Flashback

Author’s Note: Finally updated! And it’s only been about a month! I feel quite pleased with most of this chapter. A few bits that made me want to erase and never look at this story again, but I really wanted to write.

Publish Date: October 21, 2010

Warnings: Language, violence, torture, angst

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Roxas was experiencing bitter-sweet feelings now that the day for his brothers to come out for dinner had arrived. The last week had been a long one full of pain and stress. Sephiroth had been true to his word, making him get up early the next morning and forcing him to walk straight as though his back hadn’t just been whipped the night before. It took him nearly the whole week just to perfect his walk without so much as a wince. But the most grueling thing was practicing how he was to act once his arrived. Sephiroth didn’t want him breaking down and crying when he was said to be quite happy living with him, and he also didn’t want Roxas to say anything that might compromise all he was trying to hide. If he had a dollar for every time he messed up on a line with his voice cracking, or by-passing the line with a very emotional one of his own, he’d be rich.

Needless to say, now that Monday was here, Roxas was ready…or as ready as he could ever be. The real test would come when Cloud and Sora actually walked through the door. He leaned against the doorframe of his room and took a deep breath. The car had just driven up, and happy voices—well, Sora’s hyperactive one—could be heard outside.

“’Kay, Rox,” he murmured walking away from the door and looking in his mirror. “You’ve been over this plenty of times. You can do this. Just…think happy thoughts.”

The doorbell rang then, and ready or not, Roxas knew he would have to go down and join everyone eventually. He was supposed to be maintaining the happy kid image that Sephiroth was trying to build. He pulled his sweater sleeves down a little further, making sure the chaffed skin around his wrists weren’t exposed.

“You can do this…” He told himself once more as he exited his room, and headed down the hall just as Sephiroth opened the door, greeting them in the friendly manner he rehearsed when Roxas was practicing how he was to act.

Roxas heard Sora’s voice again over Cloud’s and another that was extremely familiar. He gasped and pressed his back to the wall, wincing a little. Everything they practice would be for nothing. He was not prepared for this at all.

“I hope you don’t mind, but we brought along Roxas’s best friend.” Cloud was saying.

“Of course,” Sephiroth’s voice was the perfect amount of friendly, with the underlying coldness that only Roxas noticed because he knew his true nature. “The more the merrier. What’s your name?”

“Axel.” His voice was exactly the same from the last time Roxas heard it. Deep, a little rough sounding, and filled with mischief. “Got it memorized?”

“That is so lame, man.” Sora again.

“It’s my default greeting, shorty, get used it.”

“Shorty? Not cool! I’m sixteen, you’re fourteen. How come you have to be the tree?”

“Shut up, both of you,” Cloud sounded irritated, Roxas wouldn’t be surprised if he took up the classic rubbing of the nose that Squall always did when annoyed. “I’m sorry about them, Mr. Murakami.”

“Please, call me Sephiroth.”

Roxas blocked everything out after that, eyes closing. Axel couldn’t be here. That ruined everything. He hadn’t seen the redhead in what felt like years and he was sure he’d turn into a blubbering mess, desperately wanting to tell his best friend what kind of man Sephiroth really was.

“Roxas!”

“Roxy, you up there?”

“Stop fixing your hair for me, small-fry.”

Roxas’s face darkened with anger. He pushed away from the wall, he was very ready for this, thanks to Axel’s lovely choice of words.

He growled, stomping down the steps, shooting a glare in Axel’s direction. “I hate that name.” He spat, growing even more annoyed that Axel had the audacity to grin and, oh my God, he did not just ruffle his hair. He hated that too.

“Good to see you, blondie.” Axel chuckled, pulling Roxas against him in a one-armed hug.

“Axel…” Roxas closed his eyes, forcing back tears. Pride be damned, this was his best friend. He pushed his face into Axel’s shirt, inhaling deeply, arms wrapped around his waist.

“Whoa, Rox, are you going all emotional on my ass?” Axel teased, unable to resist giving his hair another ruffle. But to his surprise, Roxas only tightened his hold on him. “Uh…you can let go now.”

“Rooox, what about us?” Sora whined, “I know he’s your best friend and everything, but we’re your family.”

Damnit, he wasn’t ready, he was about to do the one thing Sephiroth had told him not to do. He was going to break down, become a blubbering mess, and probably in his distress reveal everything about the man he was living with. Why couldn’t this just be another one of his dreams that he had during the last week, where he woke up in a cold sweat realizing it wasn’t real and the embrace he and his brothers shared was just a part of his wistful fantasies to be home? Why did this have to be the real thing? He wasn’t ready!

