Infernal Comedy

Chapter 2: Welcome to Hell!

“I think it’s time you start explaining just what you’re really up to.” Vergil glared coldly at her with his hand placed on Yamato’s hilt.

“I’m warning you, Vergil, you better not get violent.” Zan responded to this calmly.

“I’ve had enough of you.” Vergil spat and attacked her as fast as his limited power allowed him. Instead of stopping the sword like last time, Zan dissolved into a puddle of black water. Opening his eyes in surprise Vergil spun back around. However, when he tried moving again he couldn’t. It felt like something was handling him like a puppet.

“I warned you Vergil.” came Zan’s voice from behind him. Managing to move his head he looked over his shoulder and saw Zan standing there with her arms merged inside of his own, as if they were stuck inside him. Moving his arms, she maneuvered them so that Yamato was pointed straight at his neck. “I’m shorter than you, so if I chop off your head I won’t chop off mine.”

“Just what are you?” Vergil questioned through gritted teeth struggling to gain back control over his own body.

“That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that you used to be Mundus right hand man. Once your brother, Dante, defeated him and sealed him away for another thousand years, you were released from his grasp and poof! you end up in the Mansions of Silence.” she explained still maintaining control over his body. “Unluckily for you, dead angels don’t like anything that reminds them of Mundus. But luckily for you, here I am to lead you out of this mess.”

“Right...I’m failing to understand why we need to go to Hell.” Vergil insisted maintaining his calm even though he was sure he would lose it soon.

“Afraid of Hell, Vergil Sparda?” Zan mocked with a smirk.

“You wish.” Vergil responded instantly.

“If we’re going back to Earth, the easiest way is through Hell. If we take Heaven’s route we might as well not even make it through Silver City.” Zan explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Wait...You never mentioned you were leading me to Earth.” Vergil said with obvious anger in his voice.

“Oops!” Zan laughed sadistically as she released Vergil and jumped to the ceiling of the cave’s entrance, managing to sit on the ceiling. “Don’t wanna go back home Vergil? There is no other place for you; they don’t want you here, you’ll probly get ripped to pieces in Hell now that Mundus is gone to sleep, and obviously Heaven wouldn’t want you. I think they’d rather accept Lucifer back before they accept you. And I almost forgot, Sparda’s power now resides in Earth.”

The last she said caught Vergil’s interest, though he wondered how she knew all this. Looking down at his chest he noticed he wasn’t wearing his amulet. He really couldn’t remember anything from when he was Nelo Angelo, it was all a clouded memory. Of course, he remembered that he fought Mundus and lost, but he didn’t remember anything in between that and his last fight with Dante as Nelo Angelo. But he was sure of one thing...

“Dante.” he said under his breath with a scowl on his face.

“Touché! Though you shouldn’t be angry at him you know, if it wasn’t for him you’d still be Mundus lil’ errand boy.” Zan said resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

Seemingly deep in thought, Vergil ignored her and began to walk into the cave without waiting for her.

“Hey!” Zan called out to him quickly jumping from the ceiling and stepping in his way. “You can’t just wander into this cave like you know the place you idiot.” she scolded him giving him a frown for the first time.

“Out of my way woman, I can manage myself.” Vergil snapped coldly walking past her.

“I have a name you know. And don’t get so cocky, it’s easy to get lost here, the tunnel system constantly changes. So I suggest you keep following me.” she retorted walking faster so she was ahead of him.

“I don’t need you to lead me.” Vergil responded pushing her aside and walking faster ahead of her until he reached a point where the cave divided in two. Not bothering to hear Zan’s protests he decided on taking the left route.

“You fucking idiot!” she yelled instantly when something roared from inside the tunnel Vergil began to take. Getting ready to attack whatever was inside, Vergil readied his Yamato. A giant worm like creature with a hole for a mouth and rows of fangs in it, charged at Vergil. However, just before Vergil could attack the creature Zan swept him off of his feet and brought herself down with him as the creature dashed over them.

“You’ll pay for that.” Vergil snarled at her in a dangerous tone as he got up to his feet quickly and faced the worm like creature who was regaining itself.

“Slashing it with your sword won’t do shit.” Zan stated as she stepped forward, brought her hands back while doing a circular movement with them, and brought them back forward with force as fire erupted out of them. The creature let out a painful screech as it burned down and melted into nothing. “Now follow me before Razaar decides to go killer again.”

Vergil didn’t want to ask who this Razaar was; he just reluctantly followed her down the other corridor.

“Razaar the Sleeper we call him. That route you decided to take, that’s his territory. And stepping into it is like stepping over him; he feels it. In general he likes to sleep always and will go killer on anyone who disturbs him as you’ve seen.”

