Skywalkers

12: Reaching for Heaven

Exhausted, Leon flopped down backwards onto the bed. His muscles creaked in protest, and his throat added a deep groan to the symphony of pain that his body was performing. Chuckling softly, Cloud stretched out beside him with his head propped in one hand.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Well, let's see," Leon replied with heavy sarcasm. "Today Kairi made us rake leaves, trim hedges, and dispose of sticks for two hours. Then we had to fight a deranged Riku. Then, after dealing with the stress of explaining the situation to my brother and almost-sister-in-law and finding out that they already knew I'm madly in love with you, I had to make dinner for five, including two Skywalkers with appetites like black holes -"

"Sorry about that, but we do tend to get hungry."

"- after which, I had to clean up without any help."

"I wanted to help, but Sora kept yelling things about sex in the kitchen being forbidden, so I decided I should just stay out of it while you were in there."

"So, yes," Leon concluded, "I am in fact tired. Thank you, Cloud dear, for asking."

A blond eyebrow shot skywards. "Cloud … dear?"

"You prefer sweetheart?"

"No."

"How about Mr. Sex-on-Legs Strife?"

Leon quickly turned his eyes to Cloud's face and was rewarded by a blush the size of a supernova. "Dear will do," he mumbled in resignation. Leon laughed, but soon stopped as it made his sides hurt even more.

They lay in companionable silence for a few minutes, but a sixth sense soon began to prod at Leon's mind. He opened the eyes he had previously closed to find Cloud looking at him carefully and gnawing on his bottom lip.

"What?"

"What what?"

Leon sighed and offered a small smile. "What's worrying you? You're thinking about something. I can tell."

"Oh, well, I …" He hesitated, noticeably uncomfortable; his blue eyes flittered about, landing everywhere but on Leon's face. "I kind of had … something … I wanted to … talk … to you … about."

Ignoring the pain it caused him, Leon rolled up onto his side so that he could face Cloud at eye-level. With his head propped in his hand, he fixed his eyes on the blond's worried face and said, "Talk. I'll listen."

"Well," he began slowly, "all night Sora's been going on about kicking Sephiroth to the end of the world and back. And while I appreciate his enthusiasm and his willingness to help me and Riku, it kind of bothered me. Because it was all phrased as a form of when. When we beat Sephiroth, when you and I can live together without fear, when Riku can ease his way back into his old life."

"Sora's like that," Leon commented. "He doesn't believe in failure."

Cloud smiled sadly. "Yeah, I picked that up. And while his confidence is comforting, I can't keep myself from thinking now and again about … well … the exact opposite." Leon reached out his free hand and covered Cloud's, soothing the skin there with his thumb as Cloud continued, "And when I started thinking about that, I started thinking that I'd like to do something before the battle even starts. You know, to have the memory of it. Just in case."

Leon nodded. That made sense. "What is it you want to do?" he asked, although if he had thought a bit more, he would have seen the answer to his question in the light flush that spread across the blond's nose.

Cloud swallowed and, with his eyes glued to Leon's, forced it out. "I'd like for you to take me."

Leon very nearly asked the stupid question of "Take you where?" but his brain kicked in just in time. At the same moment, an electric shock sped up his heart and a flash of fire surged through his lower half. His eyes widened dramatically, and the hand that was on Cloud's froze.

"Take you?"

"Yes."

"As in … ?" He couldn't bring himself to say anything else. Every word he could think of was too clinical or too crass.

"Yes," Cloud answered anyway, knowing from the look on Leon's face what went unsaid. He was chewing his lip again, this time in worry. Absently, Leon lifted his hand and pulled the abused flesh out from between the blond's teeth.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked as his thumb brushed over the purpling skin on Cloud's lip. "I mean, you've been …"

"I know," Cloud interrupted, pausing to kiss Leon's fingers before they fell away. "But I'll be fine. I love you and I trust you. I shouldn't have any problems."

An idea occurred to Leon, and even though his mind shrank back from it, his lips moved anyway. "Just to be sure, do you think that maybe for the first time, you should take me?"

Cloud's eyes grew impossibly wide. "Are you serious?" he demanded, but as his eyes flew over Leon's face, he relaxed and smiled. "No, you're not."

"I … I am."

