Revered and Reviled

"I am very sorry, Carth, but it can't be."
"I know," said Carth harshly. "It was just a nice dream." Carth smiled. "Crazy and impossible, but nice."
"It is unfortunate, and really, I don't want to do this. But there are many reasons, even without the possibility that she will become a Jedi, why this cannot be." said Bastila gently. She glanced back to make sure no one else was approaching the cockpit.
"And I don't even get an explanation, do I? Just warned off and told it's a Jedi thing."
Bastila sighed. "There are complications, it has to do with her past. I'm sorry, but I can't say any more. You can't have spent that much time together. When did you become interested in her, anyway?"
"After she saved my life," Carth snapped. "Look, you said it has to end, why are you still asking me about this?" The idea that Bastila thought time would matter made him want to laugh. Or slap her, he wasn't sure which would make him feel better about being ordered to break off his budding relationship with Patience.
"She saved your life? When?"
Carth sighed. "On the escape pod. The pod got hit by something, space debris I think, and the wall behind my seat practically caved in. If she hadn't knocked me out of the seat before it hit, I would have been about six inches shorter. And a lot quieter."
"Oh." Bastila considered. "Wait, she got you out of the way before it hit?"
Carth nodded. "Yes. Don't ask me anymore, because I don't know."
Bastila stared at him. "Let me see your hand for a moment."
"What?"
"Just give me your hand, please."
Carth held out his hand to Bastila, and she held his hand in both of hers, concentrating.
"You have a strong connection to the Force," Bastila commented. "Not exactly a sensitive."
"More like 'sensitized,' if that means anything," Carth replied. "My … wife, she and I were both too weak with the Force to be trained. But our son would have been sent to the Jedi. If he had lived." Carth pulled his hand away and stared out, into the emptiness of space. "Are you done? Can we stop talking about this now?"
"Yes. I apologize, Carth." Bastila rose and walked out of the cockpit, leaving Carth to his thoughts, and wrapped in her own. What her senses were telling her was impossible, and yet, she knew it to be true. Bastila stood in the medical bay, her arms crossed, lost in thought. She had no idea what to do. This situation – this woman, Patience – was completely beyond her training. She could only tell the Jedi Council, and let their wisdom guide her.
They landed at Dantooine, and Bastila escorted Patience to meet with the Jedi Council.
"I can't even do any shopping first?"
"You can shop after you meet with the Council," said Bastila sharply. "Come on, stop dawdling."
Patience sighed, and followed Bastila into the central chamber of the Jedi Enclave. Bastila hadn't left Patience and Carth alone for days, and Carth had been half-heartedly avoiding her. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to go talk to him. Or play pazaak with Mission. Or tease the Wookie. Anything but stand here, in this obnoxiously tranquil enclave. "I bet there isn't even a track here."
"What?" said Bastila sharply.
"Nothing." She trailed a little behind Bastila, and almost lost her in the odd layout of the hallways.
"Why aren't you wearing your robes?" someone snapped.
Patience stopped in surprise, and turned. "What? I'm not a Jedi. Who are you?"
"My name is Belaya," said a tall Jedi. "I apologize, I didn't recognize you and thought… are you certain you're not a Jedi? Did you come here for training?" The Jedi sounded slightly confused.
Before she could answer, Bastila came back. "There you are, what are you doing? Ah, greetings, Belaya." She bowed to the other Jedi, who bowed in return. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay and talk. I must bring her before the Council. Please, excuse us."
"Of course," said Belaya. "I won't take up any more of your time." She bowed again, and walked away as Bastila took hold of Patience, and led her down the hall.
The Jedi Council discussed her as if she wasn't even there, and then finally decided that Patience would have to submit to Jedi training for her own safety. "And now to this other matter," said one of the Council calmly, the small wizened green Jedi, Master Vandar. "Tell us about this man, Carth."
That vision flashed in her head again: a pretty world, two moons in the sky, stalks of grain blowing in the wind A baby on her hip, playing with her necklace; a little boy chasing a bright red animal down the lane. Carth, a little older, calling after the child - their son - and laughing at her - his wife, his friend, his lover.
"Interesting," murmured Master Vandar. "I do not sense any dangerous passion in you. You are remarkably balanced."
"Tell me, young woman," asked the Twi'lek, Master Lestin. "What would you do if Carth left you for another?"
