Carry On

Carry On

Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and Electronic Arts, not me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

Warnings:  adult language and situations, mentions of dub-con and non-con, mpreg, sexual situations, threesomes, gender-bending and birth.

Characters/ pairings: Colonist War Hero Paragade ManShep/Kaidan/Garrus, others mentioned.

Summary: The Reapers are here, and amidst that backdrop, Commander Shepard struggles with gathering allies, caring for his child and fighting for his sanity.

 

~*~*~*~*~

Three months ago:

"Thanks for coming," Vega said, standing out before Shepard's suite door. "I thought- I needed- god, this is one hell of a mess." He ran his fingers through his Mohawk. "Admiral, I don't know what to do."

"Slow down, soldier. What happened?" Anderson asked, putting a hand on Vega's shoulder. "All I got was something about Shepard being ill. Give me the sitrep."

Vega grimaced. They were standing just inside Shepard's suite-slash-cell, which was darkened and filled with tinny, twanging, ear-bleeding banjo music. They stepped into the hall and closed the door.

"Shepard's not eating much. Not interested in food, not even those awful olives he kept eating that first month. When he does eat, he can't keep it down. I told his doctor, but... He's an asshole, Admiral." Vega crossed his arms and looked down at the floor, then back at the door like he could see Shepard in there. "A real piece of shit. Every time Shepard goes in for an appointment the guy makes all sorts of comments, like... like how pretty his junk is, and if he needs any relief, if I'm screwing him... He starting talking about how Shepard had better get used to this." Vega's nostrils flared as his face and neck turned a vibrant red. "That now his cherry's been popped, he'll be lucky if he keeps it down to four or five." Frustration made the large man clench his fists. "I asked Shepard about it afterwards. He said no one had bothered to get him a new doctor since he was a kid, why should they now?"

Anderson felt his own blood thunder in his ears. Doctor Reiner had been Shepard's primary physician for years, but rest assured, the man would be seeing the bottom of Anderson's boot soles soon enough.

"Why come to me? You could have gone to anyone here to report that," Anderson asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's not just his doctor. He's... Hell. We kinda talk, but neither of us... I'm not good with the touchy-feely stuff." Vega looked down at the ground again. "Shepard's got a rep for being easy to talk to, and if he asked I might just spill my guts. He doesn't need my shit, not when he's a mess and barely holding together. So I help him when he's sick, tell him his taste in music is shit and get him some tea." Vega shrugged, sighed. "But it's more than just that." Vega twiddled his fingers together. "I'm not always here when he sleeps... but he doesn't. Not well. The shrink came in to evaluate and left, but he never came back. What Shepard does do is ask me to check for any mail, or messages, any news on the outside." Vega took a deep breath. "He's alone, Admiral. He needs someone to talk to."

Anderson grunted, then nodded. Of all of Shepard's crew and allies, none were in a position to come help their old commander, no matter how much they may have wanted to. Major Alenko was an excellent trainer for his Spec Ops squad, and letting him know about his impending fatherhood would mean moving his focus from where it was needed. Vakarian's rank and job were uncertain. Both had made persistent attempts to see their lover but Anderson, Hacket and T'Soni had been actively blocking them. Any of the Cerberus crew would be arrested on sight, and the rest of the aliens had no business being at there at all... despite the odd break- in no one had been able to trace, or formal inquiry of the quarian Admiralty board, or the persistent hacking attempts at Shepard's file... Alliance Intelligence had gotten creative blocking that one. Despite all this, the closest thing that Shepard had to a friend, who had any access, was Anderson himself.

"I'll see what I can do," Anderson said after a moment's pause, then headed into Shepard's rooms.

The lights were low, and there was some music- something twangy and crooning, and it grated on his ears like sandpaper- playing from the clock beside the bed. Shepard was sitting cross-legged on top, his boots placed on the floor, socks inside. Shepard was peering at a datapad, its orange light flickering over his face in the dim.

"Anderson," Shepard said, looking up and putting down his datapad. "Can I... help you?"

