The Sentimental Feelings
folder
+S through Z › Star Ocean 3
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
8,977
Reviews:
75
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S through Z › Star Ocean 3
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
17
Views:
8,977
Reviews:
75
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Star Ocean 3, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Obedience
Author: Ciissi
Fandom: Star Ocean III: Till the End of Time
Pairing: Albel Nox x Fayt Leingod
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Ocean III. It belongs to Square Enix, may they do lots of more good games. Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited is made and preformed by Sonata Arctica.
Warnings: Eventually NC-17. Contains yaoi meaning at least two boys having sex together but not in first few chapters. Possible child abuse but not in sexual manner.
Author's Note 1: The last chapter was… a monster… 11 pages… ^___^;; Sorry about that… and sorry if it was something you never expected to read in this fiction. I hope I did not make anyone angry or disgusted.
Answers for reviews: For some reason I was again honored by a fanart from this fiction. I have no words. Thank you for being patient with me. It took really too long to update this time because I wanted to update on the 9th of September. Now the first year is over and I am honored that so many of you have continued to read this fiction even with all the strikes of my random laziness and uncertainty.
To Seraph: To me to touch a person’s hair is very intimate action. Perhaps Albel does not think his hair is something special, but why would have he allowed it to grow that long if his hair would be meaningless? I was very uncertain about that dream. Good to know that it has fascinated you.
To stella: There are many fictions that mention Albel’s dreams and talk of the cause of them. Personally I have not been sure are those things that are mentioned in fictions really that scary, painful for the person who is professional killer. I just wanted to show in my way, what kind of dream might be truly frightening for Albel. Thank you of the picture! I was wordless when I saw it. I take every art that has given to me because of this fiction as something special. I hope I can keep up with the expectations you have on the behalf of this fiction.
To: Flash!Roses: Sorry for the delay. My mind demanded that I must update on the 9th of September. Thank you for giving me the hint about the horror-fiction as I am really in need of it. I do not say that the 12th chapter was easy to write. People see different things as the source of horror, pain and agony. I am afraid of doing something that might destroy the world of my best friend and turn her bitter and uncaring. I would be honored to have you as my beta and I was wondering if you could beta my other fandoms too. If that is possible? Would it be too much asked of you if you would send me an e-mail? I do not know if you have LJ-account or Messenger-address but if you do would you mind telling me? It would be nice to “talk” with you in other ways than through e-mail… I found it interesting that you talked about the loose grammar of Japanese because my native language Finnish has very loose grammar too. And when you read my fiction it is noticeable in there. I agree that the grammar is always very challengeable and – unfortunately – I am very good at ignoring it. I am very thankful that pronunciation is not heard when I am writing.
*****
Part One - Chapter Thirteen: The Obedience (You grow to get used to it…)
Time has come for everyone,
to think what we have done.
Open your eyes and see,
it’s not a dream.
You aim for a common goal,
you are one with your foe.
If only we could wake up soon and scream.
~Sonata Arctica: Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited~
Few hours after the sunrise a group of Aquarian Crimson Blades had found Fayt Leingod and Albel Nox sleeping together in one of the several parks of Aquios. First they had been hesitant to wake up the two males but they had known that if the Wicked One would be waken up by the noise of the city life he would not be too happy about it. It was the sworn duty of the Crimson Blades to protect the citizens of Aquaria. So they had waken up the blue-haired sorcerer who had thanked and, while carrying the sleeping black-and-gold-haired penance, he had left the park and the females behind.
And now Fayt stood calmly in the middle of the room in their workshop house which was placed on the outskirts of the holy city of Aquios and talked with Sophia, Peppita and Puffy. Albel sat on the nearby chair and sharpened the sword Crimson Scourge and the claw of his left arm. He kept his eyes fixed on the job he was doing, never raising his head and blood-red eyes towards the blue-haired youngster, no matter how much something inside him wanted to do so.
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to keep his eyes off the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that if he did not watch, concentrate on what he was doing, immediately his eyes were following every move, gesture of the blue-haired young man. It confused Albel, made him edgy. He could not understand what was going on inside him. He did not feel sick or anything, but this illogical behavior of his was starting to get on his nerves…
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to stay away from the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that he needed, yearned that presence, feeling, touch, *thrill* that only the blue-haired young man was able to give him. It did not matter if they were not able to train, to do some swordplay. He could not understand what was going on inside him. He did not feel sick or anything, but all this illogicality was making him wonder if he had somehow regained his soul…
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to disobey the small requests of the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that things were like that now and he really did not want to fight against those very few requests that the Embodiment of Destruction made to him.
