Kinbaku-Bi {Beautiful Bondage}

“Axel…”

His sweet whispers caress my ear as I reach out for him, wrapping my arms around his slender figure. He sighs as I press my lips to his and stare deeply into his eternally beautiful eyes.

“I love you Roxas…I’m so sorry…”

My eyes flutter open slowly and I realize it was just a dream as I groan in discomfort. Rolling over onto my back, I shudder slightly at the feeling of the cold wooden floor against my bare skin. My eyes wander up to my bed and I turn away defiantly, telling myself that if Roxas has to suffer alone in my office…I suffer with him in a way.

I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I have not been able to function normally for the past twenty-four hours knowing that he is still there, just doing as I told him to. I sigh heavily and rise to a sitting position, staring at the clock and rubbing my eyes exhaustedly. Surviving on a mere hour of sleep at a time is not working very well. It’s five in the morning now.

I stretch my arms out and think to myself that the sun will be up soon and I can check on Roxas. I groan once more as my joints crack, feeling the wear of sleeping on the floor, denying myself any comfort since I left Roxas in my office.

The sun begins to peek slightly over the horizon and I slip a shirt around myself, thinking of nothing but his ocean eyes and his declaration to me over and over. I Love You Axel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My eyes widen at the sight of a number of cars parked outside my office building as I arrive and swallow hard, wondering if anything has happened to Roxas inside. I make sure to park my car at the restaurant lot next door so nobody can see me.

I feel foolish at the thought of sneaking around like this but I cannot be found out. I recognize some of the cars out front. None of them belong to any of my clients. It is Saturday and thank the Gods too because I am in no condition to work. Especially with the love of my life starving himself at my desk.

I sigh, reluctant to look inside but decide to just face it and I peak through the window, taking extra care not to be noticed. My mouth drops open at the sight of Riku sitting at my desk in front of Roxas. I feel like his presence marks the moment that Roxas will jump up from that chair and leave.

Surprisingly enough, Riku just sits there and talks to Roxas. I frown at the sight of him. His eyes are half closed and I can tell he has not had any sleep as he stares at Riku, listening to his words that I cannot hear from outside.

Suddenly, Riku rises from his seat and walks out of the office. My breath hitches in my throat as he disappears from my view. I then roll my eyes to myself, knowing he won’t find me here hidden. Cocking my head to the side, my past assistant Demyx plants himself before Roxas, obviously telling him horrible things about me. Why are all these people here? How the hell…

My thoughts are quickly interrupted at the feeling of a strong hand on my shoulder. I reel around to meet the sea green gaze of Riku. I gasp and back away quickly, almost losing my footing on a root of the tree I was hiding behind.

“Whoa, Axel, calm down!” Riku’s voice is surprisingly calm and gentle as he catches me from stumbling over. I struggle against his grasp and stare fearfully into his eyes as if I was looking straight at death.

He shakes his head at me and frowns. “Axel, hey…pull yourself together! What are you doing with that blonde in there?”

I suddenly glare at him angrily like it’s any of his business! “…Why do you care Riku?..” My defensive argument quickly becomes lost as I examine the scolding expression on his face. “….I…I don’t know…” I finally admit as I turn back towards the window, catching sight of Roxas almost losing the ability to hold his own head up from exhaustion.

“You know, I let you slip between my fingers because I knew you were meant for something else besides belonging to me. You were…too strong for me.”

My eyes widen at my past lover’s confession, shuddering at the memory flooding my mind of myself finally catching Riku’s hand in my own, ripping the whip from his grasp and proceeding to beat him ruthlessly with it.

I lower my head in shame, thinking to myself how it is my own weakness that is keeping Roxas away from me.

“Riku…I feel like I’m losing control over him. And…the more control I lose, the more I feel like I am hurting him…I don’t…want to do that to him.”

Riku shakes his head at me and smiles softly. “Axel, he obviously has devoted his entire being to you. His love for you is deep enough to endure…”

“But I…He…” I interrupt his explanation of Roxas’ feelings as if he understands them. I suppose maybe he does a little more than I’ve given him credit for. I think I understand most of all.

I am silenced by his finger over my lips. “Axel, who is to say that love has to be soft and gentle?”

I swallow hard as he backs away from me and disappears around the building to leave. His words race through my mind as I slowly make my way back to my car, unable to look into Roxas’ helpless face through the window anymore today.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I arrive back at my home and drop my jacket onto the floor. My guilt ridden eyes wander over to my garden outside and I think to myself how much I do not deserve that paradise I tell myself I have worked so hard for.

No matter how much beauty I surround myself with, it does not have any effect on the ugliness I feel when I am without Roxas. I scowl at its perfection and I rip the door open, walking out into the fragrant air.

My eyes find the remaining bits of his photograph floating in my pond and how stupid that I felt like burning his image was the solution to finally letting him go. I reach over and pull a cluster of orchids from the vine above the pond and reach in my pocket for a source of fire.

