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November 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
I was pretty pleased to see Chapter 11 out. I think you might have mentioned me in your thanks? Not sure, but I hope my comments helped regardless!
First off: Hooray Erica! I was actually expecting something a bit more...hard...on her, but that was too funny. I think she's going to be ok, definitely liked how she put that Krogan in his place. Looking forward to seeing more of her.
Sex-wise: Good as always! Though like Nova I too was angry at Mirah for interrupting. Would love to see a scene with Nova punishing her slave, heh heh heh. Also noticed Nova yelling at her slaves more. Seems she might be getting used to the idea.
Story: Now that is the Shepard we know! Assertive and on the case! Glad she is going to try the peaceful option while still making the guilty pay. I'm rooting for her.i also enjoyed the conversations between her and Miranda. I know you said you want to keep the story from being easy to predict and I will tell you I am excited to see where you take it!
Overall: good "lighter" chapter as you put it. Helps break up the tension from the previous couple. Looking forward to the next update.
Oh, and one little PS: I enjoyed the suggestions you gave in your authors comments for fan-fiction and other things to check out. If you know any other good Krogan stories (especially with a little non-con) I'd love to see them!
First off: Hooray Erica! I was actually expecting something a bit more...hard...on her, but that was too funny. I think she's going to be ok, definitely liked how she put that Krogan in his place. Looking forward to seeing more of her.
Sex-wise: Good as always! Though like Nova I too was angry at Mirah for interrupting. Would love to see a scene with Nova punishing her slave, heh heh heh. Also noticed Nova yelling at her slaves more. Seems she might be getting used to the idea.
Story: Now that is the Shepard we know! Assertive and on the case! Glad she is going to try the peaceful option while still making the guilty pay. I'm rooting for her.i also enjoyed the conversations between her and Miranda. I know you said you want to keep the story from being easy to predict and I will tell you I am excited to see where you take it!
Overall: good "lighter" chapter as you put it. Helps break up the tension from the previous couple. Looking forward to the next update.
Oh, and one little PS: I enjoyed the suggestions you gave in your authors comments for fan-fiction and other things to check out. If you know any other good Krogan stories (especially with a little non-con) I'd love to see them!
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November 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
The PROPER response is "What you're doing is hypocritical, engaging in the same terrible practices you condemned your enemies for, ENSLAVING innocent women and RAPING them, and now you want to take over the galaxy out of misguided fear for your people. Two wrongs don't make a right, you should be ashamed of yourself, and fuck you and the varren you rode in on, you morally corrupt MAGGOT."
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November 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
So, first off I see this only has 9 reviews! Unfortunate.
First off, the sex: Very nice. As a fan of non-con and reluctance stories myself I found them quite invigorating. Hope to see more females added to the mix soon. The idea of slave girls being brought in to be impregnated...very exciting!
Now the story: Picked up on a good number of grammar and simple spelling mistakes. A little more proof-reading would help.
As for the story...well, like I said I'm a fan of non-con type situations but even I have a few problems with what is happening. Even with Shepard's mental state I can't see her condoning slavery in any fashion. I really hope to see her in fighting condition soon and being the hero she once was, putting a stop to injustice on both sides (Take that paragon option!). Even if she is siding with Wrex and wants to help him rebuild/create his own alliance I hope she kicks some ass for a peaceful resolution.
You have some good details and ideas here. About the state of the galaxy after the reapers, the effects of there being no Mass Relays, the poverty, food shortages. You obviously did some thinking on that, well done.
PLEASE don't send Erica back to the Batarians! She is actually one of my favorite characters despite the small part she has played. I can feel her pain, her position as a infertile slave, the life she's lead up until then. I really hope she wasn't just brought into the story be punished. Of course it's your story so I can only hope for Erica finding some peace (maybe she and Lita can make up. Both could use a friend), but I hope you'll think about!
So I hope this review encourages you to keep writing! I hope to review each chapter as it comes out now.
I'd also like to offer my skills as a proof-reader, if you like. My email is: alleywaym@ymail.com
First off, the sex: Very nice. As a fan of non-con and reluctance stories myself I found them quite invigorating. Hope to see more females added to the mix soon. The idea of slave girls being brought in to be impregnated...very exciting!
Now the story: Picked up on a good number of grammar and simple spelling mistakes. A little more proof-reading would help.
As for the story...well, like I said I'm a fan of non-con type situations but even I have a few problems with what is happening. Even with Shepard's mental state I can't see her condoning slavery in any fashion. I really hope to see her in fighting condition soon and being the hero she once was, putting a stop to injustice on both sides (Take that paragon option!). Even if she is siding with Wrex and wants to help him rebuild/create his own alliance I hope she kicks some ass for a peaceful resolution.
You have some good details and ideas here. About the state of the galaxy after the reapers, the effects of there being no Mass Relays, the poverty, food shortages. You obviously did some thinking on that, well done.
PLEASE don't send Erica back to the Batarians! She is actually one of my favorite characters despite the small part she has played. I can feel her pain, her position as a infertile slave, the life she's lead up until then. I really hope she wasn't just brought into the story be punished. Of course it's your story so I can only hope for Erica finding some peace (maybe she and Lita can make up. Both could use a friend), but I hope you'll think about!