After all… Albel the Wicked was rather fond of sleeping, talking, listening, being, fighting, arguing and doing many other things with…
//Fayt…// The thought of that name which Albel had never said out loud, not ever really even allowed to surface in his conscious thoughts, woke him up. Immediately he realized that once again he had let his thoughts to wander so his eyes were staring at the emerald-eyed fool. Who just *happened* to be looking in Albel’s direction.
Albel steadied his stare and blinked slowly before dropping his sharp eyes back to the katana on his lap. He refused to be, act surprised when the emerald-eyed swordsman kneeled in front of him and touched his knee in a way which was almost too gentle to be anything else than a caress. Even if it was only meant to draw Albel’s attention to the youngster in front of him.
Albel almost sneered and snarled to the other one although it was he himself whom he despised. It was not like this prey of his needed any kind of contact to secure Albel’s undivided attention. Just by standing alone, with others, walking, laughing silently, loudly or with his beautiful eyes, talking to Albel, to the other members of their party, the only son of the Leingod family always held the entire attention of the proud Captain of the Airyglyphian Black Brigade.
Two pairs of eyes – ruby and emerald – locked together as the two swordsmen weighted their opponents’ moods. In fascination Albel watched as reddish lips parted revealing the tip of a tongue and two rows of pearl-like teeth. For a moment he thought that he smelled something minty, cold in the other one’s breath but if there was some kind of fragrance it was covered by the faintest smell of the blood and warm body.
Fayt had no problems to meet the intense stare in those ruby-red eyes that amazed, fascinated, *enchanted* him, lured him deeper into the trap of lust and confusion of which he had no escape, no return. Fayt had no problems to answer the irritation with the warmest of the smiles he had. “The girls are progressing with the antidote”, he said to the child-formed Captain before sighing deeply, “but it’ll take time before they can figure out, what’s the problem…” Fayt saw Albel shrug his shoulders indifferently and return to work his sword. Fayt looked at the Crimson Scourge thoughtfully but he did not word out his suspicions about the reasons behind the sword’s transformation. After all… The Crimson Scourge *was* a katana that absorbed something from its wielders’ souls…
Fayt dropped the thought before he would venture too deep into it. Albel would not be too happy if he would learn that Fayt thought that the Crimson Scourge held attachment towards its current wielder and had taken a smaller form for the sake of Albel’s security. It kind of hurt Fayt that the ‘living’ katana did not think that Fayt and the rest of the party would be able to protect the hot-headed Elicoorian Captain. On second thought Fayt had to admit that in reality he was the only one who came along with the Airyglyphian warrior.
Was Fayt Leingod alone not enough to keep Albel Nox safe and sound?
Fayt was somewhat hurting inside. “Are you done soon?” he heard in disbelief his own mouth asking from the object of his secret obsession. There were many wounds in the soul, heart of Fayt. The deaths of his friends, father, cruel words of rejection and it seemed that he was not able to prevent from getting more of them.
Did the sword Crimson Scourge not trust Fayt Leingod to keep its master unharmed?
The crimson eyes reflecting millions shades of red all at once rose up, never showing any feelings, thoughts running behind them. An elegant brow arched in question, wonder that would never pass the pale-red lips. A gesture that was impossible for the outsiders to encode because there was no other expression that would have helped to figure out what was going on behind those gorgeous eyes.
Did the living katana despise Fayt Leingod just like its master no matter how much he tried?
Fayt rose back to his feet, never letting his warm smile disappear. SSome times, somewhere deep inside his soul and spirit, he was feeling the urge to hurry, like he would lose something if he would not be quicker. “How about we do some training?” Fayt asked and dusted his pants before glancing around. “It’s been some time when we’ve been able to train together”, he stated calmly.
Where had Fayt Leingod made the mistake, overestimated himself?
Albel pushed the small katana back to its sheath and jumped up. Without further thought he extended his right hand towards the blue-haired youngster. It might not mean anything, but since Albel had joined to this party by the order of the King of Airyglyph, he had never offered his clawed hand to the leader of this small troupe. Whether or not it meant something…
Was there a way in which Fayt Leingod could redeem himself?
“We can’t do all-out-practice”, Fayt reminded Albel, taking the tiny hand to his own, “but we do as intense training as we can”, he promised as they stepped towards the door. Idly the taller male waved his hand for goodbye to everybody that was going to stay in the workshop.
