Reverse-Cowgirl Diplomacy

"Are you ever going to tell me what all that on the boat was about?"

Elissa looked at Alistair as they and their companions departed the Spoiled Princess Tavern after the first hot meal they'd had since leave Redcliffe. They had been well-provisioned in Redcliffe, but any opportunity to have a fresh meal was to be taken, and the food in the Tower had been lacking.

Alistair's words dragged her back to the moment and out of her musings on the events of the tower. Since what had passed between them in the Harrowing chamber, she and Alistair had been conducting a careful, silent dance around one another. He kept his distance, though it was not the disdainful avoidance he'd maintained after Redcliffe. Instead, his manner was one of fearful yearning, as though he wished to approach her but wasn't certain how. As for Elissa....

... she wasn't certain she should encourage any more closeness between them, as much as she might desire it.

For the first time in her life, Elissa found herself afraid for her heart.

Had Alistair been anyone else, any other man, then once she found out he'd been Cailan's half-brother and thus--despite his denials--heir to the throne, she would have pursued him mercilessly. She would have taken up where she left off with Cailan, seduced him without hesitation or compunction, used every weapon in her arsenal until he belonged to her. But that would not have worked with Alistair; he'd already proven that the more aggressive she was, the more reticent he became.

And that had been before he'd come to consider her a degenerate harlot.

At no time would falling in love with him have been part of her plan. But something had shifted between them, first during their conversation in the Fade as they came to understand one another better, and then again when he came to her rescue in the Harrowing chamber, helping her find the safety and unlock the desire she needed to accomplish what she had set out to do.

Now that those feelings had begun, she found herself at a loss. If she allowed herself to love him and it turned out that he could not be reconciled to who she was--or worse, that he despised her because of it--she would be destroyed. She could not renounce what she was without turning her back on all her parents had raised her to be, and she would not betray them that way.

She was no longer certain pursuing Alistair was an option. It might be best to avoid him altogether, or as much as she could, considering. For a while, it seemed Alistair was of much the same opinion, but now he appeared to have worked up the nerve to approach her.

"I'm sorry?" Reluctantly, Elissa dragged her attention back to Alistair. "What was what about?"

"The other day. On the boat. I'm was all, 'hey, I'm King Maric's bastard' and then... you laughed. Until you vomited over the side of the boat."

"I was seasick!" Elissa protested, unwilling to remind him of her pregnancy.

Behind her, she thought she heard Leliana giggle.

"Riiight. That doesn't explain the laughing, though."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed," Elissa bowed her head in apology. "Clearly you were very nervous about telling me, and I didn't react well. I apologize."

"Still... not an explanation? Or is it?" He shook his head. "Now I'm all confused."

"I was just...." she paused, struggling with indecision. It would be so much easier to tell him everything, how Cailan had meant to marry her, how she bore his child, how deeply ironic it was that she should have found herself fallen from that position only to discover her single-most indispensable companion was, in fact, Cailan's half-brother. But she couldn't.

What if he decided she only wanted him for his connection to the throne? What if he despised her for how deliberately she'd set out to seduce Cailan and earn herself a crown?

"I was taken aback," she said at last.

Alistair gave her a dubious look. "Taken aback? Taken aback is 'Oh, wow, there's a surprise.' It doesn't usually involve tears and nausea."

"You have a point. I--"

She was rescued from answering by a shout ringing out through the shallow canyon.

"The Warden dies here!"


*****


From her first conversation with the Antivan assassin, Elissa knew that Zevran was her masculine counterpart.

Here was a man who was as unashamed of his sexuality as she was of her own, someone who used his sex appeal to achieve his own ends as ruthlessly as she herself did. Here was someone who would never judge or question her sexual choices.

It would have felt incredibly safe and comforting, if not for the fact that she wasn't entirely certain he wouldn't try to poison her or slip a knife between her ribs.

The moment the elf became a member of their company, Alistair retreated from her. And that, she decided as they began their journey east to Denerim, was for the best. Until she felt confident that Alistair could accept her for all that she was and all that she had done, it would be best if they did not grow any closer.

Nevermind that the hesitant touch of his lips on hers had seared a brand onto her soul in a way no cock that ever crossed her lips had.

