Ephemeral Permanence

Ephemeral Permanence

by Ticklefish

dedicated to barb

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He was perfect, he really was.

He was tall, he was strong and he had a really big heart.

And an even bigger claw.

The company called him Tyrant, I called him a work of art.

He was the perfect lifeform, a human infected with the T-Virus and changed into the ultimate being.

Devoid of emotions, devoid of feelings, nothing could damage his body and nothing could hurt his soul.

He couldn't get upset, he couldn't feel pain, he couldn't cry.

I envied him.

I stood there, in the depths of the Arklay facility, staring at him floating in his container, a sleeping giant. Around me, the building was its usual hive of activity. Scientists and researchers from all sorts of disciplines busied themselves with their work. None spared me a glance. None deigned to say hello.

The Tyrant was on his own while I was surrounded by people but he and I were alike.

We were both alone.

As I was growing up, they had always told me to stay aloof, to not let people get too close to me. I was special, they said. I was above the ordinary crowd, they said. I had listened and obeyed like a good boy and now I was paying the price.

Nobody talked to me because nobody wanted to talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to the strange man who wore sunglasses indoors. Nobody wanted to talk to Albert Wesker. Didn't you know? He's not one of us. Oh sure, he's clever and all, but he's not one of us.

That's why they let me form S.T.A.R.S. They didn't really believe I would do any good, they didn't really care. They just wanted rid of me. The more time I spent away from them, the happier they were. And the happier I was.

Until Chris had come along. Until he had stolen my heart, until he had made it impossible to spend a single hour without thinking of him.

I had thought I was happy. I had thought I had finally found the one place I truly belonged. I had thought I had found my home.

I was wrong.

Chris had dumped me. In just a few, bitterly short sentences, he had ripped out my heart, torn it into a thousand pieces and left them scattered across my office floor. There they still lay, forever mocking me.

Oh, I had tried to reason with him. I thought that, if he just saw how much he meant to me, how much we were meant to be together, then he would realise just how much of a fool he was being and change his mind.

It didn't work.

As he was about to walk out of the door and out of my life completely, I had begged him to tell me why. Why he was turning his back on a love that was clearly so perfect.

"You've changed, Wesker." he'd said without looking at me. "You're not the kind, gentle, decent person I fell in love with."

"I'm still me. I'm still that person!" I'd protested, not understanding.

At first, he didn't reply then he sighed and opened the office door.

"No," he'd said sadly, "no, you're not."

And with that, he was gone. Chris had never been one for lots of words. I'd always admired that in him and now I hated it.

The team didn't notice that anything had happened. We had tried so hard to keep anyone from knowing about our relationship that, when it fell apart, nobody noticed any difference. I had always maintained an air of cold, detached professionalism and I now hid behind it. No-one could know, no-one could see how much I was hurting inside.

Not that anyone cared anyway. They wouldn't have cared if I just stopped coming into work. I might be dead in a ditch somewhere and they wouldn't care. I didn't need them to anyway. I wasn't close to any of them, they were my subordinates, they weren't my friends. I didn't have any friends.

I thought about the folded-up letter burning a hole in my back pocket. I was being melodramatic. I still had one friend left. William was the only person I could rely on, he and I thought alike. He was the reason I was standing there, in a soulless building, gazing up at a beautiful monster that I knew I would never see again.

I was going to leave Umbrella. I was going to leave and I wanted William to come with me. Another company had approached me. They offered me better pay, better working conditions and the chance to get away from a city that had swallowed my heart and would never give it back. I would be happy again. With their support, we could finally finish our work on the virus and became the successes we'd always wanted to be.

At that, my skin crawled. Not for the first time, I felt like I had to resist the urge to rip my skin off just to try get the damn thing out of me. The virus had failed. The virus had failed completely. It had made me stronger alright but at a terrible price.

"It's going to kill you." William had said the last time we'd met.

"What?" I'd replied, shocked by his bluntness.

"The virus. The tests have come back. It's going to kill you."

He'd gone on to explain that the virus' regenerative abilities had a nasty attribute we hadn't thought of. In our rush to get the thing perfected, we'd overlooked a particular aspect of a certain genome and now I had a ticking timebomb running though me. Oh, it was fine for the most part. I was stronger, faster and much more confident, everything we'd wanted the virus to do to a person. And I would remain that way.