Albel and Fayt were said farewells by several voices, but only few of them had no sound of regret in them.
*****
In some terms Misty Lear could have been called an ancient being. It was not because her body would have existed in this form for a long time, but it was rather because she was aware of all those lives she had lived before this one. Because she had experience from her previous lives, because of her quiet, observant, *outsider* life-style, she was a wise lady and she saw many things around her that others were not able to see. She just did not see all those things, but she always thought of every possible scenario that might result from the original situations that she was able to see.
Misty Lear knew nothing of the world of black-and-white. She knew nothing of only two possible options. Misty Lear only knew the world colored by millions shades of grey from white to black. She only knew hundred different alternatives between right and wrong answers because in the real world the only possible way to make things work was the way of looking for compromise solutions.
Misty Lear had liked Fayt Leingod from when they had met for the very first time. She had seen the sadness, the weight of the duty and the spark of intelligence in those mysterious emerald-eyes. Misty Lear had never really thought badly or goodly about Albel Nox. She had seen the guilt, the weight of the child’s sin and the twisted wisdom in those eyes of color of life. Misty Lear had noticed the inexperience when she had talked for the very first time with Sophia Esteed. She had seen the unsureness, the weight of the untold feelings and the sparkling hope in those eyes which color reflected the earthliness.
With strong interest Misty Lear had watched how the relationships between Fayt and Albel, Fayt and Sophia had changed, developed, stayed as they always had been. She took notice that Fayt did not acknowledge – either on purpose or not – Sophia’s feelings of strong attachment, that Albel trusted Fayt more that he himself was aware of, that Fayt was more than fond of the Glyphian swordsman.
Misty Lear was not able to understand why so many people made ado about sexually emotional relationships between couples of same gender. She knew by her memories of the ancient lives that it was not the gender that counted. What was really meaningful was the soul, the spirit, the *person* in question. Love, affection, hate, anger, like, sadness and all the variations of the entire spectrum of human emotions, feelings made no difference between genders, males and females.
If it was the will of the Destiny and the World… The feelings – both sentimental and new – between lord Fayt Leingod and Captain Albel Nox were already there. But what would wait for them at the end of this road…? What would happen would happen. It was the truth that spiraled in every life, event, spirit, season, era and Misty Lear accepted it as she accepted her every death and rebirth. But even if *she* accepted these things, saw nothing wrong in the feelings Fayt and Albel had, she was painfully aware that there were several others who were nowhere near acceptance.
Misty Lear sighed silently and reminded herself that she had promised to herself that she would never preach and force her own point of view to other ones. Even if it would have made things more acceptable and easier for them. She was no priestess, no goddess, no participant, no ordinary human being. She turned her attention back to her study.
After all… Relationships other than one’s own were uncontrollable and easily forgettable.
*****
Again and again two swords clashed together and their contact made hundreds of whitish, ember-like, bluish, electrical sparkles fly around. Then the Crimson Scourge and the Divine Avenger separated once again as their wielders jumped further apart. Both Albel and Fayt were breathing heavily. Albel because of the strain and Fayt because he had to be all the time aware of the amount of power, strength he could use against his child-formed friend. Both swordsmen were sweating and moist layers highlighted the shine, sheen of their skins in an almost unreal way.
Overall it was a loosing battle for both Fayt and Albel. Even if Fayt was enjoying the mock fight which was the first one with his best friend for some time, he could not entirely give his all. He was too aware of the fragility of Albel’s unnatural body. Even if Albel was determined to win against the emerald-eyed defier, his young, unrefined body was disagreeing with him and giving in.
Both Albel and Fayt were anxious. They both – but especially Fayt – were aware of the undeniable fact that they were running out of time. They both felt the impending feeling of a threat, that the Creator was not going to allow them any longer moment of preparation.
The time was running out. It was running out for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams… The time was running out. Albel’s body, mind was running out of time for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams… The time was running out. Fayt’s reasons, feelings were running out of time for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams…
The exertion of the training finally stroke down on Albel like poisonous serpent and his body gave in. He stumbled and fell with a broken cry. The Divine Avenger scratched his cheek and temple making the bright green-eyed Embodiment of Destruction call out in fright and abandon his sword.
