Chapter 12 thoughts-
I think the final part worked really well as a calm down episode after all the action. It doesn’t seem like an anti-climax at all. If this is the end and nothing more ends up written then you’ve both put out a really solid pair of stories that I hope more readers will stumble across, enjoy, and let you know they did so!
SPOILER THOUGHTS
Satsuki realising, she did wrong and trying to make it right felt pretty sensible although I guess Copperhead being somewhat villainous and all it might’nt go so well? Thought she was gonna do Johnny right there! I’m sure fans of Satsuki would have known about the bullet-proof vest effect but it was all new to me – nice and realistic too with it saving her but the impact still doing damage. I bet she’s bruised as hell. Skin like Vi’s hair.
I really enjoyed the Chun Li/Isabeau discussion. Maybe not the vomiting. But until then, with Chun Li doing her best to console her, and then not holding back with all stuff for both the first and second world war. The querying of how Bathory expected Isabeau to be on her side reminded me a little of how Hitler couldn’t understand why the British weren’t as heartily on his side as guys like Henry Ford further afield.
I also enjoyed her recognition of April’s badassness when going through that horrific torture. Bit like Luzurial from InBrightestDay’s seminal work The Woman in the Statue – got broken but didn’t stay that way for long, so pulling herself out to interfere and saving Isabeau during that first fight.
Gotta love that unintentional Monty Python reference from Isabeau there!
Final meeting – be interesting to see how the planning shapes up in the next arc. Still trouble brewing with Copperhead there right? That bit at the end, I mean, yeah, blatant Bathory’ll still be out there. Will there be POV from her in future parts, or just from people of the wrong background unfortunate enough to run into her first rather than the other group? Or something else?
Or will it ever get written? Fingers crossed here!
Chapter 11 Another epically choreographed fight! There’s almost certainly a “woman fighting” fetish group out there who will find this extremely arousing. I am looking forward to re-reading the last part. Folks just checking in to see the reviews – this is a hell of a story, more than enough details to make sense without having read the first arc, and you’d enjoy it I am sure. This one was one of my favorite parts!
More spoiler heavy comments-
Bathory was more than a match for most of them and clearly having her escape makes her as much of a threat as anything else out there. She’d even give the big old Predator a fight, and he wouldn’t have the benefit of knowing the truth about her if she had him tracked down.
Good thing Doc McCoy’s there now with two heavy trauma wounds! I thought Vi was a gonner for sure before he got in there, but I guess she might still not survive -or just long enough to die in bed? Well, she was a second-idea character anyway!
My absolute favourite bit in the fight was Chun Li uncorking the Spinning Bird Kick and getting it past Bathory’s guard there. I could hear the old SNES speech sample in my head. Sure, she got a kicking back but it was still brilliant to read. Her and Isabeau putting their past fight to good use and working together was just awesome. That one going high other going low joint attack when Chun Li was on the floor totally reminded me of a pro-wrestling tag team finisher. Obviously, IBD and Sparrow are too classy to have people use steel chairs, but the mental image is there.
“Bah gawd! Bathory has a family! In her freezer!”
Getting Satsuki down before she can uncork her actual abilities was probably needed to prevent her winning the fight on her own? She did pretty hardcore against the xeno-critter after all and had just got her sword back.
The very ending… Liam Neeson to play Isabeau? I kid, I kid, it’s all got Isabeau a lot more sympathetic than she was for a time earlier. 
Last thought – the fact that Johnny’s mechanical hand could stop her but really strained to do it, absolutely showed Bathory’s strength there. Just, wowser.
Chapter 10 Just fucking great. You guys oughta be very proud.
Spoiler comments!
Fuckin’ love Johnny’s choice of song there. Great track anyway but with his belief on how things are it seems really appropriate. Plus I like the use of the intercom system as an amp. Mind, I just thought…is this how you get a fucking massive herd of shambling curious horny fuck zombies? Because they might not want a fucking massive of shambling curious horny fuck zombies.
Kicking up the music and actually knocking Satsuki back, too. Sonic boom right there… ok maybe not but still Johnny’s getting some good bits here.
THIS HERE:
“I don’t suppose you know what that is,” Isabeau said, stuffing the last remaining set of handcuffs into her pocket.
“The Who,” Copperhead replied, saying something other than a swear word for the first time since they’d detained her.