For all that he had been hired to kill her, Zevran was a much safer option. Which made it strange that, as days spun into weeks on the road to Denerim, she felt an awkward reluctance to invite him into her tent. But as they put Lake Calenhad behind them and began crossing the Bannorn, she found herself with an empty bedroll despite her desire to erase from her body what had happened in the Circle Tower.

She'd subjected herself to too many extremes lately. She was tired of it. She wanted a simple, uncomplicated fuck, free of angst and uncertainty and perversion. Since Lothering, the only sex she'd had that hadn't been somehow fraught had been the moment in the chantry with Teagan, and even that had been diminished by what had come afterward.

But each time she considered taking Zevran to her bed, her mind returned to the feel of Alistair's questioning lips upon hers, his tear upon the back of her hand. To his words about commitment and monogamy. She found herself wondering if this feeling was akin to the reason why, after her marriage, her mother had never fucked another man or woman without her father's blessing.

Groaning, she retired again to her lonely bedroll.

Crossing the Bannorn proved to be difficult, as they avoided the main highways for fear of encountering Loghain's patrols and instead traveled cross-country. Roving bands of darkspawn, bandits, and even gangs of wolves were regularly encountered. During one such struggle near White River, Elissa was wounded with a deep slash to her shoulder where one a bandit had managed to flank her company and ambush she and Leliana where they had taken their places at the rear with their bows. Wynne fussed over her like a mother hen, but Elissa was determined to continue their journey east that very day, before the deep midwinter snows made their passage more difficult. The weather was already frightfully cold and snow dusted the ground regularly along their travels.

She staggered through the day with her shoulder aching despite Wynne's healing spell, and her belly twinging from the changes the babe had wrought inside her body. Nausea was not the only inconvenience she struggled with. Cramps and muscle aches were common occurrences, and she regularly found herself squirming uncomfortably from the oddest poking sensation deep inside her womanhood at the entrance to her womb, as though someone were stabbing her lightly with the sharp quill of a feather.

She often wished for her mother during those times, that she might discuss these symptoms and changes with Eleanor and be reassured that they were all very normal. Even the most mundane of activities seemed to bear some new, unintended consequence. Cleaning her teeth had become an ordeal, and all Eleanor Cousland's careful tutelage on how to disable the gag reflex seemed to avail Elissa nothing when she attempted to use her small, stiff-bristled brush and the fine mint-imbued powder she'd brought in her pack from in Redcliffe.

As day progressed into evening with her shoulder abominably sore, she detected a faint hint of sulfur on the air. Her first reaction was queasiness at the odor, but it was quickly overridden by joy as she realized what that scent portended.

"I think there is a hot springs nearby!" she announced.

Leliana gave a squeal of delight. "Oh! I haven't been to one in years!"

"Me either," Elissa replied. "There is one in the Coastlands, between Amaranthine and Highever. I've been there a few times and I recognize the smell. We'll see if we can't locate the spring and make camp near it. With any luck, there will be a pool fit for bathing."

Finding the spring turned out to be a simple matter of following their noses. It was located in a sheltered glade, closed in on one side by a high stone bluff. To the glee of just about everyone, there was a wide, shallow pool perfect for soaking. The party quickly made camp at a nearby freshwater stream and once supper was eaten, Wynne and Leliana and Elissa claimed feminine prerogative and secured first access to the springs for themselves.

The pleasure of the steaming water was sublime. It warmed them after so many long days of traveling in the cold. It soothed Elissa's aches, but as Leliana effused about the pleasures of the Empirial Baths at Val Royeaux, Elissa once again realized she was missing her mother.

Her first trip to the Coastland springs had been years ago in the company of her mother, in celebration of her ascent to womanhood shortly before her twelfth birthday. There, as the hot water had worked its magic upon the young Elissa's cramps and discomfort, Eleanor had gifted her with her own treasured copy of The Art of Passionate Love and had explained to Elissa what the changes she was experiencing presaged, what marvelous feats her woman's body would someday accomplish, and the pleasures it could afford. That night, in the soft bed in her room at the inn near the springs, her body relaxed and languid from the hot water, Elissa had replayed her mother's words in her mind. That night, for the first time, her hands had begun to explore her body and discover its secrets.

