The Renegade Amused

"I did everything I could for you, I'm not getting mixed up in this anymore!"
Kaidan sighed, and waited for his father to finish his tirade.
"And what is this I hear from Earth – you're mixed up with that Turian again? Why don't you have any sense?"
"They're called 'friends,' Dad. You might want to look that word up, it's not the same as 'political acquaintances.'"
"Friends? They're destroying your career!" roared Major Alenko. "You're throwing everything away for a psycho and an alien!"
"Yes, we've been over that. Did you have something new to add to the discussion, or were we done here?"
"Ishmael, I haven't had a chance to talk to my son yet," a sweet faced elderly woman interrupted before Major Alenko could start yelling again. With an angry snarl, Kaidan's father walked out of the communication room, and his mother slid into the chair. "Hello, dear. I do wish his friends would call with good news once in a while. Ever since he retired, they only ever call him to complain."
"He likes it. It makes him feel needed."
She smiled sweetly, and her bracelets jingled musically as she rested her head on her hands. "I'm sure you're right, dear. Now tell me. Tell me all about her, and your friend. Is this the same one you bailed out of prison last year?"
Kaidan nodded with a grin, and started talking eagerly. Hina Alenko, despite her illness and the accident, was still a cheerful and sweet person. She loved music, and her life revolved around her work and her husband and her son. Her only regret was that her husband and her son didn't get along as well as she would have liked. She listened happily to Kaidan as he told her all about his most recent scrape, finding Hayden again, getting into trouble – she laughed at that part, and cheered at his escape with Hayden and Garrus. She sighed when he confessed his disgrace, but smiled at hearing that he'd been assigned to be a liaison between the Alliance and the Normandy SR-2.
"I hear that different Cerberus cells are treated differently. It sounds like you're connected to one that is still tied pretty closely to the Alliance."
"They have to be, I mean, this ship docks at the Citadel with Alliance clearance."
"So you're not really in disgrace, are you?"
"Only politically," Kaidan agreed. "And I'll probably be stuck here until something happens where we can all be heroes again."
"Oh dear," she sighed. "I really don't want to hear about another horrible attack like what happened to the Citadel, or all those colonies."
"Don't worry, Mom." Kaidan smiled. "We don't have to wait for permission to fight back now."
His mother smiled. "Still, dear, don't wait too long."
"Wait for what?" Kaidan blinked in confusion.
"You know, if I had waited for your father, we still wouldn't be married. The universe goes from crisis to crisis." She smiled again. "That's just the way the universe is."
"Oh."
"I'm sure the ring is still there."
"Yeah, but…."
"I'm sure your friend will understand. After all, it's not like they can have children together."
Kaidan blushed. "I don't think Hayden is the mothering type."
"Oh, there's no reason for her to stop and have children. There are plenty of ex utero facilities available, and we're still here for the time being. But you shouldn't wait too long."
"Mom."
Hina smiled again. "You chase your dreams, my son, and I'll chase mine."
Kaidan smiled back, unable to stop himself. "I gotta get going, Mom."
"I'll talk to you next week, dear. And tell your friend Legion I'll send the files over later today. He even paid for the data transfer! What a nice boy."
Kaidan waved goodbye without answering, and closed the connection. He sank back into his chair, somewhat drained from the confrontation with his father, and dealing with his mother's frankly insane desire for grandchildren.
Garrus poked his head into the communication room. "Are you done?"
Kaidan nodded.
"Great, now it's my turn. Only I am going to get it in reverse; it's my mother who is going to yell and my father who is being oddly supportive. I think he just likes Hayden."
"Doesn't everyone?" Kaidan stood up and let Garrus sit. "Where are we going now?"
"Miranda wanted to do some shopping, so we're hitting the Citadel." Garrus looked curiously at him. "Why?"
"Well, there's something I should pick up there. Want to come along?"
Garrus nodded.
"Thanks," Kaidan smiled. "I'll be in the room. I need some sleep."
Garrus watched him leave, and sighed, then started his call.

Garrus walked into the room. Hayden was sitting on the couch. She had a spindle in one hand, and was pulling raw fiber from a nearby container, spinning it carefully to cobweb fineness while she was reading something on a datapad. Garrus stared, mesmerized as always by her craft.
"You could lie down, you know. There's plenty of room," she pointed out without pausing or looking up from her reading.
Garrus grinned, then yawned suddenly. "My sleep schedule has been kinda screwed up lately." He looked over at the bed, where Kaidan was curled up and dozing soundly. "He won't mind?"
