Can't Let You Go

                After picking up Anders, they headed northeast away from the coast.  The doctor wasn't told where they were going, just somewhere he could relax.  As the mountains drew closer and the trees grew denser it was like a sigh of relief, reminding him of home, and he sat a little straighter as he watched with growing interest out the car window.  All the weight that had piled on his chest and shoulders started to lift with the thinner mountain air.  They made a stop in a small village, picking up supplies for a week.  Grocery shopping turned out to be quite an experience for them; a new one since their food was always bought and prepared for them or they ate out, which apparently was not going to be an option.

                As they drew further and deeper up the mountain, Anders was getting antsy to see where they were going.  They hadn't passed another vehicle in a long time, actually appearing to be on a private drive.  They rounded a curve and Anders nearly gasped aloud at the sight of small mountain lake.  The water was so calm it reflected the clouds in the sky like a mirror.

                He was so entranced by the water he didn't notice anything else until the car started to slow.  There was a small cabin with large windows looking out toward the water with a wraparound porch.  It did not looking any bigger than a few rooms from outside while the trees reached toward the sky wrapping everything in shade and dwarfed the dwelling more.  Anders smiled, "What is this place?"

                "This is where I always come to relax."

                "Really?  It's so small... well, compared to the estate."  Honestly it didn't look any bigger than his house.

                Douglas nodded, looking almost a bit sad, "I didn't have a need for it to be any bigger; I never had anyone to share it with before."

                Anders looked at him before he smiled, leaning over to place a gentle kiss against Douglas' cheek.  Then he scrambled out of the car, unable to contain himself any longer.  He had thought about his home state often, but never realized how much he had actually missed it until just now.  After Irving had died, he never had a reason to go back, and with all the bad memories he decided to get as far away from it as possible.

                Douglas smiled at the eagerness, climbing out himself. He had hoped Anders would like it, but he wasn't quite sure the other man would.  There had always been a sense of peace here and after his mother died he had come for a long time when Bethany had gone back to school.  It wasn't exciting like the beach where within a short drive you could shop and eat or anything else you could think of with lots of excitement and people.  It was remote and quiet, the closest town was over an hour away with a small diner and a main street a few blocks long lined with various shops.  He employed a local woman to maintain and prepare it on his whims, but he actually hadn't been here since he started seeing Anders. 

                He went to the front door and let them in to the two room cottage, which was a lot more casual and comfortably furnished than anything Douglas owned at the estate. The downstairs was all one kitchen, living and dining room space with very few electrical appliances.  Several orderly filled bookcases and a large fireplace were the main focal points of the room, and Anders chuckled when he saw a coffeemaker still in the box with a bow on the kitchen counter.  Only a TV seemed lacking, which Anders hoped to work on later and he guessed upstairs to be the bedroom.

                Douglas smiled nervously, "Do you like it?"

                Anders looked at him with a large smile, "I love it."

                Relaxing, Douglas smiled wider, "Well, let's get unpacked then so we can start to enjoy it, okay?"

                Anders nodded eagerly and set to their new task.  The bedroom also looked cozy. There were more bookcases filled with leather bound tomes, now close enough to read most of the titles were not in English.   The curtainless windows viewed the lake and the current position of the sun indicated it should rise directly in front of them.  Anders inwardly grimaced at the thought, Douglas was always up at that time, but normally he would crawl back in bed and coax Anders awake gentler than a blazing sun would.  During the week he had to be up anyway, but when he was off he liked to sleep in. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to do that here. 

               He looked at Douglas, about to crack a joke about it, but as he did he realized he wanted to be awake when the other man was, not sleep it away.  If Douglas being gone had taught him anything, it was to cherish every moment they were together.  Douglas caught him staring and gave him a small smile before returning to unpacking the suitcase.

               It was settling into evening by the time they were done. Douglas moved downstairs to cook while Anders sat at the counter watching with interest.  The extent of his kitchen knowledge was heat-and-eat and it had served him well enough.  He had only learned the life of the bachelor from Irving, and said as much to his lover.  Douglas smiled but didn’t look up from the vegetables he was preparing for a salad, “It pays to be a Mama’s boy sometimes.”