"Are you all right, my friend?" Leliana asked in concern, and Elissa opened her eyes to realize she'd half-dosed while the other women had talked. Wynne was now wading out of the pool, claiming weariness.

"Yes," Elissa said softly, letting the mineral-rich water float her. "It's just nice to have a while without everything aching at intervals."

"Ah. I noticed as you were getting into the pool that you are starting to show your condition a little."

"Really?"

"Yes, but just a very little. The tiniest bump, really. Still, it will not be long, no?"

"I suppose not," Elissa sighed. "One wonders how I'll manage to fit into my armor."

"Oh, do not sound so glum about it. I find women with child quite beautiful. And I'm sure Alistair will agree..."

"I beg your pardon?" Elissa found herself sitting up straighter, becoming more alert. "Just when did this conversation become about Alistair?"

Leliana looked surprised. "I thought that after what he did for you in the tower, the two of you might be growing closer, no? He no longer seems as uncomfortable with you as he did after that night in Redcliffe, at least."

"What he did in the tower... was that your idea?"

"No, not at all," the bard denied. "When it became apparent that you were having difficulty, he insisted we must find a way to help. When I told him that I could think of nothing else other than to somehow arouse you, he told me my bow would be more useful if the demons needed to be stopped quickly than would his sword, and stepped in. I did advise him to remove his shirt, thinking you might need the touch of skin, but other than that, it was all his doing, you see? And quite romantic, yes?"

"I don't think 'romantic' is exactly the word to apply to those circumstances," Elissa muttered uncomfortably, knowing she lied. Indeed, while she could hardly imagine worse circumstances under which to share her first kiss with a man for whom she was developing such improbable feelings, it had still moved something within her.

"Ah, but you did not see the look on his face as he carried you from the room!" Leliana gave a theatrical swoon.

"Oh, Maker, Leliana! Please. I cannot possibly endure any matchmaking at this time."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Leliana looked surprised. "I thought you were interested in Alistair. Was I mistaken?"

"Well, no, not entirely. But the matter is much more complicated than that."

"Ah, because of the baby's father? You are still mourning him, no?"

"Well, I..."

Elissa was rescued by the need to answer by the sudden intrusion of Alistair into the clearing that housed the pool. She canted an eyebrow at him as he stammered an explanation. "It's getting late," he shrugged. "If we want to break camp at daybreak and still get a decent night's sleep, we can't wait much longer, so Zevran has declared he's coming whether or not you two are done. I thought I'd give you a bit of warning."

With a reluctant sigh, Leliana began to wade from the pool. "It's time for me to retire anyway. Good night, Elissa, Alistair."

"Good night, Leliana," Elissa murmured, then gave Alistair a stubborn glower while studiously looked in any direction other than where Leliana was dressing with soft Orlesian curses about the frigid air. "If you want to use the pool, feel free. You'll just have to resign yourself to my presence because I have no intention of leaving just yet."

"Oh. All right then." She closed her eyes and drifted for a long moment, but a soft splashing disturbed her and she opened them a crack to see him wading into the pool in his smallclothes. Laughing softly, she wondered just how long it would take them to dry, since they'd likely end up frozen solid in his pack after he removed them.

Suddenly Elissa became keenly aware of the seductive situation. The languid warmth of the water, the lack of clothing. Alistair, sitting there across from her looking excruciatingly shy and so damnably fuckable all at the same time. She had to grit her teeth against a sudden pang of arousal, a nearly undeniable impulse to wade across to him and slide her body against his in the water. To feel him grow hard and eager under those smallclothes as she explored his mouth in a way she'd not been able to do before.

The core of desire that had been dormant since that day in the Circle Tower was now voraciously awake, and all Elissa could do was curse its timing. She closed her eyes, forcing her mind to focus on the relaxation of the water, rather than its more erotic properties.

Alistair cleared his throat and asked, "Um... When I came into the clearing, did I hear correctly? Was Leliana asking you about the, uh, father?"

Elissa gave a quiet snort. How long had he been waiting for the opportunity to bring that up? "Yes, Alistair. She was."

"She said you were mourning him. Was he from Highever, then?"