His belly looked bigger than it had, a mere month ago. His face was flushed, eyes red and his voice was rough, but level. Vega had reported that the man's mood swings were getting stronger. Anderson just hoped he wasn't in the middle of one now.

"I think the correct answer, is if I can help you?" Anderson took a seat at the foot of Shepard's bed. "Vega told me you had some... issues, with Doctor Reiner."

"It wasn't anything unusual, Anderson. He's been a fucking perv ever since I met him." Shepard's lips pressed together. "He's always had a very... graphic bedside manner."

Anderson felt his own face flush. "How long?"

"Since I was sixteen. Shit, Anderson, nobody listened to me then." The face of his old CO nearly went apoplectic. "I didn't expect anyone to care now. Maybe it's the girl bits.  I don't know." Derek ran his fingers through his hair. He shifted, dropping the datapad over his lap and sighed. His face was turning flushed and sweaty even as he spoke. "I think I have a sign over my head saying 'molest me' or something."

Anderson grimaced. "But it was- dammit-"

"That wasn't what bothered me, not really. What bothered me was that he said my career was over." Shepard laughed, weak and choked. "I know, right? I'm being investigated for Aratoht, and the Reapers may show up at any minute and I'm bothered by the idea of constantly... Fuck." He put his hand over his belly. "Just... fuck."

His face twisted in surprise and consternation then, breath catching in his throat as he quickly looked away.

"What's wrong?"

"The bean is... he's kicking, Anderson."

"Can I-"

He took a long look at Anderson's face, then nodded even as it went redder. This time, when Anderson's hand was put on Shepard's belly, he felt a small flutter under his hand, like the skin and muscle all twitched together at the same time.

A moment of wistful regret filled Anderson as he felt that twitch. That he and Kahlee Sanders had never gotten to this point, had never been given the time... Shepard's soft groan as he shift backwards and away from Anderson's touch startled him back to reality. He looked up to Shepard's eyes, which were trying to avoid his.

He pulled his hands off Shepard as the realization whipped him. Shepard's red face and writhing body should have given him a clue. If it was a snake, it would have bitten him. Not that Shepard wasn't trying to keep it hidden, trying to give Anderson and himself some small scrap of dignity.

"Thanks for the visit, Anderson, but I... think you should go. I need a shower."

Anderson blinked. Paused. Shepard did indeed need companionship, but Vega was wrong on what kind. "I understand. Would you mind if I came by tomorrow? I could bring something other than the crap they feed you."

Shepard blinked at him, and offered a faint, but genuine, smile. "I would like that."

"Then I'll be here.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Kaidan and Garrus both insisted on coming for this mission; it was their first together since they had gone their separate ways. Their latest babysitter was EDI, and she had taken on the job with a calm that no human could match. Of course, she said that she had watched several thousand babysitting instructional vids in the past hour, and besides "If he starts to cry too much, I can turn him over to Joker. Hopefully he will not be flying evasion at the time."

"That was a joke."

Derek didn't feel very reassured, but Bean had cooed happily in the A.I.'s metal arms. She had responded with appropriate baby talk.

"We made contact with the headmaster of the Academy," Derek said as they walked into the airlock, filling in his squad. "Kahlee Sanders. We're going to try to meet and get the sitrep before getting out the remaining students."

"Dammit, I knew these kids," Kaidan hissed. Derek could hear the contained fury in his voice, and had to fight to keep his own anger in check. Kids. It was always personal when he saw kids in the crosshairs, and the fact that Cerberus was still wanting to use children... He felt his blood pressure rise as the inevitable memories of Pragia and Jack's childhood hell haunted him, this time with a whisper that this is what they could do to your son.

No. He had to stay calm. Listen to Kaidan, who was still talking.

"This was the first time I ever had anything to do with kids, learned I liked teaching," Kaidan continued. Then he stopped. Derek turned back to him, and saw the skin crinkle at the corner of his eyes as a his lips quirked in a grim smile. "But when I left, I got to pick my successor. And if I'm right, and she's here? These guys are fucked."