"What? Well, I guess, if it was his own choice, I would be sad. Quietly. You know. Well, maybe you don't. I mean - "
The Council members laughed in gentle amusement as Patience fumbled over her explanation.
"It's quite all right," said the archivist, Master Dorak. "Your reaction - your acceptance - is very unusual." The Jedi looked at each other. "Please, tell us what you saw just now."
"How do you know I saw anything?" she asked in confusion.
"The Force flows very strongly through you. When we mentioned Carth, it seemed to shine through you for a moment."
She blinked in confusion. "You can... never mind. It's a world, with two moons. A farm world, there's a huge tract of grain or something nearby. There's a boy - our boy - running around, chasing something. Carth is trying to call him back, but I'm distracting him, teasing him, and, um, holding our baby."
"Two children?" asked Master Vandar. "Interesting."
Patience really wished he would stop saying that.
"Please, excuse us for a moment," said Master Lestin.
Bastila led her to a bench on the other side of the room, then returned to the Council to continue the discussion. Patience watched them talk, and daydreamed about racing. Someone came in and asked her if she would like to have a meal, or take a rest. She looked over at the Council, and realized they wanted to speak without her present. She opted for the meal, and was led to a table where Mission and Zaalbar were already seated and stuffing their faces.
"Wow, I can't believe Zaalbar likes this. There's no meat or anything."
Zaalbar growled that the food was plentiful and filling, even without meat, and that he preferred to hunt his own meat, if it came to that. And then he went back to eating.
Patience laughed, and sat down. "Wholesome and plain. I can feel the goodness wafting from the table."
"This whole place is like that!" Mission grinned. "Canderous refused to come in. He went to the equipment shop and said he'd keep an eye on the ship."
"Awww, poor guy. Did he get some food?"
"Yeah, they sent over a basket of food for him."
"Oh, good." Patience munched on a loaf of freshly baked bread. "Where's Carth?"
"Oh, some Jedi just came and took him away, said he needs to talk to the Council."
Carth walked slowly into the Council chamber. It was not an elaborate hall, just a large circular room with some old men sitting on plain chairs. They gestured him towards a large, plain yet comfortable chair set in front of them, so they were all facing each other. Carth sat down nervously.
"Please, relax, Captain Onassi. We just have a few questions."
"Captain? There must be some mistake."
The Jedi laughed. "No mistakes. You are a hero. We reported your rescue to the Republic."
The other Jedi smiled at Carth's confusion. "Rescuing Bastila Shan would be reason enough for anyone to be promoted, Captain Onassi, but you were long overdue for recognition of your efforts during the Mandalorian conflict."
"But I didn't do anything!" Carth protested. "It was all Patience, she's the one who led the rescue. Not me."
"Interesting," said Master Vandar. "Patience insisted that she couldn't have done any of this without your help."
Carth blushed. "She's exaggerating, believe me."
"Please, tell us more about Patience. We are curious to know more about the person that she is now."
Carth wondered what they meant by that. He told the story of her escape from the wreck of the Endar Spire, their adventures on Taris, how they had saved Zaalbar from slavers and their escape from the destruction of Taris in the stolen Ebon Hawk.
"We've changed the registration of the Ebon Hawk to her name, by the way," commented Master Dorak. "And we have you as the ship's captain."
"Oh." Carth was confused.
"We may have to send your group on a mission," explained Master Vandar, which of course, was no explanation at all.
"Bastila remarked that you and Patience seemed to have an attraction to each other," said Master Lestin calmly.
Carth tried not to blush, and failed. "Um… yeah. She's a really wonderful woman. If she wasn’t going to be in the Jedi Order, I would have … I don't know."
"You are not concerned by her lack of memory?"
"Well, of course I am," said Carth. "I want her to be whole, for herself."
The Jedi Masters looked at each other, without speaking.
"What if you learned that she had been involved with someone else, in the past? Someone powerful and evil, that she needed to be protected from?"
"I think it would be more likely that they need to be protected from her when she remembers about it," said Carth dryly. "She doesn't have much tolerance for people like that."
"So we've noticed," said Master Vandar. "But you didn't answer the question."
"Honestly, I think the only person she needs protecting from is herself. She instinctively shies away from dark thoughts, but I can't tell if she's really facing the darkness or just ignoring it."
The wizened little Jedi Master nodded in understanding. "You would try to keep her on the path of the light? No matter the cost to yourself?"
