Gone Adventuring

Much later the party found themselves inside a ruined temple. They’d been led there after finding a map while seeking out the evil threatening Umar Hills. Viconia had been having a field day, continually sneaking up on Aerie and yelling, “Look! It’s the Umar witch”. Each time the frightened Avariel would shriek and run off in a panic. Viconia had abruptly stopped after Aerie had finally leapt into her arms instend gnd grabbed hold of her in terror. Under normal circumstances Viconia would be able to handle the weight of the girl but Tennas had found another strength boosting girdle and had given it to Aerie then loaded her up like a pack mule. Viconia had found herself carrying the weight of about 500 pounds of combined elf and equipment. It had taken a number of healing spells to fix her strained back and she was still limping slightly.

The trip in to the ruins had been pretty tough. With the area shrouded in unnatural darkness Tennas had found it hard to negotiate the rough terrain and it seemed his feet found every root and bush in the forest. Or they might have found him he considered. Jaheira was still pissed at him and he wouldn’t it past her to have the forest get some payback for her.

After smashing past some undead and shadows Tennas found himself in front of some prison cells while holding a recently looted key. He eyed the door cautiously; it was possible the cell was empty. It could also hold a potential ally, a horrible monster or some hot babe waiting to offer her body as thanks for her rescue. His libido overrode his common sense at that thought and he opened the door up before raal tal thought reasserted itself. He looked into the cell with disappointment. It was empty. “My thanks for rescuing me”, said a voice. Tennas glanced downwards then down further. A small, cute face peered up at him. Tennas was disappointed, he’d managed to rescue a child and he sure as hell wasn’t waiting around until she was old enough to thank him properly. He mentally prepared a quick speech to tell her she was welcome and how brave she was to have kept it together under such circumstances (Tennas would have been blubbering like a little girl in the same position). Then his womanizing danger sense began to buzz and he took an even closer look. The girl was shapelier than a normal child and he’d never seen a youngster with such a funky hairstyle.

A Halfling he realized, then dimly recalled the mayor had mention something about a Halfling adventurer he’d enlisted. Tennas had been too distracted to pay much attention at the time. He’d been trying to figure out which of the women in the town would be likely to “thank” him upon completing this quest. Unfortunately the most likely person was the mayors wife and she was so fat and ugly he could have strapped a pair of horns to her and sold her at the local market. “I’m Mazzy Fentan”, the adventuress piped up. Tennas considered his options briefly. He’d decided to have an all female party and Mazzy was technically female. Anyway, his party was a bit light in the hitting things with other things department so a good fighter could come in handy. Tennas browsed through some of the items he’d had Aerie lugging around. There was some armour and weapons amongst them so he gave them to Mazzy. The Halfling quickly donned her new equipment. Tennas blinked and thought to himself, “No matter how many times I see it. This one sfitsfits all armour really impresses the hell out of me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 7 foot amazon or a 4 foot Halfling, the same armour fits just fine.”

A few doors, shadows and undead later Tennas found himself in a room with a coffin inside of it. Suddenly a ghostly spirit appeared of me. Tennas found himself frozen in indecision. Should he a) Run away screaming like a scared little girl. b) Grab Aerie and thrust her forward yelling, “Please mighty spirit, spare me. Eat this tasty elf maid instead”. c) Grovel and beg or d) Order his companions into a head on assault before taking option a). As Tennas began to check on how close Aerie was he realised the ghost wasn’t attacking. Ah, it appeared to be friendly. And it wanted those bones he’d found earlier. As always the packrat approach to adventuring was paying off. Another spirit appeared and gave him some handy trinkets. The party continued deeper into the ruins.

Tennas looked carefully into the room ahead from the bottom of the stairs. There was a shadow dragon there and he wasn’t terribly sure that his party couake ake it on. Thankfully the wardstone the spirit had given him stopped it noticing him. Even still he crept quietly across the room and ordered his companions to do the same. In the next area they found the shadow lord and some mean looking shadow guards. Tennas rolled his eyes as the Shadow Lord started a traditional bad guy speech. He’d heard them dozens of times before and wasn’t interested in hearing another one. Neither was Viconia who broke off the Shadow Lord in mid rant with a Sunray spell. After the battle Mazzy looked disappointed in the break in tradition then rallied and began a short speech bemoaning her fallen companions. Tennas realised this was his queue and after striking a heroic pose suggested some sort of memorial. “Nice thinking”, Tennas congratulated himself, “I managed to impress a female, of sorts, and she gets to be the one to vandalise an ancient temple so if the god who used to be worshipped here has any power left then she gets to cop the curse.” While Mazzy chiselled away, Tennas busied himself with the traditional, end of quest, tossing away of the junk he’d collected. This was made easier by his habit of storing everything he picked up on a quest in one bag. After a quick glance that there was nothing of value amongst the bunch he dumped the contents behind a rock then waited for Mazzy to finish. As they returned back the way they came a dim, nagging thought buzzed into Tennas’ head which told him he might have overlooked something.