Until I got shot, that is.

Or stabbed.

Or severely beaten.

Or run over.

Or any one of a myriad number of things that could happen to me every day as part of my police work. If I received an injury critical enough, which was an occupational hazard, the virus would go into overdrive. It would attempt to heal the injury and would increase my strength and speed exponentially. It would make me into a real-life superman.

Not that I would have long to enjoy it before the virus completely overwhelmed my body and induced fatal cardiac arrest.

I would have a few hours at most. In my foolish over-eagerness, I had doomed myself. I had tested the virus on my own body and now it was going to kill me for my arrogance.

As a precaution, William had concocted a serum which might help the virus at bay should the worst happen. I now had the formula and a few pre-filled hypo's hidden in my flat. It wouldn't kill the virus, the only way to do that would be to kill me with it, but it should keep it under control. There was no way to know for certain though without a live test. With every day, my work with S.T.A.R.S. put me at considerable risk.

Another good reason to leave. I grew up working with Umbrella, the lab was my home and I would be returning to it soon enough. It was much safer than the streets of Racoon. I needed out.

"What are you doing here, Wesker?"

An ugly, accented voice interrupted my thoughts, startling me out of my reverie. I had spent too long in one place, one of Umbrella's rats had found me. I turned to face him and put on my most innocent-looking smile.

"Why, Vladimir," I said, sounding more pleased to see him than I felt, "what an unexpected surprise. How long has it been?"

He glowered.

"That's 'Colonel' to you." the head of the facility said. "Answer the question. What are you doing here? This isn't where you belong."

I thought fast. My planned defection would not go down with my superiors. Vladimir had never been coy about his dislike for me and it wouldn't take much for him to make me disappear. People only ever left Umbrella feet-first.

"I had some expenses to query with Accounting and I just thought I'd come take a look at the prototype on the way." I replied, waving a hand in the Tyrant's direction. "It's quite awe-inspiring really."

The colonel glanced at the figure floating in the tube and his lip curled in a silent snarl. Too late I remembered his dislike for the project. He had always taken it to heart that he wasn't chosen as the template for the Tyrant. He'd insisted that a clone of himself would be a far better starting point. It hadn't happened and he bore a serious grude about it.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." he growled. "You must think I was born yesterday. You could have had a bigger hand in making that thing, but instead you turned your back on it and decided to waste the company's money on playing cops and robbers instead. Awe-inspiring, indeed. The only thing that's awe-inspiring around here is how stupid you are. The truth now, Wesker. I'm not in the mood to mess about."

I swallowed nervously. It was true, I was involved in the Tyrant project, although only in a small way. It was working on the thing and knowing what it could do if it ever got loose that prompted me to start S.T.A.R.S. in the first place. Not that they would last more than a few minutes against it. That was another failure on my part and another reason to leave the city.

I tried a different approach.

"I came to see William Birkin. My police unit are proving to be a success, actually." I injected a slight touch of indignation into my voice. "He'd always said they wouldn't be and I wanted to rub his nose in it."

Well, it was almost true. I had come to see William and my team were indeed doing well. They still wouldn't have been able to put up much of a fight against the things being made here, but the city's criminal element was rapidly learning to fear them. Plus my initial rivalry with William was well known to everybody in the facility. The people who worked there didn't get out much and gossip can spread like wildfire in such a place. It was exactly the sort of story that Vladimir would believe.

His eyes glinted for a second with the prospect of a fight to liven up the day. Then he frowned.

"You'll have to wait until he comes back," he almost sounded genuinely regretful, "he's been transfered."

"Transfered?" I echoed, a leaden feeling growing in my stomach. "To where?"

"That's none of your business. I've put him in charge of an important project and now he's got proper work to do. Unlike some I could mention."

I didn't know what to say. Surely William wouldn't have left without letting me know how to get in touch with him. A call, a note, something.

Or maybe I was wrong about him. I'd thought we'd become good friends, that we'd gotten past our rivalry and stopped acting like children. I was wrong. He must have been lying the whole time. He never liked me, he was just pretending so that I would use my brains to help him.

We had worked together for hours. I had thought how nice it was to work with someone who was on the same high level as me, but all the while he must have been laughing at me. Mocking me, taking every clever idea I could come up with and claiming it for his own.

