Quarian Directives

Written for the Mass Effect Kink Meme, in response to http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/3083.html?thread=6576907

 

* * *

 

One of her wrenches was missing.



Crouching on the floor by a loosened panel, Tali frowned as she stared at the empty space in her toolbox. She always took good care of her tools. Always returned them to their proper place after she was finished with them. Not having the right tool in your hand when a crisis situation came up on the Migrant Fleet could be a disaster, and old habits die hard.



The Migrant Fleet. It made her heart ache to think about it. But she focused herself back on her work; it was the only thing that kept her going these days.



On her hands and knees, she scoured the deck for any sign of the missing implement. Running her fingers through every groove, any possible crevice it could have fallen, turned up nothing.



"Hey, Tali," said Gabby as she walked in. "Missing something?"



"Have you or Ken been using any of my tools?" Tali asked.



Gabby shook her head. "I know I haven't. And Ken usually makes me do any of the manual stuff, so I doubt he would have. You missing something?"



"It's nothing. Just forget it," Tali said, unable to keep the melancholy out of her voice.



"You sure?" Gabby asked, and when Tali nodded, she walked away.



It wasn't here, Tali concluded after almost twenty minutes of searching. Somebody had taken it, she was sure of that. Getting to her feet, she steeled herself before making her way to the stairs leading down to the lower deck. She was halfway down when she heard Jack's voice.



"Dammit! Was so close! I could have done so much with that thing! Shown the cheerleader a thing or two about what it means to fuck with me, could have..." Jack's ranting to herself was interrupted as she whirled to face her visitor. "What the hell do you want, buckethead?"



"Jack, I..." Tali summoned up all her courage. "I'm missing one of my wrenches. Did you take it?"



Jack snarled at Tali. "Yeah, you bet your ass I did! In between all the world-saving missions Shepard has me go on, I like to steal your useless fucking tools for shits and giggles!" Jack gave Tali a light shove. "Get the fuck out of here. I haven't touched your shit."



Making her way back up the stairs, Tali looked over the room again. "Maybe I left it on Deck 3," she muttered to herself. She had been doing some repair work earlier around the ship. Maybe she'd dropped it and not noticed.



Letting out another frustrated sigh, she made her way to the lift. When the doors slid open on deck 3, she saw Kelly chatting with Jacob as they waited to ride up.



"...don't know what I can say to her," Kelly was saying. "She was obviously devastated after what happened, but she doesn't want to talk about it."



"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll get over it," Jacob said. "Tali's a professional, and she knows how important this..." Finally sensing the door open, Jacob bit his lip as Tali stepped off the lift and brushed past them without a word.



As she stepped into the mess hall, she could feel the conversations in the room die. All of them trying to remain casual, but doing a terrible job at it. She ignored it, searching around a conduit she'd been working on earlier in the day, and finding no sign of her missing wrench.



She drifted into the med-bay in her searching, Dr. Chakwas having a quiet discussion with Mordin. "Don't mind me," Tali said as she walked in. "Just looking for one of my tools."



The two of them continued their conversation. "Extremely dangerous device Jack discovered," Mordin was saying to Chakwas. "Lucky we found out about it before she had a chance to put it to use."



"You're saying that this device controls human minds?" Chakwas said in horror.



"Shadow Broker attempted to use on drell, but subject non-responsive. Believe human mind similar enough that device would function on your race. In theory, device would bring subconscious to forefront, allow user to plant thoughts, manipulate wants and desires. Could grant user total control over any human's mind."



Sounds good to me, Tali thought, as she continued her search. Wish I'd had one of those before...



"So what are you planning to do with it?" Chakwas asked.



"Still running tests. Reason I came to speak with you," Mordin replied. "Would like you to perform complete mental scan on several patients during next check-up. Data should allow me to study device further without actually using on human."



Tali left them to their medical talk, walking out the medical bay and back through the mess hall. The crew pretended again not to notice her, but she could feel the pity in their stares.



As she walked to the other side of the deck, she heard a conversation going on in the XO's office. "...think she's going to be able to keep doing her job?" Miranda was asking someone.



Tali peeked around the corner to see Diana Shepard sitting in a chair against the wall. "I hope so. I only wish I could make her understand why I did it."



"I've known you a while now, Shepard," Miranda said. "You've always valued the truth above anything else. Telling the quarians about what her father was doing was the right call."



"Was it?" Shepard said. "Sometimes I'm not sure. If you'd seen how angry she was, how much I hurt her... I don't think she'll ever forgive me."



