Sexual Warlord

The thing I've noticed about Night Elves is that they smell worse than you'd imagine. I present to you a lush, lovely Night Elf hunter named Mercybane. I know, a Night Elf in Orgrimmar? Well, I'd had one captured and brought to me straight out of Ashenvale. I'm Thrall. Warlord of the Orcs. I can do what I like.

She was paraded through the Valley of Strength, the procession loud and boisterous. I knew she was in town and proceeded to give the Shout of the Warlord, I know the Horde loves it when I do that. I was in a small chamber off of the Hall of Wisdom, waiting contentedly for my latest quarry to be brought to my doorstep.

I knew they drew closer when I heard the unearthly shrieking emanating from my lilac love lotus. She didn't speak Orcish and I didn't speak Darnassian or whatever it is those Alliance folks speak. A knock on my door sounded and I opened it swiftly, my eyes greedy on the busty sloe-eyed beauty. She was tossed into the room at my feet, bound and livid.

Let me set a few things straight about Night Elves. They smell like ..baby food. Pureed carrots or some such. Not a pleasant smell. Their eyes are also unnerving. Their skin glistens like they sweat constantly. They remind me of hippies.

But that's not the reason for this tale. This is about the debauchery I had planned for Mercybane. Except I wasn't aware that things wouldn't go the way I had planned. Then again, they never seem to. Back to my story.

She was sprawled on the floor, creepy mercurial eyes watching me with distaste. I wasn't used to this. Ladies fawn over me! I am Thrall! Perhaps she was threatened by my ripped body and impressive manhood. I towered over her, naked, green and proud. Arms akimbo, I didn't bother with words. She wouldn't understand what I spoke, so I would allow my actions to speak for me.

Did you know that Night Elves have no nipples? I discovered this shortly after I stripped her musty mail armor from her body. Not a damn nipple in sight, her breasts instead gelatinous mounds of flesh. She kept speaking in that unnerving tongue, cursing me with her every breath.

I prodded one quaint breast with a curious finger, pushing the squishy thing this way and that. Even Uglymoo with her lopsided tits had nipples. It's the weirdest damn thing. I stepped back from Mercybane and decided that I would strip her, fuck her and have her taken to the wolves. But, as usual, things would never go as planned. Removing the armor from her shapely legs, I inhaled deeply and almost gagged on the scent of fermented apple juice.

Night Elves have the creepiest hands. Their fingers are long and bony and--

They have no vaginas, either.

By this time I was stumped. How could the sexiest females in all of Kalimdor have no genitalia, no nipples? In essence, she was built like a barbie doll.

This wasn't going as smoothly as I'd hoped.

To save myself from utter failure, I grasped my rapidly shrinking manhood and merely rubbed one out on her face. I have to admit, the lack of nipples and the mysterious missing vagina were creeping me out, but the sight of my manseed smeared over her face made me feel a little better.