"No," the blond replied, and he chuckled lightly. "Your face is showing just how downright terrified you are of that idea. But I appreciate your willingness to do something like that just to put me at ease." His hand lifted to Leon's face and began to play with the hair behind his ear. "I prefer to be on the bottom," he confided with a light blush. "Some guys like that feeling of being enveloped, but I prefer the feeling of being filled. It's well worth the soreness afterwards."

Leon's face was burning, and he could feel himself getting very hard very fast. He dipped his head a bit and muttered, "Isn't this the kind of conversation you're supposed to have with your lover after several months of trial and error?"

Cloud's gentle laugh washed over him. "We don't have that kind of time, Leon."

"No, I guess we don't." He took in a long, steeling breath and then lifted his head to look directly into Cloud's eyes. "When do you want to do it?" he asked flatly as if scheduling an appointment for a haircut.

His lover smirked at him a little. "Whenever you want to," he replied, clearly amused. "Tonight, tomorrow, whenever."

"Tonight, then," Leon said, trying not to sound like he just wanted to get the thing over with.

"Don't sound so excited," Cloud scolded him. Slowly, his hand began to move down the length of the bed.

"I'm sorry," Leon apologized. "I'm just nervous, you know. I've never done this with a man before."

"It's the same as with a woman," the blond assured him. He leaned forward a bit, his eyes beginning to gleam slightly with a hint of green. "Just put the stick in the hole," he whispered. "The only difference is that the hole is tighter."

The sensual tone of his lover's voice made Leon shudder. "Cloud, I …" But then Cloud's wandering hand closed over his half-erection, and the rest of Leon's sentence turned into a shaky gasp. His vision began to blur as his lover's fingers slid and squeezed. Suddenly, he could see nothing but Cloud's lips hanging tantalizingly in front of him, and with a low growl of possessiveness and passion, he leapt on them, pushing the blond backwards onto the bed.

They made out for several minutes, kissing each other's lips, sucking lightly on each other's necks, and, in Cloud's case, running his tongue along the ridges of Leon's ear, occasionally dipping the tip inside and driving him utterly insane. But when Leon had moved to suck on Cloud's nipples, feeling the blond's warm erection pulse against his stomach as he lay on it, he decided it was time for the damn shirt to come off, and that thought sparked several more that effectively snuffed the fire raging within him.

"What's the matter?" Cloud panted as Leon sat up.

"Shirt," Leon replied gruffly. He simply could not meet those beautiful blue-green eyes. "Off."

Cloud sighed, and Leon could see the green fading. Once started, the blond didn't like to talk. He claimed that words distracted him and only served to decrease his arousal. Leon hated to force him into a conversation now, but he had become far too uncomfortable once again.

"Don't you want to take it off yourself?"

Leon shook his head. "No, you do it. The rest, too. I …" He stood up from the bed and ran a hand back through his hair. It was taking everything he had not to pace. "I need to go find some … lubricant … or something. Right?"

His blond lover had rolled up on his side and was smiling at him again, amused by his nervousness. "It usually helps. There's always saliva if you don't have anything else."

"No, I … I'll go look." However, in spite of his words, his feet would not move forward. "Don't know what to look for," he mumbled to himself. "Girls make their own lubricant."

"This is true," Cloud replied as if Leon had just said something incredibly important.

"While I'm out, should I get a condom?"

The other man shrugged. "Only if you want to contain some of the mess. I promise I'm disease-free, and it's not like I can get pregnant."

Leon winced at how baldly they were talking back and forth about their upcoming sexual encounter. Wasn't there supposed to be some spontaneity in the whole thing? Weren't they supposed to be swept away by a tidal wave of passion? Weren't they supposed to lose control of themselves and only realize what they had done after they had done it?

Well, if it wasn't like that, it was undoubtedly Leon's fault. Maybe he could still fix it. If only he would just stop freaking out about the whole thing.

"Leon?" Cloud's voice brought him back to the bedroom. "You still with me?"

"Yeah." He shook his head a few times to clear his thoughts. "Sorry. I'll be back." After a brief apologetic glance to his lover, Leon walked to the door, intending to search the bathroom. As he opened the door, he looked back and added, "I expect those clothes to be off by the time I get back."