So I hope this review encourages you to keep writing! I hope to review each chapter as it comes out now.
I'd also like to offer my skills as a proof-reader, if you like. My email is: alleywaym@ymail.com
schedule
October 13, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Still decently written, although given how long Miranda has been in the series and she's yet to be featured in any sex scenes, it's starting to get a little boring with just Shepard getting any, and Miranda just getting the occasional joke directed at her behavior.
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September 11, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Right, so, uh... aside from the fact that this story is pretty much "Derher, whaa waaah, giant krogan dicks, orgazmmmms" it's decently written. Although seeing as you did at least reference Lair of the Shadow Broker, I feel like I should point out that Miranda being included as Wreav's 'tang of choice is a little, uh, pointless. Miranda is sterile.
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September 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hi there!
Well, first of all, I really liked this story! ^^ It's good to see Krogan get some recognition.
But, eeeeh, the diehard-pro-krogan beat gets tiring after a while, especially since there's no real variation. Too much of a good thing, really.
A decent read, although I think Shepard and Wrex seem a bit too OOC; Guilt and all that might have something to do with it as an earlier reviewer said, but... yeah, it's a bit weird to see them act like that. It's like it's their names, but not their personalities, y'know? But that only applies in the extreme "let's rape people, ok?"-case, where Shepard just accepts everything, and Miranda just goes "blush blush krogan cocks, lolol". It's just too out-of-character from the people I know from the series, so it's easier to just think of them as OCs with different names. Heck, I renamed Miranda and Shepard to "Millie" and "Shelly" in my head when I re-read the story, because otherwise it wouldn't make sense to me with the characters' actual personalities xD
It's fantasy fiction and your story, but the whole "rape is okay if their -body- likes it"-message that's seemingly being sent out isn't exactly my cup of tea. Heck, I like forceful men in bed myself and I especially like fictional men that know how to take charge, but the way you're getting them across is just... too much to me. I'm guessing lots of people might like it (and that's their choice ^^) but it's not what I'd personally prefer. But then again, this isn't my story, it's yours. I'm just saying what's on my mind here, xD
I think I'll finish up this review here... finally i'll say that I think your story started out VERY nice, and the characters seemed natural and the story had a nice and steady beat to it, but now it's going in a direction I personally don't fancy, so I'll sincerely wish you good luck in writing it and get out of your hair ^^
<3 from Ellie
Well, first of all, I really liked this story! ^^ It's good to see Krogan get some recognition.
But, eeeeh, the diehard-pro-krogan beat gets tiring after a while, especially since there's no real variation. Too much of a good thing, really.
A decent read, although I think Shepard and Wrex seem a bit too OOC; Guilt and all that might have something to do with it as an earlier reviewer said, but... yeah, it's a bit weird to see them act like that. It's like it's their names, but not their personalities, y'know? But that only applies in the extreme "let's rape people, ok?"-case, where Shepard just accepts everything, and Miranda just goes "blush blush krogan cocks, lolol". It's just too out-of-character from the people I know from the series, so it's easier to just think of them as OCs with different names. Heck, I renamed Miranda and Shepard to "Millie" and "Shelly" in my head when I re-read the story, because otherwise it wouldn't make sense to me with the characters' actual personalities xD
It's fantasy fiction and your story, but the whole "rape is okay if their -body- likes it"-message that's seemingly being sent out isn't exactly my cup of tea. Heck, I like forceful men in bed myself and I especially like fictional men that know how to take charge, but the way you're getting them across is just... too much to me. I'm guessing lots of people might like it (and that's their choice ^^) but it's not what I'd personally prefer. But then again, this isn't my story, it's yours. I'm just saying what's on my mind here, xD
I think I'll finish up this review here... finally i'll say that I think your story started out VERY nice, and the characters seemed natural and the story had a nice and steady beat to it, but now it's going in a direction I personally don't fancy, so I'll sincerely wish you good luck in writing it and get out of your hair ^^
<3 from Ellie
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September 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Omg! What an evil cliffy! Update real soon please!!!
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September 7, 2012 at 12:00 AM
The story has been great, I had never really thought of Wrex as a love interest and I did cure the genophage and never thought of the reprocussion and fall out of not doing so. Interesting take. Have to admit though, I'm with Miranda on this, Shepard is being way to docile and submissive , but I can see why with the guilt.
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August 28, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Holy hell of jupiters many moons! That is a cruel and horrid way to die! I'm really surprised Wrex didn't fuck her to death! Im surprised thatthe korgan of the ship to fuck till she was gool just to get their revenge! But I guess he needs his babies now that all the lady's are gone :( Well let me say you sure can write an intriguing story! Hope to see an update soon?
Ps (they say make up sex is the best lolololol)
Ps (they say make up sex is the best lolololol)
schedule
August 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Whoa!! Two chapters? What a delight! And what a surprize to see Miranda!! I honestly never saw that coming and this cure with all the females dying!!! Whoa that is crazy!! I'm very interested to see what's gonna happen next and how Shepard with react when Wrex tells her. Update date soon please!!