*****
What does it mean, ‘the best friend’? The one and only person you can trust and believe to keep all your secrets, dreams and feelings never fearing that the other one might betray them? What kinds of feelings are included in friendship? What kinds of feelings fall under the category of ‘love’? Does friendship or love shut away some feelings and make others more acceptable? What are the limits of being ‘the best friends’? Are there some things, feelings, deeds you are not allowed to do or sacrifice for the sake of ‘the best friend’? Is there some kind of a clear, simple defining factor which shows the difference between ‘the beloved’ and ‘the best friend’?
If you have a person, who is your ‘everything’… Can that person only be your ‘beloved’? Is it wrong to say, that ‘for this people I do anything’ and ‘this person means everything to me’ if that person is not your ‘lover’ but your ‘best friend’? Is there even difference between ‘the best friend’ and ‘the lover’ and ‘the beloved’? Is it wrong if your ‘best friend’ is your ‘most important person’? Can you call your best friend with the name of ‘the beloved’?
When you fall asleep in the evening, is it wrong to hope that your ‘best friend’ would be there with you no matter what…? Or is that the point where you have crossed the line between ‘best friends’ and ‘lovers’…?
Does a ‘gender’ really mean *that* much…?
*****
Albel stared into nothingness while leisurely drinking water which the blue-haired youngster had bought to him. He sat beside the Earthling warrior who was busy at examining his sword for one reason or other. Albel was highly aware of the other one’s presence and his ears, nose were filled with sounds of steadily slowing down breath, shifting of the clothing when the other one moved his arms or legs, and fragrances which told him what kind of berries, sweets the green-eyed swordsman had eaten, how hard the sky-haired one had practiced with him.
//It’s strange…//, Albel mused silently and shifted, yawning. He was rather displeased with his seat. Unconsciously, he moved around until his back rested against his prey’s leg. //Why it has to be *him*…? Why am I weak against *him*…?// It was nothing like ‘normal’ Albel to reminisce his once so repeating, every-nightly nightmares, but the one he had seen last night…
… the blade tearing his flesh and internal organs, crushing his ribs.
PAIN!
… the keen scream of horror and pain escaping from his lips.
SHAME!
… a single tear running down his face without knowing why.
EMPTINESS!
… kicking, breaking his breastbone and toppling him, remembering that this feeling was often called ‘sadness’ or ‘mourning’ or ‘loss’.
AGONY!
… not identifying the reason.
TEARING!
… breaking out of his inner reverie, feeling a warm, moist tongue licking away the single tear on his face.
HUMILIATION!
… staring at each other for a time feeling like forever.
HATE!
… leaning over him, carefully brushing lips against his.
DESIRE!
… eyes meeting again, lips locking into a passionate kiss stealing away his reason.
FURY!
… tasting the mouth, unable to feel anything behind the kiss.
SADNESS!
… being only emptiness inside, nothing at all, not needing to continue the kiss.
Dreams are there to tell, to remind of the issues that a person is not able to, willing to think openly inside his or hers conscious mind. Dreams are the memories burned, imprinted into the mind in a fraction of a second which had never been really acknowledged. Dreams are the true complexity of the human mind which seeks the answers to the complicated problems of life, death, rebirth, world, truth, fake, personality, feelings…
Albel was more than aware that he was far from perfect. He was no god. Had never been, would never be. But perhaps with the help of Fayt Leingod he would be able to make peace with his past…Albel leaned the back of his head against the emerald-eyed savior’s shoulder. “Last night I walked inside the dream world of my soul…”
It would be a hard road, harder than all the others in the past. To seek forgiveness. To seek absolution. To be able to accept that sometimes – just sometimes – it was not *that* bad idea to show some obedience, to be the one who was the guided… Because sometimes – just sometimes – someone else knew, walked on the path leading to the place which was searched after…
Abandoned, pleased, brainwashed,
EXPLOITED,
madness has a reason.
Throw money at the problem
and it will remain.
Your life has no value for them.
~Sonata Arctica: Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited~
TBC…
*****
Author’s Note 2: Short, short, short… Probably this chapter had no meaning… What do you think?
Now that everything is fine and dandy with the fiction, I will make an announcement for you. My very dear friend and beta Delfeus is too busy with her studies that she could find time to beta my fictions. So if I am not able to catch a second beta (aside Delfeus I have one other but I think she is busy with her schooling too) the amount of errors will rise hugely. I hope that Flash!Roses will began to work with me but if that will not be the case, I hope you all bear with me… I am sorry about the inconvenience.