"No, he wasn't from Highever," she said slowly, sighing in resignation. She looked at him again as he studied her carefully from far across the pool. "He was lost at Ostagar."

"Oh, that's right, you said you...." A frown touched Alistair's brow for a moment, and then his eyes widened and a delighted smile began to curve his lips. Elissa could almost read his thoughts.

"No, Alistair," she said gently. "No. It was not Duncan."

"Oh." His crestfallen expression did nothing to ease her conscience at dashing his hopes. "But you said you and he--"

"Yes, we did."

"And that you were--"

"A virgin until we reached Ostagar, yes."

"Then--?"

Elissa closed her eyes again, too relaxed by the water to muster much frustration at the necessity of explaining. "Do you really want the details?"

"No, not really, but... Oh, blast it! Yes, all right? Yes, I do. Maker's breath! You were only at Ostagar for a few days!"

The undercurrent of judgment in his words irritated Elissa and provoked her to be cruelly specific. "It was not Duncan who had my virginity, or at least not my maidenhead. I did not wish to conceive Duncan's child, so I did not allow him to release his seed near my womb. I took him in my mouth, or in my ass, or even on my breasts, but never there." Her chin lifted defiantly. "Is that what you wished to know?"

Alistair shook his head in disgust, squirming uncomfortably. "I had to ask...." he sighed. "All right, I'm sorry. My tone was uncalled for. I'm just... I'm trying to understand. There was someone else at Ostagar?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't mind conceiving his child?"

"He intended to marry me."

"You were... engaged?" Alistair asked, aghast.

"Not formally, no, but it was to have been formalized after the darkspawn had been defeated. Clearly he... never had that chance."

"And even though you were practically engaged, you still slept with Duncan?"

There it was again. That slight undertone of condemnation. Elissa bristled once more, and retaliated with the weapon she had at her disposal, using his prudery against him. "If you must know, things progressed... precipitously... the night I lost my virginity. My needs were unfulfilled, and I went to Duncan to remedy that situation, which he did. Quite admirably, I must say."

"Oh, Maker's blood!" Alistair cursed. He squirmed again, and Elissa took some malicious satisfaction in knowing he was likely fair to bursting out of his smallclothes beneath the water. "I'm not trying to be an ass about this, really I'm not, but...."

"For not trying you've succeeded remarkably well," she answered rigidly, then sighed, letting the water soothe away her tension once more. The rare and unexpected pleasure of the hot springs was too wonderful an opportunity to waste making herself and Alistair angry. "I'm sorry, Alistair. I don't want to quarrel with you, I really don't. I realize that who I am, what I do, is unexpected for you. My attitudes and behavior are... unconventional even by a fairly liberal accounting, and your expectations with regards to sexual behavior are--really through no fault of your own--far from liberal. But I won't be judged by you, Alistair."

"I'm... trying. I am. I want to understand." Alistair fell silent, glancing awkwardly away. Finally he drew a deep breath, and asked, "Did Duncan know?"

"That I was to be married?" At Alistair's grim nod, she answered, "Yes. Duncan knew everything, long before we left Highever. I went to Ostagar with the intention of finding the man I wished to marry, the man my parents had planned for me to marry, and seducing him until he proposed to me. Duncan was aware of this and complicit in the scheme. He felt the political connection made by such an alliance would benefit the Grey Wardens. It's why I arrived at Ostagar a virgin in the first place, otherwise it's virtually certain Duncan would have had my maidenhead back in Highever, or at the very least along the road to Ostagar."

Alistair looked unhappy about that, and Elissa found she could almost pity him. It was one thing to condemn her, whom he hardly knew. But it was quite another to find fault with his hero and mentor. Perhaps Duncan's complicity would help assuage Alistair's qualms and help him find his own acceptance.

"I thought the Grey Wardens were supposed to be a politically neutral force," Alistair said finally, searching for a topic less fraught with tension.

