Fun with the Daedric Princes
folder
+A through F › Elder Scrolls - Oblivion
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
3,151
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+A through F › Elder Scrolls - Oblivion
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
6
Views:
3,151
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Condoms and wow
Chapter 2- Condoms and Wow
Molag Bal blinked a bit when Sheogorath handed him the package. These were those bloody things that he refused to wear. It was un-natural and inhumane.
“Condoms?” He finally asked. “How are we going to mess with the other Daedra princes with these things?”
Sheogorath grinned and shrugged. “You tell me. You have the box.”
“Because you handed me the box!”
“Now why on earth would I hand you condoms? You’re talking crazy Bal.”
Molag Bal slapped himself in the head to stop himself from hitting Sheogorath. This whole conversation was leading him in circles.
“I’m starting to get annoyed.”
“Ah! Don’t Bal. Lighten up! Here have some cheese!”
Molag Bal growled at the magical cheese that Sheogorath produced, seemingly out of nowhere. “Get that shit away from me.”
“Don’t be a crab, Bal. That’s Mora’s job. It’s not my fault that you hate condoms.”
Molag Bal huffed. “I don’t hate them. I just don’t see the purpose of their existence.” He opened the box and pulled one out. “I mean, all they do is make sex feel strange. Not to mention they hurt your dick.”
“They stop babies, I heard.”
Molag Bal rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong with children? I have plenty. Sure, most of them are pains in the assess, but they still gather worshipers and do my work in the human realm.”
“Yes, yes. I suppose having children is okay…That is unless you have them with a member of the Tribunal.”
Molag Bal visibly stiffened. “Don’t you dare.”
“Ah! I can remember it all now! That wedding was absolutely the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed. You looked dashing, brother Bal. You’re bride however…”
“You’d be smart to stop right there, Sheo….”
“She was a fine lass. Or, should I say he…”
“Sheo….” It was the last warning.
“That Vivec was so pretty. Too bad he went on a murderous rampage and killed all the kids you made with him and-eeep!!!!!!!!” Sheogorath was cut off when Molag Bal produced his still bloodied mace and charged at him, growling furiously. He tried to run but Molag Bal tackled him and was slamming him in the back of the head with his mace.
Finally when Sheogorath stopped moving, Molag Bal got off him and waited. Within moments, Sheogorath stood up and Molag Bal hit him one more time for good measure.
“Ow.” Sheogorath smiled, even though the mace was lodged in his skull. “No need to get yer tail in a knot, Bal. I was just teasing.”
Molag Bal ignored him and picked up the fallen condoms. He opened one and put his mouth on the opening. Then blew into it until he had a condom balloon. “The only fun you can have with condoms is this and sticking them to glass.”
“Exactly!”
Molag Bal blinked. “What?”
“That’s what we're going to do!” Sheogorath said, finally wrenching the mace from his skull.
“Stick blown up condoms to windows?”
“Not just anybodies windows. Mehrunes Dagon’s windows.”
Molag Bal grinned. “You deviant.”
“To the Deadlands?”
“To the Deadlands.”
They both teleported outside one of the huge spires in Mehrunes Dagon’s plane of Oblivion. Molag Bal could only chuckle as they blew up the condoms.
“He’s totally going to kill us.”
“Possibly. This with be worth it though.” Sheogorath spoke while he made his condom balloon into a puppy.
“Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be, Bal.”
“Okay. Count to three and then we’ll flick them.”
“Alrighty! One, two……….five?”
“Three.”
“Right. Three!!!”
They let the condoms fly.
Meanwhile Mehrunes Dagon was innocents starring out the window to behold his glorious wasteland. Everything was perfect. Everything was glorious! Everything was-
Splat!
Mehrunes blinked, unsure what was stuck to the window in front of his face. When it finally did hit him, he felt himself fill with rage. He looked down and saw two fellow Daedra princes, laughing their asses off.
“MOLAG BAL!!!! SHEOGORATH!!!!!”
The two kept laughing even though they heard him scream.
“That was the perfect reaction!” Molag Bal laughed, gripping his sides. They soon heard stomping and Molag Bal’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. He’s coming down! Scatter!”
“Right O!” Sheogorath saluted before breaking into a million pieces and running about Molag Bal’s feet.
Molag Bal sighed then yelped. He dove out of the way before Mehrunes Dagon crushed him with his foot. Sheogorath wasn’t so lucky. Mehrunes crushed all of his pieces beneath his heel.
“HO!!!!!” Sheogorath screamed appearing behind Mehrunes and grabbing his underwear. To Molag Bal’s surprise, Mehrunes didn’t move.
“What the….”
“He’s frozen for fifteen seconds Bal. Help me with this.”
“Right!”
The both pulled on Mehrunes underwear and Sheogorath began to shove in flaming dogs. Molag Bal noted that, amusingly, Mehrunes underwear said Mom on them. Aw. How precious.
“Get ready, Bal! Release!”
Mehrunes instantly came back to life and looked around, not even noticing his fellow princes behind him. Until it was too late.
They both screamed, “ATOMIC WEDGIE!!!!” And ripped his underwear over his head. Molag Bal had to laugh because now the underwear said something else upside-down.
“WOW!”
They both teleported away from Mehrunes Dagon, who was struggling to see and rip his underwear from his face.
They went back to Molag Bal’s plane of Oblivion and let there laughter die down there.
“That was great, Sheo. Made my life.”
“Indeed.”
“When he catches us though, he’s going to kick our asses.”
