The Magdalene And The Madonna

Little Lindsay and Darling Nina Injured On Set!
Minor accident causes major problems!
A minor mishap on the set of "Blue Bored Ball," the new teen-tween romantic alien adventure buddy comedy starring Val Charteris, Nina Minermos, and Lindsay Shepard, has left Val without any valentines. Apparently, part of a set collapsed, dropping Lindsay and Nina into the water below! Lindsay apparently pulled her little blue friend out of the water, after which the two were rushed off to the hospital, and are said to be in stable condition. Not so the film, which is on indefinite hold while the accident is being investigated.
In other news, Yasmine Charteris, erstwhile mother of Val, is reportedly making overtures to her estranged husband. Being single on Amaterasu gets boring after a while, yes? Here's to hoping Randy realizes what he's missing without Yasmine – NOTHING!

Adora grinned as she watched Lindsay, Val, Nina, April, and Randy shamble around the set, pretending to be conga-dancing zombies. The technicians finished setting up the lights for the next scene, and she clapped to get their attention. "Back to work, you crazy kids."
"What does a zombie plumber say?" quipped Randy.
"DRAAAAAAAAAAINS," said the four children in a perfect zombie chorus.
Adora tried not to laugh, but the other producers started laughing, and she couldn't help it. "Will you guys knock it off?" She waved to them. "Get back over here."
"All right, all right," Randy pretended to grumble, and started herding them back, making barking noises in perfect imitation of a sheepdog.
Giggling and laughing, they started back. Adora smiled, then a strange noise caught her attention, and she looked up. Part of the soundstage was collapsing. She barely had time to scream, before the whole thing came down. Val grabbed his sister, and pulled her out of the way just in time. Randy tried to reach Lindsay, but the crash knocked him from his feet and sent Lindsay and Nina flying. Nina, screaming, slipped and fell into the water below. Adora screamed in horror, and rushed to the railing, trying to find her. She heard someone running behind her, and stared in shock as Lindsay, a life preserver in her little hands, neatly dove into the water below.
"Lindsay!" Randy stared helplessly into the water after her. Val and April joined him, holding each other in terror.
Lindsay swam easily over to the struggling young Asari, and held her still while she put the life preserver on her. "You're not that alien," she laughed quietly. "At least, you panic just like anybody else would."
Nina clung to her, terrified by the raging water, and the knowledge that they were slowly drifting away. "I think it's just an organic thing. You know, being out of your natural element," she whimpered. She clung tightly to Lindsay, amazed at how calm the little girl was.
"Okay, lie on your back. I'm going to tow you."
"Don't let me go," Nina begged, and Lindsay patted her hand comfortingly.
"Trust me," Lindsay smiled. "It won't be for long anyway, the rescue team is putting out a launch now. I just want to get a little closer." She fought the current for a bit, then treaded water with Nina until the launch came up. She handed Nina to them, and watched them help her aboard. "Can I get a hand?" she grinned, pretending that her arm wasn't insanely painful. "I'm missing one."
Nina cried out. "You didn't say anything!"
One of the lifeguards dove in, and helped her out of the water so that she didn't have to move the broken arm any more than was necessary.
Lindsay blushed, and tried to make a joke about it, but Nina wouldn't stop looking at her, and Lindsay felt her voice dying away. They set her arm, and gave her something that made her tired, so she sat down in the middle of the little boat. Nina knelt down next to her, gently cuddling Lindsay as if she was a precious doll. The last thing Lindsay remembered was a very cold, unhappy look on Adora's face as Randy lifted her out of the boat.
Darling Nina bails on "Blue Bored Ball"!
The blue girl goes home! Val said to be devastated!
