Riku and Sora Make a Porno-Uncensored!

KEY: Anything surrounded by / / is something Riku is thinking. Anything surrounded by // // is something Sora is thinking. Anything surrounded by /// /// is something Riku and Sora are thinking simultaneously.

WARNINGS: Perverted conversations, mention of male body parts getting aroused.

Chapter Two: Pants Jewelry and Boxers

“Where the hell is Roxas?” Sora moaned, stretched out on the beer-stained, smelly, torn old couch in the living room of the apartment. He fiddled with one of the two slim yellow belts wrapped around his baggy black pants and sighed in annoyance. “He was supposed to be here with Axel ten minutes ago!”

“Who cares?” Riku was on his fourth beer.

“Riku!!” Sora glared at his friend from under his spiky brown bangs. “Why are you drinking so much?! You’re going to destroy your liver!”

“Look.” Riku gulped down the rest of the beer and crunched the can up in his hand. “If I’m doing this movie, then I want to be totally, entirely, utterly drunk before I start it. Completely shithoused. I don’t want to remember anything that psychotic spiky-headed pyro makes me do. He’ll probably have me dress up as a girl, or…”

“AGGGH!” Sora yelled in annoyance, kicking out his foot and knocking something off the wobbly, scuffed-up old coffee table. “I can’t BELIEVE you! Axel wouldn’t…You just wanna get drunk again!”

“Yes, I do want to get drunk.” Riku nodded seriously. “I just explained that to you. And you knocked the remote under the armchair again.”

“DAMMIT!” Sora launched himself off the couch and crammed the entire upper half of his slim body under the armchair, wriggling his hips and rear end around right in front of Riku as he searched for the remote control.

/Ohh, man./ Riku could feel a certain…uncomfortable tightening in his lower anatomy as he stared at Sora’s tiny ass wiggling like a puppy’s under the chair. /Why does he have to wear stretch pants?!/

/And why the fuck have I been feeling attracted to my best friend!? How come every time he moves his butt or his hips around in front of me, I get all excited?/ Riku shifted a bit to hide his growing arousal, and bit his lip hard to hold back a moan.

/I don’t know how much longer I can keep walking around in front of him in public so he doesn’t notice this…/ Riku looked up at the ceiling, trying to think of something, ANYTHING, that would get his mind off of Sora’s cute little rump, but it was no good. The sight was burned into his retinas.

“I can’t find the remote, Riku!” Sora cried, wriggling around under the armchair with renewed effort and emitting high-pitched grunts and squeaks.

Riku really needed to go to the bedroom and…relieve himself. /OK, Riku, you can do this. Focus. Control. Just think: I like girls. I like girls. I like girls./

“Ow! I hit my hand on the radiator!” Sora wriggled his butt high up in the air, so it was practically in Riku’s face.

/IlikegirlsIlikegirlsIlikegirls…/

“FOUND IT!” With one last great wriggle, Sora pulled himself out from under the armchair, the short-sleeved blue hoodie he wore slightly wrinkled, his spiky brown hair a bit tangled, and his cerulean eyes shining in triumph.

“I LIKE GIRLS!” /Oops…Was that out loud?/

“Um…I know you do, Riku,” Sora stood up slowly, looking at Riku with confusion evident on his face. “You made that really clear when you got fired from the Y.” //Gods, is he drunk already?//

“Shut up.” Riku murmured, practically running into the kitchen and praying to every deity he’d ever heard of that Sora hadn’t seen anything. “I’m gonna…go get more beer.”

BANG.

Sora’s head whirled around to the front door. “Huh? …Roxas!” He cried.

Sure enough, the blond was plastered flat against the door, arms splayed out on either side, a look of utmost terror on his face and breathing hard.

“You didn’t tell me…you had a crazy neighbor…with twenty-seven cats,” Roxas panted hoarsely, as Riku stuck his head out of the kitchen.

“Oh, Touru-san downstairs? She’s harmless, unless you walk into her apartment, which she always leaves unlocked for some reason,” said Riku, leaning against the kitchen doorway with his legs crossed oddly. “Then her cats attack you.”

“Axel…walked into her apartment. Thought it was yours,” Roxas gasped.

Sora looked at Riku with an expression of utmost horror all over his face. “Holy shit! The cats’ll kill Axel!” He yelled.

“WTF?!” Roxas shouted back.

“Whatever.” Riku pulled his head back into the kitchen.

“We’re coming, Axel!” Sora ran for the door, pushed Roxas aside, and threw it open-just as a red and black blur barreled past him into the apartment.

“Holy…crap. Holy crap holy crap holy craaaaaap…” Axel collapsed onto the frayed carpet in the living room, breathing hard. “Those cats, man…They just came out of nowhere.”

“Axel! What happened? Roxas ran to his boyfriend’s side, and Axel yanked Roxas down into his lap and cuddled him close. He said, “The apartment door was wide open, so I thought maybe you guys had left it open for us. But when I walked in, this old lady yelled ‘CAT-NAPPER!” She whacked at me with her purse, and cats came outta nowhere at my face. I ran out, but this one cat followed me up three flights of stairs and tore my coat.” Axel showed them the frayed black hem like it was some sort of battle trophy. “And how come your elevator’s not working?”