Derek glanced at Kaidan, about to ask what he meant, but that thought had to wait as they met with the first Cerberus team and Derek had to direct his squad into cover. Kaidan tossed a reave, as Derek first charged then sparked a nova, taking out three of the four in the resulting biotic detonation. Garrus followed that up with a neat head shot to the straggler.

They had been surrounding a door, one that they had actually managed to wedge open. Derek peered through, seeing a wisp of blond hair above the control panel. Given the rarity of natural blond hair among humans, and redheads being fewer, it reduced the likely candidates. 

"Hello? Sanders, it's me, Shepard," Derek said.

"I'm here too, Kahlee," Kaidan added, looking over Derek's shoulder.

"I'm here as well, but she doesn't know me yet," Garrus chimed in. He took a post as guard as Shepard went in. Kaidan straddled the door, glancing out into the hall to keep an eye for Cerberus reinforcements.

"Shepard, thank god. David- I mean, Anderson, he always said you were the best," Kahlee said. She looked at Derek with some honest appreciation, eyebrows lifted as she looked Derek up and down. And glanced at his un-pregnant belly. "And... other things."

"He always spoke well of you, too." Derek reciprocated, with a bit of a wince. He had to wonder exactly what David had told her about him. "He visited me a lot during my incarceration, and you came up. He misses you."

"I-" her face tensed, lips spread in a grimace as her voice turned hoarse. "He's okay? We've been cut off and I had no idea if he had survived-"

"He's back on Earth, leading the resistance." Derek felt a wistful smile over his face. "We've got a QEC on the Normandy. We'll get you to safety and then... We'll see."

"You've got other things to worry about-"

"Sanders," Derek said, then stopped. His smile faded. "Don't leave things unsaid. Please. This war will cause enough regrets."

They continued talking, hammering out a plan before leaving. They followed Kaidan's half-remembered directions to Orion Hall, trying to let the constant barrage of propaganda roll off him.

But these were kids. Almost grown, but it was too damn easy to imagine Bean, son of two biotics and likely exposed to eezo while he was in the Aratoht system, to be coming here one day. Away from their parents, their loved ones. Unarmored, inexperienced, vulnerable, without a shelter in this storm-

They saved one child, but when Derek saw them shoot one girl in the back-

"Shepard, wait!" Garrus yelped as Derek charged ahead with a roar. He slammed into one group of Cerberus troops, bringing down their shields and taking down five with a nova, before shooting the last one in the face with his shotgun and whipping around to charge the remaining group.

Garrus and Kaidan were scrambling in the background, trying take out the next even as they shouted for Derek to move, get out of the way, but they were just an annoying buzz in his ear as his heart slammed against his ribs. He could hear Bean's scream of terror reverberate through his helmet, the sight of his brothers being hauled away by slavers flashing across his vision as he blinked. Not again. Never again.

"Shepard-"

He paid it no mind. His nova had crushed the nearby troops, save for one last Centurion who was laying on the floor. Dropping his shotgun, Derek growled as he lunged down, grabbing the front of the Centurion's armor.

"Kids." Shepard's first punch cracked the Centurion's faceplate. "Kids. Your master has you killing children." His next punch broke through, revealing eyes that were more circuit than human. His third punch drove metal shards into the man's face. "What the hell is wrong with you?" His fourth punch pulped the Centurion's cheek bone. "What the hell does Cerberus want?" Blow after blow, Derek couldn't feel his hand anymore, heard the man gurgle as blood spattered-

"Derek-" a hand on his shoulder drew Shepard up short as he whirled around, seeing the pale, shocked face of Kaidan, Garrus behind him. Both men were looking like they had seen a ghost. "You can put him down. He's dead."

"Ah." Derek stopped. Blinked as he saw that the Centurion no longer had a face. Dropped the body at his feet. Bean stopped screaming. He wasn't on Mindoir, at his family's homestead. He was at Grissom Academy. There were more people to save.