After the third mysterious accident on the set, Darling Nina has been whisked away by her adoring mother to a slightly less perilous locale. Generous as always, Randy Charteris talked PDN into letting her out of her contract, and Val will instead be starring in an as-yet-untitled musical biopic romance drama based on the young life of Diego Estefan, the 21st Century singer, songwriter, and feminine Pied Piper. Val seemed devastated at Nina's departure, and we suspect there was a loving good-bye kiss somewhere where the cameras couldn't see.
Meanwhile, Little Lindsay is out of a job, and seems overjoyed. Rumor has it she's going back to school for a year while PDN works out a new vehicle for her stunning talents. We asked her to confirm that she was coming back, and she responded: "Only if I get straight A's!"

Lindsay held up the rifle, so that Chris could check the numbers the targeting system was reporting again. "Chris?"
"Yes, Pumpkin?"
"Howcome they sent Nina away? Was it something I did?" she asked nervously.
Chris grinned, and shook his head. "No, Pumpkin, the problem is what you are. You're a Human, you're beautiful, and you're utterly exceptional."
Lindsay blinked. "I don't get it."
"You're pretty much everything an Asari wants in a mate. Only you're ten."
"Eleven."
Chris checked his omni-tool. "Not for another four hours." He readjusted his HUD, and checked the scope again. "Not that it matters, you're still too young to start mind-melding with an Asari."
"What?"
"You know I'm not going to explain, right? After the words 'you're too young,' nothing else matters."
"I'm supposed to be too young to go around shooting people, too," Lindsay protested, "but you let me get away with that."
"Hey, if it were up to me, I'd let you get your freak on with the blue chick. But your mother and her mother think you're too young. So you're too young. Let me point out, though, that I'm morally challenged, so maybe you should take your mother's advice on this one."
"But your advice lets me hang out with Nina."
Chris grinned. "True. Sadly, your mother already bullied me into keeping you here so you won't chase after her." Chris pulled out a slim, black weapons case, and slid it across the table to her. "Here."
Lindsay looked down at it. There was a timer lock on it, and it still had three hours and fifty-seven minutes to go. "You're a real jerk, Chris."
He laughed. "You can try to open it," he teased. "Maybe you'll beat my security."
Little Lindsay Shows Off A New Talent!
Val and Lindsay Rock the Premiere of "Show Off"
Val Charteris, dressed as Diego Estefan and playing all his own instruments, rocked the stage with a stellar performance of two of the songs from his new holovid, proving beyond all doubt that he really does take his job seriously. He then proceeded to blow our minds by bringing out his half-sister, Lindsay Shepard, dressed as Roæio Rhett, for a stunning recreation of the famous guitar duet, "It Burns Me (When You Lie)." Is there anything the little prodigy can't do?
Meanwhile, Yasmine Charteris missed a Noble House shoot, prompting concerns for her well-being, and it was noted that Randy left the premiere early, leaving Ahmed to escort the kids home. We hope everything is okay with Yasmine!

"It's just for a few months," Randy explained. Chris continued to stare out the window without answering, and Hannah just glared at him. "You guys will be on tour anyway. By the time you get back, it'll be over again."
"I hate it," said Chris finally. Lindsay, from her position on the stairs, could see that he was crying, but Randy couldn't see his face.
"You don't think I want to do this, do you? It's money, it's business. We have a contract. That's all."
Chris wiped his face, and didn't say anything.
"You just can't live without being in the spotlight, can you?" said Hannah bitterly. "Fine, go ahead. We'll wait."
Randy snarled. "Look at me! What the hell else can I do? Even if I quit now, gave it all up, I'd still be talked about and stared at. I can't retire. I can't change who I am. "
Hannah walked over to Chris, and put her arms around him. "You okay?" Chris put his hand over hers, and continued to stare out the window at the stars.
"Goddammit!" Randy shouted. "Don't you dare, don't you dare act like I want this! This isn’t my fucking fault! What the hell am I supposed to do?" Lindsay watched him in fascination as he suddenly turned and started walking away. "Fine, I get it, I'm leaving," he said angrily, his voice raw with pain. Then, so softly she could barely hear him, "We're over, aren't we?"
