And So...?

Blue. The sky is so blue and pretty and here I am studying inside for a stupid test on stupid stupid history. Who cares that some guy did a thing a while ago when right now is just so nice!

I sigh, slightly irritated. I know, I know, maybe if some guy hadn’t done some thing in the past, I wouldn’t be sitting here today.

Actually, yes! I wouldn’t be sitting here because I wouldn’t have to study and I’d be outside! In the sun! Swimming! Anything else!

I bet Riku is outside. Stupid Riku, being older and ahead of me. He’s always one step ahead of me.

That made it pretty damn hard to find him, considering. He was always right there, out of reach, my idiot best friend who likes to angst in the corner sometimes. But he’s here now, after much chasing and fighting and stuff, so I’m pretty happy with the situation.

Okay okay, maybe I’m a little more than just happy. So maybe I did cry when I finally saw him again. That doesn’t make me a baby or anything... I was just so relieved! I thought something terrible had happened to him - which, well, I guess it did - but he was okay, really. Seeing his face again... I think I was more relieved then than I was when we finally defeated Xemnas.

My stupid best friend.

I have to at least try to study... but when I look down at the notes I’ve taken in class, all I see are little doodles of myself banging my head against the desk, Riku and I out on the island doing anything from sparring to me playing a dirty trick on him or both of us tricking Kairi or us...

Hm. I seem to be doing a lot of Riku-related doodles.

Well I guess they wouldn’t really be about Kairi right about now, not after that weird thing that happened last week. GAH, SO embarrassing.

So we’re just sitting there studying, and I’m so bored I’m about to cry when she lets me know we’re almost done...

“Sora, after you answer these last five questions, you’ll be done! So if you’ll just focus for one min-”

She got my attention there.

“Almost done? Awesome!” I jumped up, super excited about getting out of Kairi’s purple room and outside or back to my house to play video games.

But the thing is... I have these super enormous feet.

“Well I’m gonna run to the bathroom and then I’ll--”

And, well, there was a thing. And I guess I tripped on it... And I landed on Kairi. All that would have been fine, except there was this really uncomfortable moment where she was looking at me funny after I had pulled myself up.

Then suddenly I was being kissed! For the first time ever! By Kairi!

What? What the hell’s going on here?

So my brain kicks in and I jump back pretty quickly (I have awesome reflexes, thank you).

“Um.. Kairi, yeah... I uh... meeting Riku? Sure! I um ... I have to go!” I blurted in my super sleek and entirely normal way (I was basically crapping myself), and dashed from the room like a kitty on fire.

By the time I got outside, I was totally confused. Hadn’t that come out of nowhere? I mean, I liked Kairi and everything, and I had wanted to kiss her for a while, but that was just...

Wait. If I liked Kairi, and I wanted to kiss her, why hadn’t I just stayed behind and ravished her? I mean, I am seventeen, I know I’m sexually deprived for my age (the heartless, Donald, and Goofy didn’t exactly do a lot for me), so why didn’t I stay and get the kiss I’d always wanted?

After all, she was the one who kissed me.

So why do I feel like I just kissed my mom in a gross way? EWWWWWW!

My thoughts are racing so fast right now, and I’m so confused. I just kinda plopped under a tree, squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to think. What do I do now? I don’t want things to be all weird and awkward with Kairi, but I know I can’t date her now, because I’d have to kiss her more often, and I didn’t like that because it was strange and gross and unnatural like my sister or something even though I don’t have a sister and what would Riku do I’m confused!

Well Riku would probably tell me to get off my ass and go apologise and be honest instead of sitting here freaking out like a girl. Or pansy. Or anything that’s not manly and macho like him.

So a few minutes later, I get myself up off the ground, and wander back towards Kairi’s. I try to sneak up the stairs quietly, but it’s freakin’ amazing how when you are trying to be your quietest, squeaks sound like bombs exploding and each breath is nails on a chalk board.

So I endure the most irritating noises ever and finally come to her room and push open the door. She’s gathering up our stuff in kind of a daze. She notices me.

“Sora?”

I gulp down a massive ball of nerves and sigh.

“Kairi, sorry about running out earlier... but that was just really unexpected,” I laugh out a bit too loudly and nervously.

“It’s okay Sora, I know I probably frea-”

“It’s just I thought about it and I thought I had wanted the same thing but see it feels like when I kissed you it was like-” I coughed a bit to stop myself from explosive rambling. “It was like kissing someone in my family. You’re like a sister to me, and I don’t think I could be with you like that. Kissing and stuff, I mean. I really like you, you’re one of my best friends, but I just feel so weird right now.”

My hands are all sweaty. Nasty.

She just kinda looks dejected, sits on her bed and sighs. She looks up at me.