"She'll be fine," Miranda assured her. "And she's got nowhere else to go, anyway. Things wouldn't be the same for her back on the Migrant Fleet. Even with her own name cleared, they'll still look on her as the daughter of a traitor. So unless she wants to strike out on her own, a quarian with no ship and no credits to her name, she's pretty much stuck here."



Tali didn't wait to hear what Shepard said in response. She whirled and rushed back to the lift, trying her best to keep her emotions in check.



No other ideas left, she finally went back to engineering to try the search again. Glancing down into her toolbox, she stopped in her tracks.



The missing wrench was there again.



And all the other tools were gone.



She couldn't take it anymore. Her knees buckled under her, and she started sobbing as she sat down hard on the floor. The tears clouded her vision so much that she only barely saw the flash of light that appeared, and the human figure that stepped up to her.



"Tali, hey," said Kasumi, placing a bag full of Tali's tools down on the floor. "You okay? Sorry, I was just playing a little joke. Didn't think you'd..."



"Joke?" Tali shouted, and Kasumi took a step back in surprise. Jumping to her feet, Tali pounded her fist against a wall. "You want to know a great joke? How about this one, tell me if you've heard it. A quarian throws away her entire life to run off with a crew of humans and other aliens. She puts her trust in a human commander, and when she's put on trial for treason, she begs that human to not reveal what her father did in the name of trying to help his people. And here's the punchline: that human commander does exactly what the quarian told her not to do. She betrays that quarian, and then brings her back onto her ship and expects her to keep smiling and doing her job like before. But the really funny part of all it is, that the quarian doesn't have a damn choice anyway. She's stuck serving under this human and all her human friends, because she's got nowhere else to go."



"A great joke, huh?" Tali's voice was hoarse from screaming and crying. "But yours was pretty good, too."



"I'm sorry, Tali," Kasumi tried to lay a comforting hand on Tali's shoulder, but the quarian pushed it away.



"Yeah, everybody's sorry. So sorry about how Shepard stomped all over my family name and betrayed my trust. Everybody's so damn sorry, but, oh, by the way Tali, the heating system on Deck 2 is on the fritz, could you take a look at it when you get a chance? Sure, of course I will, because what else am I good for to you humans?"



Kasumi started to say something again, but Tali spun away. "Just leave me alone," she said, starting to sob again. "Every last one of you damn humans just leave me alone."



* * *



Several weeks later, Tali carefully fitted electronic components together at a workbench she'd set aside for her latest project. With her mind focused on her work, she was able to block out the pain and anger, if only for a little while.



There was a sound to her right, impact of metal against metal. The noise made her instinctively flinch and jerk to look, searching for some ship component that had broken. When she saw nothing, she returned her attention to her project. But her hands froze when she saw the metal box that had suddenly appeared on the workbench to her left.



"This is..." she gasped.



"A Kassa 228 Piece All-In-One toolset," said Kasumi, as she materialized beside her. "One of the most advanced sets on the market. And the most expensive, or so I hear."



"'So you hear?'" Tali cocked an eyebrow.



Kasumi leaned casually against the workbench. "What, you think I paid for this? Please, swiping this was like stealing stimulator conduits from an elcor."



Tali ran a hand down the shining surface of the advanced toolkit. "I can't take this. It wouldn't be right."



"Of course it isn't right," Kasumi said with a grin. "That's what makes it more fun."



Hesitantly, Tali opened the lid, revealing the vast array of different implements within. Kasumi watched in satisfaction as Tali marveled over the expensive gift.



"Thank you, Kasumi," Tali said. "And I'm sorry for what I said before. You didn't deserve that."



"Not a problem," Kasumi said. "I know how horrible it must be for you after what happened on the Migrant Fleet. Makes me remember how I was when I found out about Keiji's murder. I spent days afterward just wanting nothing more than to lie down and die. And the worst part was, I didn't have anybody to talk to about it. Living life as a master thief doesn't exactly give you an active social circle."



Putting her hands on Tali's shoulders, Kasumi gave her a compassionate smile. "And I don't want you to go through the same thing I did. So from now on, my only job on this ship is to be here for you, whenever you need me."



Tali didn't know what to say. She felt her eyes begin to water, and Kasumi must have sensed her emotions, as she drew Tali in for a tight, comforting hug. Tali didn't know how long she stood there, weeping into Kasumi's shoulder, but Kasumi never flinched or showed signs of impatience. She simply stood and held Tali for all the time she needed.



"I'm sorry," Tali said as she finally pulled away. "These are my problems, and I shouldn't draw you into them."



"We're shipmates, aren't we?" Kasumi said, giving Tali a light pat on the shoulder. "My problems are your problems, and we'll get through them together. Alright?"



"Thank you. I think I'm feeling a little bit better."



