Much Obliged, Sir!

WARNING: This story is Gumshoe/Edgeworth.

(Also, I played this game a while back, so my memory may be fuzzy on case specifics. Since that is more setting than anything, please just let me know if there's a problem and I'll correct it. It shouldn't prove a big problem.)

Thoughts are indicated by "+"s.


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“It’s over, pal. Really over,” Gumshoe groaned. He held a hand to his temple, feeling the short, black hair which covered his throbbing head. +Forget ramen, I’m going to be eating sawdust at this rate….+ He gazed up at Phoenix with a pathetic look in his eyes. In truth, Gumshoe generally carried such an expression when outside a case, but now it was especially pronounced.

Phoenix scratched at the back of his neck. “Hey, now! I’m sure you’ll get your job back. A hard-working guy like you? No problem.” +Now if only you had an IQ point for every case you took, you wouldn’t need to weather these troubles. Bite off more than you can chew much?+ “I’ll even put in, uh, a good word for you, how about that?” +Then again, the defense attorney’s favor might not actually improve your situation. We are sort of enemies, professionally anyway.+ “Er, I’ll just say I forced your hand.” Given the resignation letter, that was practically true. He knew that Gumshoe would have a fit at the idea.

Phoenix was standing in the courtroom lobby, waiting for the next stage of his brutal efforts. Gumshoe, on the other hand, was sitting with his back against the wall, plopped dejectedly on the flooring. The Lana Skye case was hellish for everyone involved, but the pain involved was not spread evenly.

“Not a chance, but I’m doomed either way, pal. Doomed, doomed, doomed.” Gumshoe leaned his head back, causing it to thump against the wall like a coconut. “Y’know I live paycheck to paycheck, and my salary’s a tad… uhm, low.” He exhaled deeply. “There’s no way I’ll be able to make my apartment’s rent this go-around.”

Phoenix turned an eye to the ceiling, feeling decidedly awkward. It was a sad day when Dick Gumshoe was relying on Phoenix Wright for solace, but, then again, Gumshoe was a man married to his job. Once the job was gone, what was left? A trench coat and haphazardly donned tie? Perish the thought! At least Phoenix had Charley the plant to welcome him back to sanity. “Er, can’t you just negotiate with your landlord for this month?”

“Week, pal. She doesn’t trust me enough for monthly,” Gumshoe clarified with a distraught sough. “And even then, I’m about… er....” He paused, engaging in some quick mental math. “Four weeks behind already. She threatens to kick me out like it’s part of some daily ritual. I’ve even started leaving through the window and down the fire escape just so I don’t run into her, and I live on the eighth story. I’ve told you, pal, the detective is an abused animal, all right. I’ll bet the station dogs eat better than I do.”

+Well, you could nick some of their feed… if you hadn’t been fired, I suppose?+ Phoenix wondered. He quickly realized that train of thought was quite likely to yield unpleasant mental images, many reminiscent of college. “Er,” he said, looking at his watch, “S-seems that the courtroom intermission is almost over. I don’t suppose that you’ll be leaving? We can, um, continue this conversation later, perhaps?” He really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

Maya looked at the clock hanging above a decorative plaque on the far wall. “Phoenix!” she whispered, tugging on the sleeve of his blue suit, “We’ve got ten more minutes!” +Is his watch broken? I could swear it’s nearly new! … Though it is awfully cheap. Defense attorneys really get stiffed. Especially him. His cases are like theater! People should be lining up just to watch! You’d think we could charge admission, or at least could get a cut….+

Phoenix laughed lightly, raising his eyebrows to make a slightly pleading expression. “Yeah, Maya, but I need that time to think about the case.” +Considering I haven’t got a clue what to do…. How can I possibly pin the right person in time? These people aren’t fools—they’ll have good testimony. Just crying in outrage, even if I think they’re lying, isn’t going to be enough for some of these people…. Geez, why me? Oh. Well I did agree to do it, technically….+ He shrugged his shoulders at Gumshoe, “I promise I won’t be too hard on Edgeworth, how’s that? Then at least you can relax a little, right?”

“Thank you for your courtesy,” Edgeworth stated coldly. “However, it’s hardly warranted in this event, so do refrain from such unprofessional antics.”

