.hack//G.U. - Jester Whore

Author's Note: Thanks very much for the review, Leeslane! I hope this fic is okay; it felt like it'd be a little odd for Haseo and Pi to rush into something, and he doesn't seem the heartlessly cruel type either. I had two different ideas when starting chapter 2, and went with this one based on the desire for some Haseo/Pi, though I'm not sure how well I did with it. For a fic about a woman looking like a jester, it got more serious toward the end than I intended. It's slow, so readers, jump toward the end if you're only here for the sex. And please let me know what works and what doesn't; I wasn't sure at times if I went too far with certain ideas.

Pi's high-heeled boot chimed with each tap of her foot. Her chest heaved, its new mass spilling over her crossed arms. Standing at Tartarga's Chaos Gate, she glared at Haseo as he ran to meet her.

"You're late," she growled.

"I got here as quick as I could. I thought clowns were supposed to be cheerful."

Scowling, she adjusted the outer frame of her glasses and answered, "The appearance of my PC has no bearing on our duties as Epitaph Users. More importantly, we need to see what your Xth Form can do."

"Alright, spare me another lecture. Lead the way."

Scrolling through the menu, she randomized the field name to server Sigma and clicked through its result. The loading screen passed. She warped, bright light displaying the arrival of her PC to the outdoor Field as sunshine exposed its many grass-covered islands. She glanced aside as Haseo joined her.

"Well? Let's see it," Pi demanded.

"See what?"

"Your new weapon. We can't go into battle unprepared."

Haseo reached behind his back. His dual guns appeared in his hands as he brought them forward, their grip guards glowing orangish-yellow. A burst of four shots from each gun showed off the new power he wielded, smirking cocky as he looked to Pi. "Pretty impressive, huh?"

"Impressive? That's a laugh. Take a look at my new gauntlets."

Pi entered her macro to display her twin bracers of death, when her hands instead dove between her legs. Prying her red pussy lips apart, they delved deeper, fingers squirming to a halt when her thumbs pressed against the lower rim of her anus. Out of habit, she looked down into the firm wall of her cleavage. Her eyebrow rose at the oddity of her actions.

"This is strange. Why is my PC- HNGH!" Her PC's hands tugged at an imaginary object within her loins. Defying logic, her PC's tight grip and sudden flex of muscle funneled back to her real body as genuine even with both hands set on her controller. "HNGH!" she grunted again. Pressure built inside her channel, an imaginary rod forming past the panties she wore offline. It stretched her sex. It begged to come out. It NEEDED to come out. Clenching her teeth, she set her thoughts toward removing the invasion and let out a final fierce groan.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Relief washed over her as the object left her groin with an audible 'POP'. She sighed, off guard as her tits made their up-swing... and threw her off balance. Her legs gave out as she crashed onto her ass, her many bells loudly sounding her fall. She set her eyes upon the rod to cause her so much trouble and gawked at its sheer mockery.

"AHAHAHA, a jester wand?" Haseo doubled over.

Pi met the finishing touch of decoration atop its long white stick with a half-lidded, straight-faced glare. "Hmph, it didn't need to be so insulting."

"Oh man, it even has your head on it, HAHAHA."

Patting her ass as she stood, Pi set her wand under Haseo's chin and forced him back to eye level. "This doesn't change anything. We need to see what your Xth form can do."

"Okay, hang on a minute," Haseo wiped a tear from his eye. "I need to... catch my breath."

The mechanical whirr of a monster caught her ear. Peering over Haseo's shoulder, she saw a Chain Whip crossing toward them, its drill head spinning as its drape-like arms swung at its sides. A Duster Goblin trailed behind it, complete with large duster pack and attached sprayer.

"You don't have the time," Pi said. "It looks like my bells caught the attention of a couple monsters."

"Damn it, I'll never be able to sneak up on an enemy with you around."

"Let that be a valuable lesson to you. Never laugh at a lady's misfortune," she smirked.

"I'll remember that advice when I meet one." Haseo trained his guns on the Duster Goblin. Keeping distance, he unleashed each round into the approaching creature and rushed sideways. With a constant barrage stalling the monster's movements, he idly watched its draining health and called to his partner. "I could use some help."

"I'm having problems of my own." She smacked the Chain Whip with her wand. One HP. Her jabs and bashes, no matter how strong or fast, landed with the same dismal impact. "Rengeki should have activated by now. This makes no sense. Agh!"

"Pi!"