Sheogorath and Molag Bal exchanged looks. “Who’s next?”
End of chapter.
Molag Bal blinked a bit when Sheogorath handed him the package. These were those bloody things that he refused to wear. It was un-natural and inhumane.
“Condoms?” He finally asked. “How are we going to mess with the other Daedra princes with these things?”
Sheogorath grinned and shrugged. “You tell me. You have the box.”
“Because you handed me the box!”
“Now why on earth would I hand you condoms? You’re talking crazy Bal.”
Molag Bal slapped himself in the head to stop himself from hitting Sheogorath. This whole conversation was leading him in circles.
“I’m starting to get annoyed.”
“Ah! Don’t Bal. Lighten up! Here have some cheese!”
Molag Bal growled at the magical cheese that Sheogorath produced, seemingly out of nowhere. “Get that shit away from me.”
“Don’t be a crab, Bal. That’s Mora’s job. It’s not my fault that you hate condoms.”
Molag Bal huffed. “I don’t hate them. I just don’t see the purpose of their existence.” He opened the box and pulled one out. “I mean, all they do is make sex feel strange. Not to mention they hurt your dick.”
“They stop babies, I heard.”
Molag Bal rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong with children? I have plenty. Sure, most of them are pains in the assess, but they still gather worshipers and do my work in the human realm.”
“Yes, yes. I suppose having children is okay…That is unless you have them with a member of the Tribunal.”
Molag Bal visibly stiffened. “Don’t you dare.”
“Ah! I can remember it all now! That wedding was absolutely the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed. You looked dashing, brother Bal. You’re bride however…”
“You’d be smart to stop right there, Sheo….”
“She was a fine lass. Or, should I say he…”
“Sheo….” It was the last warning.
“That Vivec was so pretty. Too bad he went on a murderous rampage and killed all the kids you made with him and-eeep!!!!!!!!” Sheogorath was cut off when Molag Bal produced his still bloodied mace and charged at him, growling furiously. He tried to run but Molag Bal tackled him and was slamming him in the back of the head with his mace.
Finally when Sheogorath stopped moving, Molag Bal got off him and waited. Within moments, Sheogorath stood up and Molag Bal hit him one more time for good measure.
“Ow.” Sheogorath smiled, even though the mace was lodged in his skull. “No need to get yer tail in a knot, Bal. I was just teasing.”
Molag Bal ignored him and picked up the fallen condoms. He opened one and put his mouth on the opening. Then blew into it until he had a condom balloon. “The only fun you can have with condoms is this and sticking them to glass.”
“Exactly!”
Molag Bal blinked. “What?”
“That’s what we're going to do!” Sheogorath said, finally wrenching the mace from his skull.
“Stick blown up condoms to windows?”
“Not just anybodies windows. Mehrunes Dagon’s windows.”
Molag Bal grinned. “You deviant.”
“To the Deadlands?”
“To the Deadlands.”
They both teleported outside one of the huge spires in Mehrunes Dagon’s plane of Oblivion. Molag Bal could only chuckle as they blew up the condoms.
“He’s totally going to kill us.”
“Possibly. This with be worth it though.” Sheogorath spoke while he made his condom balloon into a puppy.
“Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be, Bal.”
“Okay. Count to three and then we’ll flick them.”
“Alrighty! One, two……….five?”
“Three.”
“Right. Three!!!”
They let the condoms fly.
Meanwhile Mehrunes Dagon was innocents starring out the window to behold his glorious wasteland. Everything was perfect. Everything was glorious! Everything was-
Splat!
Mehrunes blinked, unsure what was stuck to the window in front of his face. When it finally did hit him, he felt himself fill with rage. He looked down and saw two fellow Daedra princes, laughing their asses off.
“MOLAG BAL!!!! SHEOGORATH!!!!!”
The two kept laughing even though they heard him scream.
“That was the perfect reaction!” Molag Bal laughed, gripping his sides. They soon heard stomping and Molag Bal’s eyes widened. “Oh shit. He’s coming down! Scatter!”
“Right O!” Sheogorath saluted before breaking into a million pieces and running about Molag Bal’s feet.
Molag Bal sighed then yelped. He dove out of the way before Mehrunes Dagon crushed him with his foot. Sheogorath wasn’t so lucky. Mehrunes crushed all of his pieces beneath his heel.
“HO!!!!!” Sheogorath screamed appearing behind Mehrunes and grabbing his underwear. To Molag Bal’s surprise, Mehrunes didn’t move.
“What the….”
“He’s frozen for fifteen seconds Bal. Help me with this.”
“Right!”
The both pulled on Mehrunes underwear and Sheogorath began to shove in flaming dogs. Molag Bal noted that, amusingly, Mehrunes underwear said Mom on them. Aw. How precious.
“Get ready, Bal! Release!”
Mehrunes instantly came back to life and looked around, not even noticing his fellow princes behind him. Until it was too late.
They both screamed, “ATOMIC WEDGIE!!!!” And ripped his underwear over his head. Molag Bal had to laugh because now the underwear said something else upside-down.
“WOW!”
They both teleported away from Mehrunes Dagon, who was struggling to see and rip his underwear from his face.
They went back to Molag Bal’s plane of Oblivion and let there laughter die down there.
“That was great, Sheo. Made my life.”
“Indeed.”
“When he catches us though, he’s going to kick our asses.”
Sheogorath and Molag Bal exchanged looks. “Who’s next?”
End of chapter.