A Warrior's Heart

He was gorgeous. Echani bred. With their silver hair and icy eyes. He was the epitome of control and yet he kept the left side of his head half shaved in pure rebellion. His pale skin was flawless freshly fallen snow made all the purer by the deep ruby and grey of the robes he wore. His silver lightsaber hug by his balanced hips idly as he examined the piece of his swoop bike that was functioning less than perfectly. He was compact and seemingly harmless but Canderous knew it would only take a split second for his finely honed skills slice someone to pieces. “Why do you bother with that thing?” He asked coming over to where his leader was sitting by the workbench.

 

“It’s a good distraction,” He answered absently.

 

Canderous snorted. “I would have thought you’d be off ‘meditating’ or something,” He jibed.

 

“I tried,” he admitted, glancing over at Canderous. It was then that the Mandalorian saw the flash of emotions cross those fields of ice. “But I couldn’t concentrate.”

 

Again Canderous snorted, “Isn’t it sorta the point to not concentrate?”

 

“The point is to work through your fears and worries so that they do not distract you later. It is a time to come to terms with yourself,” he explained with a slight sigh. Ah, so that was it. “It has been…difficult lately.” He put the part on the workbench and rested his face in his hands.

 

“Listen, Rev-”

 

“Please, Canderous. Do not call me that.”

 

Canderous scowled a bit, “It’s your name isn’t it? Listen, I don’t care what Onasi or the others said but being Revan is hardly the end of the world. Hell, you were the best damn warrior we Mandalorian’s ever faced. We live for battle and you bested all of us. You would have bested the Republic too if Malak had been man enough to take you on himself. That’s something to be proud of! Not hide from!”

 

“Proud?” Revan echoed. He turned to face Canderous with wide eyes. “How can I be proud of becoming the thing I fought against? How can I be proud of betraying my oaths and turning into a tyrant? I fought to protect, not to conquer,” He declared turning back around.

 

“The way I see it, Revan,” Canderous began drawing the Jedi’s attention back to himself, “They didn’t give you much choice. You did what you had to and you paid for it. If anyone should be upset it’s those council bastards that used your mind like a nav-computer. You’re smart, Revan. You’re a fuckin’ genius. There is no way you went into that war not knowing what might happen to you. And you still did it. That took balls. More balls than any other Jedi I’ve ever known.”

 

Revan sighed heavily, “Did I know? I think that bothers me the most, Canderous. I honestly can’t answer questions like that. And I need to. I need to know those answers and it’s possible I never will…”

 

“Then just say you did and move on. Stop whining about it,” Canderous said gruffly.

 

Revan chuckled a bit. “Canderous, I can safely say you are the only person who would dare tell me to ‘stop whining’ about anything much less that,” He said as he got to his feet. “Thank you.” Canderous grunted as Revan walked started to walk past him.

 

“Hey, Rev,” Canderous called. Revan stopped and turned to face the taller man. “Are you sure you want to face, Malak alone?”

 

Revan sighed again and nodded, “I have to. For my own peace of mind.”

 

“Why?” Canderous demanded, suddenly angry. “Why the hell are you going to do something so reckless as facing him by yourself? Who the fuck knows what kind of damned tricks and traps he’s rigged all over that place? You could be killed! At least let someone go with you!”

 

“I can’t tell you.”

 

“Sith spit!” Canderous spat. “You can tell me anything and you know it! Why are you going to risk everything to do this alone?”

 

Revan sighed and visible pain cross his face, “Canderous, please don’t ask me…”

 

“I already did,” Canderous pointed out angrily, “So just tell me.”

 

Revan took a moment to compose himself before turning his entire body to face the Mandalorian that had been with him since practically the beginning. “Malak was…” He faltered and took another breath before icy conviction crossed took hold. “Malak was more than just my friend. He was more than just a fellow Jedi, or a sparring partner, or comrade during times of war. He was more than my Sith apprentice, even. He was…my lover…and had been for ages. I love him. Or…I did. I can’t even tell anymore what I feel for him. But…we were so closely bonded it would be…blasphemy to face him any other way but alone. And if our final battle should go wrong I cannot risk anyone else. In respect for what we had I must make certain it ends there. Whether it be his death. Or both of ours. I cannot allow our mistake to continue.”

 

Canderous gaped as tears rolled down Revan’s face. He had never before seen the Echani Jedi flinch and now he was on the brink of total collapse. “H-how…how long have you known?”

 

“That we shared a bed?” Revan asked softly. Canderous nodded. “Ever since I first laid eyes on him on Saul’s ship,” He practically whispered. “I have known it would come to this.”

 

“Then, I’ll be here when you get back,” Canderous said reaching out and gently wiping the tears from Revan’s face. “And you will come back. Because you’re Revan and you’re just too damn good to lose. If you can defeat my whole people, you can sure as hell take on one wannabe Sith lord.” He didn’t mention the insane jealousy that rose in him at knowing the two had once been lovers. He didn’t figure he had to. Revan had always been able to read him like an open book.

 

“Thank you,” Revan whispered as he leaned into Canderous’ hand.

 

Canderous used that hand to pull the smaller man closer and covered his pale pink lips with his own. Revan parted his lips slightly in vague shock and Canderous took instant advantage, plundering that deliciously cultured mouth with his ravenous tongue. After a minute, he reluctantly pulled away and looked down. Revan’s face was flushed and his eyes slightly wider than normal, his lips parted in shock. Canderous smirked at what he considered a great victory to have shocked the great Revan. “I’ll be here when you get back,” He repeated.

 

Revan’s shock melted away and was replace with a relieved smile, “Good. Because you have gotten my interest peaked.”

 

“Well, I should hope so,” Canderous said as his smirk grew larger.

 

“How long were you waiting to do that?” Revan asked, raising one slender eyebrow.

 

“Mm, since I saw that illegal death fight with Bendak Starkiller,” Canderous answered casually.

 

Revan flushed a bit. “Y-you saw that?”

 

“You were something else,” Canderous said in lieu of an answer. “Not many men get my attention but you sure as hell did.”

 

“Should I be proud of that too?” Revan asked, half joking.

 

“You should,” Canderous agreed before giving the Jedi another brief kiss. “Now, go kick Malak’s ass before I continue my train of thought outside of my mind. I don’t think you have time for where it’s going.”

 

Revan chuckled slightly and pulled away from the other man. “I’ll return soon,” He promised before turning and making his way through the Ebon Hawk his back straight and shoulders back. He did pause however at the end of the corridor and glance back at the Mandalorian. He smiled slightly before turning back to where he was going.

 

Canderous pushed every single doubt he had away. Revan was dozens of times stronger than Malak. He would win. There was simply no other alternative. He’d end that chapter of his life and then come back to start his next one. And Canderous would be more than willing to help him do that.