Getting Closer

Disclaimer: Still don't own them. Sad, very sad!


chapter 2
Don't Run

Nothing had happened. Well… no, nothing. Raiden felt kind of ridiculous even though he’d been the one who had taken advantage of that situation, then. One and a half week ago.
But in fact he hadn’t thought about it for the last week… not consciously. Everything was cleared, that’s at least what he’s been trying to tell himself over and over again. Three days after that incident he actually found out that it wasn’t that hard to look Snake into the eyes after all and so he had been trying to forget about it. He didn't succeed.
They had been observing the tanker another four nights but couldn’t find out anything of interest except the fact that sometimes Russians had really odd ways to get rid of their hangover.
Otacon, however, gathered some comprehensive intelligence about the tanker itself. It was a copy of the one the Russians were supposed to use in World War II even though it never got round to it.
The whole week you saw Hal buried under a peck of paper, studying maps, scribbling drafts and mumbling weird things. His living room looked like a huge bin with all those scraps of paper lying around on the floor, on the tables and the TV, on the cupboard between clean socks and dirty shirts. Snake even found some sheets in the fridge.
When Raiden stepped on one looking like rubbish Otacon went mad. He gave Snake some senseless instructions on how he could infiltrate the tanker best, turned and stumbled toward his bedroom. Both, Raiden and Snake stared at him anxiously. But when Otacon shut the door they looked at each other and grinned.
Snake went back to the table where Otacon had been working and started studying the plans. It didn’t take long and he found himself in between the map of the crews quarters, the toilet plans added to the construction plans of the water pipes and something he couldn’t read because of Otacon’s scribbling. Raiden sat down right opposite and seized some plans of the upper decks of the tanker.
“What a mess”
Snake looked up and Raiden nodded.

After an hour they had managed to put the plans and maps of the tanker, Otacon’s notes about the security systems and the whole rest into a clear order.
Snake concentrated on the security thing and Raiden found himself the plans of the tanker as a whole.
On his plans there were some references to the actual loading conditions from the physical point of view and he didn’t really understand a word. Something about the wind and weather you’ve got to pay attention to and the maximum capacity and so on. He raised his eyebrows and peered at the TV.
“Don’t even think about it. We’ve got a job to do, kid”
“You don’t have to tell me anything”
Raiden raised and walked toward the couch.
“I gotta rely on you on that mission! Come back!”
“I’ve got to rely on you too”
Snake frowned.
Raiden, indeed had managed to find the remote control and turned on the TV. After he’s been zapping around a while Snake couldn’t stand it any longer. He quickly made it to the couch, grabbed the remote control and turned the thing off.
After a while Raiden went back to the table, pretended to be looking for something, then made a quick move toward Snake and pinched the remote control. Grinning he made his way back to the couch.
“You’ll never proceed in becoming the ultimate soldier. You’re not able to focus and stick it out” Snake moaned angrily.
“Well… at least I’m not running away”
“What was that?”
“Uhm… Nothing…”
Right in that moment Otacon returned from his room.
“Good morning. How’s the mission going, Snake? You did it?”
“We haven’t even actually been in there, Otacon. And by the way, it’s already ten p.m.”
“Oh, I see. Hey, why don’t we just watch a little TV? Just relaxing. Work can wait. Come on over Snake”
Raiden grinned and poked his tongue out at Snake.
“Childish”
When Snake passed Raiden he whispered: “I heard that just now. That running away stuff”
Raiden pretended to be totally unimpressed by that. Otacon, sitting between the two of them didn’t seem to notice the tension and happily started talking about what he just had dreamed and things like that until he fell asleep while watching the midnight movie.
When the telephone rang he jumped and walked slightly swaying to answer.
“Yeah? Emmerich? Oh, hi… you know how late- … oh, I see. Yes, okay. Yeah, don’t worry. No, there’s no need to step on that chair- no, yeah… what? Uhm… Yeah, that’s alright. No, don’t- Listen! It's even more afraid of you than you are of - okay then, see you“
He turned and explained: “Claire just called. There’s a mouse in her apartment and I’m supposed to come over. She already tried to fight it with some knifes. So I’ll probably stay the whole night. You can handle that without me?” He pointed at the table.
Snake and Raiden nodded and Otacon headed for the door.
When his partner was gone Snake went back to the table he left with the plans. Raiden kept watching TV.
“Come over, boy”
That was an order and orders had to be obeyed. So the ‘boy’ raised and turned to Snake.
“Come here”
Raiden stood behind Snake and looked down on the notes, bored to death. He was surprised when Snake started to explain those things he’d thrown away before and the probably even bigger surprise was that he understood now. Though physic's never been his favourite subject.
“And this is the loading space, even you should notice that” Snake ended and looked for the second page referring to this special area of the tanker.
“Of course. I know that” Raiden snapped and congratulated himself on that terrific lie. Snake sighed and went on explaining. Raiden’s thoughts drifted away. His eyes wandered and got stuck at Snake's head, wandering down his neck and then in sudden realization back to the plans.
Over and out. Everything has to end, especially something wrong. Because that’s what it’s been – from Raiden’s point of view. He wasn’t supposed to feel things like that. He never actually described it as love, no. He always tried to push that word back as far as possible. And it worked, so what?
Snake must have been feeling the younger mans sudden insecurity and turned.
“You’re listening?”
“Uhm… y-yeah!”
Raiden blushed and broke eye contact. Snake was very grateful for that. He blushed, too.
Raiden turned and said: “I think I go to bed. It’s late already”
Snake nodded silently.
“Now that you mention it”
But he looked at the notes about the mission again and Raiden was looking terribly angry and disappointed. He didn’t want this to go too far but, well… after all he was no machine and human longings can sometimes be very annoying.
He pat Snake on the shoulder and waved good night. He could feel Snake shiver and his look fell at the mans tensed up fists.
He hoped with all his heart to interpret it the right way but hope was something nobody ever told him anything about and so he didn’t realise it.