He had betrayed me, just like Chris. And, just like Chris, he had fooled me then stabbed me in the back. Well, no more. I decided then and there to trust no-one ever again. To let no-one in. From that moment, from that very second, it was me. I didn't need anybody else, I didn't want anybody else.

"You're still here."

Vladimir was looking at me with a look of puzzled disgust. I didn't really care. Not anymore. Thanks to my virus, I was stronger than he was and I already knew I was smarter. If I had needed to, I could have swatted him like the bug that he was.

"I was hoping to have a talk to you about my pay." I said. "I'm working two jobs and I'm really only being paid for one."

He went red. I would normally have run from him at this stage, terrified of his temper. But not anymore. Albert Wesker doesn't run from anyone anymore.

"You ungrateful little worm!" he shouted. "Two jobs? Two? I've barely seen you do any work round here in months and how the hell you can call whatever you're doing in the city a job is beyond me. You're given the freedom to mess around, pretending to be some bigshot captain while everyone else is doing real, important work back here and you have the gall to ask for more money?"

He leaned in close and glared at me.

"And just what would you spend it on? Huh? Umbrella pays your rent and it's not like you've got some whore to keep happy. You're a nobody, Wesker. A complete nobody. What would a maggot like you buy anyway?"

"Other companies would pay more for my skills." I tried.

"Yes? Well, why don't you try and apply for these other companies then? Let's see how far it gets you. Umbrella's spent a lot of money on you, god only knows why, and you're not going anywhere. You're not getting a cent more, you already get more than you deserve."

I started to protest but he cut me short with an abrupt wave of his hand.

"I'm done talking to you, Wesker. You've wasted enough of my time already. I have a conference to get to. When I get back, I don't want to see your pathetic little face again for quite some time. Got it?"

He didn't wait for a reply but pushed past me and headed towards the door. He went through but before the door fully closed behind him, he pushed it open again and yelled across to me.

"And take the damn sunglasses off! You look like an idiot!"

Vladimir then went back through the door and I was left still standing where I was when the conversation had started. The other staff looked at me for a few seconds longer then, realising the entertainment was over, returned to their work.

I walked out as calmly and casually as possible, stepped out of the lab and headed straight for the john. I locked the door behind me and that's when I allowed myself to start shaking.

It had been over so quickly, so suddenly. I'd resolved myself to stand up to him, to give as good as I got, but he hadn't given me the chance.

I shouldn't have needed him to. I should have taken the chance. I'd let him control the situation when it should have been me calling the shots. I was better than he was. He was the worm, he was the maggot.

I looked at myself in the mirror. A frightened, pale face looked back at me. Pale except for a pair of sunglasses. It was ridiculous that I was wearing them. The lighting wasn't brilliant and there really was no need for them. Nobody was impressed. The 'Captain Wesker Look' wasn't working, it had never worked. I reached up to take them off, but my hand stopped halfway.

Why should I take them off? Why should I change myself to suit others? No-one was interested in me, no-one liked me. Why should I care what they think, it won't change anything. None of them had said a word just now, nobody had come to me to ask me if I was alright. Nobody cared if I lived or died.

My hand clenched into a fist as I felt a pale warmth starting to surge through me. It got hotter and hotter as my thoughts continued down their path. I had been betrayed and cheated all my life, thwarted at every turn. Every thing I'd wanted to do had failed. Not because of me, but because of other people. Other people have always let me down. Other people are worthless. I am the only decent, true person on the planet.

I could feel my heart pumping in my chest, the roar of blood loud in my body. The virus, the virus was listening to me. It knew what I wanted, it knew what I needed. As I got angrier, it fed me, it lifted me. This wasn't anger, this was rage, pure and incandescent. The virus wasn't poisoning me, it was setting me free. All my stresses and frustrations, every moment that I had to hold myself back for fear of the outcome, every time when I had been weak and pitiful, all washed away in a moment of indescribable hatred and fury.

Gradually, my pulse slowed and my breathing returned to normal. I again looked in the mirror. A man superior to all others looked back at me. I knew what I had to do. I was going to leave Umbrella. They would try to stop me and, while I welcomed their pitiful attempts as a source of amusement, it could prove annoying. I needed a distraction. Something to keep them busy while I made my final preparations

A lab just like all the others. A locked storage unit. A padlock wrenched off. A surprised voice behind me.

"Hey, what are you doing here? This is a restricted area!"