She watched Chris and Hannah start as his words registered in their minds.
"No," Chris cried out desperately. He ran, past Randy, put his back to the door, blocking it. Hannah, working flawlessly with her partner and teammate, grabbed Randy from behind, sank to her knees sobbing.
"You can't expect us not to be angry," Hannah sobbed. "I'm sorry for yelling, but this hurts, dammit."
"How do you think I feel?" Randy demanded. "You two will have each other, I will have nothing!"
Chris threw himself at Randy, "I'm sorry! Please, Randy, please," he kissed him, and they all sank to the floor.
Lindsay shook her head. Randy was the one who should have apologized for what he was about to do, but he had tricked Chris and Hannah into feeling guilty instead. She slipped away so that they could have some privacy, and snuck back into her room. Randy was very good with people. She wondered if he would make Yasmine fall in love with him again, before he left her.
Lindsay replayed the conversation in her head, focusing on Randy's words and actions, then put her headphones on and went back to studying.
Reunited at last!
Randy relents, Yasmine is home again!
Our favorite lovebirds are together again after years of separation. We always knew this day would come – after all, Randy had never invoked the dreaded "divorce" clause of the Charteris contract. "Randy has promised not to see her again," Yasmine explained. "And I've promised to stay with him. As long as we both keep our promises, we'll be fine." Yasmine's even unbent enough to accept Little Lindsay as a member of the family, a decision that was probably prompted by the fact that Randy, Val and Lindsay are all going to be on the set recording their new holovid, "Thriller XIV." Val gets to play a teen possessed by a demonic guitar, while the Vampire Lord Randy will be returning to the series (note to self: download "Twilight 4" again for another review of the windowbox scene… that just never gets old), and Lindsay will be contributing the return of the dancing zombies from the original – seriously. She's got the moves down perfectly, and the singing, too.
Yasmine is currently promoting her new line of pheromone enhancers, but plans to drop in on "the kids" from time to time while they are hard at work. Stephanie is still wandering the stars with her new fiancée, and Ahmed is off with his perma-girlfriend, doing another documentary, this time on Luna. Speaking of girlfriends and boyfriends, we hear April has a new beau but we promised not to say anything about a certain teen performer of classical music whose last performance on Ravinia II ended with a standing ovation, and the bouquet on his piano composed entirely of certain "Madonna Blue" American Beauty roses just like the ones that a certain Randy C. cultivates outside his estate. We did promise, so we won't say anything at all.

Randy staggered down the stairs, and leaned against the door where the kids where playing. "Lindsay, do you have any idea what happened to all the alcohol in the trailer?"
Lindsay looked up from the extranet game she was playing with Val. "Oh, April used some of it to make a cake, but we used most of it to make some plastic explosives and launched a rocket into low orbit. It was pretty awesome," she grinned.
"Yeah, you would have been there if you hadn't been passed out on the couch," said Val nastily.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," said Randy with a pleasant grin. "So this is, like, your idea of an intervention, is it?"
Lindsay shrugged. "That, and Val didn't believe that I could really make explosives with stuff lying around the kitchen."
Randy laughed. He wasn't really into drinking, and he was more pleased to see that they cared. "If I buy you more, will you make another rocket?"
"Sure, but Chris is better at it," she said casually. Lindsay pretended not to notice as Randy ran his hands through his hair, and looked away. "We'll need some more glycerin, too, if I take any more from the makeup bots, they'll freak."
"Speaking of freak, where's Yasmine?" he asked calmly.
Lindsay tried not to smile. Their staged reconciliation was getting great press, but sooner or later one of them was going to snap. "She went shopping with April."
Val muttered something under his breath.
"She's trying to make April dress nice, and stuff, so she can attract boys," Lindsay explained.
Randy closed his eyes, and shook his head. "Poor kid. I think I'll go rescue her."