He woke up late at night, well… in fact it was early morning. He stood up and walked toward the kitchen. Then he noticed the sleeping body of Snake at the kitchen table in between all those maps and stuff. He looked at his watch. Three in the morning. Raiden lingered in the doorway, unsure whether to move or not.
When he watched Snake sleeping he couldn’t help smiling. He walked toward the washbasin and got himself a glass of water. Then he slowly moved toward Snake’s body and touched shyly the man’s head, trembling down to his neck. Then he grasped him and straightened to carry him to the bedroom. Training was put to some good use now. That man seemed to have a weight comparable to an elephant. Raiden laughed at this rather senseless joke and nearly lost Snake. He just reached the door when Snake came to life.
“Wha- what are you doin’?”
“You fell asleep and I wanted to take you to your bed”
Snake straightened and looked around.
“I’ll go on working”
“But- you need sleep!”
“I don’t need anything”
Snake stumbled toward the table and finally they both ended up sitting over those plans and studying again.
Raiden shot a confused look at Snake who exactly in that moment looked up as well. Those green eyes were just too much to bear and Raiden nearly fell off his seat in surprise.
Snake mumbled: “Come over. Let me explain you this”
The older man grabbed the notes in front of Raiden.
Raiden placed himself behind Snake. Now he looked interested and paid attention.
Snake explained but didn’t really seem to concentrate. Out of a sudden impulse Raiden put his hands on Snake's shoulders, making Snake shiver unconsciously.
“Get closer so you can read this small-printed text in the edge up there”
When Raiden leaned forward his hands slipped down Snake's chest and both of them smiled without the other one realizing it.
Finally Snake wrapped his hands around Raiden’s arms, pulling the younger man deeper until their faces were on the same level.
Again that strange fear of losing gathered around Raiden’s heart and he knew this time an other splitting would be lasting forever. But it was all up to Snake.
Raiden never completely got behind that facade and so all he could do was hope.
Snake slightly turned his head. Raiden did as well and shyly looked at Snake.
Then he leaned his forehead against Snake’s temple. The older man leaned in too and Raiden smiled in comfort.
He slightly pulled back and then kissed Snake softly on his cheek. Snake turned a little on his chair so Raiden could face him.
He wouldn’t let this moment slip away, Raiden told himself but now he had another problem. This position was very uncomfortable, his back was waging war. So he slowly straightened and shot an excusing look at Snake.
Snake raised and Raiden looked at him, asking. He didn’t know what the older man was up to. Leaving him alone in the kitchen, telling him they’re done with this? Raiden clenched his fists and expected everything.
Well… everything except what happened next.
Snake quickly strode toward Raiden. The blond man stepped back in surprise till he felt the wall at his backside.
Snake pressed his hands against the wall on each side of Raiden’s head and kissed him. Raiden in total surprise first didn’t know what to do and so he just waited for what would happen.
Snake pulled back and whispered: “I won’t run away, kid”
Then he leaned forward again and this time Raiden responded to his kiss, sighing softly. When their tongues met Raiden raised his left hand and placed it on Snake's back. With his right hand he shyly touched Snake's cheek. He felt Snake grinning.
Then he noticed Snake’s hands wrapping around his neck and he got lost in his confusing emotions, totally giving in, surrendering to the older one's touches.
“You want me?” Snake asked.
“Yes…”
Realizing what he just said Raiden blushed and buried his face in his hands.
“I mean… I-I’m… I don’t know…”
“You don’t know? Then what was that just now?”
“How can I be sure that you won’t walk away as you did a week or whatever ago?”
“Is that it?”
“You will hide from Otacon so we won’t have many occasions to… whatever, damnit!”
“Otacon knows so what’s your problem?”
“He knows? ‘Bout what?”
“Well…, ‘bout me... and you”
Raiden tried a smile but it faded soon after and became a frown.
“So then…”
Snake interrupted Raiden and kissed him.
“So then there’s no reason for you to doubt” he whispered.
“Don’t you understand? I’m afraid that this thing at the harbour could repeat. It- it hurt me, in a way… I mean not that it’s been that serious at all, I-“
“It was, that I know and I'm... Don’t bother”
“This is the truth. I don’t want to be abused for some weird kind of joke, you know?”
“What gives you that idea? I’m totally aware of what you feel, I say the truth” Sometimes that kid was annoying…
Raiden smiled. “Fine”
He reached for Snake's lips and closed his eyes when he felt them on his own.
Snake pulled Raiden away from that wall, turned and changed their position so that he stood now with his back against it.
He slid down the wall, pulling Raiden deeper, as well deepening the kiss.
When they came to sit on the floor the younger man looked up right into that green eyes, searching for any lies. He couldn’t find one.
Snake put his left arm around Raiden who placed his head on the older man’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.
They just sat there, not saying anything. Snake softly ran his hands across the younger one's back. Raiden wrapped his arms around Snake’s hips. He still wasn’t that sure of what to think about Snake’s behaviour and looked up longing. He wanted to kiss his neck but didn’t dare. So he just closed his eyes and thought of what might happen - in positive way and negative as well.
Then he felt Snake running his hand over his head, brushing through his hair. He snuggled up to Snake’s chest even closer.
Snake tightened his grip. He felt a little strange.
A word appeared in his mind - pleasant - but it didn’t quite fit. Too… weak.

Soon both of them fell asleep.