This made Kasumi frown. "Just a little bit? Not good enough. You know what you need to do?" Kasumi pointed at the partially-assembled device on the workbench. "You need to stop working on whatever stupid little project Shepard has you slaving away on, and come back to my room. We'll sit and watch some old vids, talk about what total assholes everyone else on this ship is... Anything you want to do, that isn't you doing somebody else's work for them."



Kasumi put her arm on the workbench, making to swipe the device on the floor. "No, wait!" Tali cried out. "Actually, that... that's something I'm working on. For myself."



Removing her arm, Kasumi stared down at the small metal object. "What's it supposed to be, anyway?"



Tali rubbed at the back of her neck. "Well, it's a bit hard to explain. See, I..." She trailed off.



"Come on, let a fellow techie in on the nerdiness, here," Kasumi cajoled her new friend.



There was a long pause, Tali seeming to consider something for a good period. "Do you know what would really make me happy?" she finally asked. "Something you could do that would really let us have some fun?"



Kasumi was all ears.



* * *



Shepard stared down at the device in her hands. "So, this is a hypnotism device?"



"Bit more complicated than that, but generally yes," Mordin said in his usual rapid tone. "Been studying its potential effects using brain scans provided by Dr. Chakwas. Power of device over human mind quite remarkable."



"And frightening," Shepard said, laying the device down onto a lab table and turning her attention to the datapad which displayed Mordin's report. She quickly skimmed the data and frowned. "You're sure this is the only one?"



"Yes, positive," Mordin nodded. "Shadow Broker killed all scientists on project after work completed. Making sure no one else would be able to duplicate results, most likely."



Shepard seemed satisfied by this answer. "Good, then we'll be ridding the galaxy of it when we destroy this one."



"Would ask you to reconsider, Shepard," Mordin said. "Power of device could..."



Both of them turned as the door to the lab slid open. There was an awkward pause, as no one stepped into the room. Shepard shrugged; some kind of glitch or something.



"I'm well aware of what would be capable with a device like that," Shepard said. "Which is why I want it destroyed. If it were to fall into someone else's hands, someone without the willpower or responsibility to use it wisely... it could be catastrophic. Get rid of it."



"Very well, Shepard," Mordin said, as he stepped around the lab table to open up the clear lid on a metal, box-like machine. "Will defer to your judgment on this." Grabbing the mind control device, he frowned.



"What's the matter?" Shepard asked him.



Mordin moved the device up and down in his hand. "Strange. Device felt heavier earlier. It... no, never mind. Too many hours in the lab, must be getting tired." Without dwelling on it further, he tossed the device into the machine, shut the lid, and tapped out several keys. With a bright flash, the deatomizer activated, and the device inside was reduced to several particles of ash.



* * *



"Went off without a hitch," Kasumi said with a grin, as she re-entered engineering and presented the small device to Tali. "Made the switch right under their noses. Or lack of nose, in Mordin's case."



Kasumi studied the device as Tali turned it around in her hands, almost reverently. "So," Kasumi finally asked, "this thing is supposed to control people's minds or something?"



Tali nodded. "Heard Mordin talking about it a few weeks ago and hacked into his research notes. Use it on somebody, and you can tell them to do whatever you want."



"Like one of those stage shows," Kasumi said. "Make folks cluck like a chicken, think they're on fire, that sort of thing?"



"I think so," Tali said. "Mordin never actually used the device on anyone, so I'm not sure what it's capable of."



"Well, you know we gotta test that thing out on somebody," Kasumi said, mind whirling at the humorous possibilities. "Who should be our first subject?"



Tali ran her fingers along the buttons at the top of the box. "I'm not sure... I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea. Messing with people's minds... I'm not sure that it's right to..."



"Of course it isn't right," Kasumi said, deftly snatching the device from Tali's hands. "That's what makes it more fun. Now, who should we zap first?"



Tali's voice turned fearful, as she tried to grab the device back. "No, Kasumi, we should take it back. This was a bad idea."



Laughing, Kasumi dodged away from Tali's grasp. "Don't be such a worrywort! So, where's the on button on this thing?"



"Give it back!" Tali called out, only for Kasumi to dodge away again with a cheerful laugh. "If Shepard finds out about this, she'll..."



"Hey!" a loud voice drew both their attention. Jack stomped up the stairs. "Would you two shut the hell up? Trying to catch some sleep down here, dammit."



"Sleep?" Kasumi said with a smirk. "I think you mean... SLEEEEEEEEEEP!" she dramatically intoned, as she pointed the device at Jack and pressed a button.



Immediately, Jack's face went blank. Her arms went limp to her side, and she stood in place without moving.



"What did you do?" Tali hissed, taking the device away from Kasumi.