She sailed, airborne by the Chain Whip's area of effect spin attack and smashed into the electric blue battle ring. She puzzled at her loss of a mere 10 HP, slipping down the barrier and onto her feet. Recalling an old tactic she saw in footage of data-drained enemies in the first version of The World, she shouted to Haseo, "I'm no match for these monsters. I'll run around to keep it occupied until you can attack it."

A task easier said than done. Her legs pumped. Her newly grown boobs flopped on her chest, hefting high as her nose and low as mid-torso in synch with her sprint. She stared at the added weight on her shoulders. They were so heavy. So BIG. Every step threatened her with a smack in the face, the nipples of her gargantuan tits ready to poke her eyes if not for the protection of her glasses. Toned as her legs were, they couldn't compete with the specs of her altered form.

"Ha-Ha-Haseo! Help!" Her eyes darted aside, fighting her urge to look back. She huffed, "I can't keep this up much longer!"

Haseo blasted his own Duster Goblin with a final shot. Assured of its death animation, he took one look at Pi's manic sprint and burst into laughter. "Pi, you look ridiculous running around like that."

"You're loving this, aren't you? Any chance to rub my nose in it," she said. "Stop wasting time and kill this monster."

"Hold on, I'm setting up a recorder so I can post this on the official forums."

"Haseo!" She rushed past him.

"Okay, I'm on it." Raising his guns, he landed a couple shots and moved into Rengeki. His body flew toward Chain Whip, slashing and shooting waves of purple energy for massive damage. In the aftermath, the monster fell and disintegrated. They moved into their victory poses.

"What the- I LOST experience?!" Pi stared at the screen, gaping at her newly earned Level -5. Her absurdly high HP dropped by a hundred points, proving it beyond the number lit up in front of her. As if that revelation wasn't bad enough, a system-made message made her jaw drop at its implications.

** The Jester Whore support class gains experience by making a fool of herself or turning tricks in front of monsters and players. She excels at taking damage, inflicting status ailments on enemies and providing status boosts to allies. Her Rengeki will activate when her body becomes fully aroused. Failure to make herself look foolish or fuck an enemy or ally before the end of battle will result in a loss of experience. Unlike other classes, she can gain experience out of battle, and will receive an experience bonus for performing in root towns and @Homes. **

She sneered at the prompt and closed it. Did her Avatar really expect her to act so crude? Her thoughts jumped back to The World's plight, lifting her jester wand to give it another look. "I see..."

The pound of heavy feet drew her attention to the bridge, this time a couple Azul Sachem crawling toward them with hammers raised high in their lizard claws.

Pi said, "My breasts are too big. I can't run for very long with these ridiculous things on me."

"They were ridiculous BEFORE your PC changed." Haseo shrank at the icy glare Pi gave him through her white-fogged glasses. "I was only joking."

"That stunt with the Chain Whip wasn't funny. You need to take this more seriously." She obeyed the new command on her screen, her hand groping one of her tits and squeezing the soft flesh.

HONK!

"Ugh..." she sniffed. Her cotton candy scent filled her lungs. The urge to smack her forehead at such awful timing faded with the heat that swelled in her bosom, the burning blush on her face obscured by her white face paint as she responded to Haseo's giggle fit with a death stare. "Stop laughing!"

"I can't help it! You're so... so..."

"I'm serious!" HONK! "I need you to protect me while I charge my Rengeki." HONK! HONK!

The warning of battle flashed on-screen, and thankfully, Haseo ran ahead to distract both enemies. Pi gave one more look at her wand, cast a glance down her cleavage and sighed. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

The thinner end of her 'weapon' slipped into her puffy red mound. She grunted, pumping herself for wet and warmth, the electric pulse running from her game equipment to her groin. It went against common sense that she could equally feel her real life panties soak in her juices and the rough winds of the in-game field whipping over her PC's unclothed cunt. They pulsed together, the wondrous smooth feel of shaved pink stubble at odds with the mass of brown hair she really had. A bar labeled 'JP' extended beside her SP, and as a new order appeared before her, she shook her head.

"Ooooh... no... I couldn't, I... UNGH~!" Electricity jolted her sensitive folds, her lust rising to flood her honking tits. As pleasure pressed into her mind, she did as told and called out. "Look at me! Want a piece of this action?"

At that moment, the monsters' attacks shifted focus from Haseo to the taunting jester whore.

"Hey, I thought you wanted me to keep these monsters away from you?" Haseo said.

"I do, it's this class, it-" A flash of purple appeared on the enemy health display, the sound unmistakable. Rengeki. With both enemies gaining on her, she quickly chose one of her skills.