// 5 pages in Word
// 3 058 words
Fandom: Star Ocean III: Till the End of Time
Pairing: Albel Nox x Fayt Leingod
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Ocean III. It belongs to Square Enix, may they do lots of more good games. Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited is made and preformed by Sonata Arctica.
Warnings: Eventually NC-17. Contains yaoi meaning at least two boys having sex together but not in first few chapters. Possible child abuse but not in sexual manner.
Author's Note 1: The last chapter was… a monster… 11 pages… ^___^;; Sorry about that… and sorry if it was something you never expected to read in this fiction. I hope I did not make anyone angry or disgusted.
Answers for reviews: For some reason I was again honored by a fanart from this fiction. I have no words. Thank you for being patient with me. It took really too long to update this time because I wanted to update on the 9th of September. Now the first year is over and I am honored that so many of you have continued to read this fiction even with all the strikes of my random laziness and uncertainty.
To Seraph: To me to touch a person’s hair is very intimate action. Perhaps Albel does not think his hair is something special, but why would have he allowed it to grow that long if his hair would be meaningless? I was very uncertain about that dream. Good to know that it has fascinated you.
To stella: There are many fictions that mention Albel’s dreams and talk of the cause of them. Personally I have not been sure are those things that are mentioned in fictions really that scary, painful for the person who is professional killer. I just wanted to show in my way, what kind of dream might be truly frightening for Albel. Thank you of the picture! I was wordless when I saw it. I take every art that has given to me because of this fiction as something special. I hope I can keep up with the expectations you have on the behalf of this fiction.
To: Flash!Roses: Sorry for the delay. My mind demanded that I must update on the 9th of September. Thank you for giving me the hint about the horror-fiction as I am really in need of it. I do not say that the 12th chapter was easy to write. People see different things as the source of horror, pain and agony. I am afraid of doing something that might destroy the world of my best friend and turn her bitter and uncaring. I would be honored to have you as my beta and I was wondering if you could beta my other fandoms too. If that is possible? Would it be too much asked of you if you would send me an e-mail? I do not know if you have LJ-account or Messenger-address but if you do would you mind telling me? It would be nice to “talk” with you in other ways than through e-mail… I found it interesting that you talked about the loose grammar of Japanese because my native language Finnish has very loose grammar too. And when you read my fiction it is noticeable in there. I agree that the grammar is always very challengeable and – unfortunately – I am very good at ignoring it. I am very thankful that pronunciation is not heard when I am writing.
*****
Part One - Chapter Thirteen: The Obedience (You grow to get used to it…)
Time has come for everyone,
to think what we have done.
Open your eyes and see,
it’s not a dream.
You aim for a common goal,
you are one with your foe.
If only we could wake up soon and scream.
~Sonata Arctica: Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited~
Few hours after the sunrise a group of Aquarian Crimson Blades had found Fayt Leingod and Albel Nox sleeping together in one of the several parks of Aquios. First they had been hesitant to wake up the two males but they had known that if the Wicked One would be waken up by the noise of the city life he would not be too happy about it. It was the sworn duty of the Crimson Blades to protect the citizens of Aquaria. So they had waken up the blue-haired sorcerer who had thanked and, while carrying the sleeping black-and-gold-haired penance, he had left the park and the females behind.
And now Fayt stood calmly in the middle of the room in their workshop house which was placed on the outskirts of the holy city of Aquios and talked with Sophia, Peppita and Puffy. Albel sat on the nearby chair and sharpened the sword Crimson Scourge and the claw of his left arm. He kept his eyes fixed on the job he was doing, never raising his head and blood-red eyes towards the blue-haired youngster, no matter how much something inside him wanted to do so.
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to keep his eyes off the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that if he did not watch, concentrate on what he was doing, immediately his eyes were following every move, gesture of the blue-haired young man. It confused Albel, made him edgy. He could not understand what was going on inside him. He did not feel sick or anything, but this illogical behavior of his was starting to get on his nerves…
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to stay away from the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that he needed, yearned that presence, feeling, touch, *thrill* that only the blue-haired young man was able to give him. It did not matter if they were not able to train, to do some swordplay. He could not understand what was going on inside him. He did not feel sick or anything, but all this illogicality was making him wonder if he had somehow regained his soul…
Somehow it had become gradually harder and harder for Albel to disobey the small requests of the Leingod boy. He did not know the reason why. He only knew that things were like that now and he really did not want to fight against those very few requests that the Embodiment of Destruction made to him.
