UB3: Greek Irony

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Universe Backstabber 3: Greek Irony

By Harley Quinn hyenaholic

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Me: This Chapter and the Chapter following it divulges information on exactly what Sonic said to the cops after he escaped Robotnik's lair, because I didn't think it was nessecery for you to know in the epilouge. I mean, who wants to clog up a funeral with a testimony about escaping?

Vector: It would have made things a lot easier for us.

Me: Today I had the best idea about the relationships in this fic! But revealing them would mean you didn't have to read the fic, and could just lie in bed and get on with fantasising. So, tough. And no matter how much you bug me, I won't tell you whether Tails is alive or dead, because I might have changed my mind by the time I get to that Chapter.

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Chapter 2: The Wool Over Our Eyes

"So," I ask Vector and Charmee, "Did any of us actually ask Sonic and Cream what went on in Robotnik's lair?"

"Nope!" answers Charmee cheerfully.

"Cream seemed pretty shook up about it, and Sonic, well..." Vector replies, "His best friend had just died, and I took it for granted that he wouldn't want to talk about it. But they both gave a testimony to the police. And that's what we need to get hold of first. See if there's any inconsistancies between their testimonies."

"How?" I ask, "They're not going to help us after that little brawl you had with those cops in that bar a few weeks ago."

"We'll break in and get it," Vector replies.

"I'll get it!" Charmee shouts.

"Right. Espio, I'm going to check it against Sonic's statement to his friends. In other words, us. While I'm doing that, you can go to Cream's house and check on her statement."

"How are you going to get Sonic to talk?" I ask him, "He'll freeze up as soon as one of us mentions Tails!"

"I'll just have to be subtle," Vector answers.

"What, you'll hit him with your tail rather than your fists?" I ask.

"No. I'm going to get him drunk."

~~~

POV Change... Vector

I arrive at Sonic's 27 floor apartment block and look up at it. Sonic lives on the 26th floor. Now I wish I'd accepted Espio's offer to 'run me over here'. He could have dashed me up there in a minute or so.

After twenty minutes of stairclimbing, I finally get to the top and knock on the door. Somebody looks through the eyehole suspiciously, then opens the door. Sonic is standing there, holding some beer. Knuckles is standing over in the corner, also holding some beer. Guy's night in or something.

I loom. I'm good at looming. It almost makes up for having to bend down to go through doors.

Sonic looks confused, then says, "Vector! Come on in! We're just-"

"It's Team Chaotix Detective Agency at the moment, Mr Hedgehog," I answer, "Our business card."

"Vector, I know your name," Sonic replies, "And this 'business card' is printed on a napkin!"

"Recycled paper," I answer breezily, "Now, I'd like to ask you some questions about your last encounter with Miles Prower."

"Vector..." Sonic groans, "Okay, come in, sit down."

"Just tell me, start to finish, what happened," I say, as Sonic sits down and puts his head in his hands.

"Why does everybody keep bringing this up?" he asks, "First the cops, then Nack Weasel comes over herer, and now you!"

"I need to hear it again," I start, "So that-"

"You think I murdered him or something?" Sonic yells, his eyes filling with tears, "Yeah, that's what you think, isn't it?!"

Knuckles glares at me, "Now look what you've done," he snaps at me.

"No... no, I can handle this," Sonic says, "Tails and Cream... they were captured by Robotnik... and he said if I didn't come alone, he'd have them both killed... Well, of course it was a trap. But I had to go. I broke Cream out first, and then I tried to save Tails... but he was already pretty badly beaten up. When we were on our way out, he couldn't keep up with me. He... he got shot... in the back... SWATbots... blood everywhere... he told me to not worry about him... to just run..."

Sonic bursts into tears noisily. Knuckles pats him on the back, "Happy now?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I'm real happy I made one of my friends cry like a little girl," I scowl.

"Don't let the door hit your tail on the way out," Knuckles adds.

I growl and stamp out. I haven't found out anything. I can only hope than Espio and Charmee are havomg better luck than me. I suddenly notice a little Light Chao watching me from the stairwell, "Out of the way, I'm going to the pub," I snap at it.

It moves for me. I don't look back, but I feel like it's watching me all the way down the stairs.

~~~

POV Change... Espio

I'm standing at the front door of Cream's mansion - yes, mansion, her mother's one of the greatest patrons of the local museum, as well as a donor to the local Chao sanctuary - looking at the door-knocker. It's shaped like a Chao.

