The Sentimental Feelings

Author: Ciissi
Fandom: Star Ocean III: Till the End of Time
Pairing: Albel Nox x Fayt Leingod
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Ocean III. It belongs to Square Enix, may they do lots of more good games. End of All Hope is sung by Nightwish and I have no claiming or involvement on the lyrics of their song.
Warnings: Eventually NC-17. Contains yaoi meaning at least two boys having sex together but not in first few chapters. Possible child abuse but not in sexual manner.
Author's Note 1: This chapter is unbetaed, but when I get the betaed version on my hands I will repost it here. Sorry about the inconvenience. Because this fiction is finally starting to near its end, I am once again issuing a kiriban for this fiction. The 85th reviewer will get a kiriban which is once again made by Crimson.

Answers for reviews: I just should shoot myself to prevent me from making any kind of promises. Whatever I think of myself it does not stop me from being highly happy about how people still have enough strength to keep reading and keep reviewing.
To Seskri: I am thankful that my inability to update regularly has not killed people’s interest to read this fiction, when ever I am able to update. Thank you for your encouraging words. Some times I need them more than anyone could ever understand. This fiction is collection of my thoughts from real life situations. I am pleased to know that those thoughts are good enough to carry this story forward.
To Animeji: I hope I am able to continue to write things that will make people to ponder the thoughts and motives behind my story. This story has already accomplished more than I ever expected and I am always happy to find out when someone likes the way I portray the characters of Star Ocean 3. I am not always pleased the way chapters turn out, but to know that at least you out there are able to like them makes me to believe that I am going somewhere with this story. Thank you for your patience.
To DuosAngel: I must admit that I am even myself bit surprised when ever I am able to update. Thank you for your support. I hope you will find good fictions from many good Star Ocean 3 writers!
To bider69 and Haru Akechi: I assure both of you that no matter what I will write this story to the end. How long it will take, I am unable to tell. Thank you for your support for the love of AlbelxFayt.

*****

Part One – Chapter Fifteen: The Mourning (I have lost something I never had…)
Fayt Leingod listened to Puffy to give him her last update about the development of the curing potion for Albel. She was being rather optimistic, how the potion was coming along now that Sophia was co-operating whole-heartedly. It seemed to her that it would take less than two days before the antidote would be finished and ready to be used.

//Two days...//, Fayt counted and suppressed a depressed sight that endeavored to escape from his lips. He should not be feeling depressed about the matter at hand. It had taken almost two weeks but now the cure was within the girls’ hands. //Two days... That’s 48 hours//, Fayt counted again and perking up he planned, what he could do with the miniaturized terror before it would be the time to hand over the potion and get back the real, adult Albel Nox.

Fayt wanted to do something that – for once – would benefit only him, namely his memories for the future without his Elicoorian and Klausian friends. He really, really wanted to do something that would become a found memory for him about Captain Albel Nox. It was not like that Fayt did not have found memories about the Elicoorian Captain, but he desired a memory which would be just for him, a memory which no-one else could smear or tamper or share. Aside Albel himself. But why would the Elicoorian male do something like that? After all the elder man had made clear that he did not value such sentimental things as memories. So why would he remember them?

Fayt did not believe he was asking too much. Only a single good memory just for him.

The young leader surfaced from his thoughts and smiled gratefully, gracefully to Peppita, Puffy and Sophia. He wanted to signal that after the potion was ready, everything else would be his problem. That meant preventing Albel the Wicked from killing anyone involved to this cursed mess. //Thinking of which...//

Fayt turned to look the alchemists. “Has anyone of you come to any kind of conclusion *why* the Crimson Scourge was miniaturized along Albel?” It was a question which had bothered him from the very beginning. The miniaturization of the formidable sword defied the logic of everything that Fayt had thought of, if someone’s body would change into that from the one’s childhood. The sword was not in anyway part of Albel or his childhood. Or at least Fayt thought so...

“There is a small possibility...” Misty Lear began softly, but her voice faded away before she finished her thought. She closed her eyes for a moment and frowned slightly. She met steadily Fayt’s bright emerald-eyes and for no apparent reason sighed again. The concept of miniaturization of the Crimson Scourge was rather complicated and upsetting, but Misty Lear knew that Fayt would understand the unsaid implications and details even if he would not want to accept them. “The bound of Lord Nox and the Crimson Scourge is not only physical as you may realize, Master Leingod. The question of the miniaturization of the katana is matter of energies. We believe that the Crimson Scourge changed to its current size to match that of Lord Nox’s because the real sized sword needs more supportive energy than the miniaturized one. In his child-form Lord Nox is not able to produce enough mental energy of which – theoretically speaking that is – the katana of the Crimson Scourge gains its supportive strength. If the sword would have stayed in its original size it would have drained and killed Lord Nox in no time.”

Fayt listened to Misty Lear’s and her collogues’ theory to unfold before his eyes in its entire horror. Suddenly it did not matter to him whether or not the Crimson Scourge thought him worthy to protect the child-formed Albel Nox. The important part was that the Elicoorian swordsman was safe and sound. Well... more of less.