"It'll be a great photo-op," said Lindsay brightly.
"Take a shower first," snapped Val.
"Oh, good point. Maxim did say that Eau de Hobo is out this season," grinned Randy, and Val laughed despite himself. "You two, don't forget to work on your scenes. I get to take a drink for every line you flub," he smiled wickedly, and laughed at the look on Val's face. Randy walked back upstairs to go shower and shave.
Lindsay smiled openly as he left, and pulled up her omni-tool to make a few notes.
"This plan of yours better work, Lin. I can't take much more of this," said Val grimly.
"Trust me. It'll work."
GAG GAG GAG
Gagged but we'll try our best!
We're sure you're all dying to know everything that happened last night at the release party for "Thriller XIV" at the Bekenstein Copacabana. However, since it involved SUPER SECRET PEOPLE that we can't write about, all we can tell you is that Yasmine's single again. And unemployed. Anyone out there who wants a high-maintenance trophy wife with a penchant for noisy confrontations, contact us for her number once she gets out of the hospital.
Remember, we can't WRITE anything about what happened, but if you want to take one of us out to dinner, we can TALK as much as you like!

The party was in full swing. Everyone was in a scary costume, ranging from undead to serial killers, werewolves to demons. Yasmine was resplendent in her outfit, dressed as the ghost of a drowned woman, her hair dripping and her silver dress clinging to every curve of her body. Randy watched her dance for a few minutes from his seat at the bar, then looked over to where the kids were dancing. He sipped idly at his soda - the party was completely alcohol-free, of course, as all PDN events were. April was dancing with her boyfriend, Val was holding court with a group of girls from one of the PDN daily shows, and Lindsay was dancing with someone dressed as a gang member. Randy blinked in surprise. The person she was dancing with was much older than she was, and looked vaguely familiar. Randy set down his drink and walked over to get a better look.
"Here he comes," grinned Lindsay. "That didn't take long."
"Hey, Lindsay," started Randy, and looked at the young man in gang clothes. His eyes went very wide as he finally recognized him.
"Right back at ya," grinned Lindsay. "Air goes in the nose, Randy, then out again. You have to breathe, or you turn blue and pass out."
"Vampires don't need to breathe, though," Chris pointed out. "The security sucks, by the way. All they scan for is guns."
"What are you doing here?" Randy gasped. "And what the hell are you wearing?" He tried not to stare at Chris' exposed, tautly muscled midriff.
"I'm dancing with my kid, what does it look like? And I'm wearing my uniform. Well, my gang uniform. Stop acting like you've never seen my bellybutton before," Chris grinned.
"I've never seen you with a ring in it."
"Military regs. You should see the other piercings," he said conversationally.
Lindsay danced away, and wandered over to Val's little court. "You owe me five credits," she noted as Randy pulled Chris into his arms.
"They haven't kissed yet. Oh, wait, yeah, they have. Here ya go," Val handed over a credit chit.
"Woah, that is so hot!" gushed one of the girls. "Val, you need a boyfriend."
"No way," Val laughed. "I'm all about the wimminz."
"Damn," the girl sighed. "Oh well, we can watch Randy make out. Ohmigawd, here comes Yasmine!"
"How dare you!" Yasmine shrieked at the top of her lungs. "You bastard! You cheating, miserable bastard!"
Without thinking - and Lindsay knew he wasn't thinking - Randy put himself between Chris and Yasmine, as if he was protecting the soldier from the crazy model. Lindsay snickered to herself, and watched him stare her down, ignoring her yelling and screaming.
"Knock it off," he hissed sharply at Yasmine. "Don't start with me."
"You filthy cheating scumbag! I've had it! I've had it with you!" She slapped Randy across the face, hard enough to leave a mark, then spun on her heel and stormed out of the party.
"Are you all right?" said Chris, shocked at her behavior. "I can't believe she hit you!"
"Doesn't that trigger the divorce clause?" asked Val quietly.