+Gg-gnrrr…+ Phoenix’ hackles rose at the very sound. Edgeworth always came when summoned, less like a dog and more like a damn curse. “A-ah, if you insist, then. I was simply trying to, er, well, Gumshoe here is having a bit of a bad day, it seems. I just thought I’d try to give him a little pick-me-up.” +As long as it doesn’t involve decimating my already-pained wallet. I swear, Maya’s sweets alone demand more cash than could be humanly imagined. Hey, how come I always pay, anyway? Doesn’t she get an allowance or anything? She’s not eighteen yet.+ He scrunched his eyes tightly shut. +The case, Phoenix! Don’t think about girls! This isn’t about sugar, spice, or… or anything nice!+

Edgeworth cocked his head lightly, looking down at the sitting Gumshoe with some measure of disdain. +That floor can’t possibly be clean. Then again, neither can the detective Gumshoe.+ “Oh?”

Burying his head in his hands, Gumshoe keeled forward. “Agh, I’m sorry, Prosecutor! I’m not goin’ to be able to help you this time around. Er, or hurt you either, I suppose.” He risked a glance upward. “Fired. Fired for real this time, sir. Thought you knew already.”

Edgeworth coughed. “There might have been a memo about it….I’ll admit, I don’t normally get involved in decisions of that sort. At least not at such inconvenient times,” he explained. “I don’t suppose that this will stick either.”

Phoenix Wright backed away, hand on Maya’s shoulder. He smiled, but it was clearly designed to belie his perturbed interior. “We’ll… leave you two to talk. I’ve got, um, case things! Great adventures, turnabouts, all that. Great minds…” +Er, that wasn’t the phrase I was looking for…+ “N-need a lot of thinking time. I’ll see you when things start back up, then.” He scurried away without another moment lost. +Yeesh, poor Gumshoe. This case isn’t going well for anyone: not Ema, not Lana, not Gumshoe, and not me, either. Hell, even Edgeworth isn’t faring well this time around, win or lose.+

Gumshoe rose to his feet in Edgeworth’s presence, feeling more was owed. He brushed his hands against his trousers, trying to free a bit of the dust that clung to the fabric. “S-sorry, sir, I didn’t realize you were goin’ to show up for me. I thought you’d be too busy with the case. I know it’s a tricky one for you, p-… sir.” +If I hadn’t caved in for Mr. Wright, I might still have a job. But what’s my job if I don’t even stand up for the people who make my drudgery matter? I guess I’ll never know, actually.+

“Might I ask for what you were ‘let go’ on this occasion?” +Another foolish error on your part? I’m weary of ameliorating your mistakes, Detective.+

“Er, I took Mr. Wright there into Gant’s office. Um, rather a breach of protocol there. There’s no way I’m goin’ to recover this time, sir, no matter what anyone says in my defense. Even Phoenix Wright would have a hell of a time pullin’ off a turnabout like that against Damon Gant.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, appearing quite apologetic. “Y’know, I-I heard that you were considering resignation, and I thought that if anyone could pull you off of that idea, it’d be Mr. Wright there. I don’t suppose, with what happened with Gant, I did much good against that possibility, sir. We’re busted and broken, as far as I can see. Well, I am. I don’t know about Wright.”

Edgeworth snorted. “He’ll survive, I’m sure.” He crossed his arms, causing the ruffle of his cuffs to bunch. “You, I’m not as certain. You must have known that infringing on Damon Gant’s personal area was grounds for a dismissal not easily undone?” +No matter what becomes of Gant, a breach of trust in the police department is always serious.+

“Yes, sir.”

“… And you did it anyway, because you felt that whatever might be discovered would increase the odds that I would remain.” He kept his eyes shut slightly, as if he had fallen asleep mid-conversation. He seemed irritated.

“Hoped so, sir. I couldn’t stand the thought of you goin’ down, what with it being our department’s fault, not yours. You only do what you can with whatcha’ve got, and watcha’ve got is what we give you.”

Edgeworth sighed. “Furthermore, as a result of your decision, you’ve now put yourself in astounding difficulty, while simultaneously appeasing the needs of the defense attorney I am currently countering. However, you did this with my best interests in mind, correct?”

Gumshoe blinked. “Y-yes? Sir?”

“With thinking skills like that, it’s no wonder you’ve drug yourself into so much trouble. I really oughtn’t to bother with your sort. People like you are your own bad fortune. In fact, I’d probably be best to simply wash my hands of you now before you infect me, as well,” he huffed, “If you haven’t already.”