"Rag Wrap!" she shouted. Moving from breast to ass, her fingers plied between the generous cheeks and grabbed on the edge of something newly formed inside. The cloth rubbed as she whipped it out with lightning speed, the line of colorful knotted handkerchiefs mercifully clean by Tarvos' digital design. Absurdly long, it spanned out to the nearest monster when she flung it forward, its entire size binding to the monster's body and paralyzing its titan limbs.

"Where did that come from?" Haseo asked.

"My ass!"

Her hormones soared. Desire ached from her pussy. She two-handed her jester wand. Haseo's gun blasts and the chorus of her jingling jester bells fell away as she listened to the beautiful rhythm of her PC's body. Gyrating, thrusting, it felt like her own will passing through the PC and even as she knew the true cause of her actions. Her wide hips swayed left and right, wriggling the wand inside her sex by inches. "I can't control myself. I'm... I'm so horny!"

Gunning down his monster, Haseo ignored the other one and ran to his partner. "Pi, snap out of it! It's your PC, you can tell it what to do."

"I can't. I can't I can't I can't," she shook her head, pistoning all her heart into the work of her wand. "I want it so badly, Haseo. I'm a pathetic twenty-something virgin. I'm more than a system administrator, I'm a woman with needs. I need to taste a man's cock. I need-"

The purple flash caught her eyes. Her eyes fluttered dreamy, whispering to its target. "Haseo..."

"Pi?"

She activated her new Rengeki. "Lolli Gag!"

She dove face-first into Haseo's crotch, tugging his white pants straight down to his ankles. The front flaps of his shirt covered her long pink pigtails. Her hands, pulling her wand from her loins, moved to her rump and jammed the rod into her tight little hole. A vigorous wag teased as she stuck her luscious curves out for display. Staring face to face with the current master of her cunt, Pi wrapped her ruby lips around Haseo's jutting member.

"Pi! What are you doing?!" Haseo panicked.

"Mm-mmmph gurlbl," she mumbled into his length.

Her eyes served as window to her mind, the piercing defiance and determined shimmer colliding in her gaze up to her partner. His gray hairs tickled the inside of her nostrils, the heat of his growing lust with each bob of her head fanning over her cheeks. Her tongue played over the surface, from the soft and smooth to the bumpy and ridged, savoring the sweet morsel of a digital world. Her fingers rubbed her slit, falling in the gap that awaited the return of her wand to its sheath.

"Hey! Stop! Is this how you want to behave?"

"MMPH... mmm mmm."

Vibration from her failed speech brought light spasms to the delicacy in her mouth... NO! She didn't want to be this way. She didn't want to be THAT kind of woman. Still, the secret fires of her heart burned through her groin, watering the fake grass beneath her. Her mind flashed back to a time when they were together, when she admitted their likeness to each other. His insults were precious, laced with hidden warmth if only she knew how to draw it out. For now, she settled for a much different kind, as she felt the final restraining twitches of Haseo's cock.

Haseo's load burst to the back of her throat. With the first three shots caught in the confines of her mouth, she pulled back and took on a full spray over her features. A jingle of her bang bells. A coat over a lens of her glasses. A dribble ran down her chin and stained her red bow tie. Though consumed with the glory of his seed, she had enough sense to witness the effect of her crude Rengeki on her mate.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Haseo's Judgment attack blasted two powerful bullets of energy into the Azul Sachem, the ending animation causing him to backflip. Landing, his member dangled in front of Pi, messy with the aftermath of her furious blowjob.

"Oh, Haseo," she cooed. "I'll clean that for you." Her tongue snaked from the base to the tip, flicking a tease of more to come. Washing to spotless, she bounced to a stand and grinned. "Impressive, right Haseo? I'm just getting warmed- nngh..."

She held her forehead. The back of her head pounded. Her pussy throb dulled. Smearing cum almost invisibly into her facepaint, she removed her glasses and stared at its sperm-sullied lens. "Did I... ? It looks delicious..." She inched her tongue forward, scooping at the rim. At the last second, she ripped it away. "No! I didn't..."

"Pi?" Haseo slid his pants back into place. "Pi. It wasn't your fault. You were under the control of your Avatar."

"No. That's not it." Her head hung. "Haseo. You were the first person... the first boy I ever..."

It caught in her throat. She didn't want to admit it. Not to him. NEVER to him. Where would she begin? The day she met him under her alternate PC Ender? The day he called her an old hag? The day she stayed late in front of her computer at work, unzipped her pants, and...

She stepped back. "I... I can't do this. Call Kuhn. He'll know what to do."

She spun, oblivious to the glimpse of her wanded ass she offered Haseo as she walked toward the Chaos Gate.