Carth closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember his wife's face, but all he could remember was a small, warm hand on his face, brushing away the pain. "I would do what has to be done," he said softly.
"And if you were going to get married and settle down, where would you go?" asked the last Master, who had not yet spoken.
Carth looked up in surprise. "What? Well, probably Noraa."
"Noraa. A core world," commented Master Vrook. "Two moons, if I remember correctly? And a large agricultural base?"
"Interesting," said Master Vandar again. "It seems that the Force is trying to bring the two of you together. We ask only that you seriously consider your actions if you choose to pursue any further relationship with Patience."
Carth stared at the little Jedi Master. "Wait, you mean – you want me to?"
The Jedi Masters nodded as one.
"It is not for us to interfere," said Master Lestin. "You must do as you are guided."

"This trial… are you certain that you are ready for it?" asked Master Lestin.
Patience looked up at her teacher in surprise. "Well, yes, but if you think that I'm not, then I'll wait."
The Twi'lek shook his head slowly. "I am not certain that this rushing is best for you. And yet," he mused to himself, "there is no time."
"I'm pretty sure the Force didn't bring me all this way just to fail," Patience grinned. "So, what's the trial?"
"There are three tests," said Master Lestin. "How you pass them is as important as whether you pass them or not."
"How very Jedi," observed Patience. "So what's the first one?" she asked again.
"First, you must prove that you know the Code of the Jedi."
Patience raised an eyebrow. "How do I do that?"
"Well, you will sit with your Master and another Master and we will ask you about it."
"Right." Patience looked around.
"Did you want to do that now?" asked Master Lestin uncertainly.
"Why not?"
The Twi'lek sighed. "Come." He led her back into the central room of the Enclave. The only Master there was Vandar.
Patience winced inwardly.
"Greetings, Zhar. And what have we here?" The little green alien looked curiously at Patience, and she bowed politely.
"My student wishes to take her first trial."
"Ah, most interesting."
Patience sighed. She was becoming convinced that he was doing it on purpose just to annoy her.
"Please, be seated." Master Vandar gestured towards a chair, but Patience decided to kneel comfortably on the floor instead so that she could feel the planet beneath her. Both of the Jedi nodded approvingly at her. Master Vandar sat on his stool, and Master Lestin sat on his chair, facing her.
Master Lestin met her eyes, saw the calmness there. "Recite the Code of the Jedi."
"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge." Her beautiful voice, calm and serene, filled the room, as she unconsciously pitched her voice so that everyone in the chamber could hear her. "There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."
"And what do these words mean to you?" asked Master Vandar.
Patience smiled a little. "It is not just the choices you make that matter, it is the reason behind the choice that separates a Jedi from a Sith. A Jedi and a Sith might both be seen cutting down a man with a lightsaber. But a Jedi does it to keep the peace, to save a life. A Jedi does not act out of anger or fear."
Master Lestin nodded slowly. "And do you follow this code?"
Patience smiled again. "Well, I certainly try to. But sometimes, I do feel emotions. And I am very ignorant," she confessed. "But I am learning. And I try not to let my emotions rule me," she sighed. "I do not fear death. I know that I will not be released before my work is done."
Master Vandar watched her speak, and nodded at the ring of truth in her voice. "You have taught your student well, Master Lestin."
A soft murmur of voices made Patience turn her head, and she realized that the seats in the amphitheatre were full. She flushed as she realized that Carth was staring at her in wonder, and Mission's eyes were wide with admiration. She quickly turned back to the two Masters, and wondered how she hadn't noticed the audience. Master Vandar chuckled softly.
Master Lestin stood and beckoned her to follow. "You have passed the first trial, now it is time for the second."
Patience shook her head, and followed Master Lestin back to the classroom. "What is the second trial?"
"For the second trial, you must build your own lightsaber." He gestured towards the workbench in the room.
Patience glanced at the workbench. "There's no crystal," she noted.
Master Lestin smiled, a little sadly. "You learn too quickly, student. You must get your crystal from Master Dorak. But first, you must assemble the base. I would tell you how it works, but you seem to know already."
"I watched you the other day," she explained. "And I'm just good with machines, I guess." The construction of a lightsaber was actually quite simple, for Patience. The parts only fit together one way, after all. She quickly assembled the quintessential tool of the Jedi, based on her glimpses of the other Jedi who had been at the workbench in the past few days, and her own intuition. Her fingers seemed to know instinctively where to line up the wires, where to place the lenses, how to insert the power cells. She fit everything into the housing and stood back to survey her work.