"Think I turned it on," Kasumi said. She and Tali walked up to Jack tentatively, Kasumi waving a hand in front of Jack's face. "Jack, can you hear me?"



"Yes," replied the tattooed convict, in a lifeless, emotionless voice.



Tali stared at Jack. "Keelah... it really does work."



"What should we tell her to do?" Kasumi said. "Put on a shirt for once?"



"Kasumi, we shouldn't do this," Tali said, although the worry in her voice was starting to fade a little.



"Hey, it was your idea to build the fake device and steal this thing," Kasumi said. "Why not get some use out of it?"



Tali continued to fidget, but offered no further protest.



"Jack, are you ready to follow my commands?" Kasumi asked the hypnotized woman.



"Yes," Jack responded.



And then Kasumi gave her instructions. Tali gasped when her friend was finished, but didn't raise any protest.



"Do you understand my instructions?" Kasumi asked Jack.



"Yes," the compliant woman responded.



Kasumi raised a hand. "When I snap my fingers, you'll wake up from your trance, understand?"



"Yes," Jack intoned.



Kasumi snapped, and Jack blinked. Immediately, the anger returned to her face. "So, you two gonna keep your fucking mouths shut for a bit, then?"



"Sure thing, we'll keep nice and quiet," Kasumi said. "Have a nice nap now, Jack."



Reaching up, Jack slapped herself in the face.



"Fuck!" Jack cried out, rubbing at her reddened check. "What the..."



"Now, why would you do that?" Kasumi said with a wicked grin. "Self-loathing getting to be a bit much for you, Jack?"



"What are..." Jack started to say, before her own hand rose up and came across her cheek again. "What the hell is going on?"



Tali let out a nervous chuckle. "We have no idea, Jack."



SMACK! Jack reared back from the force of her own blow. She turned back to the pair with an angry glare, and then her eyes locked on the device in Tali's hand. "You... you have it! Give it to me, now!" Jack dashed forward, reaching out for the metal box. "It was supposed to be mine!"



"No, stay back!" Tali cried out, and she reached up and triggered the device again.



Just as before, Jack went limp, her eyes cold and dead.



"Did you see that?" Kasumi said, laughing uproariously. "Tali, did you just see that? That was so damn awesome!"



"No, it wasn't!" Tali exclaimed, her protests starting to sound a little feeble. "It was... we shouldn't have done that." Stepping forward, she addressed Jack. "Jack, you won't slap yourself anymore when somebody says your name, do you understand?"



"Yes," Jack responded.



"And you'll forget you ever saw me or Kasumi with this device," Tali added. "Do you understand?"



"Yes."



Tali hid the device in the back of her suit. "When I tap you on the shoulder, you'll wake up. Do you understand?"



"Yes."



As soon as Tali's fingers made contact, Jack recoiled away from the touch. "Get off me," she muttered. "And keep the damn noise down." Jack looked momentarily confused, as if sensing the gap in her memory. But she soon shrugged it off, and went back down the stairs, rubbing at her face and the strange pain she suddenly felt.



Kasumi excitedly whispered to Tali after Jack was gone. "Tali, you're a genius! Getting our hands on this thing was the best idea ever! Who're we gonna use it on next?"



She waited for Tali to start in with the doubts and nervousness again, but the quarian went quiet instead. After a while, she pulled the device out and stared down at it. "I think I have a few ideas."



* * *



"Come on out, you little blighter!" Ken was yelling as he tried to pry open a maintenance duct. "I'll have your fuzzy little head, so help me."



Just coming on shift, Gabby stared at her long-time friend and engineering partner in confusion. She looked over at Tali, who just shrugged and shook her head.



"Ken, what's going on?" Gabby finally asked.



"Shh!" Ken waved his hand at Gabby. "You'll scare it. I'm this close to nabbing it, I swear."



"Okay. Nabbing what exactly?"



Ken turned to Gabby with frantic eyes. "Now, don't freak out, love. But there's a rat on the ship."



Gabby arched a brow. "A rat?"



"Biggest, hairiest rat I ever seen, so help me," Ken continued fiddling with the duct above his head. "Saw it crawl up here just a second ago."



Gabby stared at Ken for a while. "Kenneth, how exactly would a rat have gotten onto the Normandy?"



"Don't ask me. Maybe somebody picked it up as a pet, and let it get out. Point is, we have to find it before it does any damage. That thing gets a hold of the wrong power cable, could take out our entire electrical grid."



"Ken, I think you need to take a break for a bit," Gabby said. "There's absolutely no way that a rat would..."



Tali gasped. "Ken, look out!" she dramatically cried. "I think I see it, right there!"



