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April 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
...I really wanted to like this story, because even I must admit, you write one hell of an impressive sex scene. Or rather, I should say scenes.
But by chapter two, it got difficult, and by chapter three, it became virtually impossible. To be honest, my main problem is Malon herself. It seems like the story tries hard to make you feel oh so sorry for and her predicament, and how she's oh so self sacrificing because of what she's doing to save her finances and thus family. Chapter one was eyebrow raising, just because of the fact that she seriously couldn't think of ANYTHING else to do but be a whore, and her whole 'oh woes me' crap at the end was milking it a bit, but I did generally feel sorry for her, to a degree.
Then came chapter two and most if not all the sympathy was gone when you realize she actually likes being a whore, so it's no longer about her doing what she can because she has to. Not to mention with her husband generally being good natured, he literally became far more sympathetic, no matter how the story tries to make it seems like it's all his fault for failing her somehow with being a provider, more so since instead of trying to come up with a healthier solution WITH his help.
And chapter three...well, what can I say? Not only do I no longer feel sorry for Malon, I don't even respect as a woman--and I at LEAST did that prior to this chapter, being a whore and all. But really? She doesn't even have enough self respect to tell that banker to go screw himself and find other ways to get the money, if for no other reason THAN respecting herself and her husband enough NOT to bet screwed literally in front him? And then to have the audacity to not only go with it, but the speech that pretty much sums up 'oh, I this is totally all your fault too, Link!!' as well? And not burst out laughing in disbelief that Link's reaction--which rightfully and realistically so should have been to get angry, maybe stop that crap before it happened or snapped out of his so called 'shock' (he the freaking hero of time, he's seen and handled worse...) and beat the living crap out of said banker and maybe confront Malon (even if he did give her another chance and forgave her)--was to simple say "No more"? Malon doesn't even deserve Link dang near at this, let alone to be so easily forgiven, more so since this was the horrible way he had find out about her. And we won't even touch into the fact that prior to this, she admitted she'd miss being a whore and openly enjoyed having sex with another man right in front of her 'totally didn't deserve that' husband.
It wouldn't be so bad if Link had a more believable reaction to it all or the story stopped trying to make her sympathetic because she isn't: She every bit the whore she's called in the story and does and is actually what she deserves to be and called.
And I'm not going to bother with how apparently every male in Hyrule save Link (aka the only guy she won't give any to...seriously how did he NOT go off on her...) is a complete degenerate and she can't get one piece of sex where a man treats her like a respectable human: just because she is a whore doesn't mean men don't know how to treat them like a lady, despite what cliche apparently makes people believe.
I'm with another reviewer: I can't see this having a happy, believable ending at this point unless Malon cleans up her act or Link is somehow 'okay' with or even helps her out (and it appears to be going in neither direction) so here's hoping Link isn't made to HONESTLY believe this is fault or Malon goes full swing unapologetically enjoying what she does then try to call Link out on it being his fault and the story agrees with her simply because she's the so called protagonist when and if he does finally call her out. Because I doubt she won't be doing 'anymore' like she promised and Link is stupid for trusting her seriously if he does.
What's the old saying? Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, I believe.
But in all seriousness: your writing is awesome, as are your sex scenes...but the third chapter in particular makes it hard to side with or even feel bad for Malon. And Link's reaction was infuriating and borderline unfair to his character.
But by chapter two, it got difficult, and by chapter three, it became virtually impossible. To be honest, my main problem is Malon herself. It seems like the story tries hard to make you feel oh so sorry for and her predicament, and how she's oh so self sacrificing because of what she's doing to save her finances and thus family. Chapter one was eyebrow raising, just because of the fact that she seriously couldn't think of ANYTHING else to do but be a whore, and her whole 'oh woes me' crap at the end was milking it a bit, but I did generally feel sorry for her, to a degree.
Then came chapter two and most if not all the sympathy was gone when you realize she actually likes being a whore, so it's no longer about her doing what she can because she has to. Not to mention with her husband generally being good natured, he literally became far more sympathetic, no matter how the story tries to make it seems like it's all his fault for failing her somehow with being a provider, more so since instead of trying to come up with a healthier solution WITH his help.
And chapter three...well, what can I say? Not only do I no longer feel sorry for Malon, I don't even respect as a woman--and I at LEAST did that prior to this chapter, being a whore and all. But really? She doesn't even have enough self respect to tell that banker to go screw himself and find other ways to get the money, if for no other reason THAN respecting herself and her husband enough NOT to bet screwed literally in front him? And then to have the audacity to not only go with it, but the speech that pretty much sums up 'oh, I this is totally all your fault too, Link!!' as well? And not burst out laughing in disbelief that Link's reaction--which rightfully and realistically so should have been to get angry, maybe stop that crap before it happened or snapped out of his so called 'shock' (he the freaking hero of time, he's seen and handled worse...) and beat the living crap out of said banker and maybe confront Malon (even if he did give her another chance and forgave her)--was to simple say "No more"? Malon doesn't even deserve Link dang near at this, let alone to be so easily forgiven, more so since this was the horrible way he had find out about her. And we won't even touch into the fact that prior to this, she admitted she'd miss being a whore and openly enjoyed having sex with another man right in front of her 'totally didn't deserve that' husband.
It wouldn't be so bad if Link had a more believable reaction to it all or the story stopped trying to make her sympathetic because she isn't: She every bit the whore she's called in the story and does and is actually what she deserves to be and called.