“Probably, sir,” Gumshoe replied somberly. +I know I lost my job for his sake, but it’s not like he asked me to do that. It’s not his fault. How could I blame him for wishing he had a bit of distance? I’m probably half the reason he’s lost so many cases lately. He might’ve gotten that bad luck already.+ Still, the future looked worse than dim.

Checking his watch, Edgeworth reviewed the amount of time he had until the case resumed. He grumbled to himself under his breath. “However, your… daring… isn’t something I am keen to impugn. It might have served all of us quite well.” He turned his eyes back to Gumshoe, ruing his decision before he even made it. “In return for your… courage… I’ll see to it that you’re rehired. I have enough information regarding those in charge to ensure that you can be stationed somewhere.” +If only as the janitor, not that you’d make much less. Eurgh, the elbows of his coat are caked in grime…. Maybe such a task would be fitting of someone with such a lax approach to personal cleanliness.+

Gumshoe was taken aback. “M-Mr. Edgeworth! There is no reason to pull anythin’ of the sort for me. I’ll get by.” He smiled, though it was slightly pained. “Actually, seems I get through a lot more dire situations than anyone like me deserves.” He scratched at his cheek, brushing at a bandage which covered a nick from his uneven shaving.

“Take this, then, as the vein of your next salvation. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the intermission period has come to a close. I will see you when this day’s events are complete. Just ensure that you’ll still here.”

Gumshoe saluted, despite himself. “Yessir!”

The Lana Skye case came to a conclusion the same day, if not entirely a happy one. Lana would serve her time, and Ema would be waiting when it was over. That was enough for Phoenix, and everyone else could agree that he’d have been hard pressed to pull off more than that. There’s law, and then there’s magic. Though Phoenix could seem to blur the lines at times, there was a grain of reality which had to be accounted for.

Gumshoe, for his part, was elated. When justice prevailed, Gumshoe regularly brandished a smile, not to mention several handfuls of confetti (apparently fashioned from scraps that had been sent through the shredder at work.) There was another advantage to this ending, however, which was that Gumshoe actually did have a chance to regain his career. No, more than a chance: Edgeworth’s assurance. Better than any soothsayer’s prophesy, it was the future in stone.

Unfortunately, bureaucracy is a harsh mistress. Gant was a wolf when riled, and had actually intimidated his underlings into processing Gumshoe’s release within the day of its pronouncement. Once the wheels of paperwork were set in motion, very little could hope to stop their rampage. Gumshoe was truly and completely out of a job. Now, his reinstatement could be arranged but, sadly, without a demon staring over shoulders, the time demanded to complete the procedure would be heightened considerably. He couldn’t pray to have the situation handled in under two weeks: at least a fortnight without a cent of income. As far as Gumshoe was concerned, that was close enough to the world’s end to conclude his period of justice-spurred glee.

“Just apply some of your savings,” Edgeworth retorted grumpily.

Gumshoe tried to maintain a smile. “Er, haven’t exactly got any, sir! I don’t think I’d be so distressed, but I haven’t got enough to carry me over, food not included,” he laughed. +Eviction’s a guarantee… and I can’t just live out of my office like last time! And the time before that. And that short period June before last when the apartment building caught fire.+ He waved his hands in front of himself, trying to dismiss the heavy air. “Ah, but don’t let that worry you! I’ve got an old tent from when my dad and I used to go camping, er, a few decades ago. I’ll just go find somewhere to wait this thing out. Maybe catch some fish, if I can find somewhere that doesn’t require a license….” +If Mr. Wright hadn’t broken my fishing rod and then worse, gotten it stuck forever in the limbo of the evidence room. Damn.+

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow incredulously, which would have resulted in a much more effective expression were he not sitting in a Bozer’s All-U-Can-Eat Pizzeria Buffet. Phoenix had opted for a cheap meal, considering all the people who ended up following him to his victory celebration. Edgeworth hadn’t eaten so much grease (much less artificial food coloring) in years. He didn’t even know why he’d bothered to come, much less why he and Gumshoe had stayed late. Then again, Gumshoe had no car in which to leave, and Edgeworth had nothing else significant planned for his evening. Though he didn’t like to admit it to himself, he enjoyed a little lowbrow social slumming then and again. “Hmm. Could you temporarily move to a less expensive apartment?”

“If there were cheaper rooms in all of L.A., I think I’d already be living there, sir.” Gumshoe kept his tone strangely lighthearted, considering the scenario. He had a deep trust that, should Edgeworth swear that things would go back to normal, that somehow he’d live long enough to see it so. Also, he was full of pizza, which tended to help matters.

