Coming of Age

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, don’t own nuthin’, yatta yatta, not makin’ any money, so yeah.

Further Disclaimer: I do not condone anything done in this fic. I am just a kinky SOB so don’t sue me or anything. Just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean I want anyone to do any of this. Don’t sleep with minors, if you are a minor don’t sleep with anyone, don’t even read this. Infact… Never have sex. Ever. It’s all evil. So there. O_o

(( Zelos: Wow, writer hunny, calm down… ))


I’m not fantastic at smut and once this fic gets going there will be a lot of it. There is also, however, a plot. Plots are fun. Also note this will not all be yaoi, unfortunately, as much as I love the yaoi fluff and the angsty angels, the plot calls for a few heterosexual moments. Blegh. I don’t like them, but I will write them as well as I write anything else. –nod-


Title: Coming of Age

Description: AU WIP What if Lloyd had lost his innocent charm? Would the journey turn out the same? (Bad Description)

This Chapter’s Warnings: Semi-PWP, AU, M/M, Solo, Oral, Incest, Underage Character, Angsty Angel, and Kratos x Lloyd.


Coming of Age

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It was his watch; the first watch was always his. He preferred it this way; it gave his mind time to wind down. Not to mention that it was the only time of the day or night that he got to drop the mercenary act for a few moments. It was difficult to come back down to the level of these humans, both physically and mentally; it had been too long and too many things had changed in his life. This trip would not be easy.

The group had just broken the second of the seals, and the ‘precious chosen one’ was experiencing her second bout of the ‘Angel Toxicosis’. It seemed that sleep was the most recent thing lost, that was unfortunate because it meant a loss of privacy during his watch. Still, it was something that couldn’t be helped if Martel was to be awoken. Mithos knew what he was doing, he had kept the worlds alive this long after all.

The chosen had wandered off some time ago and while Kratos could still hear her moving around not too far from camp he was sure she couldn’t hear him. Her angelic senses hadn’t fully come into being yet. This suited Kratos just fine, it had been a long and trying day and a bit of recreation would help to ease the tension as well as relax his body.

Kratos listened intently for another moment; the chosen was still where she had been most of the night. Fine. He got up quietly and moved out of the reach of the firelight. It wouldn’t do well for someone to look over as they shifted in their sleep. He leaned up against the trunk of a large tree and undid the buckles restricting access. One more look, but the coast was still clear. Good.

He let his hand slide down under his cloth armor, over the material of the underclothing he wore. The slight touch was like fire. Sight and sound were not the only things enhanced in angels. He exhaled, a long low sigh, and slipped his hand under his clothing.

A few light passes with his fingertips and he had to pull down his restricting underclothes or be totally confined therein. It was a vulnerable position but at this pace it would be over quickly. Kratos leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, letting unbidden images flow through his mind like the blood singing through his veins.

Kratos never tried to stop the images that surfaced when he was pleasuring himself, though he did notice when they changed, as they had lately. The usual images were still there, but there were others as well.

Memories of his time with Anna, the time he had spent with Yuan, those he knew well and understood. Most of the less understandable ones as well, images of bloodshed and pain; things that neither pleased him nor excited him, were there as well. They were unwanted, but expected, so they were comforting in a way. Then there were the new ones.

The thoughts of himself and his son.

They weren’t sexual, at least the few that were he put out of his mind. Anna would have murdered him if she’d known; that in it’s self was enough reason not to think on it. It was just unsettling, and after four thousand years very few things unsettled Kratos. Still, the thoughts were understandable.

He hadn’t known what had become of his son before the beginning of this journey and the joy of simply seeing the boy, of knowing he was still alive, was a kind of ecstasy in and of itself. It was logical that the relief that came with this knowledge, this closeness to the boy, might translate as sexual in his subconscious. It was natural.

Analyzing his own feelings was doing nothing to help his libido and he had by now lost almost lost all progress he had made. He could analyze all he wanted when he was done, for the time being he put his musings aside and continued the task at hand.

Long slow strokes from root to tip and his breath was once again coming in rough pants. If the light touches had been like fire then this was nothing less than the purifying flames of the angels. Kratos knew that was most likely one of the most absurd things he had ever thought and barely controlled a snort of laughter. Never the less it brought up more unbidden images of Yuan.