"Nah, he's a cuddler. I bet he still has his teddy bears from when he was a kid."
Garrus chuckled and lay down on the bed. "Mmmm… the captain's bed is pretty comfy."
"Don't make me throw something at you," said Hayden absently.
"What are you reading anyway?"
"It's a pattern. But it's in Russian, so I have to translate the entire thing and make sure it still makes sense."
"Russian? That's a Human dialect, right?" asked Garrus drowsily. Kaidan stirred sleepily and moved closer to the warm body in the bed. "He's cuddling me."
"Told ya." Hayden swore under her breath at a mistake in the pattern, and put the spindle down so she could make her corrections. "Yeah, Russian is a Human language." She looked quickly at Garrus, who had closed his eyes, and put his arm over Kaidan's hip. "Boys." She shook her head, and went back to her work. She knew she was still too wired to sleep, even with the temptation of Kaidan and Garrus in the same bed. Besides, she wanted to know what would happen.
Kaidan opened his eyes, and wondered when his pillow had turned to warm leather. He turned slightly, and realized he was spooning with Garrus, his back against the Turian's broad, warm chest. He thought about moving, but he was really comfortable. The room was slightly dark, and he sat up a little, looked over at the couch where Hayden had been sitting. She was gone, and the movement roused Garrus from his sleep.
"What? Oh."
Kaidan grinned. "That's all I get? Do you normally wake up with strange men in your bed?" He lay back down, resting his head on Garrus' arm again.
"It's not my bed, it's Hayden's," Garrus laughed. "So, blame her for the weirdness." He shifted his hand slightly, but didn't pull away from Kaidan. "And you're not that strange."
"So," Kaidan asked curiously, "what exactly are you doing?"
"Enjoying your scent. Tracing the outline of your side because it's different from Hayden's shape. Wondering how exactly this would work."
Garrus' voice was soft and quiet in his ear, very gentle. Kaidan smiled. "Well, as far as just sex goes, you're already in a good position for it."
"What?"
Kaidan laughed at the surprise in his voice. "So you didn't do it on purpose. I don't know whether I should be relieved or insulted." He turned so he was lying on his back, still resting on Garrus' arm, and carefully moved Garrus' hand. "How does she work around all the sharp, pointy bits?"
"She likes them," Garrus grinned.
"Figures." He carefully ran his fingers over Garrus' hand. He'd seen it thousands of times, but he had never considered all the possibilities.
"Okay, what are you doing?"
Kaidan smiled. "Enjoying the feel of resting on you. Checking out the claws and stuff. You're rather different from anyone else I've ever slept with."
"But we haven't – I mean, you don't – do you?"
Kaidan laughed. "Oh, I'm sure we will eventually. It's getting kind of inevitable."
The door to the room opened, and Hayden walked in. "What are you two doing?"
"I have no idea what I'm doing," Garrus muttered. "But it's fun."
"No bodily fluid exchange until he has a talk with Mordin," said Hayden sharply.
"What?" Kaidan looked at her, then at Garrus. "Who's Mordin?"
Garrus laughed. "He's the Science Officer in real life, but you just met him as the Redblade Assassin in the game."
"Oh, the guy who never stopped talking. The Salarian."
"Yeah, that's the one," Hayden smiled. "We're almost at the Citadel, by the way. If you two are done snuggling, since you said you had something to do there."
"Oh, right." Kaidan considered. "The snuggling is kind of nice. You could join us."
"I'm going to try and get some sleep while you're off doing whatever. I've been up for a long time, and I can't sleep with all of you distracting me."
Kaidan looked carefully at her. "Are you all right, Hayden?"
"You know how lack of sleep makes you say stupid crazy stuff? When I haven't slept enough, I start getting a little paranoid, and I don't want to deal with people."
Kaidan slid out of the bed and stood up. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Hayden grinned. "Because you two are really cute when you're asleep."
Garrus laughed. "C'mon, let's leave Hayden alone so she can rest."
The two men picked up their shirts from the floor.
"Watch out for sleeve snakes," grinned Kaidan, and kissed her before he left the room, ignoring her giggle.
"If my father calls, tell him I've gone back to Omega to become a missionary. No, wait, tell him I've gone to Sirtis to become a monk." Garrus hugged her, drank in her sweet scent. "Just don't tell him I'm on the Citadel shopping with our boyfriend."
