The Renegade Adored

Kaidan: His eyes are like everything good about Earth. (Something heard once, a long time ago.)

"Would you mind telling me a little bit more about this Lieutenant?"
Hayden paced around the room, and didn't immediately answer. She hated her cognitive behavioral therapy sessions, but knew she had to do them in order to continue serving. "He's nice." She sat down abruptly, looked over at the doctor, then stood up again and walked around the room some more. "We've talked a few times. He's always the same, he's always nice to me. He even makes the other crewmembers be nice to me."
"That's very impressive."
Hayden picked up random things and put them down again without noting what they actually were. "He knows I'm not... a nice person, why is he nice to me all the time?"
The doctor smiled oddly. "I'm afraid you'll have to ask him that question, Shepard. I can't tell you."
"It's confusing! I don't understand!"
"No, I don't expect that you would."
Hayden glared sharply at the doctor. "It's not fair."
"I'm sorry, but it's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself."
"What?" She stopped moving and stared at the doctor. "You're supposed to be helping me! You know I don't understand people! I don't get it!"
"Yes," he said with some amusement, "but this is just one of those things that medical science can't explain. Either you make sense of it, or you don't."
"But what happens if I don't?"
The doctor shrugged. "You'll probably just move on with your life."
"But...." Hayden stared desperately at the floor, trying to break through the wall in her mind that kept her from seeing and feeling things in the same way as normal humans. She didn't want to say it, she didn't even want to imagine going back to a life that didn't have Kaidan Alenko in it. No matter how far away he was, just knowing he was there, that he existed... "I really hate you sometimes."
The doctor laughed, a genuine laugh that made Hayden look over in surprise. "I'm sorry, that was unexpected. Would you like to talk about something else?"
"Yes." She picked up a stylus, put it down again. "No! I want... I don't know." She sighed, and blurted out the first thing that came into her head. "He has the most wonderful eyes, you know? It's like... he's the only person who actually looks at me. Sees me. I'm never sure what to do when I'm talking to him."
"Just be yourself."
Hayden put her hands to her head and made an angry noise. "But I'm a psychopath!"
"No, you're not. Not at all. You kill people for reasons, and within certain specified limits, remember?" The doctor moved some papers around. There was nothing on them. They were just props, like everything else in the room, for Hayden to touch and disorganize when she got frustrated. A control mechanism for her temper. The noise reminded her of where she was, grounding her and preventing her from flying into an unfocused rage. "I'm sure he's aware of your service history and your temper. If you want to tell him more about yourself, you can, but it probably isn't necessary yet."
"I don't want to. I sort of wish I was someone else. Someone normal."
"If you were someone else, Hayden, he probably wouldn't like you the way he does."
Hayden processed that, and sat down, very still. "Really?"
The doctor smiled. "Yes, really."