"Duncan wasn't naive enough to believe that to be a realistic possibility," Elissa answered. "Oh, he mentioned that that was the mandate from Weisshaupt when the Wardens were reinstated here in Ferelden, to avoid any chance of another banishment, but it was a ridiculous goal. The Wardens cannot possibly be politically neutral. They are too dependent on the the nobility to provide tithes and recruits, and that means playing at politics, forming strategic alliances with the most powerful nobles. Neutrality was never any sort of achievable option. The best he could possibly hope for was to minimize hostility, convert those who might be adversaries into allies, and engender as much goodwill as possible. Which was why recruiting me was so advantageous. And had I made the marriage I intended to make, well, the possibilities would have been endless."

"I notice you refuse to name the man you meant to marry," Alistair observed.

"You're right."

"You really have no intention of ever telling me who the father of your baby was, do you?"

"Quite the opposite. I have no doubt you will learn everything in time. But I really don't want to have that discussion tonight, especially since we're trying so hard to be polite."

"Oh."

"Ah, what have we here?" Zevran's voice rang through the steamy air surrounding the pool. "You see, Alistair? I told you this selfish minx would not be finished yet. Well, if she will not be considerate and vacate the pool, we shall simply have to claim it for ourselves!"

Elissa gave him a narrow look. "I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere. You will have to drag my sleeping form from this pool tomorrow at daybreak. I haven't been this warm or comfortable in months."

"Ah, now that presents all kinds of interesting possibilities!" he declared. Before Alistair could react to his presence, Zevran had stripped to his skin and waded into the pool, seating himself halfway between Alistair and Elissa, barely far enough away from either to not be considered intrusive.

"This is the way I prefer it, personally," Zevran announced with a playful leer at Elissa. "No silly little games of modesty, hiding the women from the men! It is foolish, is it not?"

Elissa closed her eyes again, unconcerned. "Well, at this point everyone else in the party has seen me in the skin the Maker gave me, so it hardly seems to matter."

"Oh? And just what naughty games have I been missing, I wonder, joining your merry band so late?" Zevran's speculative gaze passed Alistair over, who bolted upright as though he'd been stung. He quickly began wading from the pool.

"I think I've had enough soaking," he announced, scurrying for his clothes in the frigid air, taking pains not to let them see what was surely lurking under his smallclothes. "Goodnightseeyouinthemorning."

Elissa couldn't help but smile, shaking her head as Alistair pulled his clothing on over his wet smallclothes. "Alistair," she called softly before he left the clearing. "Please don't forget to lay your clothes out by the fire tonight, or else you're going to be desperately uncomfortable tomorrow."

"Right," he nodded, rushing off.

Which left her alone and quite naked with Zevran. Elissa realized the low hum of arousal that had begun to pulse in her belly with Alistair's presence hadn't left when he did.

"And here we are, alone at last, my beautiful Warden," Zevran sighed.

"So it would seem," she murmured, feeling her cunt throb in response to his implication. A bead of sweat slid down her face, despite the chill of the air outside the water.

"I have had the feeling you have been avoiding me," he remarked, his tone slightly chiding.

"That's not entirely accurate. I've merely been delaying the inevitable for a while."

"I do not understand your meaning."

"Don't be coy, Zevran, it doesn't suit you. The sun will set, the moon will rise, the tide will turn, and you and I will fuck." She met his gaze levelly, relieved to find the awkwardness engendered by the odd reluctance she'd been experiencing in abeyance. There now. It was out there.

"If it is so inevitable, then why have you been avoiding it?" he asked, drawing nearer with an almost feline, predatory grace.

"Because what I don't need right now are complications." Despite her words, she went willingly to his arms, letting the water support her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and slid her arms around his shoulders. His lips found her sweat-and-steam moistened neck with unerring expertise and Elissa writhed against him as he began to nibble the tendon between her neck and shoulder, wiping away the damp tendrils of hair that clung to her skin there.

"Then by all means, let us not complicate matters," he purred against her neck. They shifted in tandem, Elissa pulling herself up slightly as Zevran angled his hips, and with a soft moan, she lowered herself onto his cock. With no foreplay to speak of, she was tight, sliding down onto him inch by slow, stretching inch.

It felt marvelous.

Only when he was deeply seated within her did Elissa seek his lips, her tongue gliding over his as he sucked gently upon it. It was almost a circle, she thought in delicious, drowsy languor, her tongue fucking his mouth while his cock fucked her. Lazily she wriggled her hips and he nudged in just a tiny bit deeper, drawing a pleasured whimper from her.