Like a fucking massive shadow dragon that could see them just fine now that some dickhead bard had dumped the wardstone amongst all the other crap. Swear later, Tennas told himself. He glanced at the exit and realised they’d never make it before the dragon had them for lunch. That gave him an idea, he barked out an order “Fan out and hit it from different sides. His companions moved to comply while Tennas grabbed a different bag out of his backpack. He’d taken to sleight of hand when it came to the dinners than Aerie was cooking. He’d palm the food into a small bag and toss it later on the following day. Tennas hadn’t had time to dispose of last night’s concoction and was hoping that, yes, the dragon was sucking in air to use its breath attack. Tennas hurled the bag into the maw he dhe dragon antchetched the dragon’s response. It’s eyes crossed in anger as it realised something had flown down its throat. Tennas watched it shake its head for a second then heard the dragon swallowing. He’d been worried that it would spit the bag back up but it looked like it had made it down into its stomach. Teannas charged to the attack after dropping a stoneskin spell on himself.

The dragon fought normally for a minute but it then it started to slow down and it’tacktacks become less intense. After another minute it seemed about to use its breath weapon again but all that came out was an enormous belch. Tennas tried to dive out of the way but he got caught in the stinking wave of air. His eyes watered and his brain became unfocused. Even a stinking cloud spell wasn’t normally this bad. His companions kept blasting the dragon with spells and attacks while the dragon was struggling with a different dilemma. The dragon lifted its tail and Tennas feared it was about to swipe at one of the girls with it. Instead it farted loud and hard. Jaheira was directly in the firing line and it sent her sliding across to the room into the wall. If anyone had been closer they would have heard her feeble prayer, “Merciful Meilikki, lady of the forest, please just fucking let me die now.” Being thrown into the wall actually saved her life Tennas realised later as Aerie had chosen that instant to launch a fireball attack. There wasn’t even enough time to swear before the world caught on fire.

Tennas shook his head groggily, between the smell and the massive blast his brain wasn’t working quite correctly. He muttered to himself, “I won’t be making a ballad out of this victory anytime soon.” His companions had managed to dive behind cover and were slowly regaining their feet. Viconia moved over to Jaheira, either to help her or laugh, Te did didn’t really care which. He began searching the area for loot and was pleasantly surprised. Gold and gems, always a good find on any adventure Tennas thought. He was dimly aware of Aerie searching as well. Tennas found a scroll and studied it, the runes on it were dwarvish and Tennas couldn’t make much sense out of them although he could sense they held powerful magic inside of them. Tennas half listened as Aerie spoke up, “Oh goody. I found a magical staff. I’ll identify it with a spell” Tennas eyed off the fallen dragon, some of the scales on it’s body had come loose in the fight and could be pried off and forged into some kind of armour. Aerie continued, “This staff seems to be called the Penetrator. That’s an odd name for a blunt weapon. Maybe it has special attack damage?”

Tennas looked around a bit more but couldn’t see any other source of loot. Finally he glanced over at Aerie and half jumped out of his skin. The other ladies were staring at Aerie as well in shock. The elven mage/cleric spoke up, “It seems to have some kind of special command word but I can’t quite work out the purpose. The word is in the draconic tongue so I’m not sure if I can pronounce it.” Tennas glanced at Viconia and saw her watching Aerie with rapt fascination. Tennas looked back at the staff then asked, “Aerie. Does that staff …. Smell strange to you?” Aerie looked puzzled then said, “It does smell a little bit like fish now that you mention it”. Nalia spoke up, “It certainly is unusually shaped with that, um, knob on the end.” Aerie nodded, unable to recognise the shape of the staff. She said, “Should I give that command word a try?” Viconia brightened visibly and seemed about to respond when Jaheira spoke up weakly, “Perhaps later. It isn’t a good idea to experiment with unknown magical items.” Aerie looked a little disappointed and Viconia threw Jaheira a black look. Tennas glanced at Jaheira thinking, “Funny that she survived that blast from the dragon. Either her goddess likes her and gave her strength or her goddess is in no hurry to bring that bitch into her domain either.”

Nalia sidled over to Tennas and quietly asked, “Is it my imagination or is that staff really just a giant, umm, you know.” Tennas was checking the dragon’s hindquarters and found that it was a female indeed. He replied, “I guess it must have gotten lonely stuck in these ruins.” Nalia shuddered at the thought then brightened up and said, “You know, if Aerie doesn’t want to keep it, that staff would make a really great present for Isaea.”