"What?" Ken followed Tali's pointing finger. "Where, where'd you see it?"



"Over there, underneath the grating!" Tali tried her best to sound panicked, even as she shot a knowing look over at Gabby. "Get it, get it!"



Ken went crashing to the floor, stabbing his tool in between the holes in the grating. "Come back here, you wee little bastard! Kenneth's got a present for ya!"



"That way!" Gabby said, struggling to keep from breaking up as she directed Ken to another portion of the room. "I saw it too!"



Crawling as rapidly as he could across the engine room floor, Ken took a quick right turn and ran his head straight into the wall. Tali and Gabby held back their laughter as Ken rubbed as his scalp, before quickly resuming his hunt.



"Do you see it?" Ken called out after several more fruitless minutes of searching. "Any sign of the little pest?"



Tali walked up and leaned down to put a hand on Ken's shoulder. "Ken, we were just messing with you. Truth is, there is no rat. You were just seeing things."



"There was..." Ken blinked, slowly rising to his feet. "No rat, right. Yeah, I was just seeing things. There's no way a rat could have gotten onto the Normandy."



"Good thing there wasn't," Tali said, as she walked to stand next to Gabby. "Something like that, a rat or..." She laid a hand on Gabby's shoulder. "Or if a snake was on the ship, that'd be terrifying."



"Not that..." Gabby started to say, then her eyes locked on something and she shrieked. "Ohmigod! Look out!"



Ken turned to follow her stare. "What are you on about, Gabby?"



Gabby didn't respond at first, trying her best to climb up onto her own engineering console. "A snake, right there! Get it, somebody get it!"



"Very funny, Gabby," Ken said, reaching down and picking something up. "Look, maybe I was seeing things thinking there was a rat here, but no need to poke any more fun. It's just a cable, don't..."



"EEEEEEEEK!" Gabby's cry echoed across the engine room, as she recoiled away from Ken. "Get it away! It might be poisonous!"



Ken looked at Tali with an annoyed expression. "She sure knows how to take a joke too far, doesn't she?" he asked, as he wiggled the severed piece of cabling in his hand.



"Drop it, Ken!" Gabby shrieked. "It might bite you!"



Grabbing Gabby's hand, Tali's voice was calm and reassuring. "It's okay, Gabby. There's no snake in the room."



Gabby looked confused for a second, blinking and staring at the cable in Ken's hand. "Right... right, yeah, of course. No snake, what was I thinking?"



Tali helped her down from her perch, and she and Ken walked back to their consoles, looking at each other oddly.



"I'm going to go do some suit maintenance, I'll be right back," Tali approached the two human engineers. As she laid a hand on each of their shoulders, she added, "Make sure to let me know if the floor is covered in cockroaches, okay?"



"Very funny, Tali," Ken said. "You keep that sense of..." His eyes drifted downward, and he let out a choked cry. "Jesus Christ! They're everywhere!"



Gabby let out another shriek, and began stomping on the floor. "How'd they get on the ship? Tali, go get Shepard! We need to spray this whole room down!"



Tali headed out of the room, and as soon as the door shut behind her, she burst out laughing. There was a bright flare of light beside her, and Kasumi shared in the enjoyment.



"Did you see Ken?" Tali said between guffaws. "Scuttling around the ground like a crab?"



"The brave Scottish hunter!" Kasumi declared in a grandiose tone. "Stalking his wily prey, never flagging in his..." she finally lost her composure and began laughing again.



After they had both finished, Kasumi looked back at the engine room. "We'd better be careful, though." she said. "If either of them goes to Shepard with this..."



"Not a problem," Tali said. "I programmed them to forget about everything that happened two minutes after I left. They won't remember anything about their pest control problems." She pulled up her omni-tool and showed the display to Tali. "But we've got a vid of it to enjoy anytime we want."



"Tali, you're a natural at this," Kasumi said. "So, who're you going to play with next?"



Tali grinned wickedly. "What, and spoil the surprise?"



* * *



Joker saw the approaching visitor and quickly shut down his screen. He'd learned after the last time with Shepard, and now had a security feed of the hallway heading toward the cockpit on one of his displays at all times. Keep somebody from walking in during the middle of his entertainment.



"Tali," he said as he swiveled his chair. "Something wrong with the ship?"



"No, not really," Tali said, glancing over her shoulder. "Why do you ask?"



The pilot shrugged. "No reason, just weird to see you up here. Not that you're not welcome of course, just thought you were happy down in Engineering, is all."



"Felt like a change of scenery, I guess," Tali said. "Take a walk around the ship, get my mind off everything that's been going on."