“Roxas?” Axel’s voice was soft, full of concern, and that was all it took for the tears to spill over. “Hey, are you crying?”

His voice was muffled by Axel’s shirt as he tried to respond, but because he insisted on being a leech and refused to let go of him, Axel couldn’t do anything but stand there, feeling awkward.

A good five minutes must have passed before Roxas finally had enough courage to pull away, his face splotchy, streaked with tears. “I-I’m sorry…I…” He wiped at his eyes, turning to face his brothers for the first time since they arrived.

“That’s going to be awesome black-mail material,” Sora grinned, ever the one to break the awkward silences, as usual. Speak first, and then think, that was his motto. “Oww…Clooud.”

“Moron…” Cloud sighed, giving Sora a look, a silent warning to be good or else. “We missed you, kiddo.” He said to Roxas, making him nearly burst into tears again.

“I-I missed you guys too.” He sniffled, wiping at his nose with the back of his sleeve. “It’s…” Come on. You can Say it. You have to. “It’s been…” Come on! “It’s been awesome here, but I…it sucks without you and Sora…and Axel, and—“

“I know,” Cloud interrupted, “It’s hard to be alone.”

“Y-yeah…” If only his brother truly understood, it had nothing to do with being alone. If Sephiroth was actually a nice guy…like he made him think for the first little while…he wouldn’t be in this mess. He was sure he wouldn’t be crying.

“You gonna be ok, Rox?” Sora asked, pulling him into a big bear hug, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Cloud pulled them both into a one armed hug.

“I apologize for interrupting the reunion, but dinner is now ready,” Sephiroth told them politely.

“Oh, right! Sorry.” Sora backed away, grinning sheepishly, and looked at Cloud who nodded.

“We’re not very good guests.”

“It’s fine. There will be plenty of time for socializing later.”

Sephiroth pointed to the dining room, telling them to sit wherever they liked. Cloud thanked him, and pulled Sora in the direction of the dining room, Axel looked over his shoulder at Roxas, studying him for a second before following the others.

One they were out of earshot, Sephiroth turned on Roxas, making him shrink back.

“Wha-what?”

“All that time you spent rehearsing for this moment and you still turned into a blubbering fool.”

“I…” Roxas looked at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“They don’t seem to suspect anything. I’ll let it slide for now. “

Roxas watched him go with a small sigh, feeling very tired, and all of a sudden wishing everyone would just go home. He wanted to retreat to his room and curl up in a ball and just…sleep. But that was never going to happen while his brothers and best friend were here. Not to mention Sephiroth was expecting him to behave the rest of the evening.

When Roxas finally made his way to the dining room, everyone was already sitting and talking amongst themselves. Cloud was asking Sephiroth how work was going and Sora was saying something to Axel that was making his cheeks go a noticeable shade of pink—only going pinker when Roxas sat down between Sora and Axel.

“So…Roxas…” Sora started, and Roxas glanced at Sora briefly, not really wanting to talk right now. “Have you found a boyfriend yet?”

“No.” His voice was quiet, and if that wasn’t any indication something wasn’t right with him, the fact that he was poking the food on his plate was. Cloud looked over at Sora’s question, probably curious to know the answer as well—and frowned when he saw his brother wasn’t eating.

“Stop playing with your food and eat it, Roxas.”

“Sorry…” Roxas gave him a very forced smile and took a bite of some potatoes. Cloud sighed, watching him for a second, and it made Roxas very uncomfortable. It made him almost break down in tears. He wanted to tell his brothers and Axel everything. Beg them to take him away from Sephiroth before he was broken completely. He didn’t want to be another doll that the man would eventually lose interest in and either toss him out on the streets—or worse, kill him and leave his body somewhere to rot in the woods where no one would ever find it.

“Well…?”

It took him nearly five minutes to process that Sora was still trying to get his answer. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm himself down and reign in that happy attitude he was supposed to have during this visit.

“No. I…haven’t had time.”

“Oh yeah…” It was a casual response, but even in his emotional state, Roxas could tell there was some other meaning in his brother’s words. He missed the smirk that was directed at Axel. “So uh…just curious, what you been up to that’s been keeping you so busy?”

“Maybe it’s none of our business..." Roxas heard Axel mutter beside him. “If he wants to tell us, he will. Won’tcha Roxy?”

“Uh…”

“Tell them about our camping trip Roxas.” Sephiroth and Cloud had long since halted their conversation. “And what that squirrel did.”

What? He couldn’t possibly expect Roxas to come up with a decent story for something that never happened in only a few seconds did he?

