Endless Screams

Chapter 2. Wistful Confusion.

Why do I do the things I do? What is it about Sora that makes me do whatever he says? Why am I so weak around him? I turn into a grinning idiot and fly on the wings of his confidence no matter where he goes with his arrogance. It's only when he turns his smile away from me that I see the pain he's caused, the pain we've caused and my heart hurts. I don't like who I am around him but I can't stay away from him. Since forever he's been there for me but I don't know about anything anymore. I think what we did to Kairi was so wrong…I don't know how to fix it.
-Excerpt from Riku's diary.

'And so the cellular structure of an animal cell is different to that of a plant how?' the biology teacher scanned the classroom with a sly look on her face. 'Riku. How about you tell us what the difference is.'

Riku had been staring at the wall with a vacant look on his face, not even listening to what was happening in the lesson. The teacher had to repeat his name twice before he looked up with a startled look on his face. He glanced sideways at Sora who mouthed 'Space cadet.' And quickly mumbled 'Nah I don't know.' He blushed slightly and lowered his gaze to the blank piece of paper in front of him where his notes should be.

As the rest of the class snickered quietly and the teacher went back to the lesson, Sora looked at Riku out of the corner of his eye. His friend had not been acting himself since the incident with the little Goth girl and Sora thought he knew what the problem was. Grinning, he inched closer to Riku and leant close to whisper in his ear.

'Oi, I know what's going on with you Riku,' he hissed, grinning even wider as Riku's head jerked up.

'I don't know what you're talking about Sora. What are you talking about huh?'

Sora was slightly taken aback at Riku's aggressive response but hesitated only for a second. 'Jeez mate I was only going to say that after yesterday you won't need to worry about Goth freak liking you anymore. I think we made it pretty clear how out of her league you are. I mean cummon, you saw the look on her face. I think she's finally realizing that she just doesn't belong with normal people.'

At that moment the bell rung, giving Riku no time to respond. Sora didn't notice his friend's mouth hanging open as he was too busy packing up his gear. By the time he turned back to Riku, the silver haired boy had pulled himself together and was trying to hide the stunned look in his eyes. Riku just couldn't believe how heartless and off-hand Sora could be about hurting someone as they had hurt Kairi. Wordlessly he got up and followed Sora out towards their next class, English.

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When Riku and Sora got to their English class, Riku was almost back to himself. Sora's irrepressible chatter and quips broke down the hesitant barriers Riku was erecting against his oldest friend and by the time they got to the English building they were laughing hysterically over nothing, as usual. It was only when they were both seated and calmed down somewhat that Riku noticed that Kairi wasn't in her normal seat. His eyes narrowed, Kairi was usually the first in and first out of every class and she was never late.

Five minutes after the bell rung Kairi stumbled into class. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was tangled and un-brushed. Not looking at anyone she staggered to a seat at the back of class and slumped into it letting her head roll back. No one even noticed her appearance except Riku who stared at her for a second before realising that he was actually staring. He quickly glanced away before anyone noticed but continued to watch her covertly.

At the front of the class the teacher surveyed her students. Most of the disruptive teens were wagging class so she decided to try and play to her remaining students' strengths. 'Class, we're starting the poetry component of your course today. This will be a poetry anthology consisting of two poems that you have written previously for school and at least six other poems all written about different things, but with an underlying theme.' She paused and looked at Kairi, smiling. 'I know at least some of you will enjoy this assignment.' Slightly put out that Kairi didn't even respond with her customary sweet smile, the teacher continued to outline the assignment for the class.

Down the back of the class Kairi fought to keep the room from spinning. She was still completely drunk from the night before and every second was a constant struggle to not be sick. To try and calm her mind she got out her pad and pen and started to draw. Her hand was shaking, but her natural talent let her compensate by filling in mistaken loops and thickening crooked lines. The picture began to take shape and as always the delicate gothic lacework of black leeched away her pain and enfolded her mind.

As soon as the bell rung for the end of English, Sora leaped up out of his chair grabbing at Riku's arm. 'Cummon Riku lets get to lunch! I've got to get the dairy before everyone!'

Making a snap decision Riku held back and pulled his arm away. 'I can't today Sora, I have to talk to Miss Conway about the assignment. I really need a good grade for this ok?' He braced himself for the derisive comment or indignant response but was completely wrong-footed by Sora's reply.

'Oh ok, I know your kinda failing English. I'll see you fourth period?'

Riku raised one eyebrow at the innocent looking Sora. 'Cool…Ok well I'll see you later.' He watched his friend bounce out of the door and shook his head. That was so not like Sora, he would usually be ragging Riku shamelessly about being a teachers pet and a swot. Ah well, maybe he was changing just like Riku himself was.