Joker hated this. He didn't know what to say to Tali. Shepard had had her reasons for giving the information to the Admiralty Board, Joker trusted his Commander enough to believe that. But Tali was his friend, too, and he'd seen just how miserably depressed she had been afterward.



"Look, that thing with your people sucked, I know," Joker finally said. "But after we're done here, saving the galaxy and all that, we'll all be the biggest heroes in history. I think that'll offset what your dad did just a little." He shrugged and added. "Or maybe we'll all be dead when this is over. In which case, hey, all of life's problems solved at once."



Tali forced a smile. "Thanks, Joker. But I think I'm feeling a bit better about all that."



"Well, that's good to hear," Joker said, stealing a quick glance at one of his displays before continuing the conversation. "I..." he paused. His vision started to go swimmy for a second, there. It was as if he'd just awoken from a light doze, and he placed a hand on the side of his head. "What was I saying?"



"It's not important," Tali said. "I'll let you get back to work."



Joker fidgeted in his seat, suddenly feeling an urge to hit the can. "Actually, think I need to take a break for a sec. But you ever want to chat, just stop by. Better than me hobbling down to find you, you know?"



"Of course," Tali said, as the two of them walked away from the cockpit. Tali offered him a shoulder, but Joker waved her off. Saying her goodbyes, Tali reached the lift ahead of Joker, and was already gone by the time he made it there.



"All the great stuff Cerberus put into this ship, but they had to put the only can down on another floor," Joker thought to himself, as he limped into the lift after it returned. Heading down to Deck 3, he quickly did his business and started back to the cockpit.



As the lift doors opened on Deck 2, Joker took a few steps before he looked up at the platform looking over the galaxy map and gasped.



"Something wrong, Joker?" Shepard said as she turned around.



"Geez, Shepard!" Joker said, as he raised his arm to cover his eyes. "I know we don't exactly have a strict uniform code around here, but don't you think you're taking it a bit far?"



Shepard walked around Joker, the pilot turning his head to avoid looking at his commander. "Joker, are you alright?"



"Fine, just fine," Joker said, his voice panicked. "It's your ship, I suppose you can do whatever you want. Just warn me the next time, okay?"



As he tried not to look at Shepard, his eyes caught Kelly, staring at him from her usual position. "Oh, man, you too, Kelly?" he asked, looking away again. "Did I miss a memo or something? This some sort of messed-up version of 'Casual Friday' or something?"



"Joker, you're acting really strange," Shepard said.



"I'm acting strange?" Joker exclaimed. "Am I the only one who doesn't..."



And as he cast his eyes around the deck and saw the rest of the crew, his jaw gaped. They, like Shepard and Kelly, appeared to be completely naked. Joker kept trying to avert his eyes from the bare flesh of his shipmates, only to find himself staring at another naked body.



Kelly walked up to Joker. "You feeling alright?" she asked.



Joker was now staring at the ceiling, forcing himself not to look down at the yeoman's nude body. "Oh, man, this is either the best or worst dream ever! Please be the best, please be..."



The lift doors opened. "Shepard, you ready to head down to the surface?" Garrus said as he walked in.



"I'm ready, battlemaster," Grunt said, checking the heatsink on his shotgun. "Point me at our enemy and I'll destroy them in your name."



"Worst!" Joker cried out as he looked over at Grunt and Garrus and saw their naked, alien bodies. "Definitely worst!"



"In a little while," Shepard said. "Something's wrong with Joker."



Joker had his hands clamped over his eyes. "This is what I get for watching those videos without checking the thumbnails first! Alien wangs in my nightmares!"



As the rest of the crew gathered around Joker, his omni-tool let out a quiet chime, as if an alarm had been programmed to go off. Joker blinked, and pulled his hands away from his eyes to see his crewmates staring at him in concern. And with all their clothes back on.



"Um..." Joker stammered. "What just happened?"



"We're not quite sure," Garrus said. "Maybe you should answer first."



Joker looked puzzled. "Don't know. For a second there you were all... well... never mind. I think the stress of this mission might be getting to me a little."



Shepard gave her pilot a warm smile. "If you need to take some time off, I'm sure EDI can handle things for a while."



Joker nodded. "Yeah, yeah, sure," he said. "Think I'll go lay down for a bit, get my head on straight. Thanks, Commander."



As he rode the lift down to his quarters, he pulled up his omni-tool and sent out a message to the inbox of the Citadel consort. "Urgent! Appointment needed as soon as possible," it read. "Months on ship with no companionship driving me crazy, apparently."



* * *



Kasumi snickered as she watched the surveillance vids of Joker freaking out in the CIC. "I'm surprised, actually. Thought Joker would have loved seeing Shepard like that."