Fucking laugh out loud moment. I don’t know how it tickled me so good, it’s just a bait and switch answer but fucking hell it works. And then gets better with her winding up Isabeau a little. Great stuff there.
And then, bam, it does not go how I expected at all with Bathory. No getting away smugly for this chapter. Hell, April not only not dead but alive, mad as hell and actively helping in her own rescue. That fight… that was one of the best yet. Isabeau realising she might not come out of it, Bathory not even bothered and then April… seriously upset.
Bathory gets some badass points for being captured, outnumbered, and still winding up Isabeau over Makoto. Her speech was a little like the Joker in that Heather Ledger one, about how he knows the cop’s friends better than he did, which of them were cowards. I mean, different phrasing but kind of the same energy if that makes sense.
Chapter 9
That’s a shocking torture scene! Really well written. That’s one character who sounds/hot mental image while doing sick torture shit. Which was probably the original game designer’s aim tbh. On re-reading I can feel some anger behind it, some heavy brutality. Someone really felt bad for all those Shredder losses. Uh, I mean, someone was putting art out there to tell the story that needed to be told.
SPOILER comments.
My original stream of consciousness thoughts were “Someone’s stolen the sword! Someone’s probably drugged Satsuki! Honestly, although the issues with Johnnny being anti-corporate princess are there my money’s still on the token evil teammate Doctor. Honestly, the way the Doc’s smirking and having to make a show of struggling makes her feel more like she’s on it rather than just “she’s evil.”
And, yep, it’s the doc. Bathory having access to a weapon as deadly as that sword feels like it could mean bad things for someone. Did enjoy Satsuki’s whole attitude here even if she is being misled. Dramatic irony I guess. Really makes a reader want to see her find out the truth and have some words with the Doc. Really enjoyed the bit with Bathory knocking back the blood an savouring it too.
Pretty badass when Isabeau just takes that elbow to the stomach without a flinch, but then whatever Johnny’s got planned sounds cool too. Dude’s gonna rock! The real rockerboy element of the character from the original tabletop games there, it was still present in the recent computer game but with generally lesser impact.
As for the end I mean, for one, wow. That’s some amazingly drawn out, slowly escalated detailed torture. I bet the folks on DS’s forum loved it, it’s top grade guro. Psychologically, the way it built up with April trying to show defiance all through and breaking in the end – and everyone breaks in the end- was really stunning. Best line was that Nazi Whore one… and April’s still alive and screaming and suffering there.
Fucking kick ass job! Great part!
My original prediction at the end of this chapter “I’m guessing given you have more arcs planned there won’t be any punishment for Bathory on this arc either, just shit getting worse for the good guys?” I, uh, let’s see how that turns out!
I know InBrightestDay’s feelings on that kind of content, but if Sparrow enjoys it more you might like to read/review some of my darker stories sometimes. They aren’t all terrible!
Chapter 8 *Jaws music intensifies*
Another great part. Delivered on the “how’re they gonna get out of this?” ending of the last part and included some great sex and moved forward story parts. More characters! Decent bit of suspenseful action near the start! All good stuff.
SPOILER COMMENTS
“Kyle held Nina’s hand for a while longer, far longer than was necessary, staring at her face, grappling with the unwanted thoughts surging to the front of his mind,”
…this right here would go very, very, differently if Deathstalker was writing it. Even with half her body missing. Those unwanted thoughts would be, well. You know. Weekend at Bernies re-enactments. Good ol’ DS. I hope he’s doing well. Anyway, back to the review:
I liked Kyle considering Copperhead’s poison approach! I mean, why not? Maybe she did have enough… But it was a solid plan when he did come up with it. Some good strategy there, only knocked down by the “anything that can go wrong will go wrong” fact of life. One thing -
Just loving the way you’ve got the suspense built up with the Leviathan sliding in there after Vi. And I’m not even gonna make a “giant phallic shape penetrating the dark hole” gag, and I bet you’ve got actual biology in there with the fins and the way it can’t back out at all. That was a solid fuckin’ escape. Soldier boy 1, panicking rocker boy, nil.
“Check for the gargoyles.”
“No, there’s just a redhead with a tiara who swears she’s human, definitely not a gargoyle.”