"Are you okay?" Garrus asked, his mandibles tight and close to his face.

"I'm good. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" He found he was breathing calmly. Two short breaths, one long.

"There's another kid around the corner. Seanne. She won't listen to us and she's scared." Kaidan was keeping his voice low and even, even as Garrus took yet another step back. Derek didn't know why. "Could you say something to her?"

"Of course." He was Commander Shepard, and he was there to save people. Absently shaking the blood off his hand, he walked around the corner to find the girl.

Two short breathes, one long.

~*~*~*~*~

Three months ago:

"Tell me about her," David heard Shepard ask, apropos of nothing, as he slurped his take-out tonkotsu ramen.

"Her who?" David mumbled around a mouthful of his own chicken curry, from the same food court but across the breezeway.

It was their second 'date,' with Anderson bringing in take-out that wouldn't kill Shepard's already unhappy stomach, taking about nothing in particular, and giving Vega an early night off. Hackett had agreed easily enough, and Anderson had to admit it was nice to get to know his old XO in a less formal setting, odd as it was. Shepard might have been a head-butting, pregnant, mood swinging force of nature... but he had a dry sense of humor, too.

"The woman you're pining after. Come on, David. It's hardly the first time I've seen a man in love. And, given from how you're acting..." he trailed off. David found his face flushing.

 

"Er, yes. Her name is Kahlee Sanders. She's, well, she's a brilliant A.I. tech, scientist, and constantly getting me into trouble. I met her back before I met Saren, almost twenty years ago. Right after I divorced my ex-wife..."

He found himself spinning his tale, enjoying having someone who would listen. Shepard's reputation for getting anyone to open up was well founded, as he patiently let Anderson tell story after story about the woman who had her hand locked around his heart. There was a wistful part of him that wished that he was with Kahlee right now, that she was the one who all but glowed in the dim light of the apartment, their child under her heart. But he had given up that life, and those hopes, years ago.

Derek kept on rubbing his belly. "I hope to meet her, one day. Why didn't you two ever get together?"

"Life, basically. Hell, everything. When we first met, I thought... but we had a lot of growing up to do. Now, we're so old-"

"Come on, you're not that old," Derek told him. "We're soldiers, but we're people, too. Having someone, something to hold on to is important." He sighed, a smile crossing his face. "Yes, you," he murmured, talking to his belly. David's heart clenched at the sight, like he was stealing the moment that Shepard should have shared with Alenko. A fond, if discomforted, expression passed over Shepard's face as he grunted, then squirmed. "Bean's shifting around. Guess he doesn't like ramen," he said, just as a completely mortified expression rose up to eclipse the old one.

"I think you should go, Anderson," Derek muttered, red spreading over his face. He put his hands over his lap.

"What's wrong?"

"Bean's wiggling. When he does that, he puts pressure on some... sensitive... parts." Shepard crossed his legs. "I." He swallowed. "I need to take another shower."

"Oh." David blinked. Shepard's other reputation, the one that had not been helped by that bitter old bastard Mikhailovich, for being a slut who slept his way up the ranks was undeserved. Shepard had more than earned his N7 designation, but he was well known for rarely sleeping alone on shore leave. Even David had found him oddly attractive, and he usually didn't favor men. Of course... Shepard really wasn't a man anymore, was he?

Shepard licked his lips, giving Anderson a glance before heading back towards the shower, leaving him feeling very, very unsettled.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

They walked into Orion Hall. Kaidan remembered it as a large, open area, filled with seats, used as a gathering spot for the students when they had free time.

"Shepard?" a voice called, and all three men turned to look see Jack take down a Cerberus grunt, then do a home-run slide in order to shield a student from a Cerberus mech's missile. The impact as it bounced off her powerful barrier made the deck reverberate through their boots.

"Nice to see you too, Jack!" Derek called, gesturing for Garrus and Kaidan to get into cover.

"Keep them off my kids!" Jack shouted, herding the teens behind her up the stairs behind them. "Don't let them get in here!"