After all… Albel the Wicked was rather fond of sleeping, talking, listening, being, fighting, arguing and doing many other things with…
//Fayt…// The thought of that name which Albel had never said out loud, not ever really even allowed to surface in his conscious thoughts, woke him up. Immediately he realized that once again he had let his thoughts to wander so his eyes were staring at the emerald-eyed fool. Who just *happened* to be looking in Albel’s direction.
Albel steadied his stare and blinked slowly before dropping his sharp eyes back to the katana on his lap. He refused to be, act surprised when the emerald-eyed swordsman kneeled in front of him and touched his knee in a way which was almost too gentle to be anything else than a caress. Even if it was only meant to draw Albel’s attention to the youngster in front of him.
Albel almost sneered and snarled to the other one although it was he himself whom he despised. It was not like this prey of his needed any kind of contact to secure Albel’s undivided attention. Just by standing alone, with others, walking, laughing silently, loudly or with his beautiful eyes, talking to Albel, to the other members of their party, the only son of the Leingod family always held the entire attention of the proud Captain of the Airyglyphian Black Brigade.
Two pairs of eyes – ruby and emerald – locked together as the two swordsmen weighted their opponents’ moods. In fascination Albel watched as reddish lips parted revealing the tip of a tongue and two rows of pearl-like teeth. For a moment he thought that he smelled something minty, cold in the other one’s breath but if there was some kind of fragrance it was covered by the faintest smell of the blood and warm body.
Fayt had no problems to meet the intense stare in those ruby-red eyes that amazed, fascinated, *enchanted* him, lured him deeper into the trap of lust and confusion of which he had no escape, no return. Fayt had no problems to answer the irritation with the warmest of the smiles he had. “The girls are progressing with the antidote”, he said to the child-formed Captain before sighing deeply, “but it’ll take time before they can figure out, what’s the problem…” Fayt saw Albel shrug his shoulders indifferently and return to work his sword. Fayt looked at the Crimson Scourge thoughtfully but he did not word out his suspicions about the reasons behind the sword’s transformation. After all… The Crimson Scourge *was* a katana that absorbed something from its wielders’ souls…
Fayt dropped the thought before he would venture too deep into it. Albel would not be too happy if he would learn that Fayt thought that the Crimson Scourge held attachment towards its current wielder and had taken a smaller form for the sake of Albel’s security. It kind of hurt Fayt that the ‘living’ katana did not think that Fayt and the rest of the party would be able to protect the hot-headed Elicoorian Captain. On second thought Fayt had to admit that in reality he was the only one who came along with the Airyglyphian warrior.
Was Fayt Leingod alone not enough to keep Albel Nox safe and sound?
Fayt was somewhat hurting inside. “Are you done soon?” he heard in disbelief his own mouth asking from the object of his secret obsession. There were many wounds in the soul, heart of Fayt. The deaths of his friends, father, cruel words of rejection and it seemed that he was not able to prevent from getting more of them.
Did the sword Crimson Scourge not trust Fayt Leingod to keep its master unharmed?
The crimson eyes reflecting millions shades of red all at once rose up, never showing any feelings, thoughts running behind them. An elegant brow arched in question, wonder that would never pass the pale-red lips. A gesture that was impossible for the outsiders to encode because there was no other expression that would have helped to figure out what was going on behind those gorgeous eyes.
Did the living katana despise Fayt Leingod just like its master no matter how much he tried?
Fayt rose back to his feet, never letting his warm smile disappear. SSome times, somewhere deep inside his soul and spirit, he was feeling the urge to hurry, like he would lose something if he would not be quicker. “How about we do some training?” Fayt asked and dusted his pants before glancing around. “It’s been some time when we’ve been able to train together”, he stated calmly.
Where had Fayt Leingod made the mistake, overestimated himself?
Albel pushed the small katana back to its sheath and jumped up. Without further thought he extended his right hand towards the blue-haired youngster. It might not mean anything, but since Albel had joined to this party by the order of the King of Airyglyph, he had never offered his clawed hand to the leader of this small troupe. Whether or not it meant something…
Was there a way in which Fayt Leingod could redeem himself?
“We can’t do all-out-practice”, Fayt reminded Albel, taking the tiny hand to his own, “but we do as intense training as we can”, he promised as they stepped towards the door. Idly the taller male waved his hand for goodbye to everybody that was going to stay in the workshop.