Hayden smiled. "Sure, I'll tell him." She waved good-bye, and watched them disappear into the elevator. "Just remember, no fluid exchange!" she called out, and grinned at the bright flush on Kaidan's cheeks. Hayden sat down on the bed. "EDI?"
"Yes, Commander?"
"I'm going to jump on the bed for a while. Think I'll break the mattress?"
"Doubtful, Commander."
"Yay!" Hayden kicked off her shoes, and stood up on the bed, remembering all the times she had been scolded for this in the past, or had been assigned quarters with inadequate bedding. She started jumping, doing backflips and full body bounces, using her biotics to support her wild jumping. "Fluffy! I think this is my favorite part of having my own room," she confessed.
"We could put a trampoline in the exercise room," EDI suggested.
Hayden considered. "I don't think it would stop me from jumping on the bed, but it would be fun."
"I will order one," said EDI.
Eventually, the physical activity tired her enough so that she could go to sleep. Hayden pulled off her clothes, and curled up in the middle of the bed, making a nest for herself out of the pillows. She pulled the sheet over her head, and fell asleep.
"Wow," muttered Kaidan, "that's equal parts annoying and cute." He looked down at Hayden's little nest. "I know she did it on purpose, too."
"Of course she did," grinned Garrus. "Here, I'll pick her up, you put the bed things back." Garrus easily lifted her in his arms, and she snuggled up to him, but didn't wake up.
Kaidan kissed her once, before he started picking up all the things that she had thrown all over the room. "Where is her other shoe? Oh, here it is," Kaidan pulled the tiny shoe down from the top of the armor cabinet, and put all her clothes away neatly. He straightened the bed, replacing the pillows so that they could share, and Garrus set her down again.
"So… should we wake her up?" Garrus asked curiously. "I'm not sure how you're supposed to do this."
Kaidan sat down on the bed, and stroked her hair. Hayden moved closer to him, seeking his touch even in her sleep. "That looks like a yes to me," Kaidan grinned. "What do you think?"
Garrus sat down on the other side, and touched her hand. Hayden wrapped her fingers around his hand, still snuggling Kaidan. "You know, I think you're right," he smiled.
"Besides, she still needs sleep." Kaidan leaned over and kissed her again. "Let her sleep."

Hayden walked into her cabin. Garrus was sprawled on the floor, and Kaidan was resting comfortably on his chest. Both men had their shirts off and their omni-tools out, and were discussing the newest expansion for Galaxy of Fantasy.
"Oh, hey, babe," grinned Garrus. "You really should see the new swords, they've got some great ones for your unbreakable tower shield build."
Hayden waved uncertainly. "Hi. Um… Kaidan? Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," he grinned up at her, and waited.
"What is this doing on my hand?" she held up her hand, showing him the sparkling diamond ring.
"Looking very pretty?" Kaidan suggested.
"Kaidan."
"Fine, fine. Showing the world that you're taken."
Hayden looked down at the ring again. "Okay, but…"
"The bracelet is doing the same thing, only to different people," explained Garrus.
"Look," Kaidan held up his hand and showed off a platinum bracelet, identical to the one on her wrist. "I have one too! But snipers can't wear engagement rings, so we still have to think of something for Garrus."
"Jack suggested a tattoo," grinned Garrus, "but I'm not so sure about that."
"You didn't ask me," pouted Hayden.
"Yes, I did. You were asleep at the time though, so we decided that your snuggling up to us in your sleep constituted acceptance."
Hayden glared at him, but her obvious happiness made it impossible for the two men to stop smiling.
"Why can't snipers wear engagement rings?" she asked suddenly.
"The setting interferes with pulling the trigger," Kaidan explained.
"Just get a plain band then. Like one of those rings holding a heart or something."
"Oh, good idea."
"Can you get them with two hearts?" Garrus asked.
"I'm sure with enough credits, you can get anything you want. Speaking of want, I'm heading down to the galley for a snack. Do you guys want anything?"
"You're coming back here?" Kaidan asked, and she nodded. "In that case, I'd like a sandwich."
"Is there still beer in the cooler?" Garrus asked.
Hayden checked, "Yeah, there's still some of your weird green beer."
"Then I'm all set."
"I'll be right back," Hayden smiled, and skipped out to the elevator. She looked at the ring and bracelet again, her eyes entranced by the sparkling colors of the diamond in the ring, and fascinated by the solid weight of the platinum band on her wrist.
