Barflies

Roderick's wager
By: Bif Mayorga

Disclaimer: Characters based on intellectual property of Blizzard. No characters were based on known players, if you happen to share a name with a character it's by pure chance and I'm so very, very sorry....
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“Roderick, you’re an imbecile!”

“No! I’m telling you it is entirely possible! I’ve studied numerous diagrams and schematics! I’m 110% positive it could be done!”

“No, no it couldn’t, and it’s impossible to be 110% anything… twit!”

“Look! I’ll bet you anything I could do it! Even you can’t resist the allure of gold! What say you? 10, 50, 100 gold? Whattaya say Allerdyce?”

“1, I say you’re out of your mind, 2, I haven’t the foggiest what you’re talking about. Gold for what?!”

“For the bet!”

“WHAT BET?!”

“The bet we’ll make!”

“For the last time, what’re you talking about you hyperactive wrench tosser?!”

“What have we been talking about for the last hour?!”

“Your fool gnome arse says you could bring a female tauren to orgasm and I’ve been calling you every euphemism for stupid I can think of! BECAUSE YOU ARE!”

“And I’m telling you it could be done!” the gnome ended this statement by slamming his glass down on the bar. His human friend merely rubbed his balding head before taking another sip of a liquid that the goblins claimed was “whiskey” but it probably doubled as a paint remover.

“Fine. I’ll bet you 50 gold that you can’t do it. AND YOU CAN’T! Because, not only are you the size of a tauren infant, YOU’RE HUNG LIKE ONE!”

A night elf across the bar choked and sputtered on his ale upon hearing that. Meanwhile an orc chuckled, nudging his completely inebriated troll friend in the ribs to point at the gnome and laugh. The troll’s cackle only served to spurn Roderick on.

“Very well, 50 gold It is!”

“Great! I can finally buy a hairpiece to replace the dignity I lost with your LAST sure scheme….. putz!”

“….seriously… get a hat. Hairpiece would only make it worse Alley”

“Roderick, if you ever reproduce… I’ll kill you… and the spawn… and anyone with a name that SOUNDS like yours!”

Rahanna sat at the bar. Well, to be exact, she slumped on the bar for dear life. Having long since passed her tolerance, she had pretty much lapped it twice and was coming around the bend to pass it a third time. The goblin bartender was actually beginning to show signs of sympathy and ALMOST looked like he might talk her out of buying another drink.

“I’llllulllllulll haave anuuuuther of theeeshe fine………”

“Ale?”

“YESH! Exactly!” She spun around to see who said it to find a green haired gnome staring up at her. “Onnnnly, I can’t afford one. But itsh my birthhhday! Wouldjoooo buy Raahaaaaaaana a drink for her birthhhday?” Roderick had to hold his breath as the smell of about twelve different spirits could be detected on her breath. And he was almost certain one of them was rocket fuel.

“I tell you what my dear. I’ll give you ten gold for your birthday if you’ll help me with something.”

“Whatsh that?”

Roderick leaned in and whispered into the taurens ear. Her eyes flew open and she looked at Roderick with shock.

“Wheeeell, I could definitely ushe the cash…. But, I dunnooo”

“Please, I have a wager with my friend over there!” Roderick pointed across the bar to Allerdyce who promptly gave his compadre the finger before returning to his newspaper. His interest was piqued by the classifieds.

“Single green orc female seeks human male for a good time. Ideal qualities are intelligence, power… “ Allerdyce’s eyes began to light up as he read “and….. LONG HAIR?! Oh for the love of…” disgusted he turned the page. “Single white dwarf female seeks…. Nah.. too hairy”

Meanwhile Roderick was doing his best impressions of a salesman from the Darkmoon Faire. The sloshed tauren female seemed captivated by his words, what few actually registered that is.

“So in closing, I propose that I can get a tauren female off!”

“No shhhhhhit? Well, I’m actshually quite intereshhhted to shee that. What the hell?! Itshhhh my birthhhday! Why not get shhhome actshhhun?!” Staggering to her feet she grabbed her battle axe and swung it about her head, cleaving the outstretched arm off an undead priest at the nearby table. He merely looked at it and shrugged before picking up his glass with the other hand. His undead date choked out a laugh that sounded like she smoked her whole life and picked right back up when she was dug out of the ground.

“TOOO MY HOTELL ROOOOM!” The tauren bellowed before scooping the gnome up and tossing him over her shoulder. Allerdyce looked up from his paper and did a double take. “Oh no fucking way..” he muttered as he watched Roderick give the thumbs up to him.