“It’s okay Sora. I’m sorry about that, I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just wanted to see what it felt like.”

I smile at her.

“So what did it feel like?”

She smiles back.

“Like someone’s head bonked really hard into mine.”

We both grin and laugh a bit, and the strain is kinda gone. I get my stuff and go, feeling really lucky that she forgot I still had those five questions to do.

Yes! Clever Sora, getting out early! Now, where’s is Riku’s fat butt at...

I’m so not studying anymore. There is no way I can focus at all with the sun all being in the sky and stuff, so I just shut my books and stretch out, ready to leave my room and search out someone to do something with.

I’m pretty sure Kairi will be studying because she’s a nerd and that’s what she does, so I’m thinking that Riku will be procrastinating out on the island because he’s Riku and that’s what he does.

So off to the island it is!

After a quick change into a t-shirt and shorts, I’m walking down the road towards the beach to paddle out to the island. Ugh, I can’t believe I wasted part of this day inside. School is so GAY.

Not that I use the term gay in a derogatory way. I like gay people. I mean, Tidus is gay and that doesn’t bother me in the least. It is kinda funny though because not many people know he is, and he still has all the girls mooning over him all the time. The only weird thing is I think sometimes he checks out Riku, which is weird, not just because Riku’s my friend, but because it makes me check him out. It’s just that group guy reflex to check out what the other guys are checking out, I’m sure, but sometimes it makes me notice things about Riku that I probably shouldn’t.

Like just how pretty he is. He’s more like a girl than me, with that hair all in his face and grown way down passed his shoulders. And he’s got those girly eyelashes that make his greeny-blue eyes look all mysterious and huge. But I guess that’s where his girlyness really ends because he’s a lot more dudely than I am everywhere else.

I don’t get it, he’s only a year older! So why does he have all these big defined muscles while I’m just leanly muscular? It’s so DUMB!

Everything on Riku is all chiselled out. He has ridiculously good abs and that muscle that I just call the crotch cut cause I have no clue what it is. I kinda have it, but his is like an arrow that says “LOOK AT MY CROTCH.”

And sometimes then I wonder if his thing is bigger than mine and then I REALLY blush and frown at Tidus for making me think all gay.

Sometimes I think I’m attracted to Riku, but I guess it’s normal for all guys to wonder sometimes, right? Plus Riku’s my best friend, and he is attractive at a retarded level.

Stupid Tidus.

“Oi, Sora!”

Oh, Tidus. Well that’s weird. I turn around and smile, seeing him run up to me as I’m untying my boat.

“Hey Tidus, what’s up?”

He stops to catch his breath for a split second, then says, “Are you going out to the island? Mind if I catch a ride?”

“Sure! Just grab an extra paddle and we’ll head out.” I say, and he nods, taking the one from the extra boat.

We push my boat out, and climb in, and as I’m pulling the rope up, a question strikes me.

“Hey Tidus, how’d you figure out you were gay?”

Oops. That sounds really not like I meant for it to at all. And not to my surprise he’s looking at me like I just turned into a cat.

“ERM... I mean.. uh... well. I guess I was just wondering...” Smooth, Sora.

“...Sora? Do you think you might be gay?” He asks, and I try to ignore that strange note in his voice that makes him sound hopeful.

“WHAT! NO! I was just... NO, geeze, I just was wondering because... I, um... I just was wondering what it’s like. Or like how you figured it out. I know it’s weird. Sorry, I was just thinking about it right before you came up and I figured I’d ask-”

I stop when a snort catches my attention.

He’s laughing at me! Jerkwad!

“Sora, I mean.. it’s really not that difficult to figure out you’re gay. One, you’re not attracted to girls. You don’t really look at boobs and think, ‘wow’... Instead, you’re looking at another guy’s butt and thinking ‘wow.’ It really isn’t rocket science, although...” What’s this pause for? “...Sometimes it can take a while for you to admit that’s what’s going on in your head.”

Hm. Well that’s interesting.

“So, did you just notice one day that you weren’t looking at girls like the rest of us?”

He looks at me like I’m an idiot.

“Sora, I’m not the only one around here who’s not looking at girls... You know that, right?”

I stop my rowing. Someone else is gay? Do I know them?

I look at him questioningly and ask, “What do you mean? Is someone else gay?”

I continue to receive the ‘you’re stupid’ look, which I’m beginning to resent.

He continues, “You mean you really haven’t noticed anyone else looking at guys? Like really looking? Checking out other guys, maybe even having a crush on one guy in particular?”

My blank stare cues him to go on.

“Okay, so there is no one on this island that you haven’t noticed maybe looking at you differently? Maybe getting closer to you than normal, physically, I mean?”

I suddenly understand. “Oh yeah, I mean, Kairi kissed me the other day! Is that what you mean? I didn’t think that was gay though.”