The party made camp outside of the temple ruins as night was coming and Tennas didn’t feel like stumbling around in the dark again. He was forced to down some of Aerie’s latest biohazard since his bag was still back inside of the dragon. After drinking a slow poison potion Tennas crawled into his bedroll and went to sleep. He awoke to a small commotion a few hours later. Some bandits had come across their campsite and hadn’t been quite stealthy enoughnnasnnas tried to clear the sleep from his head and examined the situation. One of the bandits had grabbed Jaheira and held a knife against her throat. Tennas considered his options. Calling their bluff was out of the question, if they didn’t kill Jaheira she’d almost certain kill him later on. Rescuing her seemed unlikely to succeed which left offering himself as an alternate hostage. That might make Jaheira forgive him, or it might see him get carved into pieces in her place. Before Tennas could decide, Aerie stood up and declared, “Let her go or I’ll attack you with my Penetrator.”

There was a long, frozen pause as everyone considered that statement. The bandits got a good, long look at the staff Aerie was brandishing and its curiously familiar shape. Aerie tried to look fierce. Nalia hid her face in her robe while Viconia subtly bit down hard on her finger to stop herself laughing. The lead bandit swallowed nervously, the expression on his face showed that while death was something he’d face with courage, this wt. Ht. He started to stammer out an apology then settled on “RUN”. His motley band followed him as they dashed off into the night. Aerie jumped up and down and squealed, “Did you see that!? I scared them off! They were afraid of me!” Viconia bit down on her finger even harder and looked like she was trying to avoid snorting a lung out. She gave up and collapsed on the ground laughing hysterically while Aerie glowered at her in anger and confusion. Tennas glanced towards where the bandits had vanished anrrierried they might hear the laughter and come back to investigate. He ordered the ladies to break camp. As Tennas grabbed his own stuff, Viconia came over and whispered in his ear, “I may not like travelling with this pack of fools, but there’s no way I’m leaving until Aerie tries out that command word.”

Many hours later the party came back to Umar Hills exhausted. Tennas considered postponing collecting the reward until they’d slept but greed was stronger in him than fatigue. He half listened to the Mayor’s thanks, avoided eye contact with the Mayor’s wife, collected the reward and headed straight to the inn. Tennas rented some rooms and went straight to one, stripped and dropped into bed. Before he could drop off to sleep he heard a knock on the door. He glanced at it and realised he’d forgotten to lock it. “Come in,” he called out kindly even though the words, “Just fuck off and let me sleep”, were at the front of his mind. Mazzy came in and locthe the door behind her. She put her hands on her hips and said, “I asked the other ladies how I should thank you for rescuing me. Did you know they all said the same thing?” She paused for a second then amended, “Well except for Aerie who suggested you’d like some home baked cookies.” Tennas thought briefly, he actually did like Aerie’s cookies. They were so useful, you could shave with them, cut ropes with them and when some robbers jumped them a few dayo heo he’d thrown one at the leader’s neck and nearly cut his head clean off. His sleep deprived mind was trying to work out Mazzy’s point when she began taking off her clothes. Adrenalin cleared his brain quickly and various parts of his brain began giving conflicting orders. His libido was doing backflips and sent and order to “little adventurer” saying, “On your feet soldier.” His (limited) sense of decency was suggesting that Mazzy was just a bit too much like a young girl for this to be proper while pae part of his brain handling logic was crying out for sleep. The latter two quickly got bitchslapped by his libido and the “little adventurer” jumped up ready for action.

Mazzy came over and peeled back the bed covers. Tennas got a decent look at her naked body. His fears over her being too much like a child were unfounded. She had some trimmed pubic hair, in many ways she was like a really short human woman. He wasn’t sure where to begin but Mazzy solved the problem for him by straddling him and lowering herself straight onto the his “little adventurer”. Tennas’ eyes popped up in shock. He ht evt even needed to lubricate Mazzy first; she smiled and told him, “Halfling women are always ready to go. That’s why our men so iso idle. They aren’t lazy, just exhausted.” Tennas nodded and tried not to grit his teeth, Mazzy was unbelievably tight, even Nalia hadn’t been so tight and it had been her first time. Mazzy began riding up and down on Tennas and he tried to disguise gritting his teeth as smiling. It felt like Mazzy had the little adventurer in a death grip. His instructors had always told him never tell a woman that she’s no good in bed but Tennas was pretty sure none of them had ever been in danger of having the flesh torn clean off of their penis.

Mazzy seemed to be having a great time and was soon moaning and panting in ecstasy. Tennas just stayed still and unsuccessfully tried to pull blood out of the “little adventurer” by sheer force of will. After sel lol long minutes of this Mazzy finally hit orgasm. Tennas’ eyes watered as her strong y muy muscles nearly tore the “little adventurer” in two. He let out a loud scream which Mazzy took to mean that he’d cum. She slid off of Tennas and gave him a friendly kiss on the mouth before dropping to the floor and getting dressed again. Tennas just lay still with a relieved expression on his face. Only when she’d walked out through the door did he finally whimper and roll into a foetal position.