“It’s been broken since before me and Riku moved in,” Sora explained. “Our landlord, Xemnas, is a lazy shit who won’t spend money to keep this place decent.”

“Now that I think about it…this is the first time we’ve been over to your place,” Axel looked around, green eyes narrowed and taking in everything. “In all the time we’ve known each other, how come you didn’t invite Roxas and me over sooner?”

“Yeah! We’ve had you over tons of times,” Roxas chimed in.

“The place is kinda small for visitors…” Sora rubbed the back of his head and looked away, flustered. //And dirty. When was the last time we cleaned in here?//

“Never mind, Rox. I can see why Sora wouldn’t want us over.” He smirked widely. “It’s obvious Riku did the decorating.”

“Hey!” Came a shout from the kitchen.

“Riku, what are you doing in there?” Sora got up, peering around to the kitchen entrance, brow furrowed in confusion.

Riku looked at the still-obvious bulge in his pants, and the panic set in.

“Just wait out there! I’m getting snacks!” Riku ran to the refrigerator and began opening and shutting the door in front of himself, desperate for the cold inside it to have some effect on him.

“Riku, I think I know what this is about,” Sora said again, sounding annoyed.

“Really?” Riku ducked down behind the fridge door. /Did he see something? Does he know I’m attracted to him? Oh man…/

“Yes!” Sora practically yelled. “You don’t want to do the porno, so you’re hiding in the kitchen like a chibi.”

“Uh…” Riku ducked down in front of the fridge even farther, and began shifting cans around noisily inside. “That’s not true, Sora! I’m getting snacks!”

“I’m calling Olette now!” Axel cried from the living room. “Hey look…her number’s 847-5309, just like the song! Isn’t that interesting, Roxas?”

“This thing’s not even written well, Riku, so there’s nothing to worry about.” Roxas called. “Axel wouldn’t let me concentrate last night when I was trying to write it.”

Those words, and the subsequent scary images that followed in his mind, made Riku’s problem go away immediately. Grumbling a bit to save face, but breathing a secret sigh of relief inside, he slammed the fridge door shut and followed Sora into the living room.

“Yeah, but who remembered to set up the camera and film us, huh?” Axel’s smirk grew, if possible, even wider. “Now we’ve got tons of material for the big sex scene.”

Riku was beginning to feel sick.

“Can we just get started now?” Sora was blushing furiously.

“Enough, Ax. You’re scaring them.” Roxas leapt to his feet and yanked a wad of papers from his pants pocket. He studied the papers for a few minutes in silence, then said, “OK. Riku, in this first scene, you’ll be a pizza delivery guy. I’ll need you to take off your pants.”

“What the hell!? I said I wasn’t doing anything explicit!”

“You can wear your underpants! Just take your pants off and stand in the hallway. When I tell you to, ring the doorbell. Sora, you’ll answer the door, and Riku will say, ‘I’ve got a sausage pizza here for delivery.’ Then, you’ll drag Riku inside by his shirt, and you’ll start slowly taking off Sora’s pants jewelry. Then the scene’s over.”

“No way, man. Not cool.” Riku was backing up to the bedroom door. “I’m not doing that.”

“I’m putting Olette on speed-dial!” Axel yelled.

“FINE!” Grumbling, Riku ran into the kitchen to get changed.

“Roxas, I don’t have any pants jewelry. I haven’t worn jewelry since my ‘punk phase,’ remember?” Sora looked confused again.

“I took care of it, Sora.” Roxas procured a shoebox from a black messenger bag on the floor and shook it. A loud jangling sound came from within. “Just sit down, and I’ll get you set up. Axel, you put the camera up over in that corner.”

A few minutes later, Sora’s pants were covered in all manner of silver chains, buttons, and shiny Velcro zippers. Riku had run out into the hallway during this time, waiting more or less quietly, though Sora could still hear the occasional loud expletive.

“OK, let’s get started.” Roxas clapped his hands together and stood up. “Axel, is the camera good to go?” At Axel’s nod, Roxas positioned Sora before the doorway and ran behind the camera. “ACTION!” He yelled.

DING-DONG.

Sora ran forward and opened the door…and his eyes widened to the point where Riku wondered if they’d burst out of his head.

From the waist down, Riku was clothed in only black boxers covered in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” skull and crossbones, along with the words “Dead Men Tell No Tales.”

Axel burst out laughing. “Nice boxers, man!” He shouted.

“Axel, quiet!” Roxas stage-whispered.

Sora couldn’t believe how good Riku looked. Standing there, looking very uncomfortable, his ice-blue eyes not meeting Sora’s face, his silver hair moving slightly in the air from the hallway vent, he looked like a god to the young brunet. //Holy shit…his legs look like a famous sculptor made them. How can anyone look this good?//

//Hang on a sec…Am I feeling ATTRACTED to Riku?!//

“I’ve got a sausage pizza here for delivery,” Riku ground out between clenched teeth.

Sora fainted.

“PLOT TWIST!” Axel shouted, focusing the camera on Sora’s prone form.

“CUT, AXEL!”