She leaned back, laying on the surface of the water and letting it buoy her as Zevran held her waist in his hands, pulling her in to meet the surging of his hips while she floated almost horizontally, the waves they were generating splashing and rocking her, making her breasts bounce and slide on her chest.

"Ah, the sight you make," he sighed softly, watching her intently. "Surely no siren ever gliding along the waves looked so seductive."

Elissa's eyes closed, and she allowed herself to float, allowed Zevran to do all the work, supporting her and conducting their slow, leisurely fucking. Her first orgasm rolled over her gently, like the waves of the water itself. She rode it, not straining or rushing, not seeking more but simply letting it soothe her. Once it had passed, she opened her eyes and saw that Zevran had finally stopped looking at her. His head was tipped back so that his long platinum hair brushed the water, his eyes clenched shut, his jaw tense. Drawing it out, holding back.

She didn't want him controlled, didn't want him withholding. She simply wanted him to find release in her as freely and frankly as their fucking had begun. No pressure. No expectations. Just giving and receiving pleasure.

She grabbed his arms, pulled herself up, and moved off him, away from his body.

"Surely we're not done," he asked teasingly.

"Shh." she whispered, kissing him. She pushed him back until he sat with the high, steep stone wall at his back. Here the water was up to his shoulders, but he sank down willingly into it, his hands coming to rest on her hips as she turned her back to him and straddled his lap. She sank down once more, taking his cock in hand and guiding him into her. Using her knees, she began to ride his cock, pushing up and thrusting back down again. She leaned back against his chest and rolled her hips, moaning when his cock stroked that spot at the front of her sheath, and then she did it again when his hands came up and cupped her breasts where they floated on the surface of the water.

His lips found her shoulder, kissing and sucking his way up to the curve of her neck. She turned her head and her mouth sought his; not a neat, closed kiss, but open and sloppy from the awkward angle, tongues jabbing and thrusting and licking at the corners of their mouths. Elissa arched and mewled when his fingers lightly pinched her nipple and began to ride him harder, tearing her mouth from his to gain the leverage she needed to push herself up once again.

She felt and heard the approach of his climax; the low growl in his throat, the tightening of his hands upon her, one on her breast, the other on her hip, the swelling of his cock. Her hand slid down her belly, past the tiny bump Leliana had detected just above her curls, and her fingers moved in rapid circles over her slick clit. She arrived just a moment before he did, gasping and shuddering, her mouth open and her head thrown back in the heavy, steam-laden air. The release of his seed was just another wave of warmth, lost in the heat of the water.

"Ah, I thank you, my beautiful Warden," he sighed when she left his softening cock slip out of her to lean back against him. His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her back against his chest while they relaxed in the water. "I have not had a tension reliever like that in quite some time."

"Yes," she said, closing her eyes, feeling sleepy and replete. "Just this for now, nothing more," she had the presence of mind to add. "Pleasure with no complications. Or, stress relief, if you will?"

"You are much of my own mind on the subject, sweet Elissa."

She couldn't help it; she tensed. "Don't call me that," she said shortly, pulling away from him. For some reason it felt very wrong to allow him to call her by one of the endearments Cailan had used. Before her odd moment of tension could spoil the moment, she turned and gave him a sultry smile. "I prefer it when you call me Warden."

"Then it shall be as you wish, my ravishing Warden," he growled, lunging for her.

They finally left the pool when Elissa began to grow lightheaded from the heat of the water, and she dressed drowsily in the frosty air. The camp was quiet when they returned to the circle of tents, everyone asleep except for Sten, who gave a disgruntled snort when they emerged from the trees. Half-asleep already, Elissa stumbled to her tent, and was surprised when Zevran crawled in beside her.

"No complications," he murmured in her ear when she stiffened and would have protested. "I merely prefer sleeping beside another body in the cold of winter. Besides, it makes morning sex much easier."

She was asleep before she could find a flaw in his argument, though she rather regretted her complacency the next day when Alistair, looking stricken, once again refused to meet her eyes.

Perhaps it had been too optimistic to assume sex with Zevran would carry no complications.

(This space reserved for chipper feedback prompt!)