Nodding his assent at the likely truth behind that sordid condition, Edgeworth tapped the blunt end of his fork against his lips. He insisted on silverware, even for pizza, resulting in much underhanded ridicule from the others, Gumshoe excluded. He’d ignored the teasing with grace. +Though I have my own concerns over my own future, the truth is, this case couldn’t have been handled better. We’ve wiped away corruption and solved a murder with truth on our side. Detective Gumshoe was an integral part of that process.+ He sighed. “There is one place—one dignified place—which might not run you an impossible degree of your remaining funds.”

Gumshoe’s expression brightened, but with no small degree of shock. “Really, sir?”

Edgeworth leaned back, allowing his spine to press against the vinyl upholstery. He set the fork down, perfectly tangent to his plate. “I can provide you a temporary place to house your belongings and await your rehiring. It doesn’t feel unreasonable to allow you to infringe upon my own living quarters, provided you can act befittingly of the place. It’s not precisely of the same breed as your own tenement, judging by description.” +Low-cost housing in L.A. is a disaster. I can’t imagine how he survives such squalor. Perhaps he can be allotted a little luxury, for once in his life. It’s not as if I use most of the space.+

Jaw dropped, Gumshoe leaned over the table slightly, reeling with disbelief. His hands were bunched and set in front of him for support. “Y-your place, sir? T-that’s not necessary! I wouldn’t want to bother you that much. Besides, I’d probably just screw everything up. Really, that’s very generous, sir, but…!”

“Enough with the ‘sir.’ I believe that we’ve worked together more than enough to be,” Edgeworth’s countenance twitched awkwardly, “a tad more casual.” Actually, Edgeworth wasn’t certain how he felt about associating with someone like Gumshoe in a more relaxed fashion, but Phoenix seemed to manage it often, and be rather happy as a result. Edgeworth had to admit, making a few token pains to be friendly probably wouldn’t go amiss, especially given that Gumshoe’s sacrifices had been made on his behalf. “And, as I stated before, this is an offer of mutual convenience. After all, otherwise, you might have to solicit money from your other peers, and that practice is quite loathsome to me. I would be most distressed to hear a servant of justice was debased to such a degree.”

Gumshoe pulled back, raising a hand to his head. His face was reddening noticeably. +Erk, I do that already….+ “S-till, s-…, still, I’m not sure if you want someone like me around for that long. It’s goin’ to be a few weeks, at least.”

Edgeworth shrugged. “That’s quite irrelevant, not to mention something which I was thoroughly aware of at the time of my initial offer. If you wish to cause yourself unnecessary anguish, that is your business, but I do not see the advantage of refusal.” He looked to the side, wishing something could dismiss the strangeness of the scene. A loner by nature, Edgeworth felt odd enough even sitting at a dinner table (much less a trashy pizzeria) with someone else, devoid of any professional obligations. The idea of someone else sharing his living space for nearly a month was quite a risk, but something Edgeworth felt was only warranted. His perception of justice wasn’t limited to the courtroom. +A bit of charity never went amiss, I suppose. I’ll just put him in the side room, where he won’t be bothersome.+

“I-if you’re quite serious, Mr. Edgeworth, then I’ll accept, at least until I can find somewhere else that isn’t as much of a nuisance.” He was still dumbfounded, barely capable of admitting—even to himself—what had transpired. He felt silly in the presence of someone as admirable as Edgeworth, especially considering his given state. +I must be awfully pathetic at the moment, if even he will give me something like that. And here I was going to plead for a place on Wright’s office couch….+

Edgeworth extended a hand stuffily. “It’s settled then.”

+A handshake? S-seems a bit much….+ Gumshoe returned the gesture with a firm grip, shaking the bond rapidly. “A-ah, great! Thank you, Mr. Edgeworth! I’m definitely in your debt!”

Pulling his hand back (with a touch of difficulty), Edgeworth coughed slightly and adjusted his collar. Unlike Gumshoe, who kept his tie loose at all possible opportunities, Edgeworth would never imagine such a thing unless in the privacy of his own flat. “Yes, well then,” he said, rising to his feet. “My rental car is just outside. I’ll take you over to your place in order for you to pack, and we can continue from there as proves convenient. Do try to dispose of any… needless items beforehand. I don’t want to be transporting garbage. That includes any of your leftover noodle-things you partake in so often. I won’t bear the sight of such effects where you’re going.”


(To Be Continued)