Tali chuckled with her, the two of them sitting together on Kasumi's couch in Port Observation. She leaned in close to Kasumi, her arm held up in order for both of them to watch the screen.



She still remembered standing there in the cockpit, staring down at Joker and giving him his instructions while he blankly agreed. Just like Ken and Gabby, the human pilot had absorbed all of her commands without protest.



And she had felt so... powerful. She could have told Joker to do anything, and he would have done it. All of her life, Tali had been following somebody else's orders. Always marching to the beat of someone else's drum. But with this device, whenever she used it on someone, she was the one in charge.



"So," Kasumi said, as she wrapped a friendly arm around Tali's shoulders. "Still think what we're doing isn't right?"



Tali turned to grin at her. "Of course it isn't right..."



"...That's what makes it more fun," they finished together.



* * *



"Oh," said Dr. Chakwas, as the door to the medbay opened. She turned in her chair to see a familiar face. Or rather, one that had become familiar recently.



"Got a... a twinge in my shoulder," said Zaeed, fidgeting as he stepped over to her. "Thought maybe you could take a look."



Chakwas rose to her feet, scrutinizing the scarred mercenary. "Didn't I look at your shoulder two days ago?"



"Yeah, I suppose," Zaeed said, fidgeting as Chakwas moved closer to him. "But it's worse now. Worried it might throw off my aim in the battlefield."



"Just like you were worried about the ache in your back five days ago," Chakwas said.



Zaeed leaned backward, resting a hand on his waist and letting out a loud groan. "Think that might be flaring up again, too."



"And three days before that, when you came in sure that you'd come down with the bubonic plague?"



Her frequent patient stared at the floor. "I... was itchy."



Chakwas laid a hand on her hip. "Mr. Massani, I'm not going to treat you again. Either you're a raging hypochondriac, in which case you should be seeing Ms. Chambers instead of me. Or there's another reason you keep coming into my office, in which case I wish you would level with me and stop wasting my time."



"Urgh. Dammit, what the hell is wrong with me?" Zaeed cursed under his breath. "Truth is... see, past few weeks I... I've been thinking about you a lot."



"Thinking about me?"



Chakwas was surprised to see a bashful smile come to the grizzled merc's face. "Crazy, I know. Don't even know what brought it on all of a sudden like this. But seems like lately, you're the only thing on my mind."



"Well, that's... surprising," Chakwas said, trying not to laugh at this fierce warrior blushing like a schoolboy. "I appreciate you being honest with me, but please. No more checkups unless they're absolutely necessary."



"Well, now that you mention it," Zaeed said, a wicked glint in his eye. "I do have one more body part I wouldn't mind you taking a look at."



Chakwas gasped as Zaeed started to reach for his zipper.



* * *



"Poor Dr. Chakwas," Tali said with a giggle, as she and Kasumi watched the events unfolding in the medlab on Tali's omni-tool.



Kasumi looked over at Tali in concern. "Zaeed isn't going to... you know..."



"No, I programmed him so he wouldn't try anything against her will," Tali said. "Once she throws him out of the lab, his programming should wear off."



The two turned back to the screen, waiting to see Chakwas hustle the unwanted suitor away.



Or, at least, that's what they were expecting.



"Uh," Kasumi said, as they instead watched the blurry image of the ship's doctor leading Zaeed over to the corner of the medlab, away from the observation windows. "She's isn't... is she?"



"Keelah!" Tali exclaimed, as Chakwas sunk to her knees, yanking down Zaeed's pants. The vid image was fuzzy, but there was no mistaking what was happening in the med-lab, as the doctor wrapped her lips around Zaeed's rigid hard-on and bobbed her head on the shaft.



Kasumi stared at Tali in shock. "You hypnotized Chakwas, too?"



"No, I swear," Tali exclaimed. "This is all her."



They watched the events unfolding in shock, Zaeed throwing his head back and laying a hand on top of the doctor's head, Chakwas showing a remarkable skill at fellatio if Zaeed's grunting was any indication. "Guess when you're on a ship with a bunch of men all the time," Tali thought to herself, "you pick up a trick or two."



"We need to stop watching this," Kasumi said, sounding disgusted.



"Yeah, we should stop," Tali agreed. But neither of them looked away, as they watched Chakwas throw off her lab coat, revealing her slightly drooping but still curvy form. She hopped back onto one of the medbay cots, raising a beckoning finger to Zaeed as she slowly spread her legs. Even on the hazy vidscreen, they could both see the eager grin on Zaeed's face as he climbed on top of her, and there was no missing the sight of Chakwas's legs wrapping around Zaeed's hips as he began thrusting.



