Read Any Good Books Lately?

Two hours later, the bachelorette party was still going strong. After reaching a point in the “Have You?” deck that no one could take a drink to, the girls abandoned it. By that time, they were all quite tipsy, and their happy laughter echoed through the inn.

“But seriously, Claire,” Ann slurred, pointing at the blonde. “You’d better treat Cliff good.”

Claire rolled her eyes. “I doooo treat him good,” she slurred back.

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” Ann gave a lopsided grin. “You drank to almost every card in that deck. You guys are having fun on that farm. Fun on the farm! Fun of the farm! That sounds so funny!” Ann hiccuped loudly.

Elli waved her hands authoritatively. “The crown for fun goes to Karen, though! Woo hooooooo!” She clapped her hands and cheered.

Karen tipped her chair back, rolling with laughter. “Jush because I’m a little more adventuroush than the rest of you…” she sighed. The girls were giving her quite a razzing for some of the stuff she had admitted to doing with Rick.

Mary laughed loudly. “I’d never even heard of some of that stuff!”

Karen laughed back. “I know what I’m getting you for a wedding present. The Kama Sutra! You need some variety in yer life. It’s not all,” she swung her glass here, sloshing drink out, “missionary position.”

Mary shook her head. “We do more than that, I sweaaaarrr.” She laughed and then put her head down on the table.

“Hey! Hey! Don’t go to sleep yet!” Ann practically leaped across the table to shake Mary. “The party’s not over yet!”

Mary looked up and yawned. “But, I’m tired…” She tried to lay her head back down on the table, but Ann kept bothering her until finally, she sat up straight and tried to put on an “awake” face.

The party turned a little more raucous as the five girls decided to compare the sizes of their guy’s members. At first, they all exaggerated, trying to be funny. Then Ann got a great idea. She stumbled behind the counter and fished out a large notepad and five pens. She cracked up as she passed out the paper and pens. “Here we go…let’s draw a picture of it, life sized, and then write your guy’s name on it. Hee hee!” Mary was resistant at first, but the other girls urged her on until she was scribbling furiously as well, blushing and giggling the whole time.

“Okay, everybody done? 1, 2, 3, show ‘em!” Elli commanded. They all lifted up their papers and laughter echoed through the room as they looked at each other’s artwork.

“What the helllll is that supposhed to be, Elli?” Karen roared, pointing at Elli’s “artwork.”

Elli sneered. “I know I can’t draw, but I tried, you hobag. Too bad you didn’t have an orange crayon to color in around yours. DO the carpets match the drapes?”

Karen laughed even harder at this, and then turned on Claire. “Oh my God, is that for real? Why aren’t you bowlegged yet? Damnnnn…”

Claire stuck her chin out defiantly. “Yes, it’s for real, and I’m proud of it!”

Ann looked at Claire’s picture wistfully. “I’m sooo jeeeelusssss…”

Claire turned her picture a little away from Ann. “Dream on, loudmouth. He’s all mine. Besides, you’re not doing so bad yourself,” she said while nodding at Ann’s picture.

Ann grinned. “Yeah, not bad, huh?”

“Is that a nightstick in your pocket, officer, or are you just glad to see me?” Elli cackled, making all the other girls burst out in laughter as well. Elli then turned to look at Mary’s picture. “Let me see that again…awww, thash such a good drawing. You really are an artist. How pretty…”

Mary looked back at Elli’s picture. “I wish I could say the same to you…”

Elli stick out her tongue. “I already said I know I can’t draw. Besides, the real thing is so wonderful that it can’t be reflected on mere paper.” The other girls laughed at her. “I’m serious!” she insisted.

As they were holding up their obscene artwork, suddenly a door swung open. “Damn it, girls, I’m trying to sleep, so keep it down!” Doug bellowed, marching out in his bathrobe. The girls all froze, still holding up their pictures. Ann snapped to life first and quickly crumpled hers, and the other girls slapped theirs facedown on the table, but it was too late. What had been seen could not be unseen. Doug’s face was very red, and he opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again, turned around sharply and went back to where he came from.

The girls burst out in laughter again, this time trying to be a little quieter. “Oh my god,” Karen wheezed. “I am never going to be able to face yer dad again!

Ann shook her head. “Yes, you will, you drunk. You can’t stay away from this place.”

Karen laughed hard at that. They all snickered a little more at their pictures, before tearing them up into little pieces, lest anyone find them in the trash and be scarred for life. Ann deposited the pieces in the trash, and then all the girls decided it was best to turn in for the night before they got into any more trouble.

As they went out the door together, Harris passed by, doing his late night patrol. “Hello, ladies.”

“Helllloooo, occifer…” Elli slurred. “Is that a nightstick-” Claire clamped her hand over her best friend’s mouth to keep her from saying something offensive. “Hello, Harris,” Claire managed to say. “We’re a little tipsy. Do you think you could walk us all home?”

Harris agreed and they set off. The girls were still in good cheer, and they sang as they stumbled along. They made a loop of the town, first dropping off Elli at the clinic, then Karen at the supermarket. They walked a ways more and dropped off Mary at the library, then Harris helped the unsteady Claire straight down the path back to her farm.

Harris shook his head as he walked away. “They’re all going to have headaches tomorrow…”