His name was Jim. I had played pool with him once or twice and he seemed pleasant enough. I snapped his neck as easily as snapping a twig and hid his body in a locker. I returned to the storage unit and took out as many vials as I could carry.

I moved throughout the building, noticed by none. I emptied half the vials into the drinking water supply and the rest into the irrigation network feeding the plants around the facility. It wasn't done at random, I knew exactly what I was doing. I had placed each of my treasures in positions designed for maximum effect. I had given myself a decent window and for a moment, I considerd going back down to the Tyrant and saying goodbye. But I decided against it. I wasn't that foolish.

I left the building and walked down the long, winding path to where my car was parked. Behind me, some of the very best minds that Umbrella could afford worked diligently into the night, none of them aware of what I had done. None of them aware that I had saturated the facility with the T-Virus. Every single one of them would be dead in only a few days.

I got into my car, started the ignition and drove back into the city. I had a simple dinner and went to bed. I slept well.


***


She looks shocked.

"You killed all of them just to cause a distraction? Over a hundred people, dead just out of nothing more than spite?"

"Yes." I reply. "Although I wasn't fast enough to get Vladimir. I got him in the end though. It took a while, but I got him."

"Oh, madre de dios.."

She says nothing more. Her ever-present drink is sitting in her hand, forgotten. I've never told anyone about this before. Now that I come to say it all out loud, the usual sense of pride and satisfaction I had is gone. All I feel is a dull ache instead.

"We got the call a little while later." I continue. "Some hikers had been brutally killed in the mountains. It looked like an animal attack and the public were demanding answers. Irons knew about the facility, of course, so he put me in charge of the investigation. Just to play it safe."

She looks at me. Her voice is hollow and dull.

"You already knew it wasn't an animal attack."

"Not really. I hadn't been back up there, I had no reason to. Although It turned out it actually was an animal. Well, to a degree. Some of the B.O.W.'s had gotten loose."

"Oh."

"So I sent Bravo Team first. They died, as I was expecting. They weren't exactly the best. Myself and Alpha Team followed. I figured I might as well find out just how effective the bio-weapons were. That sort of information is very valuable to the right people. You know the rest. It turned out I did end up seeing the Tyrant again.."

I laugh and pat my stomach in the rough area that the Tyrant had run me through. The laugh is hollow, it wasn't really that funny.

"I never knew." she says. "Chris really hurt you, didn't he? Because of him, you've killed hundreds of people. You were about to kill more. You killed me."

That takes me by surprise.

"Chris? No, he didn't hurt me at all. He was.."

And then I stop. For the past ten years, I've avoided thinking about him in that way. I've deliberately not thought about the two of us and what we had together. The rage made it easy, the rage gave me something else to think on. Chris had betrayed you, the rage said. Chris had used you and discarded you when he was done, the rage said.

But the rage was gone. I no longer felt its warm embrace. I could no longer give into it. It no longer controlled me. I could think back on those times for the first time with a clear mind.

"He broke my heart." I say. "But I think..I think I broke his first."

We say nothing.

My gaze is on my hands but my mind is drifting back through the years, thinking of all that I have done. There is a lot of blood on those hands. I used to feel proud of what I was doing, like I was doing what I was meant to be doing all along.

Now I just feel a cold sense of dismay.

Excella gets up and dusts herself off.

"I've got to go, Albert." she says, a touch of sadness in her voice. "My time's up. I'm sorry."

She carefully puts her glass back on the table with a soft clink and, without looking at me, turns to go.

I make a decision, a decision I didn't even realise I'd been thinking about.

"Excella, wait." I call before she's walked more than a few steps.

She turns back towards me and I talk fast before I can change my mind.

"Excella, I'm.. I'm sorry I killed you."

It sounds pathetic and it doesn't make up for it, even slightly, but I feel it has to be said. If I am to be left alone here, it is something that I needed to have told her.

She pauses and cocks her head to one side in thought or as though hearing something I can not. Then after a few seconds, she nods to herself and extends a hand.

"Come with me, Albert." she says with a smile.

I get up and take her hand.

"Where am I going?" I ask.

"You mean, where are we going." she says, then gives a little laugh.

We leave from the table and it soon disappears behind us. She lets go of my hand and wraps her arm around mine.

"It's easier to show you.." says Excella.

And with that, we walk away.


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END
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