She returned to her room with a tray of sandwiches and a case of energy drinks for the cooler. Jacob and Miranda were also in her cabin now.
"Jacob, where's your shirt?" she demanded.
"I thought it was a rule," Jacob grinned.
"It is a rule," Miranda insisted. "No men's shirts in the Captain's cabin."
Hayden shook her head. "You guys need help," she insisted. "There's something seriously wrong with you."
Miranda laughed, and snuggled up to Jacob's bare chest. "Have you seen the new mage robes? They finally made something that actually improves useful skills."
"Yeah, we just have to kill seven dragons to get it," muttered Jacob.
"Seven?" asked Hayden. "This, I have to see." She put the food on the table, and lay down so that she was snuggling Kaidan and Garrus at the same time. She pulled up her omni-tool and started reading the latest news.
The biotics made short work of the tray of food, and Garrus grinned when every one of them paused in their reading to poke the silver Prothean artifact without realizing what they were doing.
"I wonder if Thane is as crazy about that thing," Garrus said aloud. "I've never seen him in here."
"Thane?" said Kaidan curiously.
"The Warrior Sage," said Miranda. "He's a Drell."
Hayden and Garrus both froze suddenly, and looked at each other, then guiltily down at the floor, not meeting Kaidan's gaze.
"Thane Krios?" asked Kaidan, not sure what to think.
"You've met Thane?" asked Jacob curiously. "When?"
Kaidan looked down at Hayden who was pretending not to see him. "That was you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I think the sleeve snakes are getting to you."
"Hayden!"
"It was really my fault," said Garrus. "Don't blame her."
Kaidan glared at Garrus. "I blame you both equally."
"I'm sure this lover's spat is fascinating to people who care, but – sleeve snakes?" asked Miranda.
"Kaidan hallucinates really creatively when he hasn't had enough sleep," Hayden explained.
"They creep up on you, using your uniform for camouflage," said Jacob, "and when you least expect it – "
Miranda shrieked in surprise and leapt clear of the couch. "Jacob!"
"Sleeve snakes," said Kaidan sagely. "That's why you should go topless whenever possible."
Hayden stared at Jacob in shock. "How did you know about those?"
"Every Alliance soldier worth his salt knows about sleeve snakes."
"Entry F4-789 in the Galactic Threats database," Kaidan added.
"You're making that up!" Hayden protested.
"You're not making that up!" said Miranda in shock, reading from her omni-tool. "Do the men in the Alliance Military have a lot of time on their hands or something?"
"Hey, sleeve snakes are a serious threat!" Jacob grinned. "Go on, read the entry on schleets."
"Oh, this is just childish." Miranda closed the database.
Hayden looked at Kaidan. "How come I've never heard of these things?"
"Because you hate people, sweetie."
"Oh."
"I'm glad I'm not a people," Kaidan added.
Hayden stared at him. "Stop doing that."
Kaidan grinned.
"Am I a people?" asked Garrus worriedly.
Hayden looked at him. "Don't you start that!" She looked curiously at Garrus, then at Kaidan. "Your ears are pierced, right, Kaidan?"
"Just the left side," Kaidan answered.
Hayden looked curiously at Garrus again.
"What?" Garrus looked back at her.
"There's nowhere to stick an earring."
"Ah," Garrus agreed. "There isn't. Why?"
"Nothing." Hayden looked down at her omni-tool again. "You know, if the stats on that new White Ensign sword scale the same way as the armor, it would be really useful."
Jacob looked at her. "If that sword scales the same as the armor, it would be game breaking, but only for our guild."
Miranda smiled slowly. "I think we should get it for you and test that out."
Garrus looked at Kaidan, who shrugged. Garrus sighed in defeat, and let Hayden steer the discussion back to the game.
Hayden's omni-tool beeped. "Oh, it's time for class."
"You coming, Alliance spy?"
"Class?" Kaidan asked.
"Samara is teaching us some new biotic techniques," Hayden explained. "Interested?"
Kaidan nodded eagerly. "I thought Asari didn't like to teach their techniques to non-Asari."
"Well," said Jacob slowly, "Samara isn't like other Asari."
Kaidan raised an eyebrow, but no one elaborated. He shrugged again, and gave Garrus a quick hug before following Jacob and Miranda out of the room.
Hayden pounced on Garrus before leaving, and gave him a soft kiss on the side of his neck. "You get to clean up the room!" She grinned at him, then kissed him again before she ran off, both of them laughing.