He heard a sound like footsteps but the sound was moving away from camp. It was nothing to worry about, and if it was he’d be in no state to fight until he’d finished.

Kratos’ grip softened slightly seemingly of it’s own accord until it matched the feel of the hand he was remembering. Yuan was always more gentle with him than Kratos was with himself, and in a way it was far more stimulating than going all out.

Kratos let out an impassioned moan which ended in his lover’s name. He was close now, he thought longingly of the seductive way Yuan purred into his ear as the two made love. He missed him badly, perhaps next time they ran into each other someplace…

“Uh… Kratos? Are you okay?”

Kratos nearly jumped out of his skin. It was Lloyd’s voice coming from behind him. Being caught was bad enough and even worse it had been his son. Most horrifying of all, his arousal didn’t lessen any. It had been at least a century since Kratos had felt outwardly ashamed of anything; He’d almost forgotten how much it hurt.

“I… No. That is yes, I’m fine Lloyd.” The older man told his son, doing his best to restore his clothing to it’s proper position to cover himself.

“Are you sure…?” Lloyd persisted, concern evident in his voice even through sounding half-asleep. “You were making a lot of noise, and I thought you said something… What were you doing…?”

“Go back to sleep Lloyd, we have to get going in a few hours.” Kratos said calmly, he prayed it would be enough to end the conversation so he could fix his clothing and get back to his watch; Forgetting this had ever happened.

“I want to know what you were doing first. I had to go and I came back and you were doing something weird. I wanna know.” Lloyd walked around so he was standing next to Kratos rather than behind him and stood expectantly with his arms crossed. In another circumstance it might be funny to see him standing with his arms crossed, tapping his foot in nothing but his underwear and his black tank-top, but this wasn’t one of those circumstances.

Kratos swallowed laboriously. Well, he may have missed a lot of Lloyd’s life, but it seemed his son was still quite naive when it came to some acts…

“You mean you really don’t know…? You can’t… Make an assumption?” He still hoped that maybe Lloyd just hadn’t come to the right conclusion yet. As much as he didn’t want his son to know what he’d been doing he also didn’t want the obligation of giving him the talk.

“How could I… Why won’t you tell me, were you doing something wrong?” Lloyd tilted his head and gave Kratos a puzzled look.

“Lloyd… I’m not sure I’m the best person to explain this to you. I need to talk to Raine.” Kratos told him.

“Why can’t you just explain it…? Or show me? That’ll be easy, right?” Lloyd reasoned.

“Not as easy as you’d think…” The boy had the same look on his face as he had whenever he heard about anything new and wondrous. There would be no escaping this. It might just be better to tell him.

“Lloyd… Most boys your age already know…” Kratos muttered, it had been the wrong thing to say and he knew it but the straining infuriatingly persistent bulge in his pants was making thought difficult.

“If they all know, then just tell me! I can’t be the only one who doesn’t!” Lloyd gave Kratos a sort of ‘you wouldn’t do that to me’ pout-glare. There was no other way to describe it than that. It was infuriating simply because it was effective.

“Well… Lloyd…” Kratos had never even considered what to say in this circumstance, it was ludicrous that this could even be happening… But it was, and he’d deal with it the best he could.

“Kratos, you know your belt is undone…?” Lloyd asked, unintentionally making things more difficult.

“Yes. I was getting to that. Lloyd, how well do you understand your own body?” He asked.

“I…” It was a difficult question and it was rather hard to understand, but coming from the man he now looked to as a sort of mentor Lloyd thought he knew what it meant. “I understand it pretty well I think, I’d have to, to have control in battle, and I know what to eat and stuff…”

“That isn’t quite what I meant. How well do you understand yourself below the waist” Kratos prayed he wouldn’t have to explain further. The boy was frustrating beyond belief. He wouldn’t have turned out that way if his parents had raised him…

“I dunno.” Lloyd shrugged “About as well as above the waist.”

The elder swordsman had a sudden burst of inspiration. He’d do this the way Raine always did, Lloyd was used to that, it was what he understood. He’d handle this as though they were in class.

“Lloyd… This is proving to be more difficult than I’d thought it would be. Let us start over.” Lloyd shrugged and Kratos continued “Lloyd, do you know where babies come from?”

