From the Zone with love

Author's note: Hey, long time no see! I noticed I failed to upload here the last things I wrote, so you're getting a double deal today! Get ready for crack in this one. So much crack! XD

"Two factions, both alike in dignity,

In the dangerous Zone, where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where stalker blood makes stalker hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes –"

"Wait, wait! I have a question."

An exasperated sigh, then "Yes, Arkady?"

"What did you say we were supposed to do?"

"Fuck's sake, you only have to pretend to kiss Vasily!" Arkady looked still unconvinced.

"But Poet, how will that work with the gasmask and helmet?" Arkady asked earnest in his worry. "We'll just knock each other."

Vasily took off a heavy, Duty-coloured helmet and held it like one would a melon. The sight of it against his Wind of Freedom suit was ridiculous. "That's a good point. Do we have to wear the helmet and gasmask? This shit's cumbersome, dude."

Poet took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. How to explain them that art required dedication, effort? The improvised rehearsal went off without a hitch, but by the time they acquired the equipment, and gotten some weird glances from Skinflint in the process, the effects of their artistic high were starting to wear off.

"Look, you're interpreting Voronin and Lukash. Their faces are well known, so you have to use the headgear to interpret them." Not to mention avoiding being recognized later on. "Just say the lines as rehearsed while touching hands, and then lean in close as if going for a kiss."

"Can we switch roles?" Vasily asked pleadingly. "This helmet's crushing me."

With a wave of his hand, Poet acquiesced to his request, since he was feeling benevolent and it didn't matter much to him either way. Besides, time was of the essence. The light was perfect now, and his crappy PDA camera wouldn't work well if it got darker.

"What's going on here?"

They all three froze in terror, looking at their unexpected visitor with the apprehension of a kid caught painting the walls with markers. On the other hand, Lukash was smirking openly.

"Well?"

Deciding to take ownership of his little project, Poet took half a step forward. "Just a little artistic, erm, expression."

"Ah, I see." Lukash kept looking at them amused, enjoying their terrified expressions. "Carry on then. And make sure your artistic project is well distributed. Specially around The 100 Rads."

With this surprising lack of repercussions, he turned to leave, not before casually adding one last comment. "Oh, and cast "Voronin" in the role of Juliet."

#

In a mix of staying true to his artistic vision, and not wanting to anger Lukash after getting off the hook so easily, Poet certainly carried on with the project. And perhaps then he sent the video to a friend that in turn was friends with some Dutiers, and bribed said friend into sharing the video with the Dutiers. And perhaps Vasily and Arkady had gotten a bit carried away and ended up lifting their headgear halfway and kissing for real. But the final result was certainly a smashing success.

And perhaps when the real Lukash got an angry message from the real Voronin, he smiled in triumph at finally catching his attention and getting the uptight Duty General to send him messages again. He hated being ignored.