fairy-boy! You know what you did!” she wailed, letting go of her protector now and pushing forward through the crowd. “You brute, you kidnapped me and threw me down into the well! You left me to die there, to be turned into a monster.” The crowd parted around her, letting her to the front. Thus far, Link had only been able to see her upper body but now that she stood before him, he immediately became aware that she was enormously pregnant. “And now,” she wailed, “Now look what’s become of me!”

Behind the safety of the windowpane, Dark went slackjawed. Anju was pregnant!? By Bongo-Bongo no less! But how was that even possible!? Stew broth began dribbling down his chin and as he attempted to slurp it back up, Dark began to choke. “Oh, dear are you alright!?” Uula slapped him on the back so hard that he fell to the floor.

Anju collapsed onto the grass and held her face in her hands as she sobbed. Some of the village women came around her to comfort her while the men closed in again on Link. The Hero gave up on trying to defend himself and instead cautiously backed away. He was backing himself toward the empty well and thought that he may have to jump in to save himself. The scowling faces of the villagers darkened as they closed in on him.

The ground beneath their feet began to violently tremble as Link bumped against the well. “An earthquake?” Navi questioned, “But Death Mountain should be dormant since you defeated Volvagia!” Link looked up to the horizon with alarm but saw no smoke in the sky. “Can’t be,” he replied, “But whatever it is, it’s something big.”

The villagers around him began to flee, expressions of terror scrawled across their faces. Link saw that he was falling beneath a great and growing shadow and slowly, cautiously, he turned to see what lurked behind him. There stood the solid mass of darkness, the purple-eyed Bongo-Bongo. He could hear Anju’s terrified scream somewhere far off. The Hero himself was frozen in horror, unable to move his legs, and he could do nothing as the monster lifted him off the ground.

A thousand needles dug into his exposed skin and he felt warm liquid oozing into his ears. His eyes went blank as Bongo-Bongo infiltrated his mind. This was the only way for the primitive and inarticulate beast to discover who this was. At the same time, Link was getting an unwilling glimpse into the evil apparition’s ‘mind’. He struggled and yelled, trying desperately to free himself of Bongo-Bongo’s deadly grasp. Images of terror and brutality flashed through Link’s mind.

…His parents lay dead, disfigured and mauled by the members of a warring tribe. His mother’s beautiful face had been shorn for use by the mask-maker. He could see her ivory bones poking through the patches of gore…

He pressed his nails into the shadowy bonds, shaking his head wildly back and forth, struggling for his freedom.

…The Kokiri forest was ablaze and it reeked of blood and death. A funerary burning pile had been made of the Deku Tree. The bodies of the Kokiri children were all tossed inside, most of them still half-alive but maimed into helplessness. All were burned together. Their screams reached the heavens…

He pressed his boots against Bongo-Bongo’s body and began desperately kicking at him to get free.

…The lovely princess Zelda lay stretched out in her pure white bedroom. Her sheets were stained red with the blood that flowed from her open mouth and empty eye sockets. Her legs lay spread in an unnatural position, probably broken by her attacker so that he could more easily access her. Her face was frozen in an expression of terror…

Finally, Bongo-Bongo released him. Link fell to the ground with a heavy thud, trembling uncontrollably as he held his aching head. The shadow creature watched him for a few tense minutes, debating inwardly over what to do. Dark watched from the window with wide eyes. It looked for a moment as though he was going to kill the Hero. Instead, however, he turned away and swiftly headed for the graveyard. There, somewhere, was the body he’d been promised by the shadow imp. He would wait to defeat the Hero in the arena designed for them.

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It took the Hero hours to recover from the horrifying images that had been planted in his head. Despite his shaken state, however, he knew that he needed to immediately press on. Even if he wanted to hang back, he certainly wasn’t welcome in Kakariko Village. So he wasted little time and dove head-first into the murky depths of the Shadow Temple. But Bongo-Bongo had certainly done a number on him. He was skittish and jumpy, behaving like a scared cat every time he encountered an enemy. The macabre décor of the dungeon wasn’t helping his state of mind. His progress was slow and exhausting, his heart pounding out of his chest the entire way.