“Of course, the Professor explained it to us in class.” Lloyd said, proud to know an answer for once. Kratos made a circular motion with his hand for him to continue. “I think she said something about the parts between your legs and men and women… I think I might have fallen asleep that day… I remember most of it though.”

“I see. Lloyd, what a man and a woman do to create a child is an act of love, it is what keeps people in existence on this world. Without children the species would not perpetuate. Do you understand?”

“Uh-huh” Lloyd nodded.

“Good.” Kratos said.

“But that still doesn’t explain –“

“Let me speak, Lloyd…” He waited to see if the boy would start again and when he didn’t Kratos continued. “Because this act is so important people have evolved so that it feels… Well, it feels incredibly good, more so than anything else I know.” Lloyd nodded and it was evident that he was trying his hardest not to ask any questions.

“The act, apart from showing love and creating children, also helps to relieve stress and calm the body and mind.” Lloyd was still listening attentively and Kratos had at last found a rhythm, hopefully he could get this over with soon.

“The act itself should not be preformed without some fore-thought. It’s something that requires responsibility from both parties involved. However, it is possible to get the affects without having to perform the act itself. Do you understand, Lloyd?”

“I think so… Is that what you were doing?” Lloyd inquired, not so much as a slight blush on his face.

“Yes.” Kratos replied, unashamedly.

“It sounds good. Can you show me how?” Lloyd asked.

“Sh-show you how?” The bulge at his crotch, which had lessened substantially gave a twitch as the boy said this, as if to remind Kratos that it was there and he had not yet finished. “I don’t think that would be wise, as I said it requires both parties to assume a great deal of responsibility”

“Why not? I thought you just have to be responsible because you’ll have a baby. Neither one of us will, we’re guys! And anyway, I just wanted you to show me how to do the other thing… Why are you blushing like that, Kratos? Did I do something wrong…?”

“No, Lloyd, it’s just that usually only a man and a woman who love each other even speak of such things together…” Kratos replied.

“Oh, I’ll just have to ask the Professor to show me then.” Lloyd said “Thanks Kratos.” He turned and headed back towards the dying firelight.

“Lloyd, wait.” Kratos had said it before he’d meant to and he was a bit shocked at himself.

“What is it?” He asked, returning to his place beside Kratos.

“Lloyd, sit down.” The exited look returned to Lloyd’s face and he did as he was told. Even as he did so Kratos was trying to figure out just what had possessed him to do what he was, even then, still planning to do…

“I didn’t get a chance to finish yet, so if you’d like you can watch me.” Another twitch from his groin, he hoped that was not all that was influencing his decision to teach his son this particular… Technique. Kratos repositioned his back to the tree, finding another comfortable spot, and looked back to his son. “Are you sure you want to see this? It will mean losing something you can never get back…”

“What do you mean? It’s not going to hurt is it? Will I miss whatever it is?” Lloyd looked moderately alarmed.

“I mean your innocence. And… No, I don’t think it will hurt, but you may miss it. I will admit I did not, but I was older than you are now…” Kratos looked into the young man’s eyes for any sign of regretting his decision, but all he found there was an intense curiosity. What he was going to do couldn’t damage the boy too badly.

“Oh, that. I thought you meant something was going to fall off or something!” Lloyd laughed. Even Kratos couldn’t suppress a light chuckle, more out of nervousness than anything else.

“If you want me to stop at any time, I want you to tell me. Is that understood?” The boy nodded and Kratos adjusted yet again, as if easing the pain in his back would ease his conscious as well. It didn’t. It was too late to back out now however.

Kratos slid his hand into his pants and started massaging his hardness again roughly. It had seemed like at least twenty minutes work explaining masturbation to the boy and still he was hard as steel. All the more proof that what he was doing was wrong.

Wrong, but natural. Just like with Mithos, there is always a way to justify what you are doing in either nature or the greater good. He wanted to stop and reconsider, but it was far too late for that now. He put his head back and closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of his own rough treatment.

“Kratos… I can’t see.” Lloyd said quietly, obviously intrigued by what the man was doing.