"Yes, sir," Cloud returned with a crisp salute. It was meant to be a joke, but it only served to further remind Leon of the blond's unhappy past. At the age when Leon had been stressing over term papers and dealing with normal teenage angst, Cloud had been a soldier, killing rampaging beasts and people deemed "the enemy" by a cold corporation. It made Leon want to run right over there, gather up Cloud in his arms, and tell him again and again just how strong his lover was and how much he admired him. Instead, Leon finished opening the door and headed for the bathroom.

After rummaging around for a while, Leon found something that seemed all right: a body oil that he assumed belonged to Kairi. However, instead of returning immediately to Cloud, he took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror. Putting aside the bottle, he planted both hands against the counter and gave himself a fierce glare.

"Okay, Squall Leonhart or Leon Heartilly or whatever the fuck your name is. The man you adore is waiting for you in that bedroom, so you're going to get this idiotic anxiety out of your system right now. You will not think that what you're about to do is gross, because let's face it, when Dad gave you 'the talk' about girls you thought that was gross, too." His concentration slipped slightly at the memory of that graphic conversation. "Of course, that could have just been Dad. When he gave Sora that talk, the poor kid fainted." A quick shake of the head and he stared into his own eyes again. "The point is that you will not think about the particulars; you will just go with it. He turns you on so bad; just go with that.

"Next, you will not worry about the fact that the last man who did this to Cloud was a maniac and that it was done without Cloud's consent. And why is that? Because Cloud asked you to do this. He wants you, so knock off the guilt. And stop worrying about hurting him. That's what the damn oil is for. If you end up hurting him anyway, he'll either work through it or tell you to stop. He's not some damn child, so stop being his fucking mother. Got that? Good."

Leon took a moment for a slow breath before finishing, "You will not think about how much your body hurts because the endorphins will be kicking in momentarily. You will not think about how you haven't done this in five years because nothing you learned about Rinoa applies here. And you won't think about that either, because it wouldn't have applied even if Cloud were a woman; everyone is different. If you must think, think about how much you love Cloud and the fact that he loves you back. Although really, considering how much of a virgin you're acting right now, I can't imagine why he does."

And, having given himself a thorough verbal beat down, Leon picked up the bottle, gave himself one last firm stare, and left the bathroom.

When he opened the door to the guest bedroom, however, he realized that everything he had just chastised himself for no longer mattered. Cloud had done as ordered, and as Leon entered, he was turning down the bed covers for them. What Leon hadn't ordered, but what Cloud knew would help, was the wing that stretched out behind him. The blond stood with his back to the door, so Leon had a perfect view of Cloud's broad back, littered with ancient scars and one new one underneath his right shoulderblade, and of his softly curving backside, the skin there paler and smoother than on the rest of his muscled body. If one ignored the signs of battle and abuse, Cloud looked as if he had just stepped out of a Renaissance painting. And that beautiful wing just made him that much sexier in Leon's eyes. His nervous jitters melted away.

Then, Cloud looked over his shoulder at him, and Leon very nearly dropped the bottle.

"All set?" the blond asked with a small smile.

Leon swallowed; suddenly his mouth was very dry. "Yeah."

"Good. Then come here."

He did as ordered, keeping his eyes locked on Cloud's as he closed the distance between them. Little flecks of green had begun to swim in them again. Cloud turned around and reached out for Leon when he had come close enough, and his fingers began working on the buttons of Leon's shirt even as his eyes refused to break their staring contest. Once Leon's chest and back were bare, the blond curled his wing around Leon's body, letting the feathers caress his skin in place of a hand. A small smirk turned up the corner of Cloud's mouth as Leon shuddered at the touch.

Only a few heartbeats later, Leon stood naked in his guest bedroom, Cloud's warm body in front of him and the soft wing behind him. Even though he loved that wing, the lips of the man in front of him were at that moment more inviting. He leaned forward to take them, and they opened to him at his touch. Their tongues met halfway, stroking against each other gently. Leon savored the sweetness for a moment, but then he tried to fire up the kiss. Cloud, however, backed away, placing a finger over Leon's lips.

"Not too much," he explained, smiling so as to ease the confusion in Leon's face. "You're going to want me to be coherent the first time so I can help you, right?"