A helpless smile spreads across my lips as I light the sprig, watching the blooms crumble beneath the flame. I shrug my shoulders and throw the burning blooms into the garden. My eyes begin to brim with tears as I watch the powerful heat overwhelm the entire area, destroying every flawless orchid I have had control over for so long. I back away slightly as the flames climb up to the wall and engulf every ounce of beauty in its own perfect glory.

I reach for the hose and douse the growing fire before it touches my house. The smell is intoxicating and the ashes float up into the sky, appearing as angels flying up to heaven. The angels of my beloved orchids, finally free. But in the end, it is me who is free. Free to let go and ask myself, really, who is to say love has to be soft and gentle?

It can be as powerful, blissfully damaging and beautiful as the flames itself. I want it to consume me completely.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three days after I left Roxas to suffer and obey, I finally decide to allow myself this losing of control. It isn’t about control anymore and I need none of it.

I sigh deeply as I stand at the front door of my office. The sun has set beneath the horizon, the cars have gone and I am left alone with Roxas finally.

The door falls open willingly and I walk slowly down the hall. It is silent, not a sound pierces the empty space except for the pounding of my heart, ready to give itself completely over to Roxas.

My eyes widen at the sight of him, still sitting in the chair at my desk, palms down, feet flat on the floor. His head lies against the wood and his eyes are closed, giving him a surprisingly peaceful appearance. I make my way to the small water cooler by the wall and fill a cup with the liquid.

I stop by his side and lean over, cradling my hand around his cheek to support his head as I hold the cup to his parched lips. I watch the water spill over, rousing him from his unconsciousness. His eyes widen at the feeling of water to his mouth and he parts his lips, eagerly taking in the fluid. He really didn’t move from this spot for three days…

As he gulps down the water, his azure pools rise to meet my emerald gaze and he stops drinking to stare at me in awe for a moment. A small smile grazes across his exhausted face and I smile back, pulling him up from the chair and lifting him from the ground. His body is weakened and tired but he still finds strength to wrap his arms around my neck, burying his face against me as I carry him out of the office.

I lower him into my car outside and cover him in a small blanket from my backseat. His eyes flutter shut once more and he sleeps calmly as I climb inside.

My eyes glance into the rearview mirror every now and then to catch sight of the street lights, illuminating his angelic face as we pass through the night to my home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The car comes to a slow stop as I pull in front of my house. I turn my head to gaze at him again, his body unmoving but his breathing is calm and satisfied.

I lean down and lift him from the car, cradling him in my arms as I make my way inside, to my bedroom. I lay him down slowly onto the sheets, watching his body fall weightlessly away from me. He groans in mild protest as I release him from my grasp and I smile softly as he unconsciously reaches out for me.

Walking into the bathroom, I bend down over my claw foot tub and begin to fill it with soothing water. I turn back and watch him sleep on my bed peacefully as I add orchid scented oils to the bath, filling the room with fragrant steam. Once the tub is full, I turn the knobs off and make my way back to Roxas.

The lights of my room cause his skin to glow and I think to myself how truly beautiful he is. Reaching to him, I slowly begin to unbutton his shirt, exposing more of his flawless body. He sighs softly as I remove the clothing from him, leaving him bare and perfect before me.

I lift his naked body from the bed and carry him into the bathroom, lowering him into the warm pool of water. He gasps slightly and his eyes finally open.

“Roxas…” I whisper to him softly and trace the back of my hand over his flushed cheek. “I love you…”

His eyes slide shut and the expression on his face tells me that really is all he’s ever wanted to hear from me.

I roll the sleeves up to my shirt and plant myself behind the tub, preparing to give Roxas what he has really deserved all along. He leans back into the water, allowing himself to fall into total relaxation as I begin to massage sweet smelling lather through his soft blonde hair. He sighs to me in pleasure as I caress him lovingly, covering him in soothing soaps and oils.

I reach over and fill a nearby vase, once containing orchids, with warm water from the tub. Roxas tilts his head back and his lips part luxuriously as I spill it over his hair, rinsing him thoroughly. His eyes wander over me as I rise from my seat and reach into the water to drain it, washing away every pain I may have caused him.

Guiding him from the tub, I stand before him and stare deeply into his eyes. No words pass between us as I drop to my knees to look up at him admiringly. A sweet smile grazes across his lips as I begin to dry him off, feeling every inch of him with soft dry cloth. Our eyes never part as I stare up at him and he gazes down at me.

Roxas seems rejuvenated, fresh and clean as he holds his hand out to me, coaxing me to my feet. I sigh as he props himself on his toes to press his lips to mine. His taste has never lost its perfect sweetness.

I pull him into my arms, never taking my lips from his as we collapse onto the bed together. He moans softly as I regress from him to remove my own clothing. A blush forms across his cheeks as he watches me discard every bit of what covers me. I climb onto the bed with him and admire his appearance in the dim lighting. He is so beautiful.