"On it!" he answered. "Garrus, Kaidan! Overload that thing's shields, now!" He switched to his Shuriken SMG, diving into cover. "Then focus on the troops!"

Between the three of them, they got its shields down. Kaidan's reave crackled its armor as Derek collided with it in a biotic charge, then snapped at its armor with a nova. The biotic detonation weakened its armor, but it was still lumbering forward.

Kaidan saw red, hitting it with another reave as Derek charged again-

Making the Mech explode. Kaidan felt a nasty smile play over his face. No one messed with his-

Garrus yanked him down into cover to keep a Cerberus trooper from taking his head with a charged dagger. Kaidan's eyes went wide, before returning the favor and picking off another foe with his Vindicator assault rifle.

Derek was already half up the stairs as another wave of troops came out of nowhere. He charged them, and Kaidan and Garrus kept his back and each other's safe by turns. They traded off, following Shepard slowly as he darted about in a frenzied crackle of blue biotic energy, one keeping the other clear of stragglers while the other fired off their special attacks at whomever Shepard directed.

Most of the troops kept shooting at the bright biotic blur instead of trying to get the two men in cover, only to find themselves with an exploded cranium or frozen by a cryo blast, and then in messy, meaty pieces when Derek turned his wrath on them in the form of his charge/nova.

The fight was finished soon, ugly and fierce. Kaidan turned to Garrus, who nodded back. He was okay. Derek trotted up to them, green eyes taking them both in. They nodded in turn, but both noticed the ugly scores on his armor. He wasn't dead, but he wasn't in perfect shape either.

Kaidan fought to hide his grimace.

"Shepard! Kahlee said she would be sending out an SOS," Jack called. Her grin at seeing who had arrived broadened with blood-thirsty joy. "Should have known it would bring the King of the Boy Scouts." She leapt from the balcony, lessening her mass in a biotic display that had Kaidan almost green in envy. Then he reminded himself of the hell she had gone through to get her amazing abilities and relaxed. She was an incredible biotic, but she wasn't anywhere near as flexible as he was.

Jack looked good. She had grown out a section of her hair, keeping the sides shaven along the lines of her tattoos. Her clothing was both more modest and more provocative at the same time: a white halter top that allowed her tits to poke through under a leather studded shrug, and a pair of pants that was slung low on her hips. Before, her half-nudity was raw and uncomfortable; she hadn't looked sexy, she looked like someone who just didn't care about herself in a desperate attempt to keep herself safe.

Now, she looked confident and, even in middle of the fight, happy.

Then she slugged Derek across the face and Kaidan tensed to lunge at her. "Hey!" he snapped.

"Dammit, didn't I tell you not to trust Cerberus?" she snarled.

"You aren't telling me anything I haven't already told myself, Jack," Derek told her and rotated his jaw, rubbing his face.

"I'm sure that's going to make it all right, isn't it?"

Derek didn't respond, just exhaled and deflated.

"Just as charming as ever," Garrus said, drily, putting himself within arms' reach. Kaidan approved. He wasn't the only one feeling protective.

"Bite me, Vakarian. Or better yet, bite Shepard. I bet you know where he likes it," she said, then frowned as she gave Shepard a once over.

"He does," Kaidan piped up, lifting a eyebrow. "And now that we've established that you're jealous..?"

Her cheeks suddenly flushed red. "Piss off, Alenko. I like some kinky shit, but you three are just weird."

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked, crossing his arms and looking up at the kids. "I dropped you off on Omega like you asked, before I turned myself in."

She snorted. "Yeah, while you-" she paused, glancing at Derek's not-pregnant belly then shook her head. "No. I know why you turned yourself in. But the Alliance heard about me, knew what I could do. So-"

"I was teaching here when the news about the Bahak system came in," Kaidan interrupted. "Anderson said I could possibly stay to teach, but I knew that Jack was better. So I recommended her. I take it the kids liked your teaching style?"