"I … guess." Leon felt his face flushing. That anxiety he had tried so hard to banish was coming back for a second round.

Cloud seemed to sense it, for he slipped his arms around Leon's neck and pulled their bodies flush against each other. He whispered into Leon's ear, "Of course, just because I have to be coherent doesn't mean you have to be." His tongue slid out and traced a slow line from the bottom of Leon's ear to the top and then back again, finishing by taking the lobe between his teeth and sucking gently.

Leon's knees shook and he grabbed onto Cloud's hips as the pleasure took him. Cloud's touch was intoxicating, his voice hypnotizing, and his body utterly enthralling. Leon moaned in appreciation, and his hands slid from the blond's hips to cup him from behind, pulling them even closer together. Cloud had grown tired of devouring Leon's ear and had moved to his neck; when Leon increased the pressure of their bodies, he hummed seductively into the skin directly above Leon's collarbone just before taking it between his teeth and teasing it with his tongue.

"Oh god …" Leon breathed as the action caused a new wave of desire to wash over him. "Cloud …"

"Mmm, Leon," Cloud returned in an identical tone.

Cloud was faking. Leon knew he was faking. He knew it and he didn't give a flying fuck. The sound of his name being spoken by his love with that much adoration and need, it sparked something wild in Leon that quickly spread out of control and consumed him. His hands rose to Cloud's upper arms and yanked the blond away from him. Some part of his brain registered shocked blue eyes for a half-second; then he had picked Cloud up bodily, planted him on the bed, and leapt on top of him where he proceeded to attack his lover's neck, effectively turning the tables on him.

"Leon," Cloud protested, his hands pushing in vain against Leon's shoulders. "Wait! I …"

Growling slightly, Leon pulled his face up so that he could look Cloud in the eye when he said, "Fuck coherency. I'll figure it out. Now shut up and let me ravish you." He dipped his head again.

"Oh gods …" was all that Cloud managed to get out before Leon had latched his mouth around a nipple. The blond immediately arched up, lifting the lower half of his chest completely off the bed. Leon quickly slipped his hands underneath and kept his lover elevated while he devoured first one side and then the other. While he worked, one hand gently massaged the sensitive area where back met wing. By the time he finished, Cloud was gasping wildly and digging his fingers into the mattress.

Leon shifted so that he lay next to Cloud and offered his mouth to his half-crazed lover. While Cloud kissed him furiously, Leon ran his hands over the blond's body: over the broad chest and back, across the flat stomach, up and down the muscled thighs. Most of the areas he explored he had committed to memory already, but he wanted to touch them all again. He ended by taking hold of Cloud's backside again and pulling them together. The combined warmth and friction broke Cloud's concentration, and he fell away from the kiss, gasping and moaning softly. Seeing an opportunity, Leon ducked his head and latched onto his lover's neck, pulling up the skin and using his teeth as well as his tongue to torture it. They had both refrained from using teeth before since it would leave marks, but now that his family knew, Leon saw no reason not to brand Cloud as his own. As he worked on the blond's neck, he shifted one hand and slid a finger between his lover's cheeks, not to penetrate but simply to add pressure. The moan he received in response was utterly captivating.

When Cloud was bucking against his front and pushing back against his hand, Leon decided it was time to pick the bottle that he had dropped up off of the floor. He rolled Cloud onto his back, gave him a quick kiss, and slipped off of the bed to look for it, shivering slightly at the lack of body heat. He found it quickly enough and returned to find that his lover had spread his legs and bent his knees in anticipation of what was to come next. Blue-green eyes gazed at him with trust and acceptance. He gazed back, his chest hurting with the overflowing feelings of love and protectiveness.

Eventually, Leon deemed his fingers oily enough, and he proceeded with the part he had been dreading. After all, this was supposed to be painful, and he didn't want Cloud to be in pain ever. But the expression on his lover's face - a mix of gentle encouragement and raw need - eased his fears as he pushed one finger inside.

Cloud had not been kidding. It was tight. Too tight for his whole finger. Leon's mind worked frantically, spurred on even more by the sight of Cloud's eyebrows drawing together in a mild wince. How could he make this easier? Rinoa had been tight sometimes, but never so much so that he couldn't get at least one finger in. She had, however, often been too tight for his cock, even after loosening, and for that he had developed a way to ease himself in using a gentle rocking motion that pushed just slightly further on each forward movement. Leon immediately began to mimic that motion with his finger, adding a circular movement to help widen the passage as well as deepen it. Eventually, his whole finger was in, and Cloud had shown no more pain than the occasional minor flinch or frown.