"Bring it here," said Master Lestin.
She carried it over to him, and he examined the setup that she had created. He nodded, and handed it back to her without speaking.
"Should I bring it to Master Dorak now?"
He nodded.
"Is something wrong, Master Lestin?" she asked curiously.
He shook his head. "No, I must meditate. Thank you for your concern, Patience."
A little confused, she went back to the main hall to find Master Dorak. He was standing next to Master Vandar. "Hello, Master Dorak."
"Ah, a new lightsaber." She handed him the housing, and he examined her work. "I see you've gone for power rather than accuracy."
"I don't miss that much," she explained.
"So you're planning to be out in front, I take it? Not guiding from behind?"
"Me? I lead from the front," she laughed. "Besides, I want to make sure I'm the focus of attention," she grinned.
"Because you don't want your friends to get hurt," Master Dorak observed gently.
Patience blushed. "Well, yeah. Isn't that my job? To protect them?"
He placed a bright blue crystal into the blade. "It is, if you're willing to be a Guardian." He handed her the completed lightsaber. "And I think that you are. Take this to Master Lestin, and he will prepare you for your final trial."
Patience carefully accepted it, and walked back to the training room. Master Lestin was standing in the center of the room, waiting. He looked calmer, more relaxed. "You look better, Master Lestin."
The Twi'lek Master smiled. "I have decided to emulate you, and accept joyfully that which I cannot change."
Patience blinked in surprise, then laughed aloud. "Well, I'm glad I could help. Here," she held out her lightsaber. "Master Dorak gave me a crystal!"
"A Guardian," Master Lestin murmured. "Obvious, and appropriate." He smiled at her. "Come, let us practice working with your new lightsaber."
Patience couldn't sleep at first, when she went to bed that night. All this was so oddly easy for her. Not that she had ever done it before, it felt more that she had always been doing this. That her hands had just been waiting all this time for a lightsaber. That she had always been part of this strange, quiet part of the world behind the world. And yet, there was something missing. Something besides an off-hand lightsaber. And something was still wrong with her lightsaber, but she couldn't think of what it was. She would have to take it apart later and figure it out.
The room was quiet and dark, and she could hear Bastila and Mission sleeping on their beds, across the room. Patience sat up, and crossed her legs beneath her. She rested her hands on her knees, unconsciously assuming a meditative position. She thought of everything she could remember, then nothing at all, then let her imagination wander through the stars, not really sure what she was looking for or thinking of. For a moment, she just let herself think of the grandness and wonder of the universe, of all the life within it, all the struggles, all the joys. Where was her place in this, she asked herself. Did she have one? Somewhere out there was a Sith Lord, bent on destroying the Republic, and she was going to be part of stopping him. Was that her place? Was that why she was here? Or was there something more? What was behind the Sith Lord? What had turned Revan and Malak against the Republic and the Jedi? What had given them their powers? What darkness lay at the edge of the galaxy, where two heroes had ventured and returned as monsters?
She knew all these things were important, and that they had to be dealt with. But she knew deep inside that none of these great and grand things were really why she was here, sitting up, searching the universe instead of sleeping. No, her question was much smaller and simpler, and much more important. Where was the world with two moons, and farms, and tiny red animals that a little boy could chase? She smiled to herself at the memory of her imagined future, and let herself replay the vision in her mind again, basking in the warmth and happiness of it.
The sense of peace and happiness stayed with her all the next day, as she left the Enclave for her final trial. She was supposed to be doing something about a Dark presence in an ancient grove somewhere in the region. Carth and Bastila went with her, and she was actually quite grateful for their company, if not for their teasing.
"South is this way," said Bastila again.
"Right." Patience turned away from the flowers and walked in the direction that Bastila indicated. "Oh! Look, is that a daisy?"
Carth grinned, and helped her gather a handful. "You're really bad at this. So where are we going again?"
"Um…" Patience looked around. "I was hoping you knew." She made a crown from the daisies and offered it to Bastila. "Here!"
"Thank you," said Bastila dryly. "Shall we be going now?" They walked for a few minutes before Patience wandered off again.
"Oh, what a nice tree!" She looked up at the strong, thickly covered branches, and resisted an irrational urge to hug the tree.
Carth took a look at the tree, jumped to grab one of the lower branches, and pulled himself up.