There was a hoot and holler from the kids up on the balcony as the shouted "the psychotic biotic!" "I will destroy you!" Their morale, at least, was still good, even after hours of combat.

"Drink your juice, Rodriguez, you couldn't destroy wet tissue paper!" Jack shouted back. Her face creased into fondness, and genuine caring. Kaidan was touched. "I never had a family... but these guys?" Her gaze went cold, implacable as she turned to Shepard. "Anyone messes with my students? I'll tear them apart."

"No one could care for them more," Derek answered. To Kaidan's surprise, this caused another blush on Jack's face.

"Yeah, well, you were a bad influence. Turned me into a..." She trailed off. "Shepard, T'soni told me your due date. Shouldn't you be in a hospital somewhere about to pop? What the hell are you doing here? Where's the kid? Don't tell me you lost it." Her voice cracked in worry. "Did the Reapers..?"

"He was early, he's about two weeks now." Derek smiled, more of a grimace. "Gabriel Ashley Alenko, and he's... what, four kilos now? He's growing fast. You can meet him, once we're off the station."

Her eyes widened. "You- he's on the Normandy?"

"Cerberus kidnapped me, well, us, well... two weeks ago. I went into labor and," he shrugged. "We fought them off. Anyone who messes with my son?" Now it was Derek's turn to look dark and cold, and Kaidan had no doubt that this was the Shepard that haunted Cerberus' nightmares. "I will rip them apart with my bare hands."

Given the gore still embedded in his gauntlets, Kaidan didn't think this was an idle threat.

"If I don't make their heads explode first," Garrus muttered, racking his Mantis.

Jack nodded, crossing her arms. "Let me know when you find a way out of here, okay?"

Shepard nodded, and the three headed out, contacting Kahlee Sanders to direct them.

~*~*~*~

Grissom Academy had used to be a sanctuary, a haven, for biotic or gifted human kids.

During his short tenure as teacher, Kaidan Alenko had fought to keep from envying these privileged children, who would never know the stigma that came from being one of those early experiments. They had the good luck to be born in a time when biotic implants, and the surgery to install them, were mostly safe. They wouldn't deal with crippling pain, partial paralysis or insanity. He had gotten off easily with his periodic migraines.

Months earlier, when Kaidan had met Jack, he had gotten a different, stomach churning feeling. If the Illusive Man had gotten his biotic enhancement program started ten, fifteen years earlier, he could have found himself as Subject Zero... or more likely one of those countless children sacrificed to the project that enabled Subject Zero to become the greatest human biotic of her generation. It was humbling, disconcerting, and, y'know, nauseating.

And now Cerberus was here, and the Illusive Man was helping himself to new biotic children in the hope of turning them into weapons. It was enough to make him want to reave the bastards into next year.

 

Then again, Shepard was looking like he wanted to do far more. Kaidan glanced down at Shepard's bloody hands and hid a wince.  

"Derek," he murmured, as the Commander put down the datapad detailing Cerberus orders to capture Jack and use her students against her. His face was blank as marble but...

When Kaidan had met Shepard, his biotic ability was almost completely untapped. Biotics were freaks; Kaidan privately thought that Shepard had decided to leave them unused because he had enough trouble coping with his gene mods. Not that Kaidan could blame him. His L2 was a curse as much as a blessing. Shepard, back on the original Normandy, had only been able to lift a pencil with any regularity (Kaidan remembered the first time Shepard had done more than that- when a geth trooper had nearly squashed Tali and Shepard had thrown it across the field) and now he was a one-man wrecking ball.

But he lacked some of the basic control that someone who had lived their adult life with the ability would have.

"You're glowing."

Derek cut his eyes back towards Kaidan, jaw going tight. He took two short breaths, followed by one long.

"You need to stop doing that." He put his hand on Derek's shoulder. He couldn't feel Derek's muscles, but from the way he was standing Kaidan could guess they were wire-taut. "You'll burn out in the middle of the next fight. Please." Two more short breaths, then one long.