Kratos’ stomach lurched when he heard his name, but it settled when he realized what Lloyd wanted of him. He’d thought Lloyd had finally realized just what was going on…

“I’m sorry Lloyd. Wait just a moment.” He pulled his clothing down so his length was visible and switched hands so the boy at his side would have a clear view. He could tell Lloyd wanted to say something but since he didn’t he began stroking slowly again, focusing on the heat of his hand to drive out all thoughts of his son.

He heard the soft rustle of fabric and his eyes snapped open in time to see Lloyd on his knees, pulling down his boxers. Kratos just closed his eyes again. He had no desire to see this. At least he didn’t want to see it…

Kratos was panting again and every sound of his son’s made the experience more enjoyable and more unbearable. It reminded him of listening to Yuan long ago, when they had still been mortal men. Yuan never did realize he was still awake. Curse these random thoughts…

“Damn it…” Kratos had expected some sounds, panting and moaning, but not this. How could the boy not be getting off on this the way he was. Was he making a terrible mistake after all? Lloyd actually sounded upset…

“What is it, Lloyd?” He asked roughly, stopping himself again, just short of his climax and panting slightly.

“I… I can’t do it. It hurts… I can never get anything right the first time…” He opened his eyes to see what Lloyd was doing wrong and almost laughed. The kid was being too rough, it was no wonder that it hurt, he would pull it off if he kept up that pace.

“Slow down Lloyd, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Kratos instructed. “Just relax and do what feels right. It’s instinctive, just like combat…” Kratos closed his eyes and resumed his hold on himself yet again. If nothing else, all this waiting would mean this would be his best finish in a quite a while…

About a minute later Kratos was again immersed in one of his memories of Yuan, and he was doing his best not to moan and embarrass himself. He felt a light touch on his hand.

“Yuan…” He moaned breathlessly.

“Kratos… Show me how to make it feel like it does for you….” His hand was taken and placed on his son’s. He didn’t want to stop again, even his patience had limits. He didn’t argue, just held the boys hand and guided him. After a moment the boy removed his hand from under his father’s.

Lloyd was still not fully erect and as Kratos brought him to his full potential he felt his own manhood grow, if possible, even harder. It wasn’t right, and the goddess be cursed for making it feel so fantastic. If he was damning himself to the Abyss then so be it. He wanted this, and fate had forced it upon him. It was not his fault and he would not be held responsible for what the fates had thrust upon him.

Kratos opened his eyes and turned his head to his son, for the first time taking in the look of pure bliss on his face. The look that he himself had brought about. If he didn’t take care of himself soon he was likely to go mad.

“I know of something that feels better. Will you allow me to show you, Lloyd?” Without waiting for consent Kratos maneuvered around to Lloyd’s front and steered him to his own place at the trunk of the tree. Lloyd went willingly and Kratos took this as permission to do as he pleased.

“Kratos…” Lloyd looked at him questioningly.

“Yes…?” Kratos responded, moving the boy into a sitting position on the other side of the tree, the side facing away from camp, and getting down on his hands and knees. His lust was evident in his voice and in his current position he bore a striking resemblance to a wolf nearing the end of a hunt.

“What are you going to do?” Lloyd didn’t seem alarmed, only fascinated and expectant.

Kratos wondered fleetingly if the Abyss would be worth this, if blowing his son was honestly worth scouring the last bit of decency from his soul. Oddly enough, he couldn’t find an answer, positive or negative. His own inhumanity sickened him and that somehow made what he was doing both more appalling and infinitely more appealing.

“Don’t worry. Close your eyes, Lloyd, you’ll enjoy this.” It was a statement and not a promise. Surety not reassurance. In all his life Kratos had not done this before, not even when Yuan had practically begged him. His son deserved the best he could give him and Kratos had experienced this enough times to emulate it. This time Kratos did not offer Lloyd the option of stopping, and instead he bowed his head over the young man’s erection.

The swordsman waited there for a moment, taking in his boy’s scent. He obviously hadn’t bathed in a few days but the subtle masculine odor only added to the enjoyment of something like this. At least in theory. The smell reminded him all too much of the fact that the person before him was still quite immature.

Kratos leaned in lower and licked once, forcefully at the tip of Lloyd’s member. Lloyd let out a small whimpering sound and Kratos was tempted to call off the whole thing. It was only a temptation, but it proved the desire not to damage the boy was still strong.