"Yeah, since she walked out on you?" Lindsay pointed out.
Randy shook his head. "It was my fault, so, no."
"No, it wasn't your fault," said April calmly. "After all, the contract specified 'her,' and well," she gestured towards Chris, "that isn't 'her.'"
Randy looked at Chris in surprise, then back at his kids. "You set me up."
"I had nothing to do with this!" Chris protested. "I'm just an innocent, scantily clad bystander."
Val handed his father a comm unit. "Either way, you should probably call the lawyers before she calms down enough to."
Randy looked at Chris again, then put his arm around his lover's waist, took the comm unit from his son, and retreated to a quieter section of the club to make his call.
Over the Hill? Or Grass is greener?
No longer a star, Randy turns producer!
Randy C. has turned over a new leaf, and moved to the other side of the tables. Now he's the one reading scripts and finding stars. He's branched out and blossomed, it seems! His first foray, the vampire harem comedy romance slice-of-life holovid, "Love Like Blood," starring his son Val, was an amazing success, and his new venture is taking him way, way out of his comfort zone – it's a translation of a Turian war epic to Humanity's Dark Ages, with a mixed cast of Human and Turian actors. Incredibly daring, but like everything else Randy touches, it will probably turn to gold.
While April and her beau prepare to tie the knot later this year and Val is still trying on various women from his real-life harem, it seems that Little Lindsay - we know, she's not that little anymore, and we really should stop calling her that - still hangs out with the girls and dresses like a tomboy, even at fifteen, and still refuses to do any romance scenes. Horror is apparently okay though, so look for Lindsay in the new survival medico-legal horror adventure drama disaster slasher fic, "Serjury."

"Randy!" Hannah shrieked, and nearly jumped out of the water. "What are you doing?"
Randy surfaced – or at least, the shark fin that he was wearing on his head did, and they could hear him ominously humming the "Jaws" attack theme.
"You are such a goofball," Hannah complained. "Stop it." She screamed again, and thrashed out of the pool, trying to get away from Randy's teeth. "Stop!"
Everyone laughed, and Randy swam over to bob up and laugh at Hannah. "Scared of a little blood?" he teased, in the deep voice he used for his vampire parts.
Chris and Lindsay went back to throwing knives at a target, while Val continued the strenuous work of lying in the sun with his girlfriend.
"Hey, isn't her time up?" grinned Lindsay. "Don't they get stale after an hour?"
The girl giggled. "Gina's still in the shower, I get to stay here until she comes back out."
Val opened his eyes to frown at Lindsay. "You think you're funny, but you're not."
"I have millions of fans who disagree with you. I'm very funny."
"Can't believe you bit me," muttered Hannah.
"Want me to kiss it and make it better?" Randy offered.
Hannah pushed him back under the water, then dove in after him.
Randy surfaced again, "You know, people drown doing things like that - what the - " He disappeared in a rush of water, then came up again. "Help! Shark killing attack!" Hannah pulled him under again, and Lindsay shook her head in mock despair.
"Stop being so happy," she chided. "This is supposed to be the worst year of your life! Why aren't you miserable?"
Randy popped up again, Hannah sitting on his shoulders. "I am miserable! Look, this is my miserable face," he pretended to check his pockets. "Wait, no, I have in here somewhere... oh, right, no pockets. I left my miserable face in my other pants."
Chris smiled in pleasure as Lindsay landed her knife directly next to his for the fifth time in a row. "Your training is almost complete, Grasshopper."
"She's not ever going to use that," protested Hannah. "Why do you bother teaching her?"
Chris shrugged. "She asked me."
"I'm standing right here," muttered Lindsay.
"You're not going into the military," said Hannah flatly.
"Of course not," Lindsay agreed calmly. "Why would I?"
Chris looked up at the sky, as if expecting a lightning bolt, then at Randy. "I'm planning to run, how about you?"