I grasp it to knock the door hard, and a Dark Chao flies up in front of me, trying to bite my face off in a playful kind of way. I flail desperately at it, and hop across the street, trying to put it off by using stealth. I fail, fall over into some dustbins with a yell, and try to stop it gnawing off my legs.

Then there's a rush of air, a sonic boom, and I realise that Sonic is standing in front of the door.

I try to yell out for help to him, but the Dark Chao sits heavily on my face.

Sonic is now knocking on the door hard. I watch - not easy now that the Dark Chao is chewing on my tail - half expecting him to be attacked as well. But the door is opened and he goes in. Shouldn't Vector be interveiwing him right now?

I hit the Dark Chao against the wall a couple of times, finally knocking it out, and wait. Suddenly I get sick of waiting, turn invisible, and sneak up to a window. By listening hard through the soundproofed glass, I am able to hear Sonic yelling... something.

"... interfering... happens if... find out?"

I can't hear Cream. She's just staring at her feet, mumbling something. Sonic shouts back.

"... good enough... Tell them..."

I try to hear Cream's response again, but it's impossible.

Sonic leaves in a blue blur. I wait around for five minutes, then turn visible and knock at the door.

It's opened by Cream. She looks genuinely surprised to see me, "Espio? Uh... come in?"

I'm glad to hear she's grown out of that habit of calling everyone she meets 'Mister' or 'Miss'. I go in and she invites me to sit down. So I do, "Cream... I..." Oh boy, how am I going to pull off this one? "I came over to see how you're coping."

Cream sniffles, "S-sorry I'm such a wreck, Espio... I just... miss Tails..."

"I think we all do," I reply, "Just..." I pat Cream on the back awkwardly, "Just hold on, okay? Everything's bound to turn out fine. It'll come out in the wash, or whatever."

Cream rubs her nose, "But Tails is dead, Espio!" she sobs, and snuffles up against me.

I sigh and stroke her back, "Listen... what do you remember from when you were rescued by Sonic?"

Cream sniffles, "Not much. Robotnik captured me and held me hostage. Then Sonic came to rescue me. And I found out that Tails was in there too. I got out first, then Sonic rescued Tails... only he didn't. Tails didn't get out..."

Cream bursts into full on tears. I'm not too great at making people feel better. I stroke her head tenderly, just wishing she'd stop crying like that; it feels like I'm breaking in two. I want to tell her about the case so much, so that she'll stop crying. But it's confidential, and I'm not so great with kids, "Come on, Cream," I say, trying to hug her, "Er... who an itsy witsy den?"

For all the wrong reasons, this seems to work - sort of.

Cream straightens up, tears still in her eyes, "I am just turned 15, you know. There's no need to be like that."

"Come on, Cream, it'll work out," I try again, striking a pose, "We're Team Chaotix!" Cream giggles. It's such a change, so I sit down, "There, see? It'll sort out all by itself."

~~~

POV Change... Charmee Bee

I try to buzz quietly through the police station. The sound of my wings in the silence is too loud, so I land and try walking. I can se a flashlight. Someone else has broken in tonight.

I follow the flashlight. Someone's searching through police files like crazy, looking for something, their face hidden by a mask or something. They're swearing to themselves as I watch through the door. Their face is covered, like mine, but from the sounds of it, it's a guy.

"Dammit, where is it... those motherfuckers gotta have it somewhere, shit..." The obscenities continue along this line for about a minute, then he snatches something up, "Gotcha!"

I don't wait to find out what it is he's been looking for. I just pick up a chair, walk up behind him quietly, and bring it down on his head, hard enough that it breaks. He gives a muffled cry and slumps, unconcious.

I pick up what it was he was looking at - it's a police file, and by an amazing coincidence, it's Sonic and Cream's statements to the police!

Almost as an instinct, I roll the other guy onto his back, and pull off his mask. I just about manage to contain my gasp of surprise.

It's our old partner turned adversary, Nack T Weasel.

~~~
End of Chapter 2!

Me: Well, what a gosh-darn surprise!

Charmee: Er, Harley, Nack's tail is about four foot long and purple. How could I not notice it?

Me: Er... hey, Chamee, look! Honey!

Charmee: Where?!

Me: *runs off to write next chapter*

Cream: Hey! You're saying I'm 15! What's going on with that?

Me: A year has passed since UB1, so you're growing up. Time actually passes in this universe, in case you hadn't noticed. When you turn 16 in twelve months, you'll be able to have sex LEGALLY!!!

Cream: Wayhey! Who's my sparring partner gonna be?