Wasteland

Full from her breakfast, Leona wandered the townlookingfor anything that might help her. A hole in the wall that she could crawl through, a hidden place she could climb over the wall and drop down the other side, anything.There was nothing. No holes, no gaps she could make wider, no foot holds or supports she could climb up except by the main gate to get to the look out post. With that option taken from her she had only one other. The main gate. She had nothing with her. The jacket, the pip boy, food, water, all these things that she could not leave without were back at the tavern.If theguards let her through, she could at least check the exteriorof the walls surrounding the town. There could be something she missed from the interior. Approaching the guards she felt a nervous knot in her stomach. She tried to think of what she would do if they wouldn't open the gate for her or what she would do if they did. She had the choice to not come back, to abandon what little she had and take her chances in the open with no weapons or provisions, much as she had that very first day of freedom.But she would be lacking the one thing that had helped save her life more times than she could keep track. The pip boy. Without it, she wasn't confident in her ability to survive with nothing else but the cloth on her back.

"Hey, miss. Wh're might ya be goin'?"

One of the guards inquired of her intentions. His face was gruffer than most of the other men in town. There were few women and no children that she'd seen. He seemed to eye her with suspension, though it could have been her paranoia causing problems for her again.

"I jus' wanna take a look 'round. Maybe do a bit of scavengin'. Nothin' unusual."

The expression of the guard didn't change, but she maintained her innocence. Moments of scrutiny later, he must have decided she being truthful because he nodded and gave the signal with a circular motion of one finger and the gate opened with a grinding strain. She nodded her thanks and slipped through the crack as soon as she would fit through it. She felt like running, arms open to embrace the death and danger of the dry plains like an old friend. At least she knew the wastes well enough. This new world was much smaller, yet seemed just as threatening as anything she would find in the wild. Her eyes roamed the vast empty space that rolled out in every direction like a beige sheet laid over a lumpy spread of stones. The stale air or occasional breeze within the steel walls was a hard wind, kissing her with bits of sand and pebble. A grin painted her face as she adjusted the goggles on her head over her eyes. She never thought she would miss the uncertainty that the world outside presented. She would run, but not now. Despite the urging in her legs that made her feel as though she might sprout wings, she turned toward the nearest curving edge that marked where the town ended and the unknown began.

The walls were just the same on the outside as they were on the in, only more smooth and impenetrable. Somehow she felt as though he were watching her, though it would have been impossible. The world beyond surrounded her, beaconing and threatening. It was difficult to tell where the beige of the sky ended and the grim of the earth began. She thought she could see the faintest impression of mountains on the indeterminate horizon, or it could be clouds of a coming storm that would bring the dream of rain. She had never seen or felt such a thing wet her face from the sky. Only read about and remembered stories from faceless tellers of when the mystery would fall to the ground and give life to the seeds planted in the dry ground. She didn't believe in any sort of god on the grounds that mostly the crazies talked of such things, and she couldn't believe that a loving heavenly father would have allowed the detestation of his creations. The evidence of destruction was everywhere. Evidence of mercy and compassion, not so much. But if there were such a diety she would pray that he, she, it or they would bring cleansing waters to wash away the confusion in her mind and parch the dry thirst of land and tongues.

Eventually she returned to the gate, empty handed and heavy of heart. The sun told her it was around the fourteenth hour of the day, but her stomach was still full from her breakfast with Jack. He had seemed as happy as a child on the day of his birth celebration. Somewhere inside her she wanted to believe that staying with him, making him happy and maybe learning to love him would help him move beyond his ties to his dark past. She didn't want to 'fix' or 'change' him, only help him in the journey he was already on. She still could not find a reason why she should care. In a way, this troubled her more than Jack. Self understanding was something she had a measure of pride about. Knowing herself well enough to prepare for any circumstance. Her current situation was not one she'd ever thought to consider, and it vexed her greatly that she was in such conflict and turmoil for a reason she didn't have. She didn't even like this man, yet she found herself caring about him. If only she had someone she could talk to that she could trust not to expose her inner most thoughts. Then she thought of Egor. He had spared her the loss of a body part for stealing, and had not reported her deed. Perhaps he would listen to her. He couldn't offer advice, but he couldn't betray her either. At least not with words.