"I'm serious, Lin," said Hannah firmly. "You have no reason to, and you deserve a better life. You've earned it."
"Yeah," Randy disentangled himself from Hannah. "Let's see if we can find some ice cream, or something. Val?" He looked over, but Val and his girlfriend were already gone.
Chris collected his knives and the target, and ran back to the house, with Randy close behind him.
"Lindsay, we have talked about this. It's not happening. There is no way I'm going to give you permission to go to the Academy. You are not going to throw your life away fighting a stupid, endless war."
"So instead I just have to sit around being a little leech on society, a little dancing puppet that laughs on command? I don't want to be a star anymore! I want to be useful! Why won't you just admit I'm good at fighting!"
"Lin, you're good at everything. You shouldn't focus on the one skill that gets you killed."
Lindsay was about to snap back at her mother, but suddenly the world did something strange. It sort of got fuzzy and greyish-green, and everything seemed to lose focus. Her face felt numb, and she wasn't sure if she could keep standing up, so she sat down before she fell over.
"Lindsay? Lindsay!" Her mother ran up to her, but Lindsay couldn't figure out how to make words anymore. "Chris! Randy! Help!" She lifted Lindsay in her arms, and ran into the house, screaming orders.
Randy Charteris rumored to host major benefit for Mindoir survivors
Not content with the massive amount of money he's already raised for the survivors of the devastating attack on Mindoir, Randy C. is sponsoring a grand benefit performance, featuring hundreds of today's hottest musical bands, courtesy of Val's new recording label, and a silent auction with a stellar turnout from the various holovid studios. "Life must go on," Randy said, "and we all have to do our part to help out." It's possible that he might even host the grand gala himself, but no official word has come down.

"Hey."
Hannah looked up in surprise, then threw herself into Randy's arms. "You're here!" she whispered joyfully. "Oh, thank you, thank you for coming," she sobbed.
"Where else would I be, love?" His voice was soft and warm, and he continued to hold her gently to him while she cried. "They're going to start soon," he said softly.
Hannah nodded sadly, and they joined the funeral procession to take their place near the monument. She held out her hand to Lindsay, but the girl shrugged her off. Hannah sighed, but left her alone.
"She's not taking this well, is she?" said Randy softly.
"No," said Hannah, trying not to sound as bitter as she felt. "She isn't, I'm not, we're not getting along, life sucks."
He held Hannah to him, and kissed her cheek. They took their places by the gravestone, and stood silently during the service. Officers came up to offer condolences to Hannah, and Randy took Lindsay's arm and led her away. "Let's talk. Or, rather, you talk. I'll listen."
"What's the point?" said Lindsay bitterly. "You know how she is. I can't leave her alone, she'll do something stupid."
"Is there somewhere you want to go?" asked Randy gently. Lindsay had gotten taller later, filled out more. Like her mother, her shape was more about angles and planes than curves, but she had his face - softened slightly, pretty rather than beautiful. She was going to be tall. She was already strong. "How are the implants doing? Headaches better?"
She nodded. "I want to go to the Academy," she whispered, barely daring to dream. "Chris and I had it all worked out. He was gonna talk her into it when he got back." For the first time that day, a tear welled up in her eyes.
Randy smiled at the look in her eyes. He'd had that look once, a long time ago. "Did he already sign your papers and stuff?"
Lindsay nodded again, trying to hold back her misery and loss.
"Okay, go. I'll watch her. It'll be my job now. I know, I'm a shitty replacement for Chris, but I'll do my best."
She stared at him. "But - your job - what about all your work?"
"Eh, fuck 'em." Randy smiled. He stood up and hugged her. "He saved all those people, he died doing his job. And hundreds of those bastards walked away, instead of him. Go out there, and make it right, Lin. This is the only thing I can do to help, so I'll do it." He kissed her, and she threw her arms around him, sobbing wildly and happily.
"I promise, Randy. I'll make it right!"