“Trust me, Lloyd…” He assured him, easing himself down onto one arm.

“Y-yeah… Go on…” He slumped back against the tree and bent both of his knees, inadvertently thrusting a bit closer to his father’s lips.

Kratos took this as a hint it was not meant to be and took the boy into his mouth, letting his tongue play teasingly with the underside of his son’s head, the hand he was not leaning on he returned to his own organ. He could already taste the liquid that was forming at his tip and he let his tongue move slowly over it before sucking in earnest for the first time. His first time, and his son’s first time.

At least there was some milestone they could share…

Lloyd whimpered and it turned into a low moan that matched almost exactly the muffled one that came from Kratos. Kratos felt his stomach reel at the realization that he and Lloyd sounded the same in moments of passion. The vibrations of his moan sent the boy higher and he laced his hand into the back of Kratos’ hair, pulling him forward and thrusting the best he could without unbalancing himself.

Kratos felt Lloyd shiver and it was obvious he was close. The mercenary’s hand moved faster over his own length as his head rose and fell in time with his own rapid strokes. He wanted Lloyd to reach his peak before he reached his own. He wasn’t sure why but the idea made him tremble inside. At the same time he wanted to be done as soon as he was able, the situation had become somewhat surreal, as though it was all some bizarre nightmare brought on by his own sexual frustrations.

“Kratos… S-stop…!” Lloyd could barely get the words out. Kratos ignored him entirely. He drew back so only the tip of Lloyd’s shaft was in his mouth. He flicked his tongue and let his teeth rake lightly over the now overly sensitive skin.

“Kratos… P-please stop… Too much…” Lloyd whined. His body contradicted him as it strove to thrust deeper into the warm wetness enveloping it.

The angel’s orgasm came first, despite his own wishes. He was not wrong about expecting it to be better than usual. He rode out his passion with a few thrusts into his quivering fist, grunting something that sounded like a muffled version of Lloyd’s name.

His hand rose to work the base of the object of his attentions, his own seed working to ease the friction as he pumped slowly and deliberately in intentional contradiction of his tongue. It was too much and Lloyd finally found his own release.

Lloyd cried out his father’s name in a very un-Lloyd like way and it was a damned miracle he didn’t wake anyone else up. Kratos swallowed what he could mechanically, resisting the impulse to choke. It wasn’t as bad as he’d thought. Lloyd’s was thicker than what he was used to seeing from Yuan, but he was younger after all. Perhaps it was because he was a virgin.

Had been a virgin.

‘Dear Martel, what have I done…’

He stood up, wiped his mouth, and redid his clothing, not bothering to even think of cleaning up yet. Lloyd was slumped against the tree trunk huffing lightly in an exhausted satisfied sort of way.

Kratos watched him for a few moments, treasuring the peaceful look on his face. It was the fatherly thing to do, even in such an un-fatherly situation. However Kratos was quickly becoming aware of another near first that night, panic was setting in. He tried to push it out of his mind and with some difficulty regained a semblance of his usual composure.

“Lloyd… You need to go to bed now, understood…?” Kratos said firmly as though he had not just given the boy his first ‘taste’ of oral sex.

“That was… Wow!” Lloyd exclaimed.

“Yes, it’s supposed to be.” Kratos smiled in spite of his growing feeling of dread. “You need to promise me you won’t tell anyone about what just happened.”

“Why not? I bet Genis has no clue he can do that! He would have told me by now… I think.” He looked at Kratos with a particularly puzzled expression as he stood up and pulled up his boxers.

“Because it should not have happened, your not of age.” It was the only reason he could think of other than the obvious but unrevealed reason.

“Does this mean we can’t do it again…? It was a lot better when you did it.” Lloyd reasoned.

“It means precisely that. Now go to sleep, it will be dawn soon.” Kratos kicked at the dirt a bit with his boot in a semi-successful attempt at hiding the evidence of the night’s event.

“I guess, if I have to… Can’t I sleep here, I kinda feel like I want to stay here with you…” Lloyd asked giving Kratos a kind of dull smirk.

“No, Lloyd, go back with the others. I need to be alone.” He said, with that he turned and headed back to his post to finish up the night watch, leaving his son slightly dazed and more than slightly damaged.