Two short, one long. Whatever it was seemed to work as Shepard's jaw unclenched, and his corona faded out. They continued down the hall, the sound of Shepard's breathing the only sound beyond their steps until they got to the entrance to the hangar bay.

Then they killed a Cerberus Engineer... and Shepard promptly climbed into the Atlas mech.

"Wait!" Garrus called, as they both followed Shepard into the bay entrance. "What the hell are you doing? You could barely drive the Mako or the Hammerhead. You couldn't possibly-"

Shepard started firing the mech's missiles.

"Dammit, I wanted to drive!" Garrus groused as Kaidan laughed. At least Shepard was better at avoiding damage in the mech than in the Hammerhead, and they were able to clear out the incoming Cerberus reinforcements.

Together, Shepard and Jack broke the window while he and Garrus provided cover as they ran out to get the lone straggler, Rodriguez, and get her into the shuttle as they rocketed out into space.

 

"Thank you, Commander," Kahlee said. Her face and expression were warm, as she turned to him and to Kaidan and Garrus. "Major, and... Vakarian? We wouldn't have gotten off that station if you hadn't come."

"F... Screw that," Jack snapped. "We kicked ass." She looked exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, and Kaidan thought he could hear a dozen hungry bellies start to growl in unison. He knew he could probably eat a horse pretty soon. Derek's own stomach decided to pipe up right then and demand attention. He looked over to see Garrus roll his eyes.

"What? I'm lactating!" Derek muttered at their expressions. "Add that to biotics and... Hell. I'm likely to wipe out three rations when we get back."

The kids cheered as Jack offered to get the kids inked, and then came the moment that filled Kaidan with dread. Kahlee wondered if the kids actually had it in them to join the war.

Kaidan felt his stomach clench, not sure if he should speak up or not. Garrus was a solid presence behind them both, and he had to wonder if the turian felt the same kind of weird dissonance that he did. Sometime in the past six months he had gotten used to being the one in charge, even if Shepard always took on the role of leader in the field. He never doubted that Shepard was in charge... it just felt odd, excluded.

He needn't have felt worried, as Derek looked back at him and Garrus, and then at Jack. You know them better than I do, the look seemed to say, but Kaidan could feel the two sides of Shepard's nature battling it out. Realistic soldier, who got things done whatever the cost... verses the protective, nurturing mother, parent he knew Shepard always was.

This war was going to get worse. The kids needed to get more experience if they were going to come to their full potential. He felt his face turn grim, and he shook his head.

Derek gave a faint nod.

"I think it would best if they stuck to support roles for right now," he offered.

The kids, of course, protested. But Jack's look of gratitude spoke volumes. Kaidan felt himself feel limp in relief, and he could hear Garrus hum thoughtfully.

It would be interesting to see how this would balance out in the future, but for right now... They had a victory, even if it was a small one. There was still hope.

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

Two Months ago:

 

The device was small, about the size of a brick and looked entirely alien in Shepard's long hands as he rolled it this way and that. It resembled an egg-shaped ball of knotted vines, more organic than something metal. The gift card had said 'From Auntie Legion.'

"The techs have tried taking it apart, scanned it four ways from Sunday," Anderson said, from his perch on Shepard's desk chair. "But we've never quite figured out what-"

A soft, subliminal hum started, something that could be felt in his bones and teeth before the voices of whales welled up from device. Shepard blinked, then passed his hands over the surface again, and the sounds changed to the hiss of rain. A third try resulted in the sound of a woman singing in quarian. The words weren't translating, but the slow tempo suggested a lullaby. All the while that unheard, but felt, hum continued in the background as it canceled out the constant sounds of ships coming and going in Alliance Headquarters.

Shepard blinked again as he put the device down, putting his hands on his belly. "I think Bean liked that. He's moving."

The presents had come via courier a few weeks ago, and the Alliance had spent a great deal of time making sure they weren't some clever way for Shepard's crew to break him out. Even if they had been sent by Liara T'Soni.