And I'm not going to bother with how apparently every male in Hyrule save Link (aka the only guy she won't give any to...seriously how did he NOT go off on her...) is a complete degenerate and she can't get one piece of sex where a man treats her like a respectable human: just because she is a whore doesn't mean men don't know how to treat them like a lady, despite what cliche apparently makes people believe.
I'm with another reviewer: I can't see this having a happy, believable ending at this point unless Malon cleans up her act or Link is somehow 'okay' with or even helps her out (and it appears to be going in neither direction) so here's hoping Link isn't made to HONESTLY believe this is fault or Malon goes full swing unapologetically enjoying what she does then try to call Link out on it being his fault and the story agrees with her simply because she's the so called protagonist when and if he does finally call her out. Because I doubt she won't be doing 'anymore' like she promised and Link is stupid for trusting her seriously if he does.
What's the old saying? Can't turn a hoe into a housewife, I believe.
But in all seriousness: your writing is awesome, as are your sex scenes...but the third chapter in particular makes it hard to side with or even feel bad for Malon. And Link's reaction was infuriating and borderline unfair to his character.
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April 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sorry man, but I have to side with the reviewer above me. I can't sympathize with Malon. At all. At this point I don't believe that she loves Link, or even cares about him. She's obviously not interested in him sexually anymore, and to have the gall to reveal her recent activity to him by having sex in front of him is horrible. Link would do better to just break it off now, because she clearly has zero respect for him.
I can't find fault with Link (except to call him stupid for taking Malon back), even though the end tried to make it appear that he and Malon were equally blameworthy. The difference between him and Malon in this story is that Link would NEVER do everything to her that she's done to him. For God's sake, the very first thought that crossed Malon's mind while doing the banker in front of her husband was what a great cock he had. And her resolve to remain stoic for Link's sake lasted for literally one paragraph. A few seconds' resolve is all Link means to her.
Malon never said sorry once(which, sadly, is perfect for her character by the end). All she did was promise never to do this again, which is a promise no one should take seriously since strangers can apparently turn her on in an instant by treating her like shit. I wanted to enjoy the lemon in chapter three, but by that point the plot was so unbelievable that I just couldn't.
I can't find fault with Link (except to call him stupid for taking Malon back), even though the end tried to make it appear that he and Malon were equally blameworthy. The difference between him and Malon in this story is that Link would NEVER do everything to her that she's done to him. For God's sake, the very first thought that crossed Malon's mind while doing the banker in front of her husband was what a great cock he had. And her resolve to remain stoic for Link's sake lasted for literally one paragraph. A few seconds' resolve is all Link means to her.
Malon never said sorry once(which, sadly, is perfect for her character by the end). All she did was promise never to do this again, which is a promise no one should take seriously since strangers can apparently turn her on in an instant by treating her like shit. I wanted to enjoy the lemon in chapter three, but by that point the plot was so unbelievable that I just couldn't.
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March 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I did not expect Malon's choices not to haunt her, but I get the impression that Link would have murdered that banker or at the very least threatened to report him to the throne for obvious blackmail.
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March 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hot second chapter. Now the only question is, will the third be a good end, or a bad end? *Looks at tages* ... Probably bad end...
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March 24, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I don't usually read dark stories. I despise reading about characters who I want to have a happy ending getting cheated on or getting raped. This was good, though. I especially like the changes going on here: Malon goes from being disgusted with her customers, to fearing for her life, to enjoying being brutally violated, to being disgusted with herself. In the first chapter she distances herself from what she's doing, but by the end of the second she really has become a whore. Kudos to you for that touch. The lemon in chapter two was great. Her transformation, liking the gangbang when she knew she shouldn't, was arousing and convincing.
I have trouble sympathizing with Malon, however. As your summary says, she goes behind her husband's back to fuck a bunch of guys. Desperation makes people do many things, but telling Link that prostitution would be the only way to get out of massive debt seems like a sure way to make him rethink these poor financial decisions he's apparently making. So at the end of chapter one when you say "If only Link knew what she was doing for him. For them both.", I feel sorry for Link, not Malon. He's getting blue-balled by his wife, who is cheating on him with many other people because she won't have an honest conversation about money with him.
I'm scared to read the next chapter when it comes out, because I can't see Malon or Link getting a happy ending, but I'm still interested.
I have trouble sympathizing with Malon, however. As your summary says, she goes behind her husband's back to fuck a bunch of guys. Desperation makes people do many things, but telling Link that prostitution would be the only way to get out of massive debt seems like a sure way to make him rethink these poor financial decisions he's apparently making. So at the end of chapter one when you say "If only Link knew what she was doing for him. For them both.", I feel sorry for Link, not Malon. He's getting blue-balled by his wife, who is cheating on him with many other people because she won't have an honest conversation about money with him.
I'm scared to read the next chapter when it comes out, because I can't see Malon or Link getting a happy ending, but I'm still interested.
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March 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Pretty fucking awesome.
You did repeat the phrase 'redoubling' quite and bit and there's some funky repetition at the end of chapter two, but this is nigh on perfect. 5 Stars!
You did repeat the phrase 'redoubling' quite and bit and there's some funky repetition at the end of chapter two, but this is nigh on perfect. 5 Stars!
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March 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Will there be a second chapter with the rest of the tags? My only real complaint with this story (beyond the heart-break I knew there'd be going into it) is that there's not enough of it.