Chapter 3 - Still enjoying it. Some great writing going on!
SPOILER COMMENTS -
Bathory and Isabeau on lookout – Some solid subtle manipulation on Bathory’s part there, especially bringing up Makoto making her feel a little vulnerable and maybe sowing some seeds of dissension/looking for weaknesses with the leadership discussion. Bathory can come across pretty nice when not being evil.
Then… wow. I don’t know who the Anne character is. I liked that insight into Bathory weighing up whether to just shoot Isabeau and then deciding not to! The zombies crowding in and overwhelming the newcomer was really well described with her panic and fear obviously heard and then we see what’s left after the bites. The whole” You're having a bad dream” dialogue was powerful, and the sadness Isabeau felt. Well done there.
There’s also a little motor-revving content in the descriptions of them tearing her top, and where the bite marks were, the mess they left on Anne. Some of the readers’ll really go for that! One line especially, “Globs of foul, greyish ejaculate oozed from between her legs, and more of it slid horribly from her partly open mouth.” Some readers like the aftermath as much as the ‘during’ sometimes. That said, a little more detail would, uh… oh I’m just being a perv again :D
Johnny and Copperhead’s discussion flowed naturally, which is what ya want with dialogue. Bits of character history thrown in there without seeing like an info dump. I’m just really digging the whole cyberpunk character thing which is why I’m sure he’ll die next chapter! Gotta say I do get a little bit more out of it knowing more of the Cyberpunk setting from the videogame now, even if a lot of it is 50 years later (minus the odd flashback), I guess that's the same with the other characters I already knew going into it, but it's not as noticable to me until I read it first not knowing one, then read it again knowing a lot more about 'em!
Chapter 2 - You’re off to a great start with parts one and two! Lots of action, good bits of comedy and Johnny! Hoping he doesn’t get taken out as quick as Harry was after falling for Copperhead. Some spoilery thoughts and comments below.
SPOILER THOUGHTS BELOW
Well, some explanation there in the opening -the assumption that either something else has got in or little Makoto’s gone exploring! Makes sense with what they have to go on. Few points I found pretty funny at the start, one was the whole reaction to the breakfast and general disgust with it and the other was recounting Bathory getting and wearing the heels and Satsuki’s thought-out reaction to that.
Then, bam! I’d only heard of the forthcoming Cyberpunk 2077 when I first read this and didn’t know about the tabletop at all. I told IBD I’d probably wait for the game to be cheaper and the bugs would be fixed, then went ahead and got it anyway because everything was locked down. IBD did confirm the characterisation was based on the tabletop version of Johnny rather than the videogame – and I see it’s firmly Cyberpunk 2020 listed here with a 2020 linked drawing, it’s interesting for me now to compare the video game version to the still-alive tabletop version. Sorry, whole paragraph there is a tangent. Or possibly a digression.
The first paragraph followed by the “The door he’d just come through was now a brick wall, for instance. That was different.” Line. That was great!
Then wowser, hell of a fight there. This is definitely one of the ways you’re going different from what I remember of DS’s old vgbabes story. For one, there’s a proper solid fight and there’s an actual alive and talking good looking male character (uh… drawing or no, I still see Keanu in my head). Really timed that big-damn-heroes moment well, and it worked great how they all got something to do with their abilities- especially loved Chun Li just kicking one of the hellhounds down before the finish shot. Chun Li badass right there! (and the hair done up in little buns Chun Li look! Whoooo!)
MJ and snake woman fight – Normally would feel pretty badass, I think coming so soon after the previous fight it felt a little diminished. Still cool tho, and that poison moment followed by her letting the old symbiote help and then really hammering back was great – Best moment was probably that clothesline right at the end.
This kind of thing here just really makes me smile -
“Granted, April was on good terms with four humanoid turtles and the rat man who served as their master, so this wasn’t quite as weird as it could have been, but it still would have been nice. “
It’s a fun way of adding in character background for folks who don’t know the turtles but also a nice line!
…and Night-Eyes has gone off on his own! Well, at least search and rescue can drag him back if he gets fucked up again :p But it’s one way to reduce the bunker groups resources too since he’s a pretty big gun while April, well, she’s a reporter. Hope the other preds are friendly and not, say, hunting and killing everything.
Real food! Or possibly 200 year old Salisbury Steaks if it’s fallout food. Also, we’re still supposed to find old Isabeau as grating as April does right? Some of that old racism returning soon? And straight after that there’s the little emotional tug of April reminding herself that Makoto and Isabeau were friends. Nice work there.
Poor communication kills they say in tvtropes… April staying quiet about those medicines and her suspicion feels like foreshadowing. Some kinda musical sting.
Loved Johnny’s Cyberpunk speech and the reaction and then the mention that the others had had to work through the same. I do enjoy the whole cyberpunk style anyway.
Copperhead turning out to know English was pretty funny. Marvel had a Copperhead too so having a note for which one it is helps! Also liked that ‘mouth full of marbles’ line, but, hey, if you’ve got the Spanish down you’d definitely write a better Lupa than me…
Straight up laughed out loud on this bit –
“I just assumed she was part reptile,” April added, causing more than a few of them to stare at her. “What? I could tell you some stories about the New York sewer system, I’ll tell you that.”
April getting all the best lines!
Satsuku getting the understated badass Katana moment. And, yeah, keeping it with her when Bathory was in the medical bay is probably wise.
Comments on the cut-down version of part one InBrightestDay sent me so I didn't see the gory scene
Hell of a good start from what I read tho' and a worthy follow up to the original. For anybody checking the reviews and considering it who hasn't read the original arc, I would definitely say it isn't necessary although you'd surely enjoy that too. Also, this story has CHUN LI. And she's awesome. Also Kyle from The Terminator.
SPOILERS
Truncated chapter 1
Kyle’s flashback dream felt like it belonged in a Terminator novel! That’s some quality writing whichever of you did that (did you say that was the bit [Sparrow] did? Either way) and Chun Li there going for the “just gotta huddle together for warmth” come on. Which helps with it actually being fucking freezing I guess.
Yeah, it does sound like that Makoto scene would have been beyond the boundary of what I could safely look at and isn’t my thing with characters that young anyway – what you said of it reminded me a little of a scene In the film Hostel 2 where a woman is suspended above one of the rich hunters who slices her a few times, I think with a sickle, before the blood bath of an artery or similar. I’ve seen the “potential” thing before a couple times in different guises – there was an episode of Angel where a casino was using magic to steal people’s futures like that, and the old fairy deal for a few years out of your life.
Seems a bit risky to grab the girl out of the bunker like that tho’ I mean, she got away with the pregnancy thing but you’d think someone might notice someone in the bunker killin’ the kids. Perhaps that’s what you meant by ripples throughout?
One of the best written Femme Fatale I've seen written in a whille. One who will take everything from her victims and give nothing back.
Through her is the populace of loss.
Its almost a pity that her own inhuman nature betrays her. That said I want to hug poor Kyle Reese, it must be hard to meet so many others and learn the world from which you come is a dead world.