…sorry. Sorry. That’s probably another ‘before your time’ gag for Sparrow.
I’d kinda like to see them flying fucks try it on Satsuki, and just get all their dangling bits sliced off.
Those were some pretty creepy hallucinations Satsuki was having. I was wondering if it was some kind of connection to whatever is behind the city itself since there seems to be a lot of hunger to the city… before that it was kinda cute of her trying not to laugh or smile! Gotta love that reference to Spock’s Brain. I hope McCoy eventually tells April the story of what happened better than watching the fucking episode was.
I feel like Doc McCoy is another one who might be in trouble with Bathory now, but he has survived some shit so…
Nothing like the ol’ Chun Li cleavage pillow and strong arms to help a guy get through survivors guilt and yet more PTSD. Cool they get their own private room for when they fancy some fun times.
Just some really nice description of Copperhead working out and that great paragraph of Johnny trying not to look at her when she turns while giving us a good eyeful :D
That forked tongue kissing is something else. Kicking things up a notch just with a bit of well described foreplay there!
Bwa ha ha, accidentally walking into Isabeau’s room… nice. They’d be another couple she’d have issues with, right?
Then, after that build up into the sex! This blowjob doesn’t come straight after the truly sensational Kyle eating Chun Li scene so it stands a little taller, but I really loved the way Copperhead got her pussy in Johnny’s face, and then they just have a really good solid fuck too. I was still half expecting something bad to happen to him, even though there’s enough foreshadowing now about the build up to his conflict with Satsuki. I really liked the description of him blowing his load over her back. Real money shot there!
Chapter 7! *Just plays Jaws theme music* Beautifully written parts here!
SPOILERS. Below. I mean, moreso.
And, well, first we get that little flashback to Isabeau and Makoto to remind us that Isabeau isn’t just an old uptight nazi (the actual Nazi of the story being somewhat less uptight!) but basically a decent human being under all that, then the really rather sweet section of her and Chun Li catching up. Yeah, the ol’ kick between the legs still coming up – and that little face stroke suggesting Isabeau wouldn’t mind Chunners kissing it better… :p That line where she says Makoto is probably dead was a little ol’ tug on the heart strings too.
Shows a little badassary from Satsuki – not only is she taking the proper disciplinary measure but the feeling is there that she would go through with the exile and get away with it if needed!
Stinky wet zombie smell! Now there’s an image. Lot of stories seem to gloss over smells. I tried to add ‘em in when I remembered.
Nina from Tekken! Bones form Star Trek! and… Vi from LoL maybe? On one of the statues that has yet to be torn down. This was another section I just read through in one brutal go expecting something terrible to happen and, well, yep. That’s a big Leviathan. Gotta stick some TNT on a fishing rod maybe.
Kind of like jaws the way they yank her up and she’s just missing. Great ratcheting up of the tension and nearly, nearly, making it and then crunch time. Beautifully written!
Kyle not even wasting a bullet is… well, it’s a good bit of post-apocalyptic planning! Great last lines though. Really solid.
Chapter 6 – AWESOME FIGHT SCENE. GREAT SEXY BIT! WHOOO!
Spoilers comments with slightly more details
Firstly. Wow. That opening fight was so epic. Just read through the whole thing without breaking to note any thoughts down. Rooted for Chun-Li all the way through. Really enjoyable to read, especially with picking out some of Chun Li’s game moves that were recognisable and it was awesome when she kept up the fight even against the blacksight augmented Isabeau. Even fighting in twilight and going toe to toe! Oh, and both that leg-throw and that epic cunt punt were high points! Other cool bit, I loved Kyle’s reaction to needing to go get the leader and most dangerous person in the bunker to resolve it rather than trying to stay in the middle.
Satskuki’s badass entrance and that effortless control – it was like Chun Li and Isabeau turned into naughty schoolgirls. Only, you know, not the kind that normally appears in stuff like this.
The discussion and cooking afterwards definitely slowed down some which was absolutely a good thing for emotional wossname. Response, calm down for reader. With the line “I think it’s about time little Miss Kiryuin finds out what it’s like when somebody pushes back.” I did find myself wondering if what happens is they get a stiletto shoe in the testicles.
Description of Chun Li’s wounds coming out reminded me of the post-fight portrait from the old, old Street Fighter II!