As the rest of the class trickled out the door to lunch, Riku hung back and waited until the room was almost empty before packing up his things. He stuffed around with his pencil case until he saw Kairi pull herself to her feet and stumble to the door and then he quickly shoved the rest of his stuff in his bag, falling in behind Kairi as she walked slowly down the corridor.

Kairi stared at the floor as she trudged towards her locker. She didn't see the silver haired boy shadowing her until he accidentally slipped on a wet patch on the floor and crashed into her, sending them both flying. Her books flew everywhere and she slid across the damp floor hitting the lockers hard. She looked up furiously to see Riku lying on the other side of the hall a vicious remark already forming on her lips, and then she saw that Riku was lying in an extremely awkward position and he wasn't moving at all. Her eyes widened and she scurried across the hallway over to where Riku was lying.

The hallways were deserted at lunchtime; no teachers were even in any of the classrooms. Kairi stared frantically around and then crawled over to Riku and lifted his head into her lap. She ran her fingers gently over the gash on the side of his head and wiped the slow trickle of blood away from his face, tears running down her cheeks. She tried to wipe away her tears but only succeeded in smearing blood across her own face. All the emotion of the last few days finally caught up with the miserable girl and she burst into sobs, burying her face in Riku's hair.

When Riku came to the first thing he noticed was the throbbing ache in his head and the sticky blood on his cheek. The second thing he registered was the feel of arms tight around him. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Kairi bent over him, wracked with sobs. He gently lifted his own arms and enfolded the crying girl in a hug. It didn't exactly have the effect he was hoping for.

For a brief second Kairi melted in Riku strong arms, almost losing herself in the moment, but then she remembered the previous day and stiffened in his embrace shoving herself backwards. She stared at Riku wide eyes, watching warily as he sat up wincing at the pain in his head. 'Kairi,' he started. 'God I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. I just…I'm just so sorry.'

Kairi stared at the floundering boy narrowing her eyes trying to pick up any trace of sarcasm or deceit. His eyes were clear and honest, vulnerable even, yet Kairi could not bring herself to believe he was being truthful. She had been through too many years of mockery and lies to trust anyone. Her heart ached to let down the barriers pain had built, but she could not let go of her distrust. Hardening her heart to the pangs of longing, Kairi stood up abruptly. 'Come on Riku, you need to go to the sick bay. That cut looks pretty bad. Can you stand up?' she turned away from his bewildered gaze and made a show of picking up her scattered books. 'Hurry up, you need to get it looked at.'

Riku stared at the shaking girl for a second longer and then climbed slowly to his feet. He forced himself up straight before nausea overwhelmed his senses and the hallway spun wildly in his vision. Kairi turned just in time to see the silver haired boy's knees buckle beneath him. Moving with a fluid and practiced speed Kairi dropped her books and caught Riku before he hit the ground. Her eyes widened as she took his weight, for though the boy was tall, he weighed next to nothing. Getting a tight grip on his arms, she began to make her way slowly towards the sick bay.

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Blackness everywhere…Not pure black exactly, but the many hues of night…The swirling darkness was only black in the sense that a starlings wing is black…Shadow shot with blue…The delicate elusive greens and mysterious purples that are only seen in the midnight hours…The boy's eyes searched frantically for any sign of light in the endless darkness, but the shadows were complete…

Falling…No change in the blackness around him, only the sensation of falling through empty air, nothing to halt him or slow him…Swooping in his stomach, no wind rushing past, but the impression of wind tugged at his senses…How far had he fallen? How would he know? In this world of dark, there was no distance and no time…Falling…Falling…Endless shadow…Light…

Time and space burst back and Riku wrenched his eyes open. His eyelids felt as though they were weighed with a ton of lead. Unlike every story he had heard of people coming gracefully out of unconsciousness, Riku's head felt as though it was exploding. The pain erupted into his brain and he heard his mouth saying 'Ow ow owowowow…' He did not recognise the nurse sitting next to him, but when she pushed a pill and a glass of water into his hand he grabbed them gratefully. She watched him closely until he took the pill and then moved off towards her office. Riku rolled over and found himself face-to-face with a sleeping Kairi slumped over his bedside.

Completely confused, Riku looked around the room that he was in. The walls of the small room were a stark white and the sheets that were wrapped around him were starched and almost stiff. Disorientated he tried to make sense of the facts when a smell penetrated his confusion. His nose picked up the chemical odour of sickness and medicine, the stink of illness. There was only one place that could smell so strongly of malaise and chemical remedies, the hospital.

As his mind finally came to the realisation of where he was, the medication he had taken began to blur the world around him. Within the fog of coming sleep he managed to turn his head towards Kairi and fixed his dimming vision on her face. As sleep blanketed his mind, the last thing he saw was Kairi's eyes, pools of blue watching him drift away…

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