Tidus is banging his head with the top of his paddle.

“Um... so I guess you don’t mean Kairi... Well then.. What do you.... Oh. OH.” Now I really have it figured out.

Shit! Tidus has a crush on me!

“You have a crush on me!”

Tidus looks at me with that look again and shouts, “NO! Sora, you are so oblivious! It’s not me, its certainly not Kairi, and I’ll go ahead and tell you it’s not Wakka or Selphie either just to help you out a bit!”

Geeze, Tidus, chill out.

“Tidus I’m not that stupid, it just sounded like you were trying to hint at that, idiot. What was I supposed to think?”

And as I’m speaking my brain is processing what Tidus just screamed. Hm. So who does that leave?

Oh man. Seriously? Tidus has to be delirious. I just start laughing my head off. Riku! Riku having a crush on me! Hahahaha! That’s so silly. That’s the most ridiculous thing ever.

“You... hahha.... You seriously think... hahahaHA! That RIKU has a crush on me! HAHA! Tidus, you are SO stupid.”

I keep laughing and he’s glaring at me a little, paddling a little faster than me now. Then he takes a deep breathe and the glaring stops. Thankfully he doesn’t give me that ‘you’re and idiot’ look again.

“Actually, Sora, I think you have a crush on Riku. That’s what I think.”
Huh? WHAT?

... Shit.

All the doodles. The talking about Riku. The checking Riku out even when Tidus wasn’t. The getting annoyed when Tidus checked out Riku. The whole thing with not liking kissing Kairi. The Riku. The funny dreams where I almost kiss him and then it turns into a joke. The constantly thinking about Riku. Ku. Keh. Crap.

“...Sora? You all right buddy?”

I breathe for the first time in over a minute. Or maybe I was hyperventilating. Something.

“Tidus, if I tell you something, will you please promise not to freak out or laugh or tell anybody?”

He looks at me, very concerned.

“You know you can tell me anything, Sora.”

“What if you’re right?” I whisper.

He snorts. “Well that wasn’t really telling me anything, it was more like asking... But I don’t think it’s much of a problem if you do.”

I’m about to freak out. “But he’s my best friend! HE! He’d freak out! And I’m not gay! I know I’m not gay, I used to be in love with Kairi and I used to want to kiss Kairi! I’m not gay... I look at boobs!”

Tidus is looking at me contemplatively. My face is flaming and my whole body has started to sweat, and it’s really not hot outside at all.

“Sora, have you ever heard of a bisexual?”

“What does that have to do with anything! I don’t like boys I just like Riku! WAIT! I don’t even know that! Shit!”

“Sora, calm down! You’re going to turn the boat over if you keep freaking out! It’s okay, you may or may not have a crush on Riku but either way it’s not the end of the world! Just chill out, man!” He’s panicking, probably because I’m wobbling all over the place still about to crap myself (yes, again), and I can’t seem to calm down.

But Tidus keeps talking to me, rambling about how he’s full blown gay and his life hasn’t fallen apart, it’s okay to be confused, blah blah, and I’m slowly starting to breathe more normally and revert back to normal-Sora mode.

“... Better?” He tentatively asks once I’m just sitting covering my eyes with one hand.

“Yeah. I’m just pretty confused right about now, because, well, all signs point to me being right about thinking I might possibly have a crush on my best male friend.”

I feel Tidus hesitate before he says, “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d react like that. I thought you were straight as a pole.” He sounds sheepish.

I look him dead in the eyes and smile a bit. “So did I.”

We both laugh lowly for a second.

“So what do you think you’ll do?” He asks.

“At this point, I don’t know. I mean I just figured this out.”

Oh God. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I have a crush on Riku. Geeze. This is the weirdest moment of my life, including when I turned into a lion cub.

He’s being really quiet.

“Well,” he starts, very very quietly, “you might have more of a shot than you think.”

I look at him like he’s dumb. Hey, turnabout is fair play.

“Riku isn’t gay, Tidus. And even if he were, I mean, I’m not exactly the type he’d go for.”

Tidus just sighs, looking like he’s done convincing people for the day.

“Think what you want Sora, but I think pretty much the opposite. But I could be wrong. But I think this is enough drama for two guys in one day... I may be gay, but I’m not a girl. Let’s just get to the island and spar, yeah?”

I nod, happy to get the thoughts out of the front of my mind. We dock the boat and tie it, and as we hang out for the rest of the afternoon, hanging out with Kairi for an hour or two, I can’t help but wonder where Riku is and why Kairi was so weirded out when we ran into her.

And I can’t help but want to see him.

Damn.

This crush thing is going to be pretty weird now that I know about it.

A/N: So how’s the Sora? And the writing? Please give me feedback, it makes me feel good and it helps the work improve!

Much love.