As Leon began adding the second finger, his mind wandered. Weren't men supposed to have a G-spot just like women did? Where was it? He knew where his wife's had been, but only because she had seized his fingers, plunged them inside, maneuvered them around, and said, "Feel that? Good. Now touch it and don't stop until I say so." He certainly hadn't wanted to stop, not after watching her orgasm harder than she ever had before. If such a spot existed for men, he wanted to find it. So as his fingers worked to get the second one all the way in, he surreptitiously searched for it.

Several minutes later, he found it. Cloud had long ago stopped feeling discomfort. As Leon worked, he panted with the occasional moan and helped by pushing down against Leon's fingers. But when Leon brushed against a particular spot, Cloud's eyes slammed shut, his body arched, and he moaned deeply. Leon smirked. By the time he had the third finger in, Cloud was desperately gasping for breath, his head thrashing back and forth on the pillow and one hand gripping Leon's arm so tightly he was sure there would be bruises in the morning. Yes, G-spots were wonderful things.

While Leon would have been happy to lie there and drive his lover over the edge with his fingers alone, Cloud soon grabbed onto Leon's arm and yanked at him, telling him without words where he wanted him to be. With a small sigh, Leon complied. He retrieved the bottle and then positioned himself between Cloud's bent legs. He oiled his erection and then oiled Cloud's, more for the excuse to touch him than anything else. After flipping the lid shut and tossing the bottle back onto the floor, he took Cloud's hand and brought it to himself so that the blond could guide him in. Another trick he had learned from loving Rinoa.

Leon hissed as the head entered. Cloud was still impossibly tight. He began the rocking motion again, easing himself inch by inch into the passage that was so different from the warm wetness of a woman. And yet Cloud had been right again. The fiery shocks of passion that were darting through his limbs and surging through his groin were identical to the ones that used to take him when he entered his wife. The feeling of love that was swelling his chest was the same. And even though Cloud's gasps and moans were different from Rinoa's screams, they still made his head fog and spin and his whole body cry out for more.

Before he knew it, he was all the way in and Cloud's ankles had locked at the small of his back. He began to move in earnest, letting the rhythm take them both. Each thrust forced another heavenly gasp from Cloud's mouth, and soon he was gasping as well. Leon loved this part of sex, the feeling of his body melding with his lover's. They moved together as a unit, no awkwardness or missteps. Everything was the rhythm. If he let go of his mind and let the passion take him completely, Leon could swear that, at that moment, his mind could touch that of his lover's and that they truly were, if only for a second, one being.

Too soon Cloud began the stuttered breathing that signified his approaching orgasm, and Leon felt his own control slipping away towards completion. He felt the rise begin, that moment where it seemed that the only word his brain knew was yes, with the possible addition of the word more. Using the last bit of coherency he had, he gasped out Cloud's name and then rode the wave higher and higher until it seemed like every muscle in his body was contracting with the force of his release. Underneath him, Cloud did the same, his body shaking as he came at the same time, a feat Leon had only thought possible in the world of fictional romance.

They lay still for several heartbeats afterwards, catching their breath and letting the waves slowly bring them back to earth. Then, Leon moved, trying to ignore the wince on Cloud's face as he pulled out, and stretched out next to his lover so that they lay face-to-face.

"See?" Cloud smiled, his eyes still closed. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Leon chuckled and reached out to run his thumb along his lover's cheek. The blond really was ineffably beautiful, even without the assistance of afterglow.

"Cloud dear?"

"Yes, Leon darling?"

He smirked slightly at the added pet name. "I'm not sure I got it completely right that time," he said with obvious meaning.

Cloud's gentle smile turned devious, and he cracked open one eye to look at Leon. "You think you need more practice?" he asked.

"I think I do."

"Well there's always tomorrow." The eye closed again.

Leon smiled. "That there is," he replied, leaning over and kissing Cloud softly on the forehead before placing his head on the pillow and shutting his eyes.