We lay together, me spooning him against my body and basking in the real paradise I have always wanted. He tilts his head back against me, craning his neck to pull me into another passionate kiss. I sigh against him and he pulls away from me, studying my expression as if he cannot believe this is all real.

“Axel…I want you to make love to me.” His eyes pierce through me so deeply as he speaks and the only response I can give him is a stifled moan as I press my mouth to his, kissing him roughly. He rolls onto his back and pulls me on top of him, wrapping his legs around my waist. My deepest fantasies are finally coming true.

I groan against him as he gracefully rocks his hips against mine, pressing our aching bodies together. His lips pull away from mine and he looks up at me, a perfect mixture of undying love and lust burning in his eternally blue eyes.

“Axel…” He moans softly as I press my lips to his neck, tasting the sweet skin and making my way lower, over his heaving chest and down his taut abdomen. My fingers trace over every inch of his body, covering him in delicate kisses and bites as I caress his every curve.

My lips find their way to his neglected pleasure and I run my tongue from base to head, wringing soft cries from his lips. I smile at his delicious reactions and slip his warmth into my mouth. His body writhes beneath me and he sighs continuously as I take him all and trace my tongue along the sensitive underside of his cock. I moan against him, having desired nothing but to taste him from the moment I looked into those eyes.

His hips buck upward and he grips his slender fingers through my scarlet hair, moaning and sighing for more. My hands grope over him almost desperately and he reaches for me, pulling my fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking eagerly. My eyes lock onto his face, covering my fingers in saliva seductively. His expression is so pleasure laced and perfect as I retract my hand, slipping it beneath him and pushing two of my fingers inside of his body. He throws his head back and cries out as I increase my pace, thrusting my fingers and in and out him and continuing to pleasure him, rocking my body against his.

My body screams out for him and I finally release his cock, rising myself up to his lust filled eyes again. He immediately pulls me into a deep kiss, pushing his tongue inside my mouth, tasting himself in contrast to my own flavors. He rocks his hips upward, grinding his slick organ against mine, rewarding himself with exasperated sighs from me.

I remember his request as I continue to lock him in our endless kiss, pressing my cock to his tight opening. He pulls away from me to cry out loudly as I enter him slowly, shivering with every inch of me being consumed by his eternal warmth. I bury my face in his neck, biting and sucking softly at his sweet skin as he moans my name, thrusting against my penetrations gracefully.

I think to myself that I have never truly made love to anybody until this moment. I pull myself from his now sweat beaded neck, still tasting him on my lips and I rise up onto my elbows to gaze down at him. “You are so beautiful, Roxas…”

He only moans in response and tilts his head back, enveloping himself in this moment. I increase my pace slightly, feeling my heart pound in my chest with every thrust into him, never wanting this to end.

Suddenly, he grasps my shoulders and urges me to move. I find to my surprise that he is rolling me over and pushing himself on top of me. I lay on my back, staring up at him as he impales himself down onto my cock. My eyes widen and I moan loudly, gripping his spread legs tightly with one hand and massaging his hard sex in the other. He cries out and grips his hands over my hips, thrusting roughly with each stroke of my hand around his cock.

His body tightens above me and I cannot hold out much longer. His half lidded eyes search over me lustfully and his lips part in ecstasy.

“Axel…I…need…” He moans, unable to finish his sentence as I know exactly what he needs. I reach over to the table near the bed and pull out a long silken rope.

I rise to a sitting position and continue to groan in deepening pleasure as he rides me harder, pushing me deeper inside of him with every thrust.

“Ah…Yes…” He cries out as I wrap his arms around his back, binding his wrists together with the rope. His hips rock against mine faster, flexing his shoulders and body against the newfound restraints.

I wrap my arms around his body, placing harsh kisses on his neck and chest as I rock my hips in time with his. My hand finds his cock again and my graceful strokes reward me with desperate cries of pleasure as he releases his long awaited orgasm. I moan at the feeling of his pearl white essence spattered across my chest.

His body shakes and his cries become softer as he rides out his blissful climax. A blinding white heat overcomes my vision as Roxas tightens his muscles around me, rolling his hips to wring my own peak from my body. “Ahh…Roxas!” I cry out and he sighs, pressing himself to me as I fill him with pearl white heaven.

I collapse backward onto the bed, unable to hold myself up any longer and his body comes crashing down shortly after, landing softly my chest. I pant quietly and listen to Roxas’ own exhausted breathing as I hold him tightly in my arms. The ropes still restrain his wrists behind his back and he nuzzles his face up to mine, pressing his lips to me lovingly.

“…I love you too Axel…”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(Later…)

The sun begins it sweet decent into the earth, shedding the last of its light into the windows of our home. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as return from work. I hang my coat up neatly by the door and make my way into the bedroom.

Upon entering, I catch sight of a shriveled orchid crumbled atop the perfect sheets.

I smile devilishly, picturing Roxas’ reddened and bruised flesh replacing the crushed bloom.

Who’s to say love has to be soft and gentle?