               Anders watched him work for a little while, then asked nonchalantly, “Do you plan on teaching your kids to cook?”

               “Sure, if they want to learn.”

               Anders asked with interest, “So, you plan on having kids than?”

               Douglas paused and looked up finally, “Is this some sort of trick question?  If I say yes I am not volunteering for some sort of medical breakthrough I haven’t heard of yet, am I?”

               Anders chuckled, “No.  I was just curious.”

               Douglas nodded, casting a glance around at the food cooking before turning around fully to lean against the counter facing the blonde.  “Sure.  I’ve thought about it.”  With a shrug, he stuffed a piece of bell pepper in his mouth after snagging it from the board and asked, “What about you?”

               Anders smiled and nodded, “I want a family.”

               There was a small pause before Douglas asked, “Son? Daughter?  Kid or kids?”

               Anders shook his head, his smile growing, “I don’t care.”

               Douglas stepped closer with a look of contemplation. Moving in between the blonde’s legs, his own smile widened and he planted a kiss on the upturned forehead.  “I could handle that.”

               Slender arms snaked around the belted waist, drawing the large man closer while the blonde beamed.  “We could fill that big house of yours up.”

               Douglas raised an eyebrow at the suggestion, “That would be… a lot; probably run Fellon off, too.”

               Anders shrugged, “I’m not seeing the downside.”

               Douglas was silent a moment, his expression slightly hurt.  “He is my brother, Anders.”

               “Who hates me,” Anders reminded. “Did you even tell him we were back together yet?”

               Douglas sighed and eased away, returning to the stove.  “Yes, right before I left.”

               “Took long enough.  Embarrassed of your alcoholic boyfriend?”

               “Of course not.  As you said, you two aren’t overly fond of one another, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it.”  Douglas poked at the contents of a pan of green beans on the stove, missing the look that indicated that was not the correct thing to say directed at him.

               Anders squinted, “So why are you then?”

               Douglas paused with a glance toward the blonde.  In the last couple of weeks he had come to expect these mood swings, but it still hadn’t stopped him from inadvertently causing them.  Setting the utensil aside, he moved back to his lover, “Because as much as I don’t want to be keeping you two apart, I would do it a million times a day just to hold you,” large hands slipped around the thin frame, “and kiss you,” a soft kiss against pouting pink lips before the speaking pair moved to brush against an ear, “and make love to you.”

               There was a shiver from the whisper of breath, “What? No demonstration of that?”

               Douglas chuckled, pressing a kiss against a temple.  “Not right now, the food would burn.”  Hawke moved away again, “Although it does give me an idea…”

               “Oh ya?”

               Douglas nodded, turning down the stove before looking in the oven at the roasting chicken.  “I could just keep you in bed all the time and that would solve all my problems.”

               “Would it?”

               “Well it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt to try.”

               Anders suggested softly, “We could just stay up here and never go back down.”

               Douglas removed the pan from the oven, placing it and the potholder aside.  “I offer a rebuttal.”  He turned with a smile, “There is no room for kids here.  Besides that, when there is twenty little demons running around the estate I want to bring my husband up here for a breather.”

               “Husband, huh?  And you plan on letting him breathe?”

               “Well, maybe not as much as he might like.  He will probably want to sleep after the trouble he has gotten us into, but I will have other plans.”

               “Such as?”

                Douglas grabbed some plates from a cabinet, “Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe a romantic dinner, some wine.  Soft music.”  Douglas dished out the food he had prepared, herb roasted chicken and potatoes, sautéed green beans and salad. Setting one plate in front of Anders next to the waiting utensils and the other where he would be sitting before he turned to the bottle of wine. “Maybe after, soft lips, soft tongues, soft skin…”  He turned with a smirk and two glasses.

                The glasses were set down, and Douglas claimed his seat, kissing the man watching him.  The cook asked softly, “What about you?  Ever plan on getting married?”

                Anders nodded slowly. 

                Douglas smiled happily, “Good to know. “  After adjusting the napkin across his lap, Douglas picked up his fork and knife and said, “Well, dig in.”