“He’d be better off with a deep sea diving helmet and a vibrating mace…” Allerdyce muttered. He then noticed a female troll winking at him. A smile appeared on his face. He moved to her table and sat by her. “Can I help ya mon?” “I couldn’t help but see you winking at me. Could I buy you a drink” “Ya could buy me a thousand and it wouldn’t do ya any good. What would I want with an ugly bald human?! I was winkin at that fine hunk of troll meat behind ya” Allerdyce looked to where she pointed, seeing what used to be a troll fall out of his chair before breaking wind. His orc buddy merely waved at the air before quaffing his drink. “Yeah… good luck with that” he muttered as he returned to his table.

Rahanna’s room was quite intimidating. Roderick could easily have started a half court game of basket sphere with 5 friends in it. Her bed was equally impressive easily 5 times the size of his own, and he sprung for the king size! Rahanna stumbled in and set her keys on the table. She flung her axe towards the kitchen and the sounds of breaking glass and small animals in pain could be heard. Moving into her bedroom she tossed Roderick on the bed.

“Letshhh do thish!” She cheered. Standing before him she began to remove her clothes. Pulling her shirt over her head she revealed two enormous milky, white furred breasts. Each was easily the size of his head and capped with black nipples as long as his thumb. He gulped and began to wonder what he got himself into. She brought one of her boobs up to her face and began lapping at her own nipple. “Like what you sheeee?” She slurred. “Um, yeah!” he quickly responded, eyes darting back and forth so as to not make eye contact. She unbuckled her plate pants and stepped out of them, spending a few uncomfortable moments hopping about on one leg while holding the bedpost for dear life as her hoof was caught in the leg of her pants. Finally she shucked them off, standing triumphantly with her hands on her hips, naked as the day she was born. “Tadaaaa!” She chimed. Roderick looked puzzled. “Whatsh the matter?” “Um… where are your genitals?” he asked pointing at the milky white area where they SHOULD have been. “Ohhh” she said. “They’re down there. Jusht buried under my fur. We don’t shhhhave our shhtuff becaushe we wouldn’t know where to shhtop” she began giggling uncontrollably. “Ok little man, shhhow momma what youuu got!”. Roderick shrugged and began shucking off his clothing. Finally as he removed his underpants and tossed them off the bed he stood before her nude. She seemed to frown a little. “Welll, I dunno. I’m thinking fuckin’sh gonna be out of queshhhtion.”. “We’ll see my dear. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, but for now, let’s get you all wet and ready!” She clapped with glee and flopped down on the bed, splaying herself open for him. Roderick moved into position and took a look at the motherland.

Buried in her fur he could see the black lips of her sex. Reaching out he brushed the hair aside and probed around a bit. There was already some moisture present on her pussy. The sleek black lips parting a bit, giving a peek at the bright pink insides of her vagina. The lips themselves were quite meaty and hung to the sides, giving it a tear drop shape. Near the top of her cleft he could see her clit. The rubbery black button was large. About the size of one of his fingers actually. His face was scant inches from her pussy, his breath warming her sex. “Shtop that!” she giggled “It tickelsh!”. He smiled and leaned forward swiping her slit from bottom to top with his tongue, making her moan. He then set into motion, covering the outside of her sex with gentle laps. She began to squirm, trying to get his tongue all over her burning pussy. Licking his thumbs he grabbed her labia and pulled them apart, the mouth of her sex opening to let a trickle of fluid dribble out and down to her bud of an anus. He began to lick the inside of her sex, stabbing his tongue into her hole, scooping up some of her fluid. She had a sweet taste, like clover. Her smell also hinted of her bovine lineage, definitely an herbivore. Lapping upwards he struck her clitoris. Her thighs clamped down on his head, his face turning purple a bit before she relaxed. “Do that again! Keep doing that! Itshhh sho good!”. He complied, licking all around her clit, it was almost phallic it was so long, he began to get an odd feeling of taboo playing with it. He dismissed it and took her clit into his mouth, suckling her clit like it was a penis. The result was phenomenal. Her hips bucked up and off the bed trying to shove more of her clit into his mouth. “Oh! Oh! Oh!” She cried. She was getting close.

Taking his right hand he pushed into her with all three of his fingers. Her sex hungrily swallowed his hand whole, muscles pulling his hand in whole to the wrist. The feeling was exquisite, the walls of her pussy fluttering along his arm, her insides molten and steaming. He began to piston his hand inside her. “Omigosh! Little man I think itshhh tiiiime!” She whined. Suddenly she bolted upright into a sitting position “AAAuuuuuugh!” She cried out, her pussy pulling more of Roderick’s arm in, up to his elbow, and clamping down on it tight for a good ten seconds, the pressure causing fluids to spray out from around his arm. He could feel her clit throb a few times in his mouth as his arm was caught in the most delicious trap. Finally, she fell back onto the bed, her pussy releasing Roderick’s arm for him to pull out. He let her clit fall out of his mouth as his hand pulled out with a slurping sound, her juices covered his arm from elbow to finger tip. Inquisitively he licked his forearm, the flavor a bit stronger than her usual secretions, a touch thicker as well. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his hankie, and cleaning off his arm decided he’d rather like to keep that scent with him as long as possible.