Albel and Fayt were said farewells by several voices, but only few of them had no sound of regret in them.
*****
In some terms Misty Lear could have been called an ancient being. It was not because her body would have existed in this form for a long time, but it was rather because she was aware of all those lives she had lived before this one. Because she had experience from her previous lives, because of her quiet, observant, *outsider* life-style, she was a wise lady and she saw many things around her that others were not able to see. She just did not see all those things, but she always thought of every possible scenario that might result from the original situations that she was able to see.
Misty Lear knew nothing of the world of black-and-white. She knew nothing of only two possible options. Misty Lear only knew the world colored by millions shades of grey from white to black. She only knew hundred different alternatives between right and wrong answers because in the real world the only possible way to make things work was the way of looking for compromise solutions.
Misty Lear had liked Fayt Leingod from when they had met for the very first time. She had seen the sadness, the weight of the duty and the spark of intelligence in those mysterious emerald-eyes. Misty Lear had never really thought badly or goodly about Albel Nox. She had seen the guilt, the weight of the child’s sin and the twisted wisdom in those eyes of color of life. Misty Lear had noticed the inexperience when she had talked for the very first time with Sophia Esteed. She had seen the unsureness, the weight of the untold feelings and the sparkling hope in those eyes which color reflected the earthliness.
With strong interest Misty Lear had watched how the relationships between Fayt and Albel, Fayt and Sophia had changed, developed, stayed as they always had been. She took notice that Fayt did not acknowledge – either on purpose or not – Sophia’s feelings of strong attachment, that Albel trusted Fayt more that he himself was aware of, that Fayt was more than fond of the Glyphian swordsman.
Misty Lear was not able to understand why so many people made ado about sexually emotional relationships between couples of same gender. She knew by her memories of the ancient lives that it was not the gender that counted. What was really meaningful was the soul, the spirit, the *person* in question. Love, affection, hate, anger, like, sadness and all the variations of the entire spectrum of human emotions, feelings made no difference between genders, males and females.
If it was the will of the Destiny and the World… The feelings – both sentimental and new – between lord Fayt Leingod and Captain Albel Nox were already there. But what would wait for them at the end of this road…? What would happen would happen. It was the truth that spiraled in every life, event, spirit, season, era and Misty Lear accepted it as she accepted her every death and rebirth. But even if *she* accepted these things, saw nothing wrong in the feelings Fayt and Albel had, she was painfully aware that there were several others who were nowhere near acceptance.
Misty Lear sighed silently and reminded herself that she had promised to herself that she would never preach and force her own point of view to other ones. Even if it would have made things more acceptable and easier for them. She was no priestess, no goddess, no participant, no ordinary human being. She turned her attention back to her study.
After all… Relationships other than one’s own were uncontrollable and easily forgettable.
*****
Again and again two swords clashed together and their contact made hundreds of whitish, ember-like, bluish, electrical sparkles fly around. Then the Crimson Scourge and the Divine Avenger separated once again as their wielders jumped further apart. Both Albel and Fayt were breathing heavily. Albel because of the strain and Fayt because he had to be all the time aware of the amount of power, strength he could use against his child-formed friend. Both swordsmen were sweating and moist layers highlighted the shine, sheen of their skins in an almost unreal way.
Overall it was a loosing battle for both Fayt and Albel. Even if Fayt was enjoying the mock fight which was the first one with his best friend for some time, he could not entirely give his all. He was too aware of the fragility of Albel’s unnatural body. Even if Albel was determined to win against the emerald-eyed defier, his young, unrefined body was disagreeing with him and giving in.
Both Albel and Fayt were anxious. They both – but especially Fayt – were aware of the undeniable fact that they were running out of time. They both felt the impending feeling of a threat, that the Creator was not going to allow them any longer moment of preparation.
The time was running out. It was running out for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams… The time was running out. Albel’s body, mind was running out of time for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams… The time was running out. Fayt’s reasons, feelings were running out of time for many reasons. The Creator, the strange feelings, the shattered innocence, the obeying, the unsolved dreams…
The exertion of the training finally stroke down on Albel like poisonous serpent and his body gave in. He stumbled and fell with a broken cry. The Divine Avenger scratched his cheek and temple making the bright green-eyed Embodiment of Destruction call out in fright and abandon his sword.