"Oh, not you too!" exclaimed Bastila. "Get down from there!"
"I'm scouting," Carth explained, but reached down to help Patience climb up. "There's someone over there," he pointed towards the south.
Bastila leapt gracefully into the upper branches, next to Carth. "That's the grove. Whoever it is, they're just sitting there." She adjusted her daisy crown to make sure it wouldn't fall off. "I guess we should go find out what is going on." Bastila jumped, floating gracefully down to the ground.
Carth climbed down, jumping the last few feet and landing heavily. He dusted off his legs and looked up to see if Patience needed any help, but she was hanging upside down from a branch, and still looking at the grove.
"She's a Cathar."
"Who?" Bastila asked.
"The person in the grove. She's very angry about something."
"You sensed it as well?" Bastila looked curiously at Patience. "You do learn fast. Now get down from there, and we'll go talk to her."
"You need to lighten up," Patience advised. She sat up, then did a backwards flip out of the tree, landing neatly on the ground next to Carth. "Okay, let's go." She didn't wander this time, she wanted to talk to the angry Cathar.
She was not expecting the Cathar to attack them, and certainly not that her first attack would be to freeze Bastila and Carth in some kind of stasis field. Patience fought off the Cathar's wild attacks. She didn't want to kill her, and ended up knocking the Cathar unconscious with a well-placed blow.
"Um… hello?" Patience gently shook the Cathar's shoulders to wake her up. The Cathar stirred, and Patience stepped away in case she tried to attack again. The Cathar sat up, and looked around in confusion, then saw Patience watching her curiously.
"Go ahead, strike me down," the Cathar raged. "I have fallen to the Dark Side, and you have defeated me."
"But… you're not a Dark Jedi."
"What? Yes I am! Look at what I've done to your friends. Look at all the harm I have caused here."
"You locked them in a stasis field. They're not being hurt, and they'll be fine in a few minutes." Patience looked around. "As for the animals here going crazy, someone needs to clean this place up. I bet some of those weeds there are poisonous or something. They look poisonous. And they smell awful."
The Cathar stared at her in disbelief. "I tried to kill you. And you are just ignoring me?"
"No, you didn't," said Patience in confusion. "You swung a lightsaber at me a few times. Not the same thing at all."
"Are you mocking me?" she hissed. "You don't think some filthy Cathar can be a real Jedi, is that it?"
"No, I just don't believe you're really evil. At all. Hurt and confused, maybe. But not evil. Come on back to the Jedi Enclave, and you can tell me why you're upset." Patience shut off her lightsaber. "You're Juhani, right?"
"Yes, my name is Juhani, human! And I am not going back. You think all this can be fixed so easily?" Tears sparkled in the pretty Cathar's eyes.
"Pleased to meet you. My name is Patience," she said, refusing to be baited by Juhani's anger. "Why don't you want to go back?"
"I can never go back," shrieked the Cathar in fury. "I struck down my Master! I can never be forgiven!"
"That's nonsense. First of all," she explained, "if you had really killed a Jedi, they wouldn't have sent a new student out to talk to you. Second of all, the Jedi forgive everybody. They're kind of stupid that way. You can go back anytime you want to. You just have to want to."
Juhani burst into tears. "No, it can't be that easy! I have to be punished for what I have done."
Patience pulled her into a friendly hug. "Oh, don't cry like that, you'll make yourself sick. Here." She took off her jacket and wrapped it around Juhani's shoulders. "Come on, let's head back." The stasis field wore off, and Bastila and Carth walked up to them.
Juhani sobbed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say." She continued sobbing, and Bastila shook her head, then put her arms around Juhani as well. Carth sighed, and they all walked back to the Jedi Enclave.
Patience was heading to the workshop, after the Masters had taken Juhani to calm her down, when someone stopped her.
"You're still not wearing your robes," Belaya noted.
"What? Oh," Patience blushed. "They just don't seem right, that's all."
"But you are a true Jedi, now. You should honor the order that you serve so well."
"Huh? I don't – I'm just a Padawan, Belaya. I haven't done anything yet."
Belaya smiled at her. "You saved the life of one we thought was lost forever. Surely you think that is important?"
Patience grinned nervously. "Well, yeah, but what else was I supposed to do?"
Belaya was silent for a moment. "You are right," she agreed finally. "You don't need to wear the robes. No one would ever mistake you for anything other than a Jedi, no matter what you wear."