Shortly after exiting the cell in which he’d defeated Dead Hand, he stopped in the hallway and clutched his head with a groan. Here the spirits whispered about “Hyrule’s bloody history” and it reminded him of the image of his dead parents. He leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, breathing heavily. When he tried to close his eyes to block out the horrifying scenery of the dungeon, he found the image of the dead Zelda permanently imprinted on his eyelids. He could do nothing to escape his panic.

“Link, are you alright?” squeaked Navi, cautiously approaching him. The hero lifted his hand and nodded, unable to give a verbal reply between gasping breaths.

Out of the corner of his eye, Link thought he’d spotted an approaching enemy. He let out a yelp and leapt to his feet, reaching for his sword.

“Link, relax!” Navi yelled, tugging on his ear. “It’s only your shadow!” Indeed, Link had been scared by his own shadow. He nervously laughed, dropping his sword. “Y-Yeah, so it is,” he stammered, looking away in shame. “I guess you w-were right, Navi. We should have w-waited before coming into the Shadow Temple.”

But Link let his guard down too soon. Two bright red eyes opened in Link’s shadow and made sure that neither the fairy nor the Hylian were watching before springing into action. Dark Link sprang up from Link’s shadow and caught him about the neck. Link didn’t have time to cry out before he was roughly pinned against the wall. His hands came up to try and push Dark’s arm back but his efforts were all in vain. The puppet was strong and volatile.

“Idiot hero,” snarled the evil twin, “don’t resist. You look scared and tired, so don’t waste your energy. Just relax.” As Dark spoke, he pressed his fingers into Link’s neck just below the ear. The Hero made a horrible choking sound and his struggle became desperate. But those blue eyes went blank and he slumped against the wall, an expression of shock frozen on his face. Navi squeaked in horror, flying down toward Link’s belt to see what item she could find to help him. Dark saw her this time, though, and grabbed her by the wings. “No, no. Save your fairies for when he’s really hurt.”

“Let me go!” Navi spat, struggling against the creature’s calloused fingers. “What did you do to him!?”

“I just put him to sleep. He looks haggard, don’t you think?” He let Navi go, fairly certain that she wouldn’t freak out, but she began circling his head, helpless and agitated. He ignored her fussing and squeaking, roughly hoisting Link up over his shoulder and carrying him down the hallway.

“Just what do you think you’re doing!?” she warned, getting in Dark’s face. “That’s the Hero of Time! You put him down this instant!”

“Oh I know who he is,” Dark mused, “and I know why he’s here. He wants to defeat Bongo-Bongo and awaken the fourth sage. Whatever.” They’d arrived at the great chasm leading toward the dungeon’s entrance. Dark set Link down with utmost care, removing the Hover Boots from the Hero’s feet and fitting them to his own. “But look at him! He’s exhausted, he’s skittish. He wouldn’t stand a chance against the shadow lord in this condition.”

“So what are you going to do about it?” hissed Navi, following Dark Link out of the dungeon. Dark laid the Hero down just inside the entrance so that the perpetual downpour outside the temple wouldn’t get him sick. He then reached down to grab the hilt of the sheathed Master Sword. The holy metal burned his skin and he hissed, jumping back in surprise. Determined, maybe, but certainly stubborn, Dark wasn’t about to let irrefutable legend get in his way. He tore a strip of black cloth from the hem of his tunic and with it securely wrapped the bare flesh of his left hand. Now when he grasped the Master Sword, it didn’t hurt him at all. He took up the Hylian Shield as well, fitting the awkward defense onto his arm.

“We,” he spoke to Navi, smiling to her antagonistically, “are going to do this in his stead.”