The Renegade Adored

Kaidan: "And love itself have rest." (Byron)

He pulled her into his arms, gentle as always. Bent his head down to kiss her. Felt her heart flutter, her breathing speed up. Felt her perfectly curved lips press against his. Slid one hand into her incredibly soft hair, the other under her shirt so he could feel the warmth of her skin.
She reached up, pulling him closer, wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her fingers in his hair. "Kaidan," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I want you, I want you so much. Please...."
He smiled at her. "Do you know, that's the first time you've ever actually said that?"
"Really?" She thought about it, realized he was right.
"You've protected me, you've apologized to me, you've even told me you never wanted to see me again. But you've never said you wanted me."
Her eyes were wide, blue, slightly confused. "I didn't think to say it. Should I have?"
He kissed her again, "Only if you really mean it, Hayden."
She kissed him back with her entire body, pressing herself against him, pulling him close. "I... Usually, guys don't want to talk," she said shyly. "I never know what to do with you, Kaidan. You're a total mystery to me."
Kaidan laughed softly, kissed her again. "You don't act like you've had much experience with guys," he said, half a question.
She flushed, dropped her head to his chest. Wouldn't meet his eyes. "No... not really. Not like this."
She was suddenly still in his arms, tense. He stroked her hair carefully, tried to meet her eyes.
"I don't want to talk about it now. I want to be with you."
She was deliberately whispering, something she did when she was nervous. He'd taught himself to listen for it. "Oh, Hayden," he suddenly felt hurt, for her pain. He pulled her closer to him. Kissed her hair. "I'm always here for you, whenever you need me." He tilted her face up, forced her to look at him. "Just tell me you want this."
"I want you, Kaidan," she said softly. Not in her hiding-things whisper. Blue eyes on brown.
Kaidan kissed her again. "Hayden, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
She smiled shyly at that. Kissed him back.
He knew how insecure she could be. How fragile. He thrilled at knowing he was her anchor at this moment, that right here, right now, he was the one thing that mattered to her. He loved that feeling almost as much as he much loved her for herself. Kaidan pulled her close, listened to her heart pounding in her chest. "Are you all right?"
Hayden nodded. Kissed him on the cheek in affirmation.
Kaidan smiled, pulled off his shirt. She shyly touched his bare chest, moved her little hand over the muscles there. He waited while she explored his body, until she realized that she was still wearing her clothes. She smiled, pulled off her shirt, threw it aside. He pulled her back into his arms, lifted her up so he could kiss her exquisitely shaped breasts.
She laughed lightly, watched him, her eyes soft and slightly surprised, as he undid her bra and slipped it off. Kaidan kissed first one breast, then the other.
"You're so beautiful," he said hoarsely. "So perfectly made." He carried her over to the bed, lay her down so he could take in her beauty in full. He stripped off the rest of his clothes, and she hers. Lay down beside her, and she pulled him on top of her.
"I like you here," she whispered. Ran her hands over his bare skin, feeling his warmth, his muscles. "I like feeling your weight on me."
He smiled at that, kissed her. Ran one hand down the side of her body, touched her between her legs. She was wet, sticky. He slid a finger around the outer lips, spreading her wetness, then inside her, stroking the spot he had found the first time. She writhed on his hand, seeking more contact, her hands clutching at the sheets. He kissed her breasts again, continued teasing her with his fingers. He pulled his hand away, dripping wet, and licked his fingers clean. She watched him curiously, stroked his arm. He found her quietness disorienting.
He kissed her again, moved his body up so that he was just touching the entrance of her body with his cock. She whimpered as he moved the head of his shaft over her, and he smiled. Reached down again, still kissing her lips, let his fingers touch the warm, wet circle, spread her lips open. He kissed her, murmured her name softly as he entered her, the head sliding just inside her. She gasped sharply, and froze. Closed her eyes, and turned her head away.
"Are you all right?" he asked nervously. He moved to pull out, but she put her hand on his shoulder.
"I'm fine," she gasped. Trying to remember how to breathe, through the amazing sensations rippling through her. "You're just... big."
Kaidan laughed lightly. "I'm not that big. But, I guess you're a little smaller than I expected." He moved experimentally, causing her to spasm around his shaft as he moved, penetrating her deeper. "Very tight." He groaned, closed his eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just trying not to come too early." He laughed to himself. "This is probably the best sex I've ever had in my entire life, I'm trying not to ruin it." He sighed, moved one hand down to her hips. "Just... give me a second here."
She was very still and quiet, breathing quickly.
"I'll stop, if you're not comfortable." He turned her head back to him. "Are you okay, Hayden?"
She smiled, laughed in stunned amazement. "You really would. You're not just saying that, are you?" She opened her eyes, and just watched him. "I don't want you to stop. It's just... not what I'm used to," she smiled. "I did tell you I have no idea what to do with you."
"Oh." Her words finally sank into his mind. "Oh."
"Please don't stop."
Kaidan couldn't move for a moment. He was stunned, and couldn't believe that he hadn't picked up on that before. He swallowed nervously, and reached for her, kissed her again. Felt her shudder beneath him. He moved her arms to his shoulders, so she could work with him. "Tell me if you want me to slow down." He took a deep breath, locked his lips to hers again. Let nature move him, stroking her in rhythm with his heartbeat. He was trying not to give way to his inner wildness, forced himself to go slowly.
Her hands pulled at him, letting him know she wanted more. She moved her legs, giving him more room. He carefully raised her legs, felt her arch into him, her hips tilt up towards him.
"Yes, oh," she moaned, wordless now. Tossed her head from side to side, dug her fingers into his back, pulled him to her.
He held her in his arms, knew he was holding her too tightly, saw marks on her skin but he couldn't let go. He gasped, thrust into her faster, deeper now that she was working with him. Her body shook, quivered, and he couldn't stop himself from working even harder. He could hear small animal growls, passionate cries as they moved together, coming from both himself and Hayden.
She made a noise suddenly, very small and sweet, and buried her head in his shoulder. Kaidan growled and slammed into her, harder than he meant to, and she rocked wildly beneath him as he thrust and circled his hips. Whimpering at first, and then her cries got louder and louder until she was screaming. Wordless, passionate screams of pleasure, her hands leaving trails on his back. He sank down, resting his head on her chest, but kept most of his weight on his arms. Felt their mingled juices leaking out of her body, resisted the wild urge to lick her clean.
Kaidan kissed her gently. "I love you," he said softly. "That was amazing." She threw her arms around him, kissed him wildly, but he refused to let himself lose control again. "No, Hayden, we can't. Not right now, anyway. We should probably get cleaned up now. We're almost at Ilos." He moved back, kissed her again as their bodies separated. Lay back with a sigh.
Hayden lay down next to him, her head on his shoulder. Watched him, wide-eyed, with a strange little smile.
Kaidan watched her watching him. There were a hundred things he wanted to ask her. With all her sensuality, all her experience, how was it possible that this was her first time with a man? If it had never been like this before, what had she done? But he knew that, right now - this sweet, stolen moment - wasn't the time.
Hayden watched him, saw the question in his eyes, and waited. But he didn't ask. Kaidan stretched, drowsily put his arms around her, and somehow fell asleep. Hayden smiled in surprise, and couldn't help laughing a little. For a few minutes, she watched him lie there, trusting and sated. Then she admitted to herself that he was right, and slowly got out of bed. Stretched, savored the unfamiliar ache. Promised herself that she would do this again, later. She took one last look at Kaidan as he slept before she picked up her clothes and walked into the bathroom.