The odd device was the weirdest present, but there were others. Like the book of sutras from Justicar Samara, the shotgun from Jacqueline Nought, and the heavily armored and shielded baby carrier, blankets and clothes from Tali'Zorah vas Normandy.

Seeing Shepard's face fall when he realized who had not sent anything was...

"I'll get Alenko here," Anderson promised. Shepard's hands were trembling, eyes glossy as he tried to turn away. But he couldn't hide that his shoulders shook, or the soft sobs. "He doesn't know, Shepard."

"I- she-" Shepard covered his face. "Dammit. Why can't they know? Why can't they come see me? They're soldiers, they know the stakes!"

"Lots of reasons, and we told you the important ones. Alenko is probably the strongest human biotic we've got in the Alliance- well, who wasn't enhanced by Cerberus." Anderson got up, and sat next to him on the bed. He put an arm around Derek's shoulders. "We have to keep the appearance of your imprisonment. Hell, we even got you-know-who as your doctor." David found himself petting Derek's hair. "If the public at large found out about your pregnancy, that would lead to people asking questions on the hows, and the Mindoir experiments and..."

"The Alliance losing face."

 

Anderson winced, taking a long, deep breath. Shepard was leaning into his arms.

"Yeah. That." The man smelled like tears. Damn, it was miserable seeing someone, someone who had lead the fight against Saren, had handled the Collectors with aplomb, cracking because of his own biology.

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"What?" It was too easy to just hold the other man like this. He didn't want to be pulled out of it.

"Bean. I want him, Anderson. I want him to be safe, healthy... happy. Dammit, the Reapers are coming and I'm..."

"You'll do this. You'll find a way. You're going to give birth to a beautiful, healthy child that will grow up hearing how you kicked the Reapers from one end of the galaxy to the other. We're doing everything we can. Trust us. "

"Would you?"

"I-" David stopped. Grimaced.

"Just... stay with me." Derek gripped David's hand, his thumb brushing the inside of David's wrist. "Stay."

Even though Anderson knew this was a mistake... he stayed.

 

~*~*~*~

 

"Derek," Anderson said, walking on to the sensor pad of the QEC, body assembling out of motes of light. "Damned if you aren't a sight for sore eyes."

"Good to see you too, sir," Derek answered, wishing that it was easier to make out details in the QEC. He knew that Anderson, a fellow N7, was just as likely to fake being well as he was. But he couldn't make out any injuries, and his relief looked genuine...

"Sir?" David shifted his weight backwards. "I may have reinstated you, but after all we've been through I think we're a bit past titles, aren't we?"

Derek felt a small, tired smile start tugging at his lips. "Then I'm glad to see you kept your ass alive, David."

"That's more like it. Good to see you getting to work. I can only imagine what would have happened to those kids if they had fallen into Cerberus hands."

"I don't have to imagine," Shepard murmured, looking towards the side. "We intercepted some Cerberus communications. Looks like they were going to forcibly convert them- indoctrinate them- into their own troops. But we got them out and they're eager to help."

"Hm." David peered at him. "How's Bean?"

"He's... he's fine, David. He's getting big, and..."

"With you, on the Normandy." He gave a lusty sigh. "I can't say I'm surprised. Goddamn it. These kids shouldn't be forced to fight, and you shouldn't be either. For what it's worth... I wish things were different for you."

"It's the life I have, David. And I wasn't alone." He gave David another small, tired smile. "You were there. You stayed, when I needed you."

Anderson looked away. "I did." He took a long breath. "Hackett didn't mention it in his report, but-"

"Kahlee's here." Derek smile got a little broader, and gestured behind him. "I figure I owe you one less now, right?"

"I-" David's expression turned grateful, hopeful and afraid in waves. "Did you tell her-"

"That you missed her? Well, yeah. Say what you need to say. She's an incredible person." Derek turned to walk back into the War Room, but paused. Turned back.

"Thank you, David. For everything."

 

To be continued.

Comments, questions and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.