*****
What does it mean, ‘the best friend’? The one and only person you can trust and believe to keep all your secrets, dreams and feelings never fearing that the other one might betray them? What kinds of feelings are included in friendship? What kinds of feelings fall under the category of ‘love’? Does friendship or love shut away some feelings and make others more acceptable? What are the limits of being ‘the best friends’? Are there some things, feelings, deeds you are not allowed to do or sacrifice for the sake of ‘the best friend’? Is there some kind of a clear, simple defining factor which shows the difference between ‘the beloved’ and ‘the best friend’?
If you have a person, who is your ‘everything’… Can that person only be your ‘beloved’? Is it wrong to say, that ‘for this people I do anything’ and ‘this person means everything to me’ if that person is not your ‘lover’ but your ‘best friend’? Is there even difference between ‘the best friend’ and ‘the lover’ and ‘the beloved’? Is it wrong if your ‘best friend’ is your ‘most important person’? Can you call your best friend with the name of ‘the beloved’?
When you fall asleep in the evening, is it wrong to hope that your ‘best friend’ would be there with you no matter what…? Or is that the point where you have crossed the line between ‘best friends’ and ‘lovers’…?
Does a ‘gender’ really mean *that* much…?
*****
Albel stared into nothingness while leisurely drinking water which the blue-haired youngster had bought to him. He sat beside the Earthling warrior who was busy at examining his sword for one reason or other. Albel was highly aware of the other one’s presence and his ears, nose were filled with sounds of steadily slowing down breath, shifting of the clothing when the other one moved his arms or legs, and fragrances which told him what kind of berries, sweets the green-eyed swordsman had eaten, how hard the sky-haired one had practiced with him.
//It’s strange…//, Albel mused silently and shifted, yawning. He was rather displeased with his seat. Unconsciously, he moved around until his back rested against his prey’s leg. //Why it has to be *him*…? Why am I weak against *him*…?// It was nothing like ‘normal’ Albel to reminisce his once so repeating, every-nightly nightmares, but the one he had seen last night…
… the blade tearing his flesh and internal organs, crushing his ribs.
PAIN!
… the keen scream of horror and pain escaping from his lips.
SHAME!
… a single tear running down his face without knowing why.
EMPTINESS!
… kicking, breaking his breastbone and toppling him, remembering that this feeling was often called ‘sadness’ or ‘mourning’ or ‘loss’.
AGONY!
… not identifying the reason.
TEARING!
… breaking out of his inner reverie, feeling a warm, moist tongue licking away the single tear on his face.
HUMILIATION!
… staring at each other for a time feeling like forever.
HATE!
… leaning over him, carefully brushing lips against his.
DESIRE!
… eyes meeting again, lips locking into a passionate kiss stealing away his reason.
FURY!
… tasting the mouth, unable to feel anything behind the kiss.
SADNESS!
… being only emptiness inside, nothing at all, not needing to continue the kiss.
Dreams are there to tell, to remind of the issues that a person is not able to, willing to think openly inside his or hers conscious mind. Dreams are the memories burned, imprinted into the mind in a fraction of a second which had never been really acknowledged. Dreams are the true complexity of the human mind which seeks the answers to the complicated problems of life, death, rebirth, world, truth, fake, personality, feelings…
Albel was more than aware that he was far from perfect. He was no god. Had never been, would never be. But perhaps with the help of Fayt Leingod he would be able to make peace with his past…Albel leaned the back of his head against the emerald-eyed savior’s shoulder. “Last night I walked inside the dream world of my soul…”
It would be a hard road, harder than all the others in the past. To seek forgiveness. To seek absolution. To be able to accept that sometimes – just sometimes – it was not *that* bad idea to show some obedience, to be the one who was the guided… Because sometimes – just sometimes – someone else knew, walked on the path leading to the place which was searched after…
Abandoned, pleased, brainwashed,
EXPLOITED,
madness has a reason.
Throw money at the problem
and it will remain.
Your life has no value for them.
~Sonata Arctica: Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited~
TBC…
*****
Author’s Note 2: Short, short, short… Probably this chapter had no meaning… What do you think?
Now that everything is fine and dandy with the fiction, I will make an announcement for you. My very dear friend and beta Delfeus is too busy with her studies that she could find time to beta my fictions. So if I am not able to catch a second beta (aside Delfeus I have one other but I think she is busy with her schooling too) the amount of errors will rise hugely. I hope that Flash!Roses will began to work with me but if that will not be the case, I hope you all bear with me… I am sorry about the inconvenience.
// 5 pages in Word
// 3 058 words