“I didn’t ask you who this pathetic beast is.” Vergil snapped annoyed by her assumption that he was curious.

“Oh he’s not a beast, he is, or was a warlock when he was alive.” Zan explained glancing at him quickly over her shoulder.

“Hmmph, well whatever...How long until we get out of this cave?” he wondered.

“Not long if you just keep walking to my pace.” she responded. Vergil just ignored her the rest of the way out of the cave. Once they were out in the clear they were met by a space with no floor but they managed to walk as if there were an invisible floor. The atmosphere all around was black with fuchsia colors sparkling brightly. Vortexes were spread randomly about the space and in the distance a great wall of giant vines was visible.

“Help me. Tell me if you spot a red vortex, like scarlet red, red.” she said glancing around looking at the numerous vortexes that were constantly on the move. Though annoyed at having been asked for help, Vergil complied to help her spot the vortex she sought out for.

“Hey.” he called for her attention when he spotted the vortex she was looking for. “Is that it?” he pointed towards it.

She walked back next to him and looked in the direction he was pointing. “Very good Vergil! You have way better eyes than me. Now let’s go before we drag anymore attention.” she gave him a pat on the back and smiled at him as if he were a child.

Vergil resisted the urge to snap and say something biting his tongue hard as he complied to follow her. It was harder to walk as they got nearer to the giant vortex. Furious winds attempted to push them back and the air had some sort of granite that felt like hundreds of bug bites when they hit them.

“What in blazes is with this cursed granite?!” Vergil cursed out loud attempting to shake off the granite that was sticking to his skin.

“Oh that’s not granite, they’re animi. They’re like ticks only they feed off your energy. They’re pieces of broken down souls. Come on grab my hand, I’ll keep ‘em off of you.” she offered her hand which was now glowing yellow. Vergil gave her a smug look and took her hand grudgingly. The instant he touched it he felt an electric current run through his whole body and next thing he knew the animi or whatever it is they’re called bounced off from them as if they had an invisible shield on.

They were just a few feet away from the center of the vortex. Vergil felt heavier and he found it hard keeping his eyes open as the wind got stronger. Suddenly his feet felt like they had magnets keeping him from getting dragged away by the wind.

“I’m doing this. I’m keeping us attached to the ground until we get to the center of the vortex.” Zan announced as they walked still holding hands much to Vergil’s dismay.

“If we’re riding this thing why not just let go now and let it suck us up?!” Vergil yelled over the furious roar of the vortex.

“If we let go now we’ll end up who knows where! We have to be in the center to ride to where we want to!” Zan replied.

Vergil snorted at this but made no other commentary. Moments later they made it to the center. As with the eye of a storm, it was calm. The wind around them whistled savagely, but to Vergil’s point of view they were save from the whirling madness that surrounded them. He looked up and it was a whole other story; as the vortex spun upwards it seemed to take a living form, it was like a whole bunch of meat smashed together and swirling upwards into a hollow, black hole that surged with red lightning.

“Get ready I’m gonna undo the spell so it can suck us up.” Zan explained looking up as well.

“Wait, we still have the spell?” Vergil asked surprised. Because of the calmness they were in he had figured she had undone the spell the moment they got there to the center.

She said nothing and merely smirked as he felt a surge of energy leaving his body and the next thing he knew he was forcedly and rapidly suctioned towards the black hole he had been staring at just a few moments ago. He had to close his eyes from how fast he was spinning; he had lost his sense of direction and he was beyond dizzy. Just as they approached the black hole Vergil lost consciousness.


“Hey...Hey, Vergil, wake up already.” he heard a distant voice calling him. He stirred as he slowly got back to his senses. Something poked him constantly as he remembered the situation he was at.

“Stop it...I’m awake already...” he muttered as he sat up opening his eyes. He was met by the person he least wished to be with right now. Zan smiled and stood up straight watching as he stood up as well.

“Well, we’re here.” she announced quite calmly. Vergil looked around observing what she meant by ‘here’. The sky swirled with black and red clouds, sulfur was strong in the air, and awkwardly shaped dark mountains surrounded them.

“What’s here?” Vergil asked looking down at her.

“You don’t remember?” she smirked. “Welcome to Hell!” she exclaimed swirling around with her arms spread.

Vergil scowled remembering now that she had told him they were going to Hell to get to Earth. Something told him this was going to be a long journey...But if Sparda was in Dante’s possession on Earth, then he was willing to continue following the idiot of a woman that was guiding him...However, he had his questions to ask her...