Once again after starting this journey Fayt asked of himself how ignorant and self-centered he really was. It should not have mattered to him what was his worth in the eyes of the others. He was only 19-years-old boy. He had not right to raise himself above the judgment of the centuries old sword which knew more of human and humanity than Fayt would ever is his short life. There was no way he could complete against all that knowledge even in the age of one hundred years.

It was a humbling thought. The thought of an entity which was much greater than any living life form yet in the same time also so tangible. The entity which was nothing like all those gods of whom different religions talked, rambled about, spirits you could not see or hear or touch. A ‘greater’ existence created by someone’s mind hundreds, thousands years before your time.

With all of the humbling Fayt was going through the explanation of the situation with the Crimson Scourge, it also strengthened his determination about creating private memories for himself with Albel. Because it reminded him of the shortness of his time. As things were, as his feelings were there was no guarantee that there would be a day after tomorrow for him and Albel, there would not be another time after their fight against Luther Lansfeld to create those desired memories for the future.

Fayt sternly avoided the question, why only memories with Albel meant everything to him.

It was Fayt decision for the sake of the peace within the group, that he did not talk about his fear of loosing Albel’s constant presence before his selfish memories were truly his and only his. Standing up gracefully Fayt thanked the alchemist for their good job of finding about the Crimson Scourge. There were even more reasons for respect for Misty Lear and her colleagues. Fayt saw it so that he thanked every person working in the room once more before he opened the door and left the workshop behind him.

Now Fayt’s next job was to find Albel and inform the other swordsman about the potion-related timetable. While looking for the ruby-eyed menace he had time to plan how he would scheme his way into Albel’s ‘alone time’ and make some good memories.

*****

Fayt was running. He was running as fast as he could over the plains of Irisa Fields. He was not thinking anything. Fayt was running. He was carrying his entire battle-attire, armor, weapons and just thinking nothing. He avoided all enemies he could with his best ability. Because he was awaited. Fayt was running. His eyes were bright-green and fixed into the skyline above the trees.

The sun was setting painting the dome above with the colors of endless reds, oranges and yellows mixed together and standing separately on their own. The sun itself was still hovering over the trees in the distance, but never the less it already had gained that peculiar color between the brightest, palest light-yellow and the darkest, deepest reddish yellow, which was so rich in its color that it was almost black. It was the color which at the same time was both so light and dark that there was no way of telling if the sun was still there.

As the sun dipped lower and lower, the warm hues of red and yellow drained away. The warmth of the day, color gave way for the coolness of the night, color. The sky above turned into the soothing shades of black, blue and cold violet. Slowly, but surely, the silk and satin of days ebbed away and the velvet softness of the nights covered the world and suffocated all the noises.

Fayt slowed his run into walk when he reached a bridge and after crossing it he stopped completely. He raised his hand to wipe away the sweat from his forehead. His eyelids descended to hide his now dark-emerald eyes. His hand slipped away from his forehead to hang back on his side, he turned his face towards the starlit night sky and his eyes opened to reflect the heavenly light. Fayt just stood there for a long time bathing in the pale moon and star light. His chest rose and lowered more steadily and more tranquilly as his heart and blood calmed down into their normal beating rates.

There were rustling sounds on Fayt’s left side and he turned to meet whatever would step out of those shadows which the nearby groove created. In the colorless light of the moon and the stars Fayt’s usually pale skin gained even paler radiance and smoother appearance than under the sunlight. It was somehow mystifying that his eyes and had not lost their color in front of the bleaching power of the moonlight. But as the small wraith stepped further away from the shadows, it came clear that the moonlight was also powerless against the ruby-red eyes and black-and-gold hair of the wraith.

A ghost of a smallest of smiles rose to Fayt’s lips as he nodded his head as a greeting to the Elicoorian swordsman. Fayt felt the night pulsing around the two of them in a brand new way. It felt like all the emotions – both past and present – Fayt was feeling towards the miniaturized Elicoorian terror were filling the night air all around them. Even the little darker patch of in the ground, which marked the entrance to the Aquatic Gardens of Surferio seemed to become filled up by Fayt’s confused, mixed feelings.

Albel Nox was dressed suitably for fighting. He had one of his long-sleeved shirts, trousers which covered his legs and reasonable shoes all in the shades of black and dark violet. He had his modified claw over his hand and the small Crimson Scourge was in its scabbard tied to one of his belts around his waist. Albel would have never admitted it to anyone other aside himself, but he *had* been surprised when the Earthling youngster had proposed that only the two of them would come to the Aquatic Gardens to train. There were no truly strong enemies in there so Albel would be able to fight too. Although the implications behind the younger swordsman’s words were *highly* insulting, the offer was *more* temptating. Strangely Albel was not feeling insulted by their leader’s words. The need had risen inside him especially when the blue-haired one had told to him that those worthless wenches had finally found the cure for his condition and it would be ready in few days. That fact in his mind Albel had accepted the other male’s offer.