Then, another Wow! Fucking strong chapter this one. Going for the ‘stuff he didn’t do’ approach to get Chun-Li into a sex scene without minimising her PTSD was a brilliant move and the whole section of Kyle eating her was erotic as hell. Very enjoyable! Eating out to help out right there. Chun-Li’s reciprocal oral was pretty hot too. Lots of long, loving details on both, and a bit of a laugh moment for them finally finishing the shower afterwards. Now, horror tropes suggest sex will lead to one or both of them dying fairly quickly, but it’s been great so far!
I tend to assume Isabeau got a somewhat less erotic tongue lashing of the telling off variety!
Anyways onto chapter 5 as the adventure continues!
Kinda a breather chapter, but some really solid dialogue and character interactions.
SPOILER COMMENTS.
I like April’s logic, and that little story about the plague text as pretty chilling. Someone coming into the bunker, finding discarded clothing, scraps of bodies, and a sheaf of notes… ayy… Also, feels like interviews are often a solid way for background info on character without just info-dumping exposition, especially with you folks only showing the stuff seen by the characters.
Satsuki’s six foot tall too? Characters showing up that ring InBrightestDay’s bells :p (IBD explained later the character’s canon height isn’t entirely clear so I guess peg it where it fits!)
Ahh! All becomes clear, it’s also a way to investigate the Doc. My guess is April is doomed, possibly in an erotic manner (Shedder? He hardly knew ‘er.), but maybe the notes somehow survive give others a clue for vengeance. Still, solid subtle moves on April’s part and does fit with her tv reporter background to take that tack as well as the whole ‘background info’ thing!
Wowsers, as soon as the corporate princess thing came up, I thought that could be an issue for a cyberpunk character and it totally was. Again, leading the reader through expertly with where you’re going. I do enjoy Johnny and Copperhead’s interactions but maybe a gut feeling that he isn’t entirely safe with her.
I gotta say I agreed with Kyle way more than Isabeau in their exchange. Are you building it up so we’re rooting for the beasties when Isabeau gets killed, or will there be a guilt tripping before the end? :p
And the laugh out loud line of the chapter “Evidently the universe wished to try Isabeau D’Argyll’s patience.” You could definitely write full on comedy pieces.
Then… BAM! A New Challenger Appears! Spinning Bird Kick next chapter? Cheapshotting the strongest woman in the world! What a bitch!
Isabeau is writing checks she can't cash. Chun Li is stronger than she is and even with isabeau's ability to heal she's in for a world of hurt.
Chapter 4!
Whoo! More!
SPOILERS:
Credit to the writers and Kyle in the story, playing that post-apocalyptic wasteland card was pretty funny. One downside with the shower obsession- if the evil behind it all just decided to stick something hazardous in the shower room! Losing yer head and shoulders for the chance to use head and shoulders would be a poor deal. It’s a solid opening though – previous chapters they’ve got an issue with no hot water pipes, so they get out and resolve it in this one. Some shitter authors would just forget ever bringing it up. Like me. I’d never remember.
MJ’s easy lifting of the pipe and I loved Chun Li’s point on it – I mean, get the super strong people to do that stuff! MJ’s got the proportional strength of a pipe fitting spider.
Another laugh out loud moment as MJ and Chun Li starts thinking/talking about the showers and Kyle’s already just getting stripped off obliviously.
Anyway, onto the gratuitous shower scene because every good horror work ought to have one! MJ’s checking out Chun Li’s body is hot on its own right there, and then ending up caught staring while thinking about another woman, well, that’s some good tease-text right there Also, the whole section with Copperhead laughing increasingly as MJ’s getting flustered was hilarious, Copperhead just slutting it up a little and Kyle’s cold shower needed to keep little kyle under control. Brilliant!
…and foreshadowing of some MJ FF action down the road?
“He was smaller than she was, weaker than she was, and he needed to know that it was no reason to be nervous.”
…yup, not just PTSD bits with the WitS echoes here. Think I twigged why InBrightestDay was in favor of this pairing.
And yeah, the PTSD totally makes sense, both from what happened at the start of the last part and just in general since coming to the city – though it’ll be what the fliers did I guess that is causing the strongest reactions to what Kyle does. This kind of proper character emotion and connection works better than an out-of-nowhere sex scene really for storytelling, good stuff!