“Oh my God, did it steal your nuts?” Sora laughed, despite the disapproving glare he received from Cloud. Sephiroth just remained silent, an eyebrow raised elegantly, most likely questioning Sora’s sanity.

Roxas heard a quiet chuckle came from Axel though, giving him the boost he needed to get his story going.

“Not exactly,” he replied after a few seconds of thinking, hoping the fake amusement in his voice wasn’t as noticeable to the others as it was to him. “We were…having a picnic outside on the—“

“Did you get to pet it?”

“No, we—“

“OMG, did it eat all of your food and piss you off so much that you chased it and fell down a rabbit hole only to discover you weren’t in Kansas anymore and it stole your nuts after it bit you which made you sick and die because it was rabid?!”

…WTF?

“You’ve been watching way too much TV, Shorty.” Axel laughed, the sound sending a warm fuzzy feeling through Roxas. “Seriously, let your brother finish.”

“Pfft, fine.” Sora grinned sheepishly and cleared his throat. “Continue, Roxy.”

“Well uh…” Great, now he completely lost his idea. He noticed Sephiroth watching him, eyes narrowing only slightly. “I don’t really remember what I was saying…”

“You were telling them about the squirrel…” Sephiroth reminded him, and Roxas wondered if anyone else noticed how impatient he sounded.

“Oh…yeah…um…the squirrel.”

“It sounds like you really don’t care.” Axel chuckled. “It couldn’t have been that exciting. Maybe we should forget about the squirrel?”

Sephiroth didn’t look pleased with that suggestion, but nodded, and asked Cloud to pass him the butter. Everyone ate in silence once more. Silence was bad. It made Roxas think. It made him remember.

“Try again.” Sephiroth stood with his arms crossed, watching Roxas fall to his knees once more, tears running down his cheeks. He tried so hard to hold them back, but it got much harder to when the stinging pain in his back only intensified with each attempt to walk.

“I-I can’t...it hurts too much.” He hated how his voice so readily betrayed his feelings. He sounded so weak.

“Get up. Now.” Roxas knew it was an order, and he was slowly learning never to disobey, but he couldn’t get up if he tried. He yelped as he was suddenly wrenched to his feet. “Walk.”

Roxas swallowed a sob, glancing up at the silver haired man. His eyes were narrowed and his usually calm demeanor was starting to shift. He was starting to get angry.

“I hate repeating myself, Roxas.”

“I…j-just give me a second.”

Roxas took a shaky breath, teeth clenched as he tried to push the searing pain to the back of his mind. One step, he only had to take one step…then one more. That was considered walking, right?

“Good. Now I want you to walk from here to the end of the hall.”

“W-what? No…I-I can’t…” He could feel his legs beginning to give out on him already, and even in his state of pain and weakness, a great anger was surfacing. He was sick and tired of getting ordered around. “I’m not doing it.”

“Oh?”

“I’m done! I’m sick of being your play thing. You can go fuck yourself.” He knew he should have stopped there, but he was spurred on by this new emotion that didn’t dare show its ugly head since he came here. “You and Xemnas. You make a great par-annnuhhghhh!”

Sephiroth tightened his grip on the clump of hair he just grabbed, twisting. Fresh tears spilled down Roxas’s cheeks. “Five lashes.”

“N-No! I’m sorry! Please! I’ll do whatever you want!”

“Roxas!”

Roxas blinked. Everyone was watching him, Sora looked amused, Cloud worried, and Sephiroth was calm as usual. It was Axel who said his name.

“Sheesh, about time. Where’d you go anyway?”

“…What?”

“You totally spaced out,” Sora laughed.

Roxas just gave a forced smile, he could hear his own screams echoing in his mind as he received the five lashes. Suddenly he didn’t feel very good. “Uh…excuse me. I have to use the bathroom…” He pushed his chair back, wincing slightly when it scraped against the floor, this only fueling his desire to get out of there. Sephiroth would punish him for that later…

He hurried out of the dining room as quickly as he possibly could.

Axel frowned, still watching the door long after Roxas left, and continued to watch it even after the talking started up again. Sephiroth asked Cloud something, and Sora was interrupting like he always did. Something felt off.

“I’m gonna go see if he’s ok.” He rose to his feet, scraping the chair against the floor as well, but unlike Roxas didn’t care. “I’ll be right back.”

Axel didn’t give anyone a chance to answer as he left the room, heading up the stairs, eyes narrowed in determination. He knew something wasn’t right with Roxas since they got there and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

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Author’s Note: I’m not sure when I’ll get the next chapter up. Hope you enjoyed this one. ^^