"Okay, seriously, Tali," Kasumi said, pushing Tali's arm away. "Turn this off right now." Looking shaken, she began pacing the room, obviously shaken by what she had witnessed. "Beginning to think maybe we shouldn't have played around with this thing."



"Come on, Kasumi," Tali said, deactivating her omni-tool and walking over to her friend. "Weren't you the one who said we should get some use out of this device?"



"For a few laughs, yeah. Not to manipulate people into doing things they might regret."



"I don't know," Tali said with a wry tone, "Didn't look like Zaeed or the doctor were regretting anything."



"I'm serious," Kasumi said. "This has gotten out of hand. We should just tell Shepard about what we did and..."



"No!" Tali exclaimed, so loud that Kasumi jumped in surprise. "We're not telling her. I'm not giving her a reason to screw with me more than she already has. Or you either."



Kasumi held up her hands in a placating gesture. "Fine, we don't tell Shepard. But still... this thing needs to go. We'll destroy it or something."



"Kasumi, you worry too much," Tali said. "Listen to this; I have another prank in mind. A really good one, too. I get Kelly alone and convince her to..."



"No, no more," Kasumi said. "Tali, I'm serious about this. We either destroy that thing, right here and now, or I'm going to Shepard."



Sighing, Tali reached into a pouch on her suit and retrieved the device. "You know, I could change your mind about that," she said mirthfully, as she casually waved the metal box at Kasumi.



With a surprising ferocity, Kasumi grabbed Tali's wrist and yanked her arm away. "Don't you even joke about that! Don't you dare," she exclaimed. "If I ever thought you had used that thing on me..."



"It... it was a joke," Tali said, shocked by this sudden turn in Kasumi's mood. "I wouldn't ever do that to you, Kasumi."



"I know," Kasumi said, shaking a little and staring at the device in Tali's hand. "Please, if you're really my friend... let's destroy it, okay?"



Tali sighed, as she reluctantly placed the metal box onto Kasumi's desk. Grabbing a large, heavy bust from nearby, Tali grunted as she raised it up with both hands, and brought it smashing down on the device. It surprised Kasumi how quiet it sounded, for something so powerful to be reduced to a bunch of useless scrap.



"Thank you," Kasumi said. "This should have never gone as far as it did, but now that it's done, I feel a lot better."



"Yeah," Tali said, staring down at the remnants of the device. "You were probably right."



Kasumi wrapped an arm around Tali's shoulders. "You mean it? You're not mad at me, are you?"



Tali turned to Kasumi, and smiled behind her mask. "Of course not. You'll always be my friend, Kasumi."



"Thanks, Tali," Kasumi wrapped the quarian in a warm hug. "Despite all this, I've had fun hanging out with you. I wouldn't want to lose our friendship over that terrible thing." Pulling away, Kasumi let out a yawn. "Oh, man. All this craziness wore me out. Come back and visit tomorrow, though. I've picked up this new vid on Illium I've been dying to show you."



"Sure, I'll be here," Tali said, her voice somewhat deflated as she walked out of the observation room without another word.



As soon as the door shut, Tali brought up her omni-tool again. The festivities were still in progress in the med-bay: Chakwas was now on top of Zaeed, the merc's wrinkled hands kneading the doctor's breasts as she rode up and down on his thick member.



Tali trigged a shortcut on her omni-tool, and her nerve-stim program kicked into gear. Leaning against the wall outside Kasumi's room, she watched the humans screw and felt herself hitting her climax within minutes.



By the time she had recovered, the two humans in the med-bay were finished, and began hastily cleaning up and getting dressed. Deactivating the omni-tool screen, Tali reached into another pouch of her suit and pulled out the real device.



She had always made sure to be prepared for any possible problem. But still, she had felt so guilty when she had built the other fake. Kasumi was her friend, after all. She understood that Tali needed this. That it was the only way for her to take control of the people that had been leading her around on a leash like their own little pet. She had to know that, didn't she?



But in the end, Kasumi had been just like the rest of them. Out to control her, to tell her what to do, how to live her life. She'd asked Tali to get rid of the device just like Tali had worried she would.



"But I'll never do that," Tali thought to herself as she walked back to the lift. "I was meant to have this device. It's everything I ever prayed for. I'm the one in control now, and nobody - not Shepard, not Cerberus, not even my so-called friends - are going to give me another order again once I'm finished."



Zaeed, breathing heavily, called out for Tali to hold the lift as he dashed inside. "Thanks, love," the frazzled merc smoothed out his wrinkled clothing as they descended to Deck 4. Glancing over, he saw the box in Tali's hand and arched an eyebrow. "What's that, then? Some sort of quarian gadget or something?"



"Oh, you'll find out," Tali said with a grin. "You're all going to find out soon enough."



* * *