Rahanna meanwhile was lying on her back gasping for air, watching the fireworks go off in her mind. The little man had given her a bigger O than her current beau Brannian, and he was packing a cock the size of a gnome! Sitting up again she looked at her little lover, wiping off his arm as he smiled at her. His little cock was hard as granite and bobbing up and down. She felt a tinge of guilt; he’d given her an orgasm she wouldn’t forget, but there was no way he’d get any pleasure from a pussy as big as hers. The feeling of her still leaking fluids puddling around her anus gave her an idea.

“Hey little buddy, I got an idea for how to repay you for thish. You ever fuck a girl in the assh before?”

Roderick shook his head. He’d heard about it, but finding a willing subject was more rare than a pristine black diamond, or a dwarf girl without a mustache.

“Wouldja like to fuck mine?”

He pondered it a moment. She was a big girl, so it’s not like he would cause her a lot of discomfort. And what the hell, he might like it! He nodded at her.

She rolled over onto her belly and raised her luscious backside off the bed. Her tail raising on its own to fall over onto her back, revealing her pucker, shiny with her own secretions. Her sex was still drooling it’s juices in abundance, running down the slit of her sex to drip down onto the already damp sheets. Roderick sauntered up behind her and he stood at the perfect height for penetration. First he stuck a couple fingers into her pussy again, gathering up some more of her honey, spreading it over her anus before pushing just one finger in. The ring of her anus opened and his finger slid in with little resistance. It was warm and her hole gripped him tight. He pulled out before trying two fingers. Again, with her body’s natural lubrication and her general size, they slid in with little resistance and were greeted with the most pleasant grip. Emboldened, he coated his cock with some of her lube and lined himself up. Pressing his head against her hole, she relaxed and it began to swallow his cock. Bit by bit he slid into her, the warmth and tightness was like nothing he’d felt before. Finally he bottomed out. His little balls coming to rest against the lips of her vagina, a warm slick sensation he found quite pleasing! He began to thrust into her with vigor, showing less restraint as she made no display of discomfort or pain, rather moaning and humping back as she reached back and began to rub her clit. Roderick grabbed her haunches tightly and began pounding into her, her rump jiggling with every impact. His pleasure was building and it wouldn’t be long. With one last grunt he pushed into her pucker and unloaded. Spurt after spurt of a future generation of gnomes was deposited in her rectum. After a few more half thrusts he finally pulled out. Her anus was slightly agape and spasming, a trail of his semen trickling out. Thinking quickly he reached into his knapsack and grabbed his Gnomish Image Recorder and snapped a quick picture of the tauren’s nether regions and thoroughly abused back door.

She rolled over onto her back and dipped a finger into her stretched pucker. He winced when the placed a cum covered finger into her mouth. “You tashte pretty good little fella. I haven’t had a good butt fu >hic< butt fuck in a while. Itsh rather nice when the guy’sh cock isn’t too big. What’sh that in your hand?”

“Oh this? Just a camera”

“Takin a souvenir?” She asked with a wicked grin.

“Oh yes! For myself and for a certain someone”

“That guy you bet you could make me cum?”

“Yup”

“Honey, that guy ish fucked. Becaush I blew my top BIG TIME!” She crawled under the covers and resting her head on the pillow, fell asleep, or passed out…. not that it really mattered.

Roderick gathered up his clothing and dressed himself. He marched into the bar with a grin that definitely merited the phrase “shit eating” and it was obvious to anyone who wasn’t dead, and some who were, that he’d just gotten his rocks off.

Allerdyce was sitting at the bar trying hard not to lose his temper with the female dwarf flirting with him. “Och, but I promise ye I’ll show ye a good time! You’ll never forget me!” “Believe me dear, I’m trying to right now and I’ll be damned if you won’t be forgotten.” He downed the last of his glass and looked up to see Roderick marching towards him. The little man hopped up onto his stool and pointed to the goblin, who promptly fixed him a drink.

“Well? Am I right? Did you finally realize that you can’t unlock the gates of An Qiraj with a toothpick?”

Roderick merely reached into his coat pocket and slapped a photograph on the table.

“The hell am I looking at?!”

“Oh! It’s upside down, I’m sorry”

“Good lord….. that poor girl….”

“Where’s my money?”

“Well Roddy my boy, I’ll tell you. Your money is right next to my missing hair. And no amount of being a pain in some tauren’s ass is going to get either of us any closer to what we want.”