The greatest stories never told
i am told she actually has a name...
Pipit’s mom was standing in her dusty house wondering when Pipit’s nice and handsome friend Link would stop by to clean.
Pipit said Pipit’s mom should clean the house herself because that’s what stay-at-home Pipit’s moms did while Pipits of the house went out to work and earn pay, but fuck that because Pipit’s mom did what she wanted and was a role model for everyone who wanted to be just like her. Pipit’s mom was a leader, a visionary. She just also happened to be lazy and actually pretty hot. In Pipit’s house, men do the work while Pipit’s mom stands there and is awesome. Link was down with that considering he was everyone’s butt monkey anyway.
So when Link stopped by, Pipit’s mom was really happy. “My house is so dirty, Link!” she said, and like usual Link got shit done. However, this time was different because Pipit’s mom had actually spent the last of her allowance on a new pair of ear plugs when her douchebag of a son yelled at her for being awesome and then gave her money. It was a bout of slightly less awesome before awesome, so by purchasing ear plugs in which to secretly block out Pipit’s ranting, it was just awesome.
So when Link stopped by, she didn’t have a red rupee to give him. But Link was so handsome that she had no trouble knowing what to give him for his troubles: a pink rupee.
(That was sky people slang for vagina for those surface-dwellers not in the know.)
“Link,” Pipit’s mom said once Link had finished cleaning, and she said some stuff, but it’s not exactly important.
“Pipit’s mom!” Link cried out as Pipit’s mom engaged in vertical motions to stimulate his inexperienced “Master Sword” (that was legendary hero slang for penis for those non-heroes not in the know), and some other things happened, but it’s not exactly important.
“Link!” Pipit cried out from the door as he burst into his now-clean house and witnessed his mother and friend engaging in age inappropriate activities with one another. And more unimportant things occurred, but it did raise the question if he was more surprised at Link and his mother or the clean house.
Nothing was important, and nothing had a resolution.