Fayt studied Albel in the darkness, in the silence. But there was nothing to see. The older swordsman did not exclude impatience or any other emotion. If Fayt had thought he had seen Albel the Wicked displaying any kind of feeling during his time as a child, it all was gone now. Still… it did not change anything in his mind. Memories… He had called Albel Nox to this place to have one last memory…

Fayt did not say a word as he extended his hand and motioned towards the stony gate-entrance of the Aquatic Gardens. Albel nodded his head with a small understanding, accepting jerk and moved towards the entrance. Fayt fell in to stride along side with the smaller frame of a child. Without either of them noticing Fayt naturally placed his hand on Albel’s back and the Elicoorian Captain moved closer to Fayt and his clawed fingers gripped tightly at one of Fayt’s belts.

The two men – one of adolescence and the other trapped into the child’s body – stepped into the gardens of water passing the boundary made of stone and darkness. They both left a lot behind them in order to gain something.

To gain memories… To gain strength…

*****

Fayt felt like he had died and some idiot had done some really shitty job at reviving him or – plainly – someone had driven over him. Well, the truth was that Fayt had not died or driven over – yet. He was just very, very, *very* tired. The past two – or was it three…? – days had been very stressing to him. He had hardly slept on few nights. If he counted right he had slept grand total of five hours in two or three nights. The closer the promised moment of curing Albel’s aliment came, the more agitated the red-eyed swordmaster became. And the more agitated Albel the Wicked came, the more time he used to annoy Fayt or everyone else around him. This behavior-pattern made *Fayt* retaliate with any means of getting Albel tired and drowsy. He was successful, but the price of this rather meaningless victory was Fayt’s personal time of rest and sleep.

So even if Fayt was reluctant to loose the miniaturized terror, he *was* indeed grateful, when the third day dawned and the girls announced that the antidote was ready – although untested – for Albel.

Some time around the midday Fayt and his comrades gathered together in a room, which had been cleared for them and was housed by the Royal Castle Aquaria. Fayt had Albel with him as he entered the room, the girls brought the curing potion with them and Mirage brought some quilts for Albel to wear. The potion and the quilts were given to Fayt. After the few moments of talk and shuffling around the other members of the party, aside Fayt and Albel, left the room wishing good luck to their leader for dealing with – the most likely – cranky Glyphian noble.

When Fayt and Albel stayed in the room alone, the silence, which governed the room, was rather discomforting and oppressing. Neither of them did not know what to do or what to say to break the silence without making mistake. So in the end they did not try to break it at all. Fayt stayed silent as he helped Albel to strip out of his clothes and abandon those garments meant for children. Because one again Albel Nox would became an adult with adult’s problems. As the last piece of Albel’s clothing fell to the floor, Fayt took one of the quilts and wrapped it around the red-eyed male. He stood up, walked over the table on, which a bottle rested, and took this bottle in which the antidote for Albel was. With the bottle in hand he returned to Albel and locked his emerald-eyes with the other’s bloody ones.

For a long moment the only child of Leingod family just studied the Elicoorian man in child’s body. Then he crouched down and allowed his lips to graze over Albel’s forehead. With veiled eyes Fayt watched, how the black-and-gold-haired young man touched his forehead with his fingertips and frowned.

Fayt straightened, smiled sadly and handed the bottle over to Albel, who without hesitation raised it to his lips and gulped everything in the bottle down with one swallow.

For a moment it looked to Fayt like nothing was happening or going to happen. Then Albel convulsed badly, clutched on his head with both of his hands and his mouth opened to scream, but no sound of agony came out. His feet gave out under him and crumbled on the floor. Because Albel was not only curled into a small ball but also covered by a quilt, Fayt was not able to tell if the potion was working as it should. But Fayt did not dare to remove the quilt to check. There was no doubt in his mind that the Wicked One would kill him *if* he had transformed under the quilt and Fayt would remove it exposing Albel’s naked flesh to Fayt’s eyes.

The tremors shaking the ball of quilt, which was Albel, stopped. Then slowly the pile of quilt begun to stand up and Fayt became certain that everything would be alright now. Like to confirm the thought, which Fayt had not yet voiced out, the heap of quilt rose to stand to the height of roughly 180 centimeters and the cloth slipped away unveiling quite considerate amount of smooth skin. With the smooth skin the slanted ruby-red eyes and long trenches of black-and-gold hair were also revealed. Fayt realized that no matter how much he liked to have Albel Nox as a child around him, he preferred to have Albel Nox as his adult self to talk, to train, to walk with him.

Fayt watched the person in front of him covering his nakedness only with a thin quilt and almost sighed from admiration of that body. Albel Nox was once again as magnificent and unattainable as he had been before this mess with the Potion of Youth (Real). Fayt suppressed the any tingle of sadness, mourning and loss he might be feeling and smiled to his friend and rival. “Welcome back, Captain Albel Nox”, he wished, raised his chin and his emerald-eyes locked with the ruby-eyes of the man he had realized he had fallen in love with long time ago.

It is end of all hope
To lose the child, the faith
To end all the innocence
To be someone like me
~Nightwish: End of All Hope~

THE END OF PART ONE
TBC…

*****

Author's Note 2: Well, that's it. I hope you like it. The first part of this story. I return as soon as I can